How Tony Broke His Head
by FiveForFighting09
Summary: and what happened after. Tony suffers an injury that changes the course of his life. This is what happens after. This what happens when Tony is left to try and remember who he was and try to figure out who he is now. Disability!fic Tony & Gibbs Father/son
1. Prologue

**A/N: I've been working on this story, as you can guess by the dates used, for almost two years. I was afraid to post it for the longest time but I decided to just jump with both feet in and take the plunge. Because of the similar material and because my insides crawl when the dreaded p word is close to being mentioned, **WCUGirl **was contacted and before anything was posted online, she read through it and gave her blessing. If you have the time, swing on over to her account. She has wonderful stories that are a very great read. **

**And with that out of the way, I hope you enjoy the story. :)  
**

* * *

_On Tuesday, November 10__th__ 2009, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was leaving Irving's Bar at 5915 Athena._

_Later, a toxicology report would show that Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had a Blood Alcohol Content of zero and a small level of the pain reliever ibuprofen in his system. His co-workers would later reveal that Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had injured his knee at a crime scene earlier that day and had taken the pain reliever on his Boss' insistence. The probability of driving under the influence was quickly ruled out._

_While waiting at a stop light to merge onto the freeway, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was hit from behind from a car that was traveling at high speeds by a driver who would later show to have a BAC of.37 and two prior DWIs. The driver had a suspended license and was out on bail when he rear ended Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo._

_The drunk driver suffered no major injuries._

_Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo suffered a traumatic brain injury when the rental car he was operating- his own had been in the shop for repair work- failed to deploy the airbag. It was later determined that the rental car company had failed to replace the airbag after the car had been in a minor car accident the month before. _

_First responders found Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo unconscious and unresponsive to stimuli. On the way to the hospital, EMT's discovered that Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had aspirated into his lungs. It was unknown how long his brain had gone without oxygen. Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was rushed to Georgetown University Hospital before he was later transferred to Bethesda Naval Hospital when it was determined he was a Federal Agent employed by the Navy and would need emergency brain surgery, a type of surgery that surgeons at Bethesda were specialized in._

_Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's next of kin was contacted before the Federal Agent underwent an emergency craniotomy to relieve his intracranial pressure. _

_During surgery, a brain surgeon inserted an intracranial pressure monitoring bolt into the space between the cerebral cortex and arachnoid membrane of the brain. An intraventricular catheter was inserted into one of Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's lateral ventricles to help lower the intracranial pressure by draining excess cerebral spinal fluid._

_After surgery, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was placed in a medically induced coma and situated in Bethesda's Intensive Care Unit._

_As well as being place in a medically induced coma, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was placed on a ventilator via a tracheotomy tube and his body temperature was lowered to help reduce the swelling of his brain._

_Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's room number was 503._

_Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, like all other ICU patient's, was only allowed two visitors at a time, from the hours of 8:00 A.M to 11:00 A.M, 1:00 P.M. to 3:00 P.M. and 6:00 P.M. to 8:00 P.M. every day._

_During visiting hours, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo always had two visitors in his room. No matter who visited, the visitors were the first to arrive and always the last to leave._

_At 11:45 A. M., two weeks after he was placed in a medically induced coma, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's doctors slowly lifted his sedation when his ICP lowered significantly._

_The next few days would indicate just how bad, or good, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had faired._

_Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo showed no sign of waking up after the doctors lifted the sedation. Using the Glasgow Coma Scale, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was given the rating of 4, or a deep coma. Despite lifting sedation, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was still in a coma._

_Scans later revealed that Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo suffered two severe brain injuries, the second resulting from the countrecoup force of his brain ricocheting._

_Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's frontal lobe as well as his cerebellum was injured as a result of his accident. _

_Two weeks and two days after Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's TBI, he suffered the first of many seizures. He would later be diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Epilepsy._

_Three weeks after he was given the score of 4 on the GCS, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo slowly started to emerge. He opened his eyes, moved his legs and arms on his own, and started fighting the ventilator, though he was still in a coma with a GCS score of 8._

_Three weeks and six days after emerging from surgery, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's intraventricular catheter was removed. Two days after that, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo's central line was switched to a PICC line._

_A week after that this, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was slowly weaned from an ICU ventilator to a CPAP, or a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure machine, using his tracheotomy tube._

_Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo suffered a minor setback when the incision of his gastric feeding tube, or G-tube became infected resulting in the Special Agent having to go through a round of antibiotic treatment._

_Another week after that, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was evaluated by the head neurologist and given the go ahead to transfer to a rehabilitation facility, having reached a 9 on the Glasgow Coma Scale._

_Two months after emerging from surgery, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was transferred to Fair Oaks Rehabilitation Hospital in Alexandria, Virginia. _

_But it would be months until Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo would recover from his severe traumatic brain injury enough to return home._

_But as Tony's family came to realize and accept, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was not the same man that left work early that day to meet someone at the Irving Bar on Tuesday, November 10__th__ 2009. _


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you for all your reviews! And here's the next chapter. Hope you like it. **

* * *

Chapter One

_I'm going home today. Not my home cause I had an apartment before but I'm going home with Boss and that's just as good because he has a big house and it's nice and it's got stairs kind of like my old apartment did but not as many and not outside. His are inside his house and they're different from my apartment but every time I think of stairs I think of the ones outside my apartment. But I don't have an apartment anymore cause I'm going home with Boss and his stairs are on the inside._

_When I'm thinking about the outside stairs, my left hand tightens and it hurts but I bite my lip really hard so I don't make a sound. My therapist says that I shouldn't bite my lip because it's going to hurt the day I bite all the way through but I haven't done it yet and I'm pretty sure that I won't cause that would hurt._

_I take a deep breath and hold it but it's hard because my lungs are messed up because I had the plague, but I have a hard time remembering those kinds of things because my doctor says it's "traumatic" and my brain will block it out even if I want to remember it which I want to but I can't because my doctor said you can't always control what your brain wants to do._

_But I do remember that it was hard to breathe and that there were scary blue lights everywhere and that Kate stayed with me till I could breathe better._

_But I don't like talking about Kate cause she's dead and I don't remember going to her funeral. _

_When I woke up and the first time I remember, Probie, Ziva, Abby and Boss were there and even Ducky, but I couldn't say anything so I didn't know yet that Kate was dead cause I didn't get to ask. Abby started crying though, and that made me scared cause I thought that someone might have gotten hurt and it wasn't till later that I figured out it was me that got hurt._

_When I could talk, that's when I asked about Kate. Boss got a weird look in his eyes and Probie couldn't say anything. They told me she had died but I didn't believe them and kept yelling and screaming for Kate and even Boss tried to get me to stop but I couldn't because I didn't believe them._

_I don't remember what happened after Boss tried to get me to quiet down because my doctor came in and he gave me a shot and then I woke up later._

_Boss and Ducky stayed for awhile but I don't remember a lot about the beginning because I had really bad headaches all the time and the doctor always gave me a shot to make them go away but I always fell asleep so I never found out if the shot worked or not._

* * *

"Ready to go Tony?" Gibbs asked from the doorway. Tony was sitting on his bed, leaning slightly to the right, something he did often to try to compensate for the weakness in his left side.

When Tony didn't respond, Gibbs walked over and gently tapped Tony on the shoulder, gaining his attention, "Ready to go Tony?"

"Lights. Yeah Boss," Tony said, his smile a bit lopsided. His words were still muffled and slurred, but according to all the doctors that had seen his initial brain scan the night of the accident, it was a miracle that Tony could communicate much less hold a conversation at all, "I can go up the stairs."

Gibbs figured Tony was talking about the stairs in his house and nodded, "Yeah, I know you can. But let's worry about getting out of here first why don't we?"

Tony glanced around nervously, as if he had forgotten something, "I-uh-I'm going home today? Right Boss?"

"Yeah Tony," Gibbs answered, not even breaking stride. Tony's short term memory had been shot to hell but Gibbs knew that someday it was getting a bit better each day. It was just one of the many things that had changed that night, "I came to take you home remember?"

Tony didn't say anything for awhile. His right hand was playing with his jacket zipper and his right leg was going up-down up-down as he tried to answer Gibbs' question.

"Yes," Tony nodded carefully. Gibbs knew that Tony hated moving his head. Though he didn't get a lot of migraines anymore, Tony was afraid that any movement would trigger another, "Going to the blue room up the stairs in your home. Shots. Up and down."

"Our home Tony," Gibbs corrected gently, ignoring the added words to Tony's sentences. It was just how Tony talked now.

"Our home," Tony parroted, "Mine and yours. Stairs. The stairs are on the inside right?"

"Yep, twelve steps straight up. I had to count them to make sure you could make it up."

"Okay. Up," Tony said, slowly rising to his feet. His right hand left his zipper alone and instead went to touch the scars on his head but was stopped by the helmet, "Oh, blue on when walking right Boss?" Gibbs watched as Tony's fingers traveled to the trach scare instead.

Gibbs gently touched Tony's helmet, "That's right Tony, blue on when you walk. You remembered to put it on."

Although Tony didn't remember remembering to put his blue hockey helmet on, it was on his head and he guessed that he must have put it on cause Gibbs was the first person to come into his room all day.

"Yep. Lights. Shot. Stairs inside."

"Alright then," Gibbs agreed, "Let's get out of here."

Gibbs walked slowly, to match Tony's shuffle-step pace and to keep a hand on Tony's elbow, just in case Tony stumbled, which still happened often. Thus, Tony still wore the blue hockey helmet that Abby had given him to wear till he was steadier on his feet and until the swelling in Tony's still healing brain went down enough to where the doctors could put back the piece of skull they had removed the night of the accident.

"Blue. Is Abby going to be there?" Tony asked as they finally made it to Gibbs' truck. After Tony got in the accident and Gibbs had used the settlement from the car rental company to buy a truck because Tony wouldn't ride in a car anymore, no matter how much he had tried to get him into one. First time they had tried at Fair Oaks, Tony had screamed and grabbed his head. Later that day Gibbs went and bought the dark blue Ford F-150 crew cab truck.

"Yep," Gibbs stood by as Tony maneuvered himself into the backseat. Because of Tony's still healing brain, the doctors had advised that Tony _not_ sit in the front. Tony however, didn't seem to mind and sat on the seat diagonal from Gibbs, behind the passenger seat. Gibbs had a much better view of Tony this way and it was easier to hear Tony's speech from this angle.

"Truck. Blue on. And Ziva?"

"Yep.

"And Probie?"

"Yep."

"And Ducky and Jimmy? Stairs."

"Yes, both of them are coming."

"And Kate?" Tony asked, looking at Gibbs hopefully.

"Tony, remember that we wrote a note in your notebook about Kate?" Gibbs reached over to the empty shotgun seat and pulled out a blue notebook before handing it to Tony.

Tony didn't say anything, instead he grabbed the book and flipped through the pages. When he landed on the heavily visited page, Tony sighed and closed his eyes as they welled up with tears, "Card. Died. I forgot Boss."

"It's okay Tony," Gibbs replied, starting the truck, "How about we get an ice cream before heading home?" Gibbs asked, hoping the treat would help brighten Tony's mood.

"Okay Boss. Stairs," Tony agreed, his eye scrunching up as he concentrated to get the right words out, "But I'm not getting a big one, just in case."

"Tony, you know Abby was just kidding when she said they can freeze your brain? It's an expression."

Tony's eyes betrayed his answer, "Freeze. No thanks Boss. I'll just get a little one."

Gibbs sighed and wished that that fateful night had never happened. The car accident hadn't been Tony's fault. Tony now had a hard time remembering everyday things, had bad short-term memory (though it was getting better) and his memories in the past were often a bit "wacky" as Abby often told Tony. That and the brain damage had affected his balance, coordination, his eyesight and had caused his whole left side to be incredibly weaker than his right side, especially his left hand. But those were just the physical aspects of Tony's injury. The accident had also damaged his cognitive functions.

"Going to you-our home," Tony mumbled from the backseat, "twelve steps, up-down up-down. Stairs."

The OT had said repeating things was one of the ways Tony coped with his memory lost. By repeating facts of something that had been said, Tony was subconsciously hoping that he would remember more of the information. Gibbs had found however, that it had varied results.

"The stairs are inside right Boss?" Tony asked nervously a few minutes later, "And Kate won't be there cause she died right? Card."

"Right Tony, stairs are inside and Kate won't be there," Gibbs answered both questions separately, making sure Tony understood.

"Stairs. Okay," Tony said before settling back in his seat. He often subconsciously tensed his muscles and both the doctor and the therapists had stressed to keep Tony's muscles relaxed. The tension wasn't good for his weaker left side and staying that way for too long could bring on another migraine, or something much worse.

A few minutes later, when Gibbs pulled up in front of a small ice cream shop, Tony looked around, his eyes wide in fear, "You don't live here Boss, right?" His voice held a hint of anxiety. Tony remembered, or at least thought he remembered what Boss' house looked like and this place didn't look like the place he remembered, "Stairs. I forgot Boss, you live here?"

Tony, already accustomed to forgetting a lot of things and to being wrong because he forgot those things, constantly doubted himself now, something that the Gibbs hoped to change.

"No Tony, you were right the first time, I don't live here," Gibbs turned off the truck and turned towards the back seat, "Do you remember, what I said earlier?"

Tony glanced around before closing his eyes tight, as if willfully trying to bring back the lost memory, "Card. Freeze. Shot. Blue. Stairs," Tony opened when eye, "You-you said the stairs were inside and that-that Kate died-I mean that she is dead and won't be at your-um-our home. Blue. Shot. Lights."

Gibbs smiled, "Good job remembering," Gibbs knew he had to treat this carefully. Gibbs had said that and being one of the last things he had said, it was logical that that was the first thing Tony remembered, which Gibbs thought, was good. A few weeks ago, Tony wouldn't have remembered that much, "That's right, I did say that. But do you remember what I said before that? Where were we going before we went to our home?"

"In the truck," Tony blurted out quickly but glanced around, realizing where they were, "But we are in the truck," Gibbs could see Tony reasoning it out, "We were going for a freeze brain? Freeze. Helmet. Fall. Abby. Blue."

Gibbs laughed, "Yep, a freeze brain. How do we get one of those Tony?"

At first, Tony seemed horrified. He didn't know and no amount on concentration could bring up an answer to that question. His eyes darted around, looking outside then to Gibbs, as if his eyes alone held the answer. Gibbs didn't say anything, knowing that Tony would never get any better if everyone continued to coddle him.

Then, Gibbs saw it the moment it happened. Tony was looking outside when his eyes caught on the picture in the window.

"Freeze. Ice cream," Tony whispered, as if remembering was a secret that had to be kept, "We're going for ice cream and I'm getting a small one so I don't hurt my brain more. Ice Cream."

_Yes._ Gibbs inwardly jumped around and celebrated. Tony had calmed himself down and used details around him to jog his memory like he had done a few times in therapy. Sure, it wasn't solving a high profile case but Tony had just done something that most doctors had said Tony would never be able to do, "That's right Tony. Now come on, I'll get a small ice cream cone too."

Using his good hand, Tony reached over and opened the door, using his right side to pull his weaker left side over. Gibbs closed his own door gently and was halfway around when he heard Tony yelp.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked, hurrying around the truck, momentarily worrying that Tony had fallen.

Tony looked down at himself before looking back at Gibbs, his lop-sided smile on his face, "Freeze. I'm buckled in."

While it might not have been the funniest thing Gibbs had ever seen in his life, when Tony started laughing a few seconds later, Gibbs joined it. It was a blessing after all, just to hear that sound again.

* * *

_Boss is here today, he's taking me home. Not to my home, cause I had an apartment but to his home. I'm gonna live with him even though he has stairs because I can go up stairs I just have to remember to go really slow because I get ahead of myself and I fall and once I fell really hard and Boss got really scared but I had my helmet on and I was okay because even though I hit my head it didn't hurt that much._

_I got in an accident, Abby said when she came and saw me later. I hit my head on the steering wheel cause the car I was using, it wasn't my car Boss said-I was borrowing it from other people- didn't work right and that made me hit my head which caused me to go into a coma. I don't remember that though because Boss said a coma is like sleeping but I don't think it is because when I first remember stuff, I remember I felt really tired all the time and my head hurt so much the doctor had to give me shots to make the hurt go away. Abby said that Boss was really mad when he found out the car didn't work right and she said he made the people that I borrowed the car from pay for all my therapies and stuff like my surgery to fix my head and my braces that I have to wear on my hand when I go to bed and the brace I have to wear on my bad foot when I walk places._

_But I'm going home today with Boss and my new room is blue and on the second floor but that's okay because I can go up stairs now._


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to all who reviewed! I tried to respond to everyone and if I missed you, my apologies. I hope you are all enjoying the story. :)**

* * *

Chapter Two

"Hello gentleman, how can I help you today?"

"We'll take two small cones," Gibbs answered, "I'll have a vanilla."

The lady behind the counter nodded then looked at Tony expectantly. Gibbs knew that if Tony hadn't of ever have gotten hurt, he would have been more prone to ask for her number instead of an ice cream cone.

When Tony didn't say anything, the lady sighed quietly, "Which flavor would you like sir?"

Tony seemed to realize that he was the "sir" she was referring to and looked anywhere but directly at her, "Um, which, stairs do you have?"

"Excuse me sir?" the lady raised an eyebrow, and Gibbs could tell she was trying not to get frustrated with his young charge.

"No! Freeze. Blue. Cone." Tony said rather loudly, "Not stairs. Stairs are inside and outside, um I mean which color, no I um, I-" Tony looked at Gibbs and Gibbs noticed that Tony was a few seconds away from a meltdown. The lady's ever rising temper seemed to be quenched almost immediately when she realized that Tony wasn't being obnoxious but was genuinely struggling with ordering an ice cream cone.

"We have strawberry, chocolate, rainbow sherbet, and vanilla," the lady said calmly, keeping Tony's choices to the more simple and popular flavors.

Tony's nervous twitching seemed to calm some, and he turned back toward the lady, "Stairs. Can I have the blue one?"

The lady paused, looking at the flavors, "Which one's blue?"

"Cone. Um no, that's wrong," Tony huffed and screwed his eyes shut for a moment, "I mean, the dark one."

"Chocolate?"

"Freeze. Yes, please," Tony said shyly, relieved that the lady's questioning was over. A moment later when the lady passed him his small ice cream cone, Tony muttered out a quiet, "Thank you," before turning and carefully sitting down at a table leaving Gibbs to pay.

"I'm sorry for being short before," the lady apologized, "With the college so close, we get a lot of kids that like to be smart alecs with the employees and it's been a long day. I didn't mean to scare him."

Gibbs saw that the ice cream lady was truly sorry and Gibbs shook his head, taking his change and putting it back in his wallet. Often, when Tony couldn't think of a word, it bothered him to the point of him becoming frustrated, which didn't help matters any.

"Thank you for helping him."

"Anytime," the lady gave Tony another glance before turning to the next customer.

"Sheesh Tony," Gibbs chuckled as he caught sight of Tony licking away at his ice cream, "You're almost done."

Tony looked up from his cone to Gibbs, "Freeze. Cone. Oh. I didn't know I was suppose to wait. I thought-"

"Tony," Gibbs sat down, "It's no problem if you eat your ice cream cone before me. Ice cream's okay to eat out of turn. What are the times we're suppose to wait for other people?"

"When we eat dinner. Blue." Tony said surely. Tony remembered this fact because it was always so hard waiting for everyone to sit down and he was always so hungry when it was time to eat and he ate really slow too and most the time, he dropped a little on himself but Gibbs didn't mind one bit.

"That's right," Gibbs smiled, "Okay, let's say we head home."

* * *

"We're home," Gibbs said, pulling up to the house.

Tony glanced around, compensating for his blind spot before looking at Gibbs a bit worriedly, "Where are the steps? Stairs."

"Inside Tony, twelve steps inside," Gibbs said again. He had worried at first that he would lose his temper with Tony but now a days, Tony's expressions and temperament had taken on an innocent almost childlike quality-even when Tony was asking for the tenth time where the stairs were. So now, Gibbs rarely got frustrated with Tony; most of the time, he was just thankful Tony was alive.

"Inside," Tony said uncertainly, almost as if he didn't believe it. He looked around again and Gibbs could almost see were Tony's own blind spots were. Tony used his good hand to open the truck door but remembered to unbuckle himself before turning to get out of the vehicle, "Our home. Freeze."

Gibbs looked at the man he had come to love as his son, "That's right Tony, our home."

Tony glanced around, before giving a small nod, "I'll remember." Tony reached back in the truck and snatched his "memory book" with his good hand. Tony could read fairly easy but when they tested right before they left the rehab hospital, Tony had scored low on reading comprehension just because he had a hard time actually _remembering_ the things he read. Thus, the OT had recommended a "memory book" for Tony to write down anything he thought was important.

"Stairs inside," Tony said aloud as he used the pen that stayed velcroed to the book unless Tony was using it, " Twelve. There Boss. I'll remember."

"Alright then," Gibbs grabbed Tony's bag and lifted it out of the truck bed, "Let's go see everyone."

"Probie, Ziva, Ducky, Jimmy and Abby," Tony spoke as he walked/shuffled towards the front door, Gibbs' hand on his elbow, steadying him, "In our house right Boss? Blue."

"Yep."

Tony seemed as if he wanted to say something else. But instead he bit his lip and continued on.

* * *

_I didn't believe Boss that Kate was dead till they brought me a picture of her with her funeral service on the back. I couldn't read to well then but I remembered that we had passed these out when my mom died and when Boss gave me the card, I cried really hard and tore it up._

_I didn't want to see anyone all day after that but Boss stayed and helped me glue the card of Kate back together and helped me tape it in my memory book. It's blue like my room and I really like blue because it reminds me of the ocean and Boss always tells stories about the ocean and I like the color blue and told Boss that was what I wanted my book to be._

_The ocean is nice, but it can be really scary, especially at night. I had a dream once that me and my dad were on a boat but it was a big boat and I didn't like it. It was really dark and I couldn't see and I fell into the water._

_It was really hard to breathe and my head hurt in the dream cause in real life my head only hurts when I get a migraine or when I move to fast. I started crying but then I couldn't breathe and there was blue everywhere but it was a scary kind of blue really really dark and almost black, not the ocean blue I like._

_Boss woke me up from that dream cause Boss stayed the night a lot when I was in the rehab hospital. _

_I didn't like that boat in my dream but I like other boats and I like the stories that Boss tells because in the stories everyone is always safe and no one ever falls over and goes down in the dark blue water or gets in accidents like I did. Instead they swim in the ocean blue water and I like those stories the best because I can swim and when I'm in the water, my left side doesn't drag which is nice._

_I wish the stairs were in the water because then it wouldn't be so hard to go up them. Coming down stairs is easier, I just have to keep my balance but sometimes, that's really hard to do too._

_Bad boy goes to hell and good boys go to heaven, that's how one of the therapists told me to remember which legs goes first when I go up stairs. My bad leg leads going down and my good leg leads going up. Boss laughed and said that if that was true I was doomed but I didn't think it was very funny and didn't laugh which just made him laugh harder. Abby said that sometimes Boss was just weird but that's okay because we're all weird sometimes._

_I'm home now, my home with Boss, and it's really nice. When we first got home, everyone jumped out and said "Surprise" and even though I knew they were there they still scared me and I almost fell but Boss caught me and after that I made sure to smile so no one would feel bad that they had made me almost fall._

_Abby, Ziva, Jimmy, Probie, and Ducky were there and I looked for Kate but didn't see her. I got really sad cause I thought she was mad at me and didn't want to come but then I remembered that Kate died and that she couldn't come._

_But later when I spilled juice on my shirt, Me and Boss climbed the steps and even though Boss had to help me with my shirt, I did the buttons on them with my good hand. Boss said I did a good job and I knew that Kate would have laughed at me then but in a good way cause she was my friend and friends can laugh at stuff like that._

_I laughed at that and wrote it down in my journal- _Kate would laugh at me all the time.

_Boss saw me and had a sad sort of smile on his face but then I added to it cause I didn't want Boss to think bad of Kate-_ Because we were friends.

_That fixed things and after that we went back down the stairs and Abby let me help her cut the cake. Boss, Abby, Probie, Ziva, Jimmy and Ducky don't laugh when I talk funny. My brain adds words sometimes and my mouth doesn't know how to stop them._

_After that I got really tired and my head started hurting. Boss could tell cause my mouth started working wrong so everyone said goodbye and hugged me, even Probie. After that, Boss had to help me up the steps cause my headache was getting worse._

_Boss helped me take off my shirt and pants but I kept my boxers on. After that Boss helped me put on a sleep shirt and then went downstairs to grab my brace for my bad hand and my sleeping brace for my bad foot. Since they're weak, I can sleep on them wrong or they can tense up at night and the brace keeps them straight, especially my left hand because at night, it likes to tense up and become a fist even though I'm not going to punch anybody._

_After Boss helped put those on, he helped with my medicine. When my head hurts, it gets hard to think and Boss has to help and sometimes I get frustrated but I always try to remember not to get that way because being mad makes everything harder._

_After that, I took off my blue helmet and put it by my bed. My pillow was soft and wouldn't hurt my brain so I can take my helmet off._

_I got under the covers after that and Boss patted me on the shoulder and rubbed my back. He turned on the small light and then turned off my light. _

_I don't like the dark because it reminds me of the dark scary blue in my dream and I don't like that dream._

_Boss said goodnight after that and I think I said goodnight back but my medicines started working and my head felt better and then my eyelids got real heavy and I fell asleep, dreaming about ocean blue._


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the review. If you haven't noticed by now, the italics are Tony's POV and the normal is someone else's POV, normally Gibbs'. Sometimes Tony's will be longer, sometimes the other one will be. Hope you enjoy the chapter. **

* * *

Chapter Three

_When I woke up the next morning, Boss was already awake. I could hear him in the kitchen and my stomach rumbled and I knew I was hungry. I use to have a tube that went into my stomach but they took it out when I got better. It's another scar I have but I forget about it sometimes because it hides underneath my clothes._

_I got out of bed by myself and took off my braces with my good hand. My head didn't hurt very much and I stood up slowly cause if I got up too fast my brain would hurt again. I walked to my closet really slow and got a pair of pants to put on but I didn't pick a shirt out because I still couldn't take my shirt off by myself._

_I put the pants on by myself and I did it really quietly because I didn't want Boss to hear and come upstairs and help me. Sometimes other people liked to help too much but Boss was real good at knowing when I didn't want help. But I had a headache last night and he might think I need help so I was really quiet and put on my pants without making a sound._

_After my pants were on I stood up again cause I can't put my pants on standing up and almost walked away before I remembered blue on. I had to wear my helmet when I went anywhere because the doctor said parts of my head were weaker than others and those parts had to be protected. I also wore it because I had lots of lines all over my head and since my hair was still growing back I didn't like looking at them and kept blue on._

_I put my helmet on and snapped it cause Abby got me a helmet with a snap and not buckle like the other helmets the hospital had. That, and their helmets were white and big and mine was blue, ocean blue like my room and my memory book and Abby said mine was a hockey helmet so it looked different than the helmets the hospital had._

_I grabbed my memory book too and opened it, slowly reading the first page. I read really slow now cause when I tried to read fast I get my words mixed up and confused and then I get frustrated and Boss said that after that I start yelling for a long time but I don't remember yelling. _

_I forget stuff sometimes._

_My blue memory book has a list on the first page and out of the whole book, this is the only page where someone else wrote on it. Boss wrote on it cause when I first got my book I still couldn't write too well and I didn't want to mess up my book. The list isn't long and it takes up half the page anyway._

1. Make sure you're dressed.

2. Go wash you face and go to the bathroom first.

3. Go real slow, no need to rush.

4. Make sure head doesn't hurt. If it does, tell someone.

5. Take medicine to keep shakes away.

_When Boss wrote that list, I didn't remember what a seizure was and since I had them in the hospital, I have to take medicine now. The medicine taste gross but I only have to take it in the morning right when I wake up and before I go to bed. I haven't had a shake in a long time. I know shakes are seizures but I like the word shake better cause that's what happens when I get one. I get scared sometimes that I'll have another one but I have my blue on and it keeps my brain safe from getting hurt again._

_Boss heard me when I flush the toilet and waited till I came out of the restroom to come up the stairs. He smiled when he saw that I put my pants on by myself cause that meant that my head didn't hurt much and when my head doesn't hurt that means I'm gonna have a good day._

_He asked if I was hungry and I told him yeah. He laughed and said I'm always hungry and I told him I don't think I'm always hungry cause I'm not hungry right after I eat._

_He said that was true and walked down the stairs, waiting for me to walk down them too. I remember that it's bad leg down first when I step down the steps. If I go to fast I fall and Abby got me a blue helmet when she saw me fall._

_I don't like falling but I have a blue helmet on so if I have to fall it'll keep my brain safe. That and Boss is always close by and he caught me yesterday when I almost fell and even though I'm taller than him he's really strong cause he was in the Marines._

_I walked a bit faster to the kitchen because I'm hungry but Boss grabbed my bad hand real carefully and told me to slow down._

_I nodded and slowed down but I hate going slow. If I go fast I might fall but I have blue on and I remember that the lady who helped me start walking again said that if I fall I need to put my hands in front or I would bust my face open._

_I had started crying then even though I didn't fall cause my head had already been busted open and I was scared that if my face busted open that I wouldn't be able to leave the hospital. Now I know she meant I would hurt my face but I didn't know that then and it scared me really bad until Boss came and told me he would never let that happen. But I got real upset after that and didn't do anything for the rest of the day._

_I still fall though when I go too fast but most the time I remember to go slow so I won't fall but I wear my helmet just in case. After Abby bought it she used a silver marker to put my name on it so that everyone would know it was mine. Then Abby, Probie, Ziva, Ducky, Jimmy and Boss signed it which is cool cause no one else had a blue helmet with their names on it. Kate didn't get to sign it though, cause Abby bought it after she had died and that made me sad so I got a marker and put her name on the inside where no one could see it cause since she's dead, no one can see her anymore._

_I forget sometimes, that she died and it makes Boss and everyone real sad when I say her name but Ziva doesn't get sad but that's because she didn't know Kate and that makes me sad cause she never got to meet my friend._

_I touch my helmet and wonder if Kate would have liked the color. I think she would have cause Ziva likes the color a lot and Ziva is like Kate sometimes even though Ziva and Kate weren't related and never met. But Ziva is funny and nice like Kate was and Ziva laughed when I spilled juice down my shirt just like Kate would have but her laugh was different which was okay because laughing doesn't have to have a particular sound to be a good laugh. But it had been funny when I spilt juice down my shirt and I'm glad Ziva laughed cause it was funny and I don't like laughing by myself._

_I touch my helmet again and think about Kate's name inside my helmet and Ziva's name on the outside and I hope I don't ever have to put her name by Kate's.

* * *

_

"Does your head hurt Tony?" Gibbs asked again, tapping Tony on the shoulder. Tony seemed to be having a good day. He had completed his morning list without having to ask for help and had even made it down the stairs without incident. Now though, he wasn't eating his breakfast and kept rubbing his helmet.

Gibbs repeated the question when Tony finally match Gibb's gaze, "Does your head hurt Tony?"

Tony barely shook his head and answered, "Helmet. Uh, no, not hurting Boss."

"That's good then," Gibbs pushed Tony's plate a bit closer towards him, "The pancakes are ready so you can put the syrup on. Do you want milk or orange juice?"

"Blue. Inside. Yes," Tony answered, reaching for the syrup with his good hand.

"Which one Tony? Do you want milk or do you want orange juice?"

Realizing that his answer didn't make sense, Tony started fidgeting, "I-I don't- um. Helmet. Blue. Kate."

"Tony," Gibbs sat back down and lowered his gaze till it matched Tony's, "take a deep breath and calm down. I have orange juice. Do you want to drink that?"

"Stairs. No," Tony calmed himself and took a deep breath, hoping to hold all the wrong words in, "Milk to drink please."

"Okay," Gibbs smiled and stood, heading toward the refrigerator.

Tony nodded as if confirming Gibbs' okay before using his good hand to spear the pancake pieces with his fork. He made quick work, for him anyway, of the pancakes and said a muffled, "Thank you," when Gibbs placed the milk in front of Tony a moment later.

Seeing Tony situated, Gibbs ate his own breakfast and drank his coffee while reading the newspaper. It was early and as soon as Tony was finished he would ask him what he wanted to do today.

Tony finished about ten minutes after Gibbs did and carefully put his plate in the sink before returning to put his cup in the sink. After he was done he headed towards the living room and sat down slowly.

"You want to watch some movies today Tony?" Gibbs asked. Tony would probably make it through two or three before falling asleep. Though he was well enough to go home, Tony tired easily and often still took naps mid-day.

"Slow. No," Tony responded, "Magnum P.I."

Having brought all of Tony's stuff from his old apartment over to his house while Tony had still been in the ICU, Gibbs walked towards the TV and put a disc in the DVD player. The episode started a few minutes later and Tony's eyes lit up.

"I remember this one," Tony looked at Gibbs excitedly, "Up. Stairs. Slow. I remember Boss I do! This is the one where…"

Gibbs smiled as Tony animatedly described what this episode was about. Moments like these gave Gibbs hope that Tony would continue to get better. Although the doctors said that Tony was more or less as good as he was going to get, Gibbs knew that they didn't know Tony.

Besides, Gibbs laughed when Tony suddenly stopped mid spiel and instead watched the episode, Tony was never suppose to even be able to talk after what had happened to him.

Sometimes, doctors were wrong.

* * *

_I like watching movies and Magnum P.I. Old movies are cool but new movies are okay too. I don't remember all the movies I use to like but I still remember most of them and Boss said that now that I was home, we could watch movies and Magnum P.I. all day if I wanted. Boss doesn't have to go to work for awhile he said cause he took a vacation when the doctors told him I was going to leave the hospital._

_I don't know if Boss is going on a vacation but if he does I hope he takes me with him because I've never been to a lot of places and a lot of the places I have been too I don't remember anymore. _

_After breakfast we watched Magnum P.I. all morning but I took a nap before lunch because I get tired real easily. Boss didn't wake me up and when I woke up by myself, I heard him working on his boat. I haven't seen his boat but I remember how the last one looked like and I hope he built one that looked the same cause if he did that would be really cool. We couldn't take it anywhere though cause Boss built his boat in the basement and that's because he never wanted to sail it. I think that's funny a bit but I remember that Boss named this boat Kelly after his little girl that died a long time ago. I wonder where Boss put their names cause he doesn't have a blue helmet like me or a memory book. I put Kate in those places because I want to remember her, even though I sometimes forget she died._

_I remember Gibbs' daughter and wife got killed by a drug dealer but I don't remember how Kate died and I didn't ask cause I know that would make everyone sad and I'm scared to ask because sometimes, I think it's my fault she died but Boss told me it wasn't my fault and I believe him because Boss wouldn't lie._

_I drooled when I fell asleep on the couch and wiped it off my face. Since my bad side is weak, half my mouth doesn't always work right and sometimes drool comes out when I sleep but I don't get bothered by it anymore because its different when you're asleep because you can't control what your body does. I only get mad when I drool and I'm awake cause it's gross and I think it makes everyone sad that my mouth doesn't work right all the time._

_Boss walked up the stairs after I wiped the drool off. Those stairs are different than the ones that go to my room even though the stairs are inside. I don't know how many there are and I haven't asked Boss yet because that's his special place and I know I shouldn't go down there unless I'm invited._

_Boss walked into the living room and smiled when he saw that I was awake. I liked it when he smiled cause the skin around his eyes wrinkles. His eyes are ocean blue too, and they're the same color as my blue room even though my room is painted and his eyes were like that all the time._

_He said he was going to make lunch and was coming to wake me up. I'm glad I woke up because then Boss would have seen the drool. _

_Boss handed me my helmet and asked if I wanted to wear it because I was only going to walk a short ways but I grabbed it with my good hand and put it on. Blue on when walk so my brain stays safe, I told him. He said that it was good I remembered and helped me stand. Since I didn't wear my braces to sleep my bad hand hurt but Boss helped me stretch it out and it didn't hurt so bad after that which was good cause I was having a good day._


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry this wasn't up yesterday. However, thanks for all the reviews. I hope I responded to everyone. Here's the next chapter. Hope you like it. :)**

* * *

Chapter Four

_My vision can get really bad sometimes. The doctors at the hospital said I had blind spots and that they might go away or they might not. I don't really know what that means, having blind spots exactly, but I know that I have to turn my head sometimes to see things right._

_That, and when I was in the hospital, everything looked really funny and not how I remembered stuff to look. _

_Especially my head. I didn't get to see it for a long time after I woke up cause no one would give me a mirror but when I did see it, it looked a lot different. My hair was gone and I had lots of lines crisscrossing all over my head._

_Boss told me later that the reason there were so many lines was because when I hit my head, my brain moved a lot and I got two injures, one in the front and back of my brain. That's why the doctor's had to make lots of lines._

_When I was younger, I remembered going to the beach. I didn't like the water cause the water by the beach is different than the water in the ocean and I use to draw in the sand. I liked doing it cause the water was a big eraser and it always erased all the lines I had drawn._

_When I got a bit better in the hospital, I tried pouring water on my head to get rid of the lines. It didn't work and I got really wet and the nurse got really mad because I got everything wet. I didn't like the lines though cause they didn't go away. Boss says that lines never go away but that when my hair grows it will hide the lines._

_But till that happens I like wearing my helmet cause it hides the lines all over my head and I don't have to see the lines. _

* * *

"Tony, come on lets go," Gibbs called out again. They had been home for almost a week already and Tony had a few follow ups at the hospital. One of them was to see Dr. Pitt, who had carefully monitored Tony's lungs during his whole hospital stay.

"Beach. Boss," Tony said, shuffling on by a moment later, his memory book firmly in his good hand.

"What beach Tony?" Gibbs closed and locked the door behind him. He didn't keep the doors unlocked now. For one, it was Tony's house now too and Gibbs would never forgive himself if Tony was hurt because someone had been able to get in because he hadn't locked the doors. And also, the few weeks before Tony was discharged, Tony had a habit of getting out of bed and wandering the halls, often disorientated and confused. When that happened, Gibbs was often the only one who could coerce him to walking back to his hospital room.

Tony shrugged his right shoulder, "Lines. I like drawing on the sand," Tony lightly touched his helmet, "Head. The lines go away with water on sand at the beach."

"What do you say if we go to one?" Gibbs asked, watching as Tony got himself situated in the backseat before walking around the vehicle and getting in, "If the doctor says okay, we can go to one."

Tony seemed to think about that, "Lines. Beach. Sand. But there's not a beach around here. I don't- I don't remember going to ah-" Tony stuttered. Tony only remembered beaches that were far away. Could there actually be a beach that was close? Had he forgotten that too?

"You're right Tony," Gibbs gently squeezed Tony's arm, the gesture getting Tony to focus again, "It's not really around here but it's close. But we don't have to go if you don't want to or we can go to a different beach that's farther away if you want."

"Lines. I," Tony made a high pitch sound, obviously anxious and shut his eyes really tight. He didn't understand. He only remembered beaches far away and Boss said he was right but that beaches were close too. He couldn't be wrong and right at the same time. What did he forget?

"Tony, Tony hey," Gibbs said in a calming tone. Tony was having a "meltdown" as one of the therapist called it and when he got this bad it often took him awhile to calm down, "What's wrong?"

Tony tried to talk but he himself didn't know what was wrong. His brain was moving too fast again, just like it did when he got hurt. He tried to slow it down but he couldn't. He didn't know what was wrong because he didn't remember a close beach but Boss said he was right but he wasn't because beaches were far and it was all getting confused in his head and it hurt really bad.

"Tony, Tony listen to me," Gibbs angled his body towards Tony, "Listen son, tell me what you remember. Just whatever you remember say it out loud, let all the words out, even the wrong words. Come on Tony, I'm here, just take a deep breath, like me," Gibbs gently grabbed Tony's bad arm and put it against his chest, "Like this see? Follow me. In and out, up and down, up and down."

Tony seemed to pick up on what Gibbs was getting at and stopped hyperventilating. It took a few more minutes of slow deep breathing before Tony opened his eyes and looked at Gibbs.

"There, that's better," Gibbs smiled, still using that same comforting tone, "Now, tell me what you remember."

Tony seemed to gather his thoughts before telling Gibbs, "Helmet. Fast. Sand. Beach. Stairs. Up. I-I remember beaches far away. And I was little and didn't like the water cause it was different then ocean blue water and it was warm and I was little and I drew in the sand and let the water take it away."

While Tony's rambling sentence didn't make complete sense, Gibbs saw the problem almost immediately. Tony only remembered beaches that were far away from D.C. and Gibbs had told him he would take him to a beach close by. It was this contradiction that was confusing Tony.

"Tony," Gibbs said, "That's sounds right. There are beaches far away but," Gibbs put emphasis on that word, "There are also beaches close by. Remember when I tell you the stories about the boat on the ocean?"

"Lines. Sand. Slow. Yeah," Tony whispered. He loved the stories.

"Remember how I talked about the beaches that the captain and his crew would land on?"

"Uhuh."

"Have you ever seen those beaches Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"Boat. No," Tony said, almost worriedly.

"But remember I told you that the captain saw the beaches and that I knew the captain?" Gibbs hurried, not wanting Tony to have another panic attack.

"Yes. Slow. Beach." Tony answered and Gibbs could see as Tony slowly but carefully put the pieces together. It hurt Gibbs' heart that it never occurred to Tony that other beaches were around. Part of it, Gibbs figured, was that by saying that a beach was close, Gibbs had gone against the memories Tony had of beaches and by doing so, he made Tony doubt the memories he had of before the accident.

"I get it Boss," Tony said a few seconds later, "Beach. I'm sorry I freaked out."

"Hey," Gibbs smiled and patted his shoulder, "What did I say about apologies?"

Tony smiled too, "Slow. Sign of weakness Boss."

* * *

"Hey Tony," Doctor Brad Pitt greeted as Tony walked slowly into the exam room, "How are you?"

"Better. Cold," Tony answered, before pausing to collect his thoughts, "I can open my bad hand almost all the way now, look!"

Tony put his left arm on his lap and both Gibbs and Dr. Pitt watched as Tony worked hard to get the fingers to uncurl slightly. It was a lot of work for a small result but Gibbs remembered when Tony couldn't even feel his left side of his body.

"Alright Tony, good," Dr. Pitt smiled, "How's your breathing doing?"

"Good. Out. Slow," Tony subconsciously played with the hem of his shirt, "No problems."

"That's great," Dr. Pitt wrote something on Tony's chart, "Remember this thing?" He held up the stethoscope.

Tony glared at it, "Cold. Lungs. I'm not sick right?"

"No," Dr. Pitt shook his head, a comforting smile on his face, "I have to use this even when you're healthy, not just when you get a cold."

Tony seemed to think that over a bit before nodding and sighing.

Tony used his good hand to lift part of his shirt up, silently giving Dr. Pitt the go ahead to put the cold metal object on his skin. Tony jumped slightly when it touched his skin, "A little cold."

Dr. Pitt smiled, "Alright Tony, big breath." Tony did as he was told and the rest of the exam went off without a hitch.

"Looks like you're all good to go Tony," Dr. Pitt turned to Gibbs, "Just remember, your next check-up is in one month."

Tony nodded, opened his memory book and wrote the information down.

"And Gibbs, if you have any concerns at all, don't hesitate to call. If Tony gets a cold, flu or starts breathing oddly, don't worry about bringing him in. His lungs were under a lot of stress these past months and while I hope there are no more complications, I know that some things take awhile to appear."

Gibbs nodded his thanks and left the exam room with Tony. His doctor visits and anything else Tony needed was taken care of due to the large amount of money Tony had received as a result of the lawsuit Gibbs had filed. All the money however, was tucked away in a bank account and other investments and was only used when Tony needed something.

Gibbs hadn't known this till a few days after Tony's accident but Tony had almost no health insurance, ever since he had survived the plague. Sure, NCIS covered any job related injuries but other than that, Tony had a small plan that covered mainly prescriptions and doctor visits and Tony had yet to qualify for disability, as crazy as that was. This fact alone had been one of the many reasons Gibbs sued the car rental company on Tony's behalf.

He didn't want his agent, because Tony would forever be his agent, to have to deal with the hundreds of thousands dollars worth of cost on top of having to get better. Now it was all taken care of and all Tony had to worry about was reaching the next goal.

After Tony's visit with Dr. Pitt, Gibbs drove Tony a few blocks away, this time the hospital that had done Tony's therapy and rehabilitation. There were other people there and since this particular rehab hospital was partnered with Bethesda, many of the people were part of the Navy or Marines. They nodded a greeting to Gibbs, before glancing at Tony's shuffling walk and helmet protected head and giving him a brief smile.

"Ouch. Push. Stop. Go. Boss," Tony spoke in low tones as he held onto the back of Gibbs' shirt with his good hand, "I don't like it here."

"Yeah I know Tony," Gibbs settled Tony on a nearby chair before going to sign in, "But you want to get that hand better right?"

Tony looked dejectedly at his left hand, "Squeeze. Yeah. But it doesn't want to get better."

"Hey," Gibbs gently chided, "There'll be none of that kind of attitude. I know you can do it."

Tony gave his lopsided smile before opening his memory book, flipping through the pages. He landed on the page pertaining to occupational and physical therapy and Gibbs watched as Tony re-read the page slowly, his shaking finger working hard to make sure he didn't skip a word.

"Mr. DiNozzo?" the receptionist called out. When no response came, she glanced back down at the file, reading the note attached there saying to refer to the patient by his first name only, "Tony?"

Tony didn't respond and Gibbs gave his a pat on the knee.

"Stairs. Squeeze. Ouch. Huh?" Tony glanced up, looking at Gibbs.

"Your turn," Gibbs pointed towards the waiting receptionist. The door led to the room where Tony would do his occupational therapy. His physical therapy was in a different room down the hall and that was after OT.

Tony placed his feet a shoulder length apart before using his good arm to help him stand, "You comin' Boss?"

"If you want me too," Gibbs made no move to show whether or not he was going. He wanted this to be solely Tony's decision.

Tony glanced around nervously for a second before nodding slightly, "Push. Yes."

"Alright then, let's go."

* * *

_I don't really like therapy. Boss said that it's good for my bad hand and leg but I get really tired and sometimes I get a headache afterwards and that messes everything up if I'm having a good day. Today my occupational therapist helped me hold my pencil better when I write and then I had to follow these dotted lines in the sheet of paper. It was really hard cause my hand shakes a lot and I can't follow any lines that good cause if I get nervous all of me starts to shake but it's a different kind of shake than the seizures I get when I don't take my medicine._

_After that we worked on getting my shirt on and off and I still can't do it too well but Boss doesn't mind helping me so I'm not too worried about it._

_Then we went to another therapist that made me push weights with my bad leg and arm. That was really hard because I was already tired and I still had a lot more to do. Boss stayed with me though and when I started getting mad at myself, Boss told a really funny story but I don't remember it all right now cause I couldn't write it down because I was working with weights to help my bad leg and arm._

_But Boss will tell me again if I ask him so I'll do that later when I'm not so tried and I can write it down in my memory book cause even my good hand is tired and it shakes when I'm tired and I can't read my writing when I have a shaky good hand._

_After that we went back home cause I started getting a headache but before Boss helped me up the stairs, I told him I wanted to go to a beach where I hadn't put lines in the sand yet. He said that was okay and asked if I ever been to North Carolina._

_I know North Carolina is a state cause the college plays basketball but I didn't know it had a beach and told him that. He laughed and said if all states had basketball teams and I don't think he watches basketball very much because I know that. So in a couple days we're going to drive there and I can't wait to see if North Carolina beach is different or like the beaches that I remember. I hope it's a little bit the same because I like the beaches in my memory._

_But I wrote that we are going to a beach cause I didn't want to forget and Boss found a map and he drew with a big blue marker where the beach is. It looks tiny from the map but that's because Boss said they made it tiny for everyone to see the roads. _

_But we're going to a beach and I can't wait to draw on the sand. Maybe we'll even see a boat._


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: So this chapter should have been posted on Wednesday and it would have, had fanfiction actually let me upload it and post it. For whatever reason it kept coming up as ERROR which was incredibly depressing each time it happened. However, because I continued to type, the next chapter will be up late tomorrow or Monday, baring any complications. -keeps fingers crossed- Once again, thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad you are enjoying this story. **

* * *

Chapter Five

_I can't use the phone real good so when it rings, I don't touch it. Boss used it every once in awhile but he talks really short into the phone like he doesn't really want to talk on it. So I don't mind that I can't use the phone really good cause if Boss doesn't like using it then I don't think I would either._

_I hit the green button once, when it started making this weird noise and a voice came out of it. I didn't know who it was but they kept calling for someone and I thought they were saying something bad and it got me really scared and I picked up the phone and threw it to make the noise go away._

_Boss ran up the stairs from the basement really quick after that and I could hear his footsteps as he pounded on the stairs cause even though Boss makes a lot of noise like I do sometimes when he goes down the stairs, Boss can go a lot faster than I can and doesn't have to use his good arm to help him cause both of Boss' legs work right and he doesn't have a bad arm or bad leg cause Boss doesn't have a bad side cause Boss never got in an accident and hit his head and got lines on his head like I did._

_Boss got mad that I threw his phone at the wall but after that it didn't make any noises which was good because sometimes, the noises make my head hurt but I don't tell Boss because then he would feel bad cause sometimes his phone makes noises a lot._

_When I first woke up, I didn't like noises. Everything was really loud and I didn't understand a lot of stuff, unless they said it really soft and slow and then I understood but I didn't always remember how to make noises back._

_I forgot a lot of stuff when I got in the accident that put lines all over my head and that gave me a bad side. Before, I didn't have lines or a bad side and I remember that I didn't need a memory book cause I only got that in therapy after my accident and since I didn't have one before, I think my memory was good before the accident too._

_Now I walk funny cause my bad leg doesn't always go where I want it to go __and I make a lot of noise_ and say wrong words and I get really frustrated till Boss reminds me to slow down cause when things slow down they make a lot more sense-like noises. Noises that are slow are easier to understand but sometimes Abby gets really happy and she starts making noises that I can't understand and sometimes it makes me scared cause I don't know what she wants or what she means.

_But even when I threw the phone away Boss moved real slow and asked me why I did it. I couldn't get the noises to stop, I told him and he understood what I said and what I meant cause sometimes my mouth says stuff I didn't mean for it to say, which are bad words because they aren't what I want to say. After that, he told me to call him when the phone makes noises and I promised I would cause I hate them anyway._

_But Boss' phone made a noise today and he listened to it and got really angry and stomped around a lot and I got scared cause he was making noises that I could feel in my chest and I didn't know why he was making those noises other than he was really mad at the phone._

_Finally, he stopped stomping and yelled really loud before _**he**_ threw the phone away and it broke I think but he didn't say anything for a long time. When he talked again he asked if I wanted to see a movie and I couldn't say anything cause I was really scared that I had forgotten something but Boss had never gotten mad at me before and he still looked mad and I didn't know why._

_I shook my head really carefully cause my brain can get hurt if I move too fast cause I have to move slow and Boss bent down to sit on the couch with me and asked what was wrong and that made me really scared cause he was asking and I was suppose to know but I didn't remember and I'd forgotten and I really didn't want Boss to get more mad_

_I started breathing really fast and all the noises inside me head started going really fast and I tried to slow them down but I couldn't because there were noises everywhere and they made my head hurt till I closed my eyes really tight and didn't move for a long time.

* * *

_

Gibbs knew he earned the second "b" in his name the moment Tony closed his eyes tightly and covered one ear with his good hand and the other with the side of the couch. Tony hated raised voices of any kind and there Gibbs had gone and yelled practically for twenty minutes and then had the gall to ask Tony what was wrong.

Gibbs sighed and tried rubbing Tony's back but Tony shied away from his touch and continued to softly cry in the sofa cushion.

Gibbs felt horrible. Tony hadn't done anything wrong-it had been that evil, manipulative man that Tony shared half his genetic material with.

But Gibbs didn't want to think about that. They were leaving to a friend's beach house in North Carolina tomorrow and they had a good drive ahead of them. Gibbs had already packed for himself and after he spent a good hour or two trying to help Tony pack, Tony had become so frustrated that he had had another "meltdown" one that thankfully, Gibbs had been able to bring him out of rather quickly.

It worried Gibbs that Tony's meltdowns seemed to be increasing in nature every since they got discharged from the hospital and he wondered if maybe the trip to the beach would hinder rather than help Tony's rehabilitation.

But Tony had mentioned the beach again this morning after he had flipped through his memory book and Gibbs would be an even bigger "b" if he scrapped the trip now.

He refused to let the man whose genetic material was similar to Tony's, because Gibbs refused to view that man as Tony's father, ruin these next few days. Tony had asked in a roundabout way, which meant that Gibbs had really asked but Tony had confirmed his desire anyway, to go to the beach.

So they were going.

It was nearing lunch and glancing at the clock, Gibbs estimated that it had been about fifteen minutes since Tony had clammed up after Gibbs had had his own version of a meltdown.

"Tony," Gibbs said gently, sitting carefully on the couch and tapping Tony's shoulder. When the young man didn't flinch at Gibbs' touch, Gibbs took that as a good sign, "Tony, you okay?"

"I-I don't kn-know what I-I did Boss, I di-didn't mean to m-make you m-mad," Tony whispered in-between hiccups and sniffles, "N-noise. Sl-slow. I-I tried to remember but I-I can't," Tony's last word cracked, just like his voice did and he turned and buried his head against Gibbs' chest.

Wrapping Tony in a hug, Gibbs spoke in a calm quiet voice, "Tony, listen," Gibbs started rubbing Tony's back, "You listening?"

Tony's helmet clad head moved up and down once to signal that he had heard.

"I'm not mad at you," Gibbs continued quietly, as if talking to a very scared child which at the moment, Tony sort of was, "I got mad at-at the phone Tony. I could never be mad at you."

Tony didn't move from his position for awhile, seemingly absorbing the information Gibbs had just laid upon him. Finally though, Tony mumbled something incomprehensible into Gibbs' shirt.

"What did you say Tony?" Gibbs asked gently, not wanting to upset the younger man.

"Slow. It was cause it made bad noises huh B-boss?" Tony said again, wiping his eyes and glancing at a few of the pieces of the broken phone, "I don't like it when it makes n-noises either and I-I threw it at the wall. It didn't make any m-more noises after that though, remember?"

Gibbs chuckled and patted Tony's shoulder, "Yeah, I didn't like the noises it was making. So I made them stop just like you did."

Tony smiled at this and continued to slow his breathing, his chest hitching less and less as he stopped crying. Gibbs continued to rub his back, helping Tony catch his breath and after another three or four minutes, Tony glanced down at his stomach when it let out a loud rumble.

"Break. I'm hungry," Tony looked at Gibbs with a mixture of shock and happiness.

Gibbs smiled and stood, resisting the urge to help Tony stand. It took Tony almost a minute but when Tony stood, he was balanced, "Then what's about we get some food? I'm starving too."

* * *

Gibbs woke up around six the next morning and loaded his and Tony's bags into the truck. They were planning on being gone for a week or so and while Gibbs had packed relatively light, it was almost impossible for Tony to pack light due to the many things that he still needed.

After running through his mental checklist of all things Tony would need, his medications being the most important thing, he went had woke Tony up.

"Aye uh oss," Tony mumbled and rolled over, rubbing his face into his pillow and trying to settle himself back underneath the covers.

Gibbs snorted. Even now Tony was and never would be a morning person.

"Come on bud, we got to get on the road," Gibbs lifted the covers again. He didn't shake Tony partly due to the fact that he didn't want to hurt the boy and also because it would probably scare Tony in his half-asleep state.

"Uh um in a Boss," Tony mumbled again but this time slowly moved to the vertical position. His hair was in disarray and he used his good hand to rub his eyes, "I uh ep."

"You can sleep on the road Tony," Gibbs rubbed Tony's back in an effort to awaken him a bit more. When Tony woke up, it usually took him a few moments before he could speak legibly. Before that he mumbled and while Gibbs could guess what he was saying some of the time, he often had no idea what Tony sometimes said when he had to be woken up.

"Di' um ek," Tony closed his eyes and sighed, leaning his head gently against Gibbs' chest, reminding Gibbs of a sleepy toddler that didn't want to leave the nice comfortable atmosphere of their room, "I uh leep."

Gibbs laughed gentle and patted Tony's shoulder, "Come on. Let's put you in some sweats and you can stay in those all day."

Tony nodded against Gibbs' chest and lifted his head, sleepy eyes glancing around his room.

"Here," Gibbs set the shirt and sweat pants on the bed before helping Tony out of his braces. Tony inhaled in pain when he took off the brace supporting his hand and Gibbs helped Tony stretch out his cramping hand.

"I ee um arry met," Tony spoke, still not making much sense. He had been awake for awhile now and it worried Gibbs that Tony still wasn't speaking understandably. Although Gibbs figured that since Tony wasn't use to waking up this early, that might play a role as to why Tony still hadn't woken up properly.

"Come on Tony," Gibbs coached, bending down, "Think. I don't understand what you're saying bud. Speak up."

In response Tony just made a move to lay back down on his bed, "Tired."

"Nuhuh," Gibbs smiled as he caught Tony mid-dive, "Come on. Let's just put these clothes on and I'll help you to the truck. After that you can go back to sleep."

Tony sighed again and helped Gibbs take off his pants but still couldn't manage to get his shirt off. When Gibbs had to help get Tony dressed like this, it reminded Gibbs of dressing Kelly when the little girl had been a toddler. This sleepy, Tony was still floppy and loose, much like a child was. Only Tony was not as wiggly and was instead a whole lot bigger.

A few minutes after he started, Gibbs was helping a helmet wearing Tony, because even half asleep Tony had made a grab for his blue helmet, walk out of the house and into the waiting vehicle.

Once seated, Tony tried buckling himself in but was becoming frustrated. It was a chore for Tony to buckle his seat belt when he was fully awake and in his sleepy state, Gibbs knew that Tony would have a hard time with it.

"Let me help," Gibbs reached over and clicked the cinch into place. Tony just sighed and looked at Gibbs with a mixture of frustration and sadness.

Gibbs gave Tony a comforting smile and squeezed his shoulder before Tony returned the smile somewhat and closed his eyes, leaning back into the seat. Gibbs went back inside to grab some pillows, especially the body pillow that Tony liked to lay against, and propped them around Tony so the younger man could sleep peacefully for a few more hours.

Closing Tony's door, he walked back to the house, grabbed Tony's hand and leg braces and locked the door behind him, realizing that this was the first vacation he had taken in a very long time.

He hopped in the truck, checking the fuel gage. He would fill up when Tony woke up so they could stop and get some breakfast. It would take them about five hours to get to New Bern NC, where the beach house was and taking in to account pit stops and breakfast and lunch, they should get to the house around 2 in the afternoon.

* * *

_Boss doesn't like some noises which is good because that means that I don't have to worry about those noises being made when Boss is around. One of the noises I don't like is the radio, at least sometimes. It makes my head hurt so when I woke up in the truck today, Boss turned the radio off. When he did that I got really scared cause I didn't remember getting into the truck but Boss said that I was asleep when I got in so that was okay because I didn't forget anything cause I was just asleep when it happened._

_After I woke up, Boss stopped and we got to eat some breakfast so I could take my medicine that keeps the seizures away and the other medicines that keep the pressure in my head okay._

_When we stopped, I tried this weird sandwich and I liked it a lot so Boss gave me my memory book so I could write it down. After that, I flipped through it and before I even got to the page I remembered where we were going and I told Boss and he smiled cause that meant my memory was getting a little better even though I still have trouble with it._

_After that Boss put gas in the truck and I stretched my bad hand and leg cause I didn't want them to hurt. My seat in the truck is really comfortable so they weren't really stiff but my hand kept cramping no matter how much I stretched. I started crying even though I didn't want to because it started hurting really bad but then Boss gave me another one of my medicines that made my hand stop cramping which was good because sometimes, when my hand doesn't stop cramping, I get the shakes and I really hate getting seizures._

_But my hand stopped cramping and Boss helped me back in the truck cause the pill he gave me to make the cramping stop sometimes makes me tired but I asked Boss to move the pillows away cause I didn't want to go to sleep._

_Boss started driving after that and I looked out the window because even though I remembered that I had been this way before, I didn't remember how it looked like and some parts were really pretty with trees and stuff and other parts were really sad looking cause of all the buildings._

_I fell asleep I think cause Boss woke me up and said that we had to eat lunch and that we were almost there. I was glad we stopped cause I had to go to the bathroom really bad but the medicine I took made me wobbly so Boss had to help me to the bathroom and one day I hope that Boss won't have to help me so much even though I don't mind so much right now because I know I would fall if he didn't help and I don't like falling._

_After we ate lunch, Boss drove for awhile and then we pulled up in front of a house. It had stairs on the outside but it didn't look like my apartment from before at all. Boss told me there were stairs on the inside too and I didn't believe him till we walked inside. It smelt like wood and salt and Boss' phone made a noise when we walked in only he smiled when he talked into the phone so I think that the noises the phone made were good cause he laughed but I looked around and didn't see anything funny._

_After that Boss helped me find the room I was going to sleep in and I was happy when we walked in cause the room was blue, not like the blue I like but lighter and bed was smaller than my bed at our house in DC. After that we took all the clothes out of my suitcase and I went downstairs with Boss. He was looking at some papers and was talking on the phone again but this time he had a frown on his face and he was getting frustrated so I walked over and tapped him on the shoulder and told him it only made things worse when you get frustrated and he smiled and his eyes got all wet and he closed the phone and gave me a hug._

_Before my accident, Boss didn't give a lot hugs to anyone but Abby but Abby gave hugs to everyone. Now though, Boss gives me hugs like he gives Abby hugs and I don't mind because Boss always smells like wood and coffee and I like that smell. It reminds me that I'm safe._

_After he gave me the hug he put all the papers away and pressed a button on his phone that made it to where the phone didn't make any noises. Then he stood up and he showed me where his bed was just in case I needed help anytime._

_I hope I remember but I don't think I'll need to cause most of the time Boss knows when I need help and comes and helps me before I have to ask which is good sometimes. Sometimes, I get frustrated that I need so much help but I remember that getting frustrated doesn't help with anything._

_We went outside on the big porch but had to go back in after a bit because it started raining really hard._

_I like the rain and the thunder but not the lightning. The lightning hurts my eyes so I keep my eyes close when it rains but I like the noises that the rain and thunder make. Rain always makes a cool noise when it hits the roof and thunder always reminds me of the rumble Boss' chest makes when he laughs or talks while I'm giving him a hug._

_I laid down on the couch and I could hear Boss making dinner in the kitchen but I kept my eyes close even though I wasn't tired._

_Sometimes, noises are a lot better if you close your eyes and just listen._


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm sure many of you heard the difficulties this site has been having in the past few days. I couldn't upload the chapter for the last few days but a fellow author showed me the "temp" fix for it so here you go! :) Hope you guys are enjoying this story and once again, reviews are appreciated and very much welcomed. And without further adieu, Tony finally is at the beach.**

* * *

Chapter Six

_The beach is really nice and the water is ocean blue kinda, just like my room. It changes colors though, when the light hits it but that's okay because I knew that the water by the beach is a different color than the water farther in the ocean._

_But when I woke up this morning, I was scared cause I forgot where I was but I had my memory book on the bed by me and I opened it and read it really slow even though I was scared and I remembered that we were at Boss' friend's beach house and we had driven in the truck yesterday._

_Boss came to check on me after I woke up and helped me find my swim trunks. The beach was super close to the house and I didn't have to walk very far but I had to go down steps but they weren't that hard._

_Even though I was really excited, Boss made me eat breakfast and take my medicines because I completely forgot about them because I was really excited to go to the beach._

_I was so excited that I almost forgot my blue helmet and even though Boss said it would be okay, I didn't want to go outside without it on but Boss said that the sand is soft so I would be okay. But I still wanted my blue on so Boss went up the stairs really quick and got it for me. I put it on my head and after I went to the bathroom, I was ready to go on the beach._

_The beach was so close I didn't even need shoes cause the sand would have gotten into my shoes. It was really hard to walk in the sand. I didn't like it at all cause it moved and my balance isn't really good and I almost fell but Boss helped me and I was really glad I had my blue on or I would have hurt my head if I had fallen. After that Boss held my elbow on my bad side and helped me to the beach where I didn't have to be in the moving sand._

_Boss helped me till I got to the wet sand and then I didn't need help anymore because the wet sand is a lot easier to walk in than the other sand because it doesn't move around but the wet sand does get stuck in your feet._

_Boss helped me sit down and then asked if I wanted to take my helmet off so I wouldn't get it dirty. I remembered that when I was little, I always got wet and dirty when we went to the beach so I let him take my helmet but he laid down a blanket and put it close so that if I had to go anywhere I would have it by me just in case._

_Boss sat on a chair that he brought and opened an umbrella. He didn't like sitting on the sand but I didn't mind because it was really hot and the wet sand was really nice. I started making a trench in the sand with my good hand but then a big wave came and washed it away and it scared me and I fell backwards on my back because now I was wet and the trench was full of water. And the sand was even wetter than before._

* * *

"Tony!" Gibbs jumped up from where he sat after Tony had fallen backwards in surprise, "You okay?"

Tony looked a bit shocked but not seriously hurt as his green eyes met Gibbs' blue ones, "Blue. I'm wet Boss."

"Yeah I can see that," Gibbs smiled, relieved that Tony wasn't upset by his slight fall, "Do you want to move back so another wave doesn't get you?"

Tony glanced around but softly shook his head, biting his lip nervously before looking at Gibbs, "No. Wet. It's okay, right Boss? I'm wet but I didn't have an accident so I can stay right?"

"No Tony, no," Gibbs helped Tony sit carefully back on his butt, "No accident. The wave got you wet."

Gibbs knew that one of Tony's fears was having an accident. Most of the time, Tony had good control over his bladder and didn't need any reminders about going to the restroom. But there had been a few times when Tony had had an accident. Most had been in the hospital when Tony was still recovering. He had frequent seizures during those time and many of them were brought on by stress. Tony would wake up after a seizure and start crying when he realized he had wet himself again. It was during that time that Tony had often refused to drink any water, even going so far to remove his IV lines a few times. But those days seemed so long ago now.

"Wet. Blue. Water. I thought so," Tony gave Gibbs one of his lop-sided smiles that always reminded Gibbs of how luck y he was that Tony was alive, "Can I get more wet?"

Gibbs laughed. Tony looked just like a kid who had discovered something grand, "Sure Tony. Do you want to stand up or stay here?"

Tony debated that for a moment. He didn't have his blue helmet on and he didn't know where it went. He didn't want to ask Boss for it though cause he was pretty sure he should remember where it was.

"Stay," Tony finally decided, "But," he paused.

"What is it Tony?" Gibbs asked, still crouched down.

"Wet. Can you stay here too?" Tony asked hesitantly looking at Gibbs' almost shyly from the corner of his eye.

"You want me to get wet me too?" Gibbs joked, hoping the joke would make Tony laugh.

Tony's demeanor, however, changed with the question. No, he didn't want Boss to get wet. He wanted Boss to stay. Did Boss not want to stay? Was that why he thought Tony wanted to get him wet? Did Boss get him wet? How did he get wet? He didn't have an accident did he?

"Wet. Leave. No. Um," Tony's eyes frantically darted around as he internally searched for the answer.

Gibbs, knowing Tony was moments away from a meltdown, rubbed Tony's back in hopes of stopping it, "Hey, hey Tony. I'll stay. I'll sit here with you, it's okay."

Tony silently screamed. It wasn't okay. Why couldn't he think of an answer for Boss? What did he forget?

"Tony," Gibbs put a bit more force in his voice. He didn't want Tony's first day at the beach to be ruined because he hadn't answered Tony's question. Sometimes, he doubted he was the right person to be watching over Tony. Did Tony have this many meltdown at the rehab facility?

"Come on Tony," Gibbs tried again to stop Tony's downward spiral using touch like one of the therapist recommended.

But Tony was lost in his own world, his eyes already closed and his hands making their way to cover his ears. The therapist had told him that Tony would do that when his didn't want any sensory input. He was trying to "slow his brain down" as Tony himself said once in the hospital.

Gibbs sighed, angry with himself, and rubbed his face. He hoped he could somehow get Tony back to the house to cool off and calm down. He was just about to stand and help Tony stand when he heard a barking in the distance.

"Oh crap," Gibbs whispered underneath his breath. A dog, about 100 feet away, was running full steam towards them, barking as he went. It was a medium sized dog and as far as Gibbs could tell, it had no collar or owner in sight.

As the dog got closer, the barking got louder until the dog suddenly stopped about six feet away from them. Gibbs, unable to grab anything to defend himself if the dog should attack, shielded a now crying Tony with his body, "Get. Go away mutt."

The dog, ignoring Gibbs completely, gave another bark.

Tony, who had been mid-meltdown, suddenly tensed and opened his eyes, his hands still firmly covering his ears.

Making eye contact with Tony, the dog gave a bark again, this time taking another step forward. Gibbs, sensing a change in Tony, took his eyes off the mangy mutt for a few seconds to glance at Tony. Tony was staring at the dog and was taking his hands off his ears. He peered around Gibbs and asked in a quiet voice, "Blue. Slow. Slow. Can I touch him Boss?"

Gibbs looked at Tony. Only moments ago Tony had been having a meltdown and now, he was talking and asking Gibbs if he could pet the dog that, in Gibbs opinion, had almost attacked them.

Well not really attacked them, but the dog was a bit too close for Gibbs liking.

"Tony I-" Gibbs was trying to think of some way to get Tony inside without letting the dog anywhere near him when he heard another voice close by.

"Sam!" a woman called out as she made her way across the beach. In one hand she held the hand of a child and in the other a collar and a leash. When they got closer, Gibbs heard the child, a young girl around the age of six Gibbs guessed, call out for the dog, "Sam, come here!"

The dog glanced back at his owners before taking another step, his nose twitching as he reached forward to touch Tony.

"Sam," the woman finally grabbed the dog by the scruff. The dog gave a surprised yelp but before the dog could run away again, the woman had slipped the collar around Sam's neck and secured the leash to it. Having done that, the woman looked towards Gibbs and Tony, "I'm so sorry, sir. He just slipped right out of the door and hightailed it here before I could grab him. He didn't hurt you did he?"

Now that the dog was leashed, Gibbs let some of the tension dropped from his shoulders, "No, we're fine. He likes barking though. And my name's Gibbs."

The lady smiled, "Michelle and this is my daughter, Casey," Michelle said, indicating to the child next to her. Before Gibbs could greet the child, Casey spoke up.

"Daddy says he's a noisy mutt but I don't think he barks a lot," Casey said, looking from Gibbs to her dog, "Did he scare your friend?"

Gibbs looked at Tony who was still focused on the dog, "No, actually, Tony here would like to pet Sam, if that would be okay." Gibbs looked at Michelle who was looking at Tony. Normally Tony was self-conscious around people, which was one of the reasons he wore his helmet. He hated having his scars show. Now however, Tony was still looking at Sam the dog and had not sensed Michelle staring at him.

"Sure," Casey smiled, "Sam's really friendly though he licks a lot but I don't mind because he's just giving me kisses." Casey gently tugged the leash out of her mom's hand and walked forward with Sam.

Gibbs moved away slightly, giving Sam enough room to reach Tony but at the same time staying close enough should anything happen.

Tony used his good hand to hesitantly reach out and touch the dog on the snout, before moving his hand upwards to pet Sam's head. Sam, as if sensing that Tony was currently a bit more fragile than most people, stood calmly and gently reached out and licked Tony's hand with his tongue.

"See?" Casey smiled, "He gave you a kiss."

Tony looked at his slobber covered hand as if it were an offending alien rather than a body part, "Wet. He does that a lot?"

It was when Michelle heard Tony's slightly slurred speech that she understood the reason for Gibbs' protective stance over Tony. Having observed the way his hand shook as he petted Sam and his offset sitting, she realized that the scars on his head where reminders of an injury that had left this young man changed.

Casey, taking Tony's almost child-like demeanor in stride, laughed, "Yeah but you get use to it."

"Dog. Blue. So he's your dog?" Tony asked Casey. Casey was in her own swim suit and sat down in the sand with Tony, not worrying about getting a bit wet from the rising waves.

"Yeah," Casey answered, smilingly proudly, "Sam, sit."

Tony watched as the dog sat on his haunches, "He listens really good."

"Yeah," Casey agreed, "Sam can do lots of things. Want to see?"

Tony nodded his agreement, adjusting his position when he started to lean a bit too much towards his right side.

Casey waited for Tony to stop moving before smiling at her new friend.

"I'll show you," Casey stood up quickly and walked towards the dry sand. Tony made a move to stand also but his hand traveled to his head.

He glanced around worriedly, looking for his helmet. Gibbs, who had been talking to Michelle about her husband who was currently serving a tour in Iraq, grabbed Tony's helmet and handed it to the young man.

"Head. Blue. Thanks Boss," Tony said, putting it on, "Um, I need help. Slow."

"No problem Tony," Gibbs helped Tony stand carefully. Casey watched in silence till Tony took a few steps.

"Did you hurt your head?" Casey asked innocently. Gibbs felt Tony tense at the question before answering.

"Head. Slow. Yeah," Tony said. He didn't like being asked that question because most of the time he didn't remember exactly how he hurt his head and he hated not being able to tell people why he was hurt.

But the "yeah" was all the answer Casey apparently needed because she nodded her head, "I would wear a helmet to. It keeps you head safe?"

Upon hearing a question he could confidently answer, Tony smiled, "Yeah. It's blue cause I like blue."

"Like the ocean," Casey added before Tony himself could say it.

Tony gave another smile, "Yeah. Ocean blue."

"That's cool," Casey said. Sam, who was feeling a bit ignored, gave another bark, "Oh look. Let me show you what he can do."

Tony made sure he was balanced before he focused on Sam, "Okay."

Casey smiled and unclipped Sam leash. Michelle huffed in annoyance while Gibbs smirked at the mischievous expression on the little girl's face.

And Tony just laughed.

* * *

_Me, Boss, Sam, Casey and her mom stayed playing on the beach all day. Sam liked digging in the sand and Casey helped me make a sand castle. It was really cool looking and Boss took a picture so I could put it in my memory book._

_After that, Casey had a ball and she would through it in the waves and Sam would go after it. He's a really good swimmer. Casey said it's cause he's part Labrador and I asked Boss what she meant and he said that a Labrador is a kind of dog that was made to swim and help fisherman with their boats._

_Sam's really nice. He lets me pet him and he's the same color as the sand. He does like to lick me a lot though and at first I didn't like it too much but Casey said it just meant that he liked me so I didn't mind too much after that._

_I never had a dog when I was little, at least from what I can remember. My father didn't like animals I think. I did find a dog once I think, a long time ago. He was sand colored like Sam and he was bigger. He barked really loud but I don't remember what happened to him because my memory isn't too great anymore because I hurt my head._

_I told Boss that I really liked Sam. He's different than new people I meet cause he's a dog and I don't think Sam cares that I have a bad side or that I wear my blue helmet. He liked me just like he liked Boss and I think he even liked me more because I would throw his ball for him even though I couldn't throw it as far as Boss could._

_Boss said he had a dog a long time ago too and that his dog was smaller than Sam and I told him it would be neat if we had a Sam too because it was really cool that Sam never got tired of bringing his ball back and that he licked me just like he licked everyone. Boss smiled and said Sam did lick everyone but he said it in a nice way and I know he thought it was cool too._

_I got hungry after we played on the beach and Boss told Casey that I had to eat lunch. Casey's mom said okay and they would come back later to play. They live sorta close Boss said and that's great because Casey and Sam are cool. I think Casey's mom is nice too, but she stared at my scars till I put my helmet on. _

_When we went back inside, I took a shower. Normally, you don't take a shower in the middle of the day but I got really tired and Boss told me that if I slept with sand all over, I would get itchy and uncomfortable._

_I needed help getting up the stairs cause I was worn out. Then Boss had to help me take my shirt off because I can't take it off still. My therapist says that it's a goal I should focus on._

_Back at our house, Boss doesn't have to help turn the shower on because my therapist and Boss showed me how it works but at this house it's different and Boss had to help._

_But Boss said he didn't mind and after he showed me where the shampoo for my hair was, he left. I took my helmet off cause I didn't want to get it all wet and looked inside. _

_I think Kate would have liked the sand and Sam. I don't remember if she liked dogs but I don't want to ask Boss because he might get sad. Maybe Probie will know and I'll ask him later._

_I cleaned my helmet before I got into the shower because it had sand on it. Then I got in the shower. Boss was right. Sand does get itchy and uncomfortable._


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey, this chapter was written when I myself was having a bad day, or more aptly, a bad week. Brother's sick, and if you have ever taken a gander at my profile, you'll see my older brother died of a heart condition, a condition that my younger brother might have. :/ Sorry for not responding to everyone's reviews and next chapter will hopefully be posted on Tuesday, after my little brother's appointment with our family's cardiologist. Prayers, thoughts and fingers crossed are all welcomed. **

**Oh, and slight language warning. Because secretly, Gibbs would say the word once or twice in a situation such as this. **

* * *

Chapter Seven

_When I woke up this morning, it was a bad day. My bad arm hurt really bad and even when Boss stretched it out for a long time I still cried every time I had to move it. My bad leg was being bad too and I needed help going down the stairs from my room to the kitchen in our house._

_Boss had to help me with breakfast too but it wasn't really bad and I could still feed myself. I ate breakfast and took my medicines but I still didn't feel good and even though I laid down on the couch, I still felt sick and I threw up in the bucket Boss put by the couch._

_Boss got me a clean shirt after that because I got the red one I was wearing already dirty. Boss got really worried because I still had a sun burn from the beach but the burn didn't hurt anymore because Boss had lotion that helped. Boss asked if my burn hurt because I got sick the day after I got the sun burn but I was only sick for a day and this didn't feel like that kind of sick when we had been at the beach a while ago. But we're home now and I don't think it's the same kind of sick._

_I shook my head and he felt my forehead because he had taken my helmet when I laid down. He said I was hot but I didn't think so because it smelled funny and I was really cold and my bad hand started shaking and I started crying because I hurt really bad._

* * *

"Oh shit," Gibbs whispered, quickly getting Tony to lie on the carpet. He snagged the pillow that Tony had been laying on and placed it under Tony's head.

"Shit," Gibbs said a bit louder for emphasis. He mentally kicked himself in the butt. Tony had thrown up about less than half an hour after taking his anti-convulsion medication. It probably hadn't been absorbed fully into Tony's system before Tony had thrown it back up and now, it looked as if Tony's seizure was turning into a tonic-clonic, or grand mal, seizure.

He had had so many of these in the hospital that often, it had taken a shot of an anti-convulsant and a sedative to get Tony to stop shaking. He had PTE, or post-traumatic epilepsy, and the seizures had started while Tony had been in the hospital.

Pushing the coffee table away from Tony's now thrashing body, Gibbs kept an eye on the clock. Tony's seizures often didn't last more than five minutes and the doctors had stressed that if Tony were to ever have a seizure lasting longer than five minutes or have two or three seizures in quick succession, Tony would need to be rushed to the hospital.

Gibbs was relieved when three agonizing minutes later, Tony's body slowly stopped shaking.

Turning Tony's body into the recovery position so he wouldn't choke if he did regurgitate, Gibbs waited for Tony to come around.

Sure enough, less than a minute later Tony's eyelids fluttered open. Tony's eyes were very glassy and disoriented but Gibbs laid a comforting hand on Tony's back.

"You with me buddy?" Gibbs asked Tony gently, not wanting to scare Tony more than he already was.

But Tony didn't seem to understand or hear the question because instead of answering he panicked and tried to get up.

Knowing that the sudden change in position would give the young man a severe headache, Gibbs put both hand on Tony's shoulders, slowing his ascent, "Hey, hey, you're okay, you're okay, Tony. It me, Boss. I'm right here. You're alright."

Gradually, Tony seemed to be coming out of his daze and made eye-contact with Gibbs.

"'oss?" Tony said haltingly. His speech had always been affected, sometimes for days, after Tony had a severe seizure. His speech became slurred and mumbled when Tony was exhausted as he often was after a seizure.

"Yep Tony," Gibbs gave a comforting smile as he continued to rub circles onto Tony's back, "You're okay."

Tony closed his eyes and when he opened them, they stayed stubbornly at half-mast, "I 'on 'eel 'ood

Gibbs had become an expert at understanding Tony's slurred and jumbled speech and gave a small smile, "You had a seizure Tony. But you're okay now. You're in the living room, at our house. Is your stomach still bothering you?"

"Na," Tony answered, working very hard to keep his eyes opened, "'ired 'oss."

"Okay Tony," Gibbs maneuvered Tony so that he was sitting on the couch, "Let's get you to bed."

"I 'eed boo on 'oss," Tony said, ever so slowly losing his battle to stay awake, "urt ead."

Gibbs grabbed Tony's blue helmet and put it gently on Tony's head, "There you go Tony. Now let's get you to bed."

Tony gave a small nod of the head before he leaned forward and placed his head on Gibbs' chest, sighing in contentment.

Gibbs gave another sad smile. Not only did the seizures affect the here and now moments, but they often left side effects that would plague Tony for days after the initial seizure. Tony would probably sleep more and be tired for the rest of the week.

After another quick check to make sure Tony was breathing okay, Gibbs carried Tony up the stairs. He had done it once or twice before Tony had gotten into the accident and he had struggled greatly then. But now, most of Tony's muscle mass was gone and while Tony was not emaciated in any way, he was skinny and thus much easier to lift up the stairs.

Gibbs placed Tony down on his bed, lifting the blue comforter over Tony. He would most likely sleep for the rest of the day and hopefully, Tony wouldn't have anymore seizures.

* * *

After saying goodbye, Gibbs hung up the phone. He had made a few phone calls over the past hour or so, all the while checking on Tony every few minutes. The first call had been to Tony's neurologist. While the doctor had been concerned, his advice had been to keep an eye on Tony. While he thought that Tony's throwing up so soon after taking his medication might have not helped any, he had stated that for Tony to have been out of the hospital close to two months without a seizure was in and of itself a good thing. He also thought that the agitation Tony had experienced all morning and even his upset stomach had probably been subtle clues that Tony was going to have a seizure, almost like Tony's own version of an aura.

After talking to the neurologist for a few more minutes, Gibbs had hung up and turned his attention to the project he had been working on ever since they had gotten back from the beach house last week.

After the first day, Gibbs and Tony had continued to spend most of their time with Casey, Michelle and their dog Sam. While Gibbs hadn't had a dog in a very long time, he had always loved them and had enjoyed Sam's presence around.

But what had caught Gibbs attention the most had been Tony's response to Sam. After Sam had interrupted Tony's meltdown that day at the beach, Gibbs at first thought of it as a fluke. But, later, when Tony got himself so worked up about not being able to stand properly in the sand, all it had taken was a nudge from Sam to settle Tony down instantly. Even after they left the beach house, Tony had often brought up Sam and how nice he was to play with.

It was seeing this transformation in Tony that had lead to Gibbs quest.

So Gibbs had invited Tim over with Jethro, to see if Tony would get along with another dog. If all went well, Gibbs had planned on going to the local shelter with Tony.

That meeting was suppose to have been today but due to Tony's seizure, Gibbs had had to call McGee.

"Oh," McGee had said, sounding disappointed at not being able to come over and worried about Tony's seizures, "Is he-Did it last long?"

"Three minutes," Gibbs answered. McGee, as well as the rest of the team, knew just as much about Tony's health as he did and Tim would understand that having a tonic-clonic seizure would mean Tony would be out of commission for at least the rest of the day.

"Oh, we can always come when he's feeling better," Gibbs could hear McGee setting down Jethro's leash, "This is his first tonic-clonic since leaving the rehab hospital, right Boss?"

"Yeah," Gibbs peeked in on Tony, finding the boy still sound asleep. He took a few steps down the hall before continuing, "So Tony's doc's says that his medication is working pretty good."

"That's good," McGee fumbled with the phone before talking through it again, "Um, when Tony wakes up, tell him that we- um. Boss, we haven't been around since his party and I know you took some time to get Tony settle but we were just wondering…"

"How about we shoot for you guys coming to visit next week. You'll be off rotation then right?" Gibbs smiled.

"Perfect," Gibbs could hear McGee's smile through the phone line, "I'll tell everyone else."

"Great," Gibbs replied.

"Okay Boss," McGee said, "I got to go. But I'll see you next week okay?"

After a few more words about Tony's condition, both NCIS agents hung up.

Gibbs checked on Tony again, not able to keep Tony out of his sight for long. Even when he was working down in the basements he made frequent trips up to check on Tony. He would also pause from his work quite frequently to listen to the monitor he had placed in Tony's room. Sometimes, it would remind Gibbs of when Kelly had been a toddler and he would follow her everywhere she went, especially when she had started walking, much to Shannon's amusement.

It wasn't that Tony was so fragile that he needed to be watched constantly. It was more that Gibbs had come to close to losing Tony and now that Tony was home and safe and doing so well, Gibbs didn't want any shortcoming on his part to hinder Tony's continuing recovery.

Walking into Tony's room, Gibbs smiled sadly at the pain free expression on Tony's face. He was glad at least one good thing had come out of Tony's bad day.

* * *

_I had a shake a couple days ago. I don't remember it real well but that's because after I have a seizure, I get really tired and I sleep a whole lot. Boss said I only had one though and that's good because he told me that in the hospital, I would have a lot, one right after the other one._

_But I don't remember those times either because you don't remember having a seizure._

_I missed therapy because of my seizure so Boss had to take me on a day when I normally don't have therapy. I got upset because I liked my days off so I can rest but then I remembered that Boss said that if you don't work hard, you won't get anything to show for it._

_So I went and the therapist helped me stretched out my muscles because I get really sore after a shake and even though I tried really hard, I still couldn't hold a pencil in my good hand because of the shake I had a couple days ago._

_During therapy, I met a man who brought a dog into the hospital! The dog he had looked like Sam only the dog wasn't Sam because he was colored more yellow than Sam had been and he had long fur. But the dog was really nice and gave me a lick._

_I told the man that only people were allowed in hospitals but he told me that special dogs, like the one he had, could go to all kinds of places. Like the hospital where people were sick or like the hospital I was at where people weren't sick but needed a lot of help to get better. _

_The man was nice and his dog was nice too. His dog was named Rex and he could do all sorts of tricks if you asked him too. That, and he let me pet him and didn't move or try to jump on me like Sam sometimes had done. _

_The man said he went to places like this so that people who couldn't leave the hospitals could pet and play with a dog. Even though I could leave when my therapy was over, lots of people couldn't because they were like I was when I first woke up and they need lots of help._

_Now, only Boss helps me but when I first woke up, he didn't know how to do a lot of stuff like what to do when I had a bad seizure. That and when I first woke up I couldn't even hold my head up right cause my muscles were weak and that meant I couldn't take a bath even with my good hand. _

_Rex stayed with me for just a little bit because there were lots of people in this hospital that couldn't go home and I told Boss that I didn't mind only playing with Rex for a bit because I could go home and in two days Probie and everyone was coming over to see me because Boss had put it on a big calendar that he put in the kitchen._

_Boss said that Probie was brining a surprise but he wouldn't tell me what it was even when I tried to guess it. But he said it wouldn't be a scary surprise because I really don't like scary surprises. _

_But the calendar in the kitchen is white and you can write on it with markers even though I don't because Boss can write better than I can because his hand doesn't shake like my does. But Boss puts important stuff on it like when I take my medicines or when I have therapy because sometimes, I don't go at the same time and I'm glad Boss does that to remember because I don't think I would be able to remember if Boss didn't do that._

_But then I have a memory book to put stuff in too but I don't always remember to read it. My memory book's getting kind of full but Boss says that we can add more blank pages if we have to. _

_I don't know if I'll need more pages but I told him it was good anyway._

_After therapy, I watched movies all day because I was really tired and then Boss helped me change into my sleep shirt. I was still having a bit of a bad day and Boss had to help me take me medicines. _

_Then I put on my braces with Boss helping me and Boss said goodnight._

_I smiled because no matter how bad a day I had, Boss would always say goodnight to me and he was always right._


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and kind words. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story. :) And because I like causing Tony anguish... :)**

* * *

Chapter Eight

_Sometimes, I get things confused. Boss says it's like my brain works too hard and it gets tired and can't keep everything in its right place. It happens sometimes but when it's happening, I don't think it's happening and sometimes, Boss has to talk to me about it cause I'm confused and I can't sort it out._

_Boss says it happens when I get frustrated, or when something different is happening. It also happens when my brain is trying to remember something even though I'm not trying._

_I forgot a lot of different things when I hurt my head, and a lot of the stuff I don't remember anymore. I didn't forget everything though, cause when I first woke up I knew who Boss was even though other people called him different names. But I knew he was Boss so it didn't matter even though when I first woke up my mouth didn't work right so I couldn't tell him I knew who he was._

_I also remembered my family before I was with Boss, even though I don't remember a lot about them. I remember my mom and I know she's dead but it doesn't make me very sad because I don't remember a lot of things about her._

_My dad's the same way though I remember always calling him "father" or "sir". I remember that he has big hands and a scary voice when he's mad but other than that, I don't remember anything else about him._

_I remembered Abby and Ducky when I woke up too, but not Probie, Ziva or Jimmy. I remembered their faces and that I knew them though, but not their names and I think it made them sad when I first woke up. But I remembered Kate._

_She died, and I don't remember how. I want to ask someone, but I don't want to make anyone else sad about it because when I remember Kate it sometimes makes me sad. _

_I remember the rain though, and how it rained and how sometimes I would go outside and sit in the rain._

_Boss says that it was raining the night I got in my accident but I don't remember my accident at all._

_But I've heard Abby ask Boss tons of times if I remember why I was out in my car, driving. It was raining really bad that night, Abby said, and even though she's never asked me, I heard her ask Boss why I was in my car because no one ever figured out why I was at the place I was and not at my apartment sleeping._

_I got real sad when I heard her ask that not because she didn't ask me but because even if she did ask me I wouldn't be able to help because I don't remember._

* * *

"Tony?" Gibbs squeezed Tony's shoulder and gave his back a gentle rub, "Come on Tony. It's time for breakfast."

In usually Tony fashion, the young man simply mumbled something indecipherable and tried to drop back into sleep.

Gibbs huffed in amusement and pulled off Tony's covers. Tony cried out in shock and opened his eyes, glancing around as his eyes slowly focused on his room before landing on Gibbs.

"There you go," Gibbs gave a small smirk, "I made breakfast already you sleepy head. Everyone's coming over to eat with us today. So you have to get up and get ready."

"Uh?" Tony slowly put his feet over the side of the bed and sat up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with his good hand and looked around for a moment, gaining his bearings before speaking again, "Abby?"

"Yeah, Abby's coming. So is Probie, Ziva, Jimmy and Ducky. And they're going to be here soon and you're not even dressed."

Tony glanced down at his sleep shirt and his boxers, "Sleep. Oh. I should get ready huh?"

"I'll say," Gibbs laughed and helped Tony take off his braces then stretch the bad limbs before helping the unsteady boy towards the bathroom. Tony turned on the faucet like Gibbs had taught him and Gibbs helped him take his shirt off. After that, Gibbs checked the shampoo and soap levels on the dispenser they had installed for Tony's benefit and walked out, closing the door gently behind him so Tony could take a shower.

About ten minutes later Gibbs heard the shower turn off. About five minutes after that, Tony walked back down the hall to his room, a towel wrapped firmly around his waist. Gibbs walked back into Tony's room a few seconds after Tony himself had arrived.

"I can't get my shirt on Boss," Tony said, turning and holding out the offending piece of clothing.

"I don't mind helping you Tony," Gibbs stood and helped Tony get his arms, especially his bad left arm, and head through the appropriate holes, "There. You okay to get down the stairs by yourself when you're all ready?"

Tony bit his lip slightly and flexed his bad hand, "Stairs. Bad down. Yeah Boss. It's a good day."

"Alright then," Boss ruffled Tony's damp hair affectionately. Tony hadn't put his helmet on yet and this mildly surprised Gibbs because Tony rarely walked anywhere without it, "Don't forget your helmet before you come down."

For a moment, there seemed to be a look of horror on Tony's face but as quickly as it had come, Tony's face morphed into a brief smile, "Blue. Right Boss."

"See you down in a bit," Gibbs said before walking out.

* * *

About five minutes after Gibbs had descended the stairs, there was a knock at the front door. Now that Tony stayed with him, Gibbs locked the door and kept it lock at all times, mainly to keep them safe and also to make sure Tony didn't wander out of the house.

"Gibbs!" Abby smiled and gave Gibbs one of her standard hugs. After Abby made her way in, Ducky and Jimmy walked in behind here.

"Good morning Jethro," Ducky said, giving his friend his normal greeting, "Ziva and Timothy were just behind us so they will arrive shortly. And where is young Tony at this hour?"

Gibbs shook Jimmy's hand in greeting before answering Ducky's question, "He's upstairs, getting dressed. He should be down in a few minutes."

All three of them gave a concerned look up the stairs as if they had all recently acquired x-ray vision.

"He'll be okay Bossman?" Abby asked, saying the thing all three of them had been thinking.

"He'll be okay Abby," Gibbs gave the young forensic scientist a reassuring smile, "It's a good day today. He'll be just fine."

"If you say so Gibbs," Abby gave one more look up the stairs before following the rest of the group in the kitchen.

Just then Ziva and McGee arrived, Ziva closing and locking the door behind her as the pair made their way through the front door.

Gibbs greeted his agents in turn, before directing them to the kitchen where breakfast was ready. With a final glance up towards Tony's room, Gibbs walked through the door into the kitchen.

* * *

"Hey Tony," everyone greeted when the person everyone had been talking about finally made his way into the kitchen about ten minutes later.

Tony glanced around as his bit his lip nervously, before offering a lopsided smile in return to their greeting.

He was wearing a simple NCIS t-shirt and sweat pants, along with his ever present blue helmet. Upon reaching the table, he sat down carefully in his spot. After receiving a gentle shoulder tap from Gibbs, Tony reached up and removed his helmet, setting it on the table beside his plate.

It was quiet for awhile after that, everyone eating and not wanting to disrupt the comfortable silence that had descended on them. It was the first time that they were sitting around a table, together and whole.

It was Abby, who finally broke the silence, unable to contain herself any longer, "Tony," Abby paused momentarily, and waited for her friend to make eye contact with her. When Tony didn't glance up from his food, Abby reached across the table and gentle laid her hand on his arm before repeated his name. Gibbs had told them about touch, and how it was the only sense that hadn't been disturbed by Tony's brain injury and because of that, it was also the one most easily used to grab or acquire his attention.

"Stairs. Book. Up. Blue. Abby?" Tony said after swallowing a mouthful of food, a smile plastered on his face. Gibbs noticed that he always tended to smile when the forensic scientist was around.

"So G-Boss here tells me that you might be getting a dog," Abby corrected herself. For whatever reason, Tony knew Gibbs by "Boss" and often got confused when anyone would refer to him by any other title.

"Like Sam or Rex," Tony carefully nodded. Boss had told him that it might take awhile to find the right dog to adopt from the shelter but Tony didn't mind waiting cause he knew that sometimes things took a long time. Like it had taken him a long time to leave the hospital and come home.

"Maybe like Sam," Gibbs said, and waited for Tony to turn and look at him, "But maybe like the other dogs we looked at on the computer, remember?"

Tony scrunched his eyebrows in thought, trying to remember what Gibbs was talking about.

"Remember? Some of the dogs are different kinds of dogs. They might not look like Sam or Rex," Gibbs prompted. Tony had been initially put off at the chance of not getting a dog like the Labrador they had met in North Carolina or the Golden Retriever they had met in the hospital.

"Dogs. Long time. Oh, yeah," Tony said quietly as he adverted his gaze from everyone at the table, embarrassed that they were here when he forgot something, "I remember that."

"That's cool Tony," McGee spoke now and because he spoke Tony did the polite thing and turned and faced him like Boss said to do when someone started talking, "I have a dog that isn't a Labrador and he's pretty neat. Would you like to meet him?"

Tony raised his eyebrows in amazement, then smiled, "Polite. You have a dog now too Probie?"

McGee smiled and nodded and he felt his heart give a little jolt of excitement before slowing back down to its normal rate. The tone had reminded him, probably had reminded everyone, of the Tony before the accident.

"Yeah, his name's Jethro," McGee went to reach for a picture of his dog but stopped when he saw the expression on Tony's face.

"Are you alright Tony?" Ziva asked kindly as she laid her hand gently on his bad hand, "Does your head hurt?"

When Tony didn't answer and instead brought his good hand to rub his forehead, both Ducky and Gibbs stood up in concern. Everyone could see Tony's face pinch up in pain as he rubbed his forehead harder and harder, as if hoping to ease the pain that had come upon his so suddenly.

"Tony," Gibbs said, reaching over and grabbing one of Tony's medications, hoping to stop the headache before it progressed to anything greater, "Take this one. I'm going to go grab the other one from upstairs."

Ducky had backed away towards the door, giving Gibbs and his young ward some room. Ziva, Abby, Palmer and McGee had also stood, standing behind Tony hoping that their friend was okay.

Tony glanced up at his caregiver before slowly looking around at everyone else in the room. Suddenly, a look off absolute horror crossed over his face.

"Blue. Leave. NO!" he yelled, throwing the pills Gibbs had placed in his hand to the ground, "No, you-you can't."

Gibbs pulled up, shocked and worried at the amount of pain, fear, determination and even anger Tony's voice held. Even before the accident, Tony had always had an easy going personality. It was what made him a good interrogator and a great senior field agent on Gibbs team. Since he had woken from the coma, Tony had only gotten mad a handful of times and that had been more frustration then anger.

"Tony, I'm going to get the medicine that stops the bad headaches, you've taken it before remember? I have to go upstairs to get them," Gibbs said calmly. Tony had never had a problem taking his meds before. Was it the presences of his friends that had put Tony on edge?

But instead of comforting Tony, Gibbs' words only seemed to agitate the former agent all the more, "No, you, stop-I," Tony looked around at everyone in the room. No one else seemed to see the emergency of the situation.

"Tony, what's wrong? Tell me what's wrong," Gibbs asked, still using the same calm soothing voice he always used with Tony now even though he himself was worried at Tony's sudden change in demeanor.

"Blue. Stairs. Gone. You're gonna _leave_," Tony cried, using his good arm to reach out and grab Gibbs' sleeve, "You can't leave Boss, not yet. Not to Mexico cause I can't go there by myself. Please Boss, I didn't mean it, I'll do it better, I'll try-I-I-just please don't leave."

The weight of Tony's words crashed down on all of them, especially Gibbs. As Tony started to get better and better, he was regaining some of the memories that he had lost due to the accident. Sometimes though, instead of just remembering an incident, Tony would get the past confused with the present situation he was in. He knew that Tony had forgotten his "leave of absence" and now, for Tony to remember it in such an awful way, to even think that Gibbs would leave again, tore at the very center of Gibbs' heart.

"Tony, I'm not going anywhere," Gibbs reassured, trying to calm Tony down. Now that he knew what was wrong, he hoped he could calm Tony down quickly.

"Mexico. Gone. GONE. That's what you said last time but you still left-you did. You're gonna l-l-leave!" Tony's voice still held that same desperate plea as his breath hitched with worry, "But you can't! You'll do. No, no, NO."

It was in that moment that Gibbs realized that this was what Tony probably thought the first time Gibbs had upped and "retired", though his agent had never said anything about the incident.

"Tony, look at me," Gibbs put both hands on the sides of Tony's face, directing his roaming, nervous gaze so that they were looking face to face, "Now Tony, I know it's really loud and fast in your head okay, but you have to listen. You won't understand if you don't listen remember?"

Tony seemed to calm somewhat but his gaze still held the look of a corner, frightened animal.

"You listening Tony?" Gibbs asked again, using his thumb to wipe away the tears that slowly fell from Tony's eyes.

"Quiet. Quiet. S-slow. I'm-I'm listening Boss," Tony's voice cracked slightly but Gibbs knew he was working hard to make his words understandable.

Gibbs mind flashed back to another time at that familiar phrase but using all the resolve he had left, Gibbs focused on the situation at hand, "I'm not leaving Tony, never again. I promise I will not leave you."

"Leave. My six?" Tony's voiced cracked around another sob that had gotten past Tony's self-control and Gibbs quickly nodded.

"I got your six, always," Gibbs comforted.

His words were soft but they were certain, something Gibbs hoped Tony could hear.

"Promise?" Tony whispered, as if he were afraid of the answer.

"I promise Tony," Gibbs reassured once more.

Sure enough, the message seemed to get thorough to Tony who had been moments away from becoming inconsolable. Tony let out a sigh of relief and let the tears fall unchecked from his eyes.

"Slow. What happened Boss?" Tony mumbled, resting his head against Gibbs' shoulder.

Boss smelled like safe. Tony knew Boss would keep him safe.

"You got confused Tony, but it's alright," Gibbs answered. Tony often couldn't recognize when he had mixed a memory with the present and was almost always confused after the incident was over.

"Safe. Sorry Boss," Tony whispered, his voice slightly muffled by Gibbs' t-shirt.

"Nothing to be sorry for Tony," Gibbs said in return as he felt Tony's hot tears soak through his USMC shirt, "And besides, what do I say about saying sorry?"

"Stay. Sign of weakness Boss," Tony said again, this time, laughing softly at their own joke.

Gibbs laughed too, and squeezed Tony's shoulder.

* * *

_I'm remembering more and more stuff from before my accident. Today, I remembered that Boss left somewhere once and that I was really sad when he left._

_Afterwards, I was really scared again but Boss gave me this necklace that he wears. It has dog tags on it and it has his name on them and he said that he gave them to me so I wouldn't worry about him leaving anywhere. His name is hard to read cause it doesn't look like normal words on pieces of paper but I don't mind because I know there Boss' and I just have to feel the bumps that his name makes and I'm okay with that._

_I have a bracelet that I have to wear all the time too, kinda like how Boss always wore his necklace. It has my name on it and Boss' number on it. Boss says it says that I have the seizures and that I have lung problems. He says it also has the name of the pills I take. It's silver and has a red cross on one side and it looks really nice and I don't mind wearing it because I don't remember the names of the pills I take and Boss said that if anything ever happens, the doctors have to know the names._

_It's called an I.D. bracelet and I wear it on my bad hand because I put it on in the morning and I can only use my good hand to put it on and also cause it doesn't get in the way there. I know when I'm having a really bad day because I will have it on my good hand because that meant that Boss had to put it on and he always puts it on my good hand._

_Boss gave it to me the first day I got home and when I first got it, I always forgot to put it on and Boss always had to put it on._

_But I remember to put it on now, and I remember to wear my blue helmet to keep my head safe._

_And now I remember that even though Boss left, he came back and that he always keeps his promises._


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: First I would like to thank you all for your kind words and reviews. This chapter was suppose to be up around the time the whole site was having issues but I couldn't get it up then and I couldn't get up till now. Next chapter will most defiantly be up by Friday. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. **

* * *

Chapter Nine

_When I was little I think, I didn't get sick. I don't remember being sick a lot but I still don't remember a lot about before my accident. _

_I remember my nose was runny a lot though, but when I asked Boss about it he said that I have allergies and I have to take a pill for that too but only when the flowers are blooming. He said if I don't take that pill, then my nose gets runny._

_I remembered the blue lights too. It was hard to breathe under the blue lights but Boss says that it wasn't the blue lights that made it hard to breathe it was because my lungs weren't working like they were supposed to._

_I remembered it hurt really really bad to breathe and that I was coughing but I hated it. I don't remember Boss being there but I don't think he was gone. I just don't remember him. Kate was there too and we were in a big glass box._

_I don't like being sick because I'm pretty sure it's bad when I get sick like that. So I wash my hands and stay away from coughing people when I go to the store with Boss._

_Because I don't want to go under those scary blue lights again. Or go back to the glass box where Boss isn't there._

* * *

Gibbs remembered it clearly. It started with a sneeze. At the time, Gibbs didn't think much of it because everybody sneezes every once in awhile. Even before the accident, Tony always sneezed, especially if they had a case around spring time.

But a few hours later when Tony started sneezing more regularly and when he started coughing, Gibbs knew something was wrong.

Ever since he had recovered from the plague, Tony had had to be extra careful when he got colds or the flu because they could easily turn into bronchitis or pneumonia.

"Boss," Tony said, coughing once again, using his good hand to cover his mouth, "Blue. My nose is runny and the flowers aren't blooming."

"Yeah I know Tony," Gibbs said, sitting Tony down on the kitchen stool, "Just hang tight for a bit. I'm going to call Ducky and see what you can take okay?"

Tony nodded his head slowly. His nose was running and he looked around quickly for a napkin because Boss said it wasn't polite to let his runny nose cover his whole face. Not finding any, Tony used his sleeve to wipe his snot away so it wouldn't get all over his face.

"Alright Tony, Ducky's coming soon but in the mean time he said I can give you some Tylenol. It's going to help with your stuffy nose and cough okay?"

"Polite. Okay Boss," Tony said, watching as Gibbs poured the right amount of the Tylenol Cold and Flu Medicine© and grabbed a bottle of water for him. Gibbs gave Tony a small encouraging smile.

Tony looked utterly pitiful sitting on the stool, his nose all red and running. He didn't like taking medicines that you had to drink. They tasted really gross and left a gross taste on his tongue that wouldn't go away even if he drank the whole bottle of water.

"Let's get you settled on the couch and put on a movie," Gibbs helped Tony take the medicine. He had to hold back the laugh when Tony grimaced, his face taking on the same scowl Gibbs remembered on Kelly's face when she had to take cold medicine, "Then Ducky can check you over when he comes."

"Gross. Water. What about 'immy?" Tony asked, using the tissue Gibbs provided to wipe his nose again, "Is he coming too?"

"No," Gibbs let out a small chuckle. It was true, the ME was almost always with his assistant and their relationship reminded Gibbs of the one he had with Tony when they first started working together, "Just Ducky. Now get some rest."

"Sick. Alright Boss," Tony took off his helmet, placing it on the coffee table before stretching out on the couch, "I don't like being sick."

"I don't think anyone likes being sick Tony," Gibbs laughed and squeezed Tony's shoulder comfortingly before smoothing his unruly hair, "Go ahead and rest, Ducky won't be here for awhile."

But Tony didn't respond because his eyes were already closed and he was sleeping peacefully even if he had to breathe through his mouth.

* * *

"Hey Duck," Gibbs greeted, opening the door, "He's in the living room resting."

"Poor boy," Ducky said, carrying in his medical bag, "How's his breathing?"

"A bit wheezy," Gibbs answered, "Kinda like how he sounded when we would have to work a case outside in the winter."

"Hmm," Ducky hummed, walking over to his young patient, "Tony? Just a quick check up and you can go back to sleep."

But Tony didn't stir, only mumbled incoherently. Ducky felt Tony's forehead with the back of his hand, "Jethro, have you check his temperature?"

"Yeah Duck about thirty minutes ago, 100.1," Gibbs responded, worry heavily lacing his tone, "Why?"

Duck didn't say anything, just shook his head and took out at thermometer. Placing it inside Tony's ear, Ducky waited patiently for the contraption to beep.

Now Gibbs was really worried. Ducky was usually talkative, even when the other party was unable to respond back. When Ducky didn't say anything after shaking his head, Gibbs knew something was very wrong.

"Jethro, we need to get him to the hospital quickly," Ducky said, using his stethoscope to listen to Tony's heart and lungs, "I believe Tony's condition is deteriorating rapidly."

"Go grab all his medication," Gibbs said, shoving his worry aside and instead going into what Tony had once called "Gunny Mode". It was a mode Gibbs reserved for only the direst of situations, "Two of them are in the kitchen, the other one is upstairs in my room. Grab his emergency bag too, it's in his closet. I'll meet you outside."

Ducky nodded to his friend as Gibbs quickly ran outside and unlocked and opened his truck door. Running back inside, Gibbs gentle lifted Tony in his arms and carried him outside. Gibbs carefully laid his special package in the back seat of the truck, using the pillow he grabbed from the couch to support Tony's head. Just as he was heading back to lock the front door, Ducky came barreling out of the house. Gibbs was mildly shocked that his friend could still move that fast but didn't say anything, instead locking the front door quickly and hopping into the driver's seat. Ducky was in the back, already monitoring Tony's breathing.

"Hurry Jethro," Ducky whispered but Jethro heard it nonetheless.

"Give me five minutes DiNozzo," Gibbs mumbled as he hurried towards Bethesda Hospital.

* * *

Both Gibbs and Ducky stood as soon as Dr. Pitt and Tony's neurologist, Dr. Clarke walked into the waiting room. Tony had quickly been ushered into the hospital while both Gibbs and Ducky had been told to wait.

"Hello Gibbs, Ducky," Dr. Pitt greeted the two men, "Though I do wish we could have met under different circumstances."

"Hello also," Dr. Clarke nodded. He was an ex-Navy Seal and the first time Gibbs had seen him, which had been the night of Tony's accident, the man had struck Gibbs as more of a personal body guard rather than a doctor. Doctor John Clarke was a man that many people tended to shy away from even though they shouldn't.

Tony's neurologist was caring and gentle with all his patients, especially Tony, and his help was always greatly appreciated.

Glancing at the neurologist, Gibbs quickly asked, "Did Tony have a seizure?"

A shadow fell over Dr. Clarke's face, "I'm afraid so, though we were able to stop it rather quickly. However, I believe it was Tony's rapidly rising fever that brought on the seizure. But to be sure, I've attached him to an EEG machine."

"How's he doing?" Gibbs asked, wanting more information on Tony's status like a dehydrated man would want more water.

This time, Dr. Pitt answered, "For the time being, he's stable. We have him on oxygen, but that's just because his stats were low coming in. He's received two breathing treatments and they've already seemed to do wonders for him. Right now we have him on fluids and IV antibiotics just in case. It looks like we caught the walking pneumonia early before it became more serious."

"So he's going to be okay?" Gibbs prodded the two doctors.

"It will probably take him a few days to recoup and I would like to keep him for a few days afterwards," Dr. Clarke answered as Brad nodded his head in agreement, "But Tony should be feeling a lot better in the next day or so," Dr. Clarke continued, hoping to quench any fears that Gibbs or Ducky seemed to have.

"Can we see him now?" Ducky asked. Gibbs normally didn't ask this question. He just walked down the hall till he found his agent, or in this case, his boy.

"Yes," Brad nodded, "He's awake but a bit confused and groggy. It's most likely because of his seizure but you can go to his room now. Just-"

"We know Brad," Gibbs answered, "We'll let him rest."

"I assume the rest of the team will be visiting shortly?" Brad asked, a smile on his face.

Gibbs looked slightly guilty, but only for a fleeting second, "Abby and the rest of the gang are on their way. Will that be a problem?"

"Nope, just make sure Tony gets his rest," Dr. Clarke answered, "I'll be around again before my shift's over to check him out. Just page me if you have any concerns, I'll be here all day."

"As will I," Dr. Pitt said.

"Thanks Dr. Clarke, thanks Brad," both Gibbs and Ducky spoke at the same time.

The doctors gave a wave in farewell as they both headed to continue their rounds.

Not a minute later, Gibbs entered Tony's room to find him looking around the hospital room, though his eyes were slightly glazed and unfocused.

"Hey Tony," Gibbs sat down in the chair that had been placed by Tony's bed, Ducky taking a seat in the other chair, "You feeling better?"

"Bloo. I 'on't like the 'ubes Boss," Tony mumbled as he looked down at his nasal canula, his eyes going cross eyed, "'ake um off."

"The tubes are there for a reason Tony," Ducky answered, squeezing Tony's good hand, "They're helping you get well."

"I 'urt m'head 'gain?" Tony asked, as he felt the wires that led from his head to the EEG machine, "No bloo on."

"No Tony. Head's just fine. Those are there to make sure you're okay," Gibbs answered giving Tony a reassuring smile, "You had a seizure and Dr. Clarke wants to make sure you don't have another one."

"Kay," Tony answered, letting his eyes close. He opened them a few minutes later when Abby and the rest of the gang walked through his door.

"'bby!" Tony said, his eyes lighting up and focusing when they landed on the worried Goth, "I had a 'eziure. But I 'idn't 'urt m'head again," Tony's speech still slurred, as it most likely be till he woke up tomorrow morning, "I'm 'etter."

"I love you Tony," Abby said, throwing her arms around the man that had become like brother to her, even if they shared no blood relation, "I was so worried. But you're feeling better?"

"Yes," Tony whispered, hugging her as best he could, "'here's n' blue 'ights. Promise. I'm 'kay."

Abby just hugged him all the more harder and laid her head on his chest. She was greatly reassured by the steady_ thump thump _of his heart beat.

"Glad you're feeling better Tony," McGee smiled, walking in and stepping close enough to where he knew Tony wouldn't have to strain to see him, "Ducky says you'll be out in a few days."

Tony nodded but then his eyes got wide, "Your 'og?"

"How about me and my dog come visit when you're feeling better?" McGee answered.

"Kay," Tony said, his strength waning, this fact evident on how hard Tony fought to keep his eyes open.

"Alright everyone," Ducky said, "Time for Tony to get some rest."

"Bye," Tony fought to open his eyes, as he tried to waved to Ziva, Jimmy, McGee, Ducky and Abby.

A few seconds later, when it was just Gibbs and Tony left in the room, Tony turned and looked at the older man.

"They'll 'ome 'ack 'oss?" Tony asked as he fought the drowsiness that was threatening to send him into dreamland.

"Sure Tony, when you're feeling better," Gibbs laid his hand on Tony's arm, "Now get some rest."

"'aying Boss?" Tony asked, his eyes already closed.

"All night DiNozzo," Gibbs answered but Tony was already asleep, "Not going anywhere."

* * *

_I got sick a couple days ago and I had a seizure._

_But not really sick to where I had to go to the glass box or in the blue lights. Gibbs stayed with me most of the time till Ducky and Abby came and made him go eat and take a shower because Abby said he stunk._

_I still couldn't smell anything that good cause I couldn't breathe through my nose so I didn't mind but Abby said that Boss needed some down time which means he needs some time to rest like I do after therapy because Boss gets tired too but Boss doesn't get tired as quick as me._

_But I had slept a lot in the hospital when I got sick but I don't remember Boss sleeping at all so he was probably tired. So Abby and Ducky and everyone else made sure that he rested like I do._

_Abby played cards with me till I got really tired because I was still sick. I fell asleep and when I woke up, Probie was in the room. He had brought all my XBOX stuff from my house to the room I was in and we got to play a racing game. I like this game the most because I really only have to use my good hand to play it even though I have to use my bad hand to press one of the buttons for the gas._

_My favorite part of the game is when it starts raining. I like driving the car in the rain and it's really cool. Probie always has a hard time because he doesn't know how to race in the rain, but I do._

_I remember being really little and sitting on someone's lap. It wasn't Boss', cause I didn't known him when I was real little._

_The big person took my hands and put them on the wheel and it was raining outside but I remember him saying that it was okay cause when it rains, you have to remember that rain is just rain, that it is not good or bad- it's alive and you have to treat it that way._

_So I always beat Probie there but we didn't get to finish the whole course cause I got tired and I had to have another breathing treatment because Brad said I was still sick and because my other doctor said he was afraid I might have another seizure even though I hadn't had one since I first got here but I think that was because I had a high fever. At least that's what Boss told me._

_I want to ask someone why Kate was in the blue lights with me. I can't remember if she was sick, but she was in the glass box too and Boss said you only go in the glass box under the blue lights when you're __**really**__sick._

_I don't remember her after the blue lights and I think maybe she got really sick like me and didn't get better._

_But I don't want to ask anyone till I'm not sick anymore. Just in case._


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. I'm getting slammed over her with RL stuff. But thanks so much for everyone's kind words and reviews and alerts and so on and so forth. Next chapter shouldn't take as long to get up, hopefully I can have it up by Friday. :) **

* * *

Chapter Ten

_I don't see Abby, McGee, Ziva, Jimmy and Ducky a lot because they go to work._

_They work at the same place Boss works at when he's not on vacation and they called Boss "Boss" too. They work all day and by the time they're done, sometimes I'm already asleep so I don't get to see them. _

_I have to be really careful about when I sleep and stuff because after the last time I went to see the doctor for my brain he said that I was getting too tired and had to sleep more. Boss got worried and mad at himself I think cause before he use to let me stay up and watch movies with him or let me sit outside and we would look at the stars._

_So now I have to sleep more and sometimes it's hard falling asleep so when that happens, I think about work._

_Boss doesn't go to work, not right now, but he has a job like Abby and Probie and everyone else. I don't think I have a job anymore._

_I remember that I was a cop and I asked Boss if we were cops and he said that we were kinda like cops, but we only were cops to people in the Navy or the Marines and that we were better than cops._

_I figured out Boss was a Marine. That's why he had dog tags, at least he had them till he gave them to me. They make a clink clink noise when I walk because I still walk a bit funny and I think it's getting worse even though my therapist says that it's not getting worse. She says I only think that because I'm getting better at seeing it's worse only it's been the same since I left the rehab hospital._

_But people don't work all the time. Like Probie. When he doesn't work, he goes home and at his apartment, he has a dog. _

_And since he doesn't have to work today, I finally get to meet his dog. _

_I'm gonna get my dog soon I think. I hope he's a nice dog._

* * *

"Hey Tony," McGee said, making his way around the couch to greet Tony, who was sitting on the couch, eating his snack, "Remember what's today?"

"Work. Yes," Tony answered after he swallowed his mouthful because it wasn't polite to talk when your mouth was full, "Polite. I get to meet your dog. It's on the calendar." Tony looked around McGee to the large erasable calendar that Gibbs had hung in the kitchen before smiling at Tim, "See?"

"Yeah," Tim turned and looked at today's date. Sure enough, Gibbs had written his visit on the large white square, "So, how have you been?"

Tony furrowed his brow, thinking Tim's question over. Tony didn't like these kinds of questions cause he didn't know exactly how to answer them.

"Tony," Gibbs reached up and gently lowered Tony's hand. Tony had recently developed a habit of practically pulling his hair out when he was deep in thought. He didn't mean to hurt himself, but he had already pulled out a few strands of his barely long enough hair.

"Sorry Boss," Tony looked sheepishly at his hand, "Blue. Um, I'm not sick anymore."

"Ah," Tim nodded, giving Gibbs a quick apologetic glance for asking a question that had caused the new unwanted behavior, "Boss said you got sick. No more wheezing?"

Gibbs shook his head, communicating to McGee that an apology wasn't necessary. Tony would just have to learn to curb this self-harming habit. It wasn't Tim's fault that he had asked the question that had set it off this time.

"Nope," Tony answered, then glanced around McGee, "Sick. Where's your dog?"

"He's at my house," Tim smiled, "Did Boss tell you that you were coming with me today?"

Tony's eyes widen slightly, "Stay. Just me?"

McGee nodded and smiled reassuringly to the man who had been his former partner but would always be his friend, "Yeah. Boss is going to stay here and you get to come with me for a bit. But then we'll come back here and tell Boss what we did all day." McGee wanted to make sure that Tony understood that he would come back home and Boss would be here waiting for him.

"Home. Do you have stairs?" Tony asked, biting his lip.

"Yes," McGee answered, expecting the question, "I have fifteen stairs."

"Tall. Up. Boss, can I go up that many?" Tony asked Boss nervously. Fifteen was three more than twelve. Could he go up that many?

"Yeah Tony, you can do it," Gibbs agreed, "You've been working really hard in therapy."

"Push. Therapy's hard," Tony nodded and turned to McGee, "I have a bad side that doesn't work right. But I can go up the stairs now."

"That's great Tony," McGee smiled, "As soon as you finish your snack, we can leave okay?"

"Apples. Yep," Tony lifted another apple slice to his mouth with his good hand before looking back at the movie that was on the TV screen.

Following Gibbs towards the kitchen, McGee watched as Gibbs wrote something down on a notebook.

"He has to take this after lunch," Gibbs handed Tim an orange medication bottle, "He might not remember but just remind him about it and he should take it without a problem. And if you have any problems, just call me. I'll be running some errands but I'll have my phone."

"Okay Boss," McGee nodded, use to seeing Gibbs act this way when it concerned Tony, "But we'll be okay. Abby is meeting me at the pizza parlor."

"Oh and another thing," Gibbs said as he ran through his mental checklist, "Don't forget-"

"To cut his pizza. Don't worry Boss. It'll be okay."

Gibbs nodded and tried to calm his churning gut, "Alright."

* * *

Jethro padded into the living room quickly, only his well trimmed nails making noised as he crossed Tim's apartment.

Smelling Tim right behind the door with someone else, Jethro pawed happily at the door and jumped into Tim's arms when he finally opened the door.

"Hey Jeth," Tim smiled and gave his dog a quick head rub before commanding the dog to sit.

"Come on Tony, it's alright," Tim opened the door wider so Tony could make his way slowly into Tim's apartment.

"Stairs. Up. Dog!" Tony said that last part excitedly when he saw Jethro sitting at Tim's heel, "Dog. He's big Probie."

"Yeah," Tim said, waving Tony to move in closer, "But he's really nice." Tim knew it was smart to _not_ bmention how Jethro and he had met. If Tony didn't remember, Tim didn't see why he had to tell him about Jethro biting him.

"Brown. Does he lick too?" Tony asked as he shuffled closer, his good hand holding on desperately to his memory book.

"Yeah," McGee laughed, "Want to pet him?"

"Lick. Can I sit down?" Tony asked Tim hopefully. His legs hurt from walking and going up, up, up Probie's stairs. There were a lot of stairs.

"Sure," Tim showed Tony his couch and his friend sat down, "Tell him "Jethro, come" And he'll come right to you. Then tell him to sit."

Tony bit his lip, "Sit. Um, come Jethro." Tony glanced nervously at Tim, as if worried he had done something wrong.

Jethro padded over and sat comfortably in front of his master and Tony, his sensitive nose sniffing Tony's front shirt. If the small stains were anything to go by, Jethro was probably smelling Tony's snack and breakfast.

"Sit. Nice Jethro," Tony petted the top of the dog's head gently, "Nice. He's smelling me."

Tim laughed before standing suddenly to retrieve his cell phone that was ringing, "Hold on Tony, that might be work."

Tony flinched at the sudden ringing of the cell phone but instead of covering his ears, Tony bit his lip and kept petting Jethro on the head.

Probie might have to those things that made a lot of noise but Jethro was a good dog.

Even if his nose was sorta cold.

* * *

_I had a job before I got in my accident. I went to work with Boss. I worked for Boss and I worked with Abby, Probie, Ziva, Ducky, Jimmy and Kate when she was alive._

_Boss doesn't work though, because he's helping me get better and he says that it's going to take a long time to get better._

_I don't know if I'll work for Boss ever again though. I think that the work Boss does has to do a lot with remembering things and I'm not so good at that anymore._

_But I still want to work but I haven't told Boss cause I don't know what he's going to say._

_I'm going to get my dog soon. I don't know if he'll be a girl or if he'll be a boy dog and I don't know if he'll be big or small. I hope he's big so he can play with me like Sam did or like Jethro did why Probie talked in the other room. After Probie talked and talked I had to say goodbye to Jethro and I got to go eat pizza with Probie and Abby._

_I got to eat pizza with Probie and Abby. It was really fun. Probie had to help with the pizza but he didn't mind and I didn't get mad because if he didn't help with the pizza, I would have a hard time eating the pizza. And I really like the pizza. _

_I wish I could eat pizza with them ever day but Abby and Probie have to work like Boss use to work._

_But Boss still works but he works on different things. He works on his boat in the basement and he fixed the sink when it stopped working. _

_He even fixed the stairs cause they would squeak a lot and he made it to where they don't squeak anymore. _

_So even though Boss isn't at his job, he still works. But I don't._

_Boss says I work. He says I'm working on getting better but it doesn't feel like work. I remembered yesterday that my old job meant that I could sing and say stuff from movies. But I don't remember stuff people stay in movies unless I'm watching the movie. And I haven't tried to sing in a long time._

_But I don't work cause my hand is still bad and my leg doesn't always work right and sometimes my tongue says stuff I didn't want it to stay._

_But I'm getting a dog. And Probie has a job and a dog too._

_And maybe, if I get better enough, I can go to work after I get my dog._

_Because I use to work and I think I want to work again._

_And I'm getting my dog soon._


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry this wasn't up Friday. However, thank you to all those who reviewed. Soon I hope to start responding to them but the few moments of free time I have are occupied with writing but know that I am very much appreciative of all the alerts, reviews and favorites. And finally, this is the chapter were Tony gets a dog. I hope you like him.**

* * *

Chapter Eleven

_I'm not always good at remembering new names. I remember Boss' name because I knew him from before, but when someone first tells me their name, like my therapist or a person I meet, I have to write it down by a picture of them so I can look at it later. I have to look at the picture and the name a lot of times before I remember their names._

_And sometimes, when I get frustrated or nervous, I don't remember anything and then that gets me more frustrated and Boss has to calm me down so I can slow the thoughts in my brain and think about them one by one._

_When we got to the place which looked kinda like a house, there were dogs barking and at first, it scared me cause of all the noise. I used both hands to cover my ears cause my bad hand is getting a bit better and I can open it mostly now._

_Boss got scared that I was upset but I told him it was a lot of noise. He nodded and then a person came out to meet us but I don't remember her name. She was nice though, and took us through the doors and I couldn't hear the barking anymore so I put my hands down cause it was quiet there._

_She said she liked my helmet cause her favorite color was blue too._

_I smiled and let Boss walk first when we followed her because I didn't know what to say back to her._

_After that we waited in this room. Boss had to sign some stuff cause he said that all dogs needed to have stuff that said where their family was and who owned them and stuff like that and since he liked the dog that was hear, he wanted to fill it out for me because I don't like writing._

_Then the lady came back and she asked me what kinds of stuff I wanted to do with my dog even though I didn't have a dog yet. I told her I wanted one that barked and played and sniffed and that liked sleeping in my room but one that didn't chew on stuff because I don't think Boss would like that at all._

_The lady laughed at me but Boss touched my hand to tell me it wasn't the mean kind of laugh and I could tell because she was smiling._

_The lady and Boss talked and Boss told her that he was still interested in the one he saw and the lady said that she thought so too cause that's what she had been hoping for but I stopped listening after that cause I couldn't understand what Boss meant when he was saying those things. Boss isn't like me though, what he says he means and he doesn't say the wrong words but sometimes I still don't understand._

_I got really nervous then and Boss had to stop me cause I was pinching myself. _

_I don't mean to do it cause it hurts when I realize that I'm doing it. Boss says that my brain's just trying to calm down._

_But even after Boss talked to me, I couldn't stop my thoughts from going all fast and I couldn't get them to slow down._

_So Boss asked someone to wait, but I didn't want to wait cause I wanted to see my dog._

_So Boss got in front of me and grabbed my good hand. He put it on his chest and then put my bad hand on my chest. He said to follow his breathing._

_At first, it wasn't working but then I got the hang of it and slowly, the thoughts in my head slowed down and I was able to tell Boss that I was okay now._

_Boss smiled and went and told the lady that I was ready. _

_And then the lady went and got my dog._

* * *

Gibbs was holding his breath. Unbeknownst to Tony, Gibbs had spent almost two months calling up ever reputable breeder around the DC area, visiting their homes and looking for any dogs that they had available. He didn't want a puppy but instead he had been looking for a trained adult dog. The only free time away from Tony that he hadn't spent looking for a dog had been spent with his lawyer, making sure everything was in order now that Gibbs was legally Tony's guardian.

After two months searching, Gibbs had found a wonderful breeder, Marsha, who had had a trained dog in need of a good home.

And Gibbs was happy Tony was having a good day so far.

When they first arrived at the breeder's home, Marsha, had greeted them. After having a few words with Gibbs, Marsha had tried taking up a conversation with Tony, but he had been shy, more so than he usually was nowadays.

These days, Tony had an uncanny ability to get along with almost every kid he met. The same could not be said about women or adults in general. It pained Gibbs heart to see the usually confident man shy away from adults that he didn't know, often using Gibbs as his own shield. But Gibbs was trying to stop comparing Tony to the Tony he knew before the accident-they weren't two different people but the same person.

After Tony practically hid behind Gibbs, his face tucked in Gibbs' shoulder, Marsha had smiled and taken them a quiet meet room so Tony wouldn't be overwhelmed with the noise of the four other dogs she owned.

Marsha was almost all the way out of the room when Tony had a real meltdown. Though Gibbs didn't know for certain, he was more than positive it had to do with Tony being nervous about meeting his dog.

Calling out to Marsha to stall her, Gibbs really hoped that Tony could calm down. He didn't want today to be ruined in anyway.

"Come on Tony," Gibbs said, after a few calming techniques had already failed. This next one would be their last hope, "Breathe with me Tony. Follow me."

At first, Gibbs wasn't even sure Tony was listening to him. But he kept up the steady pace of breathing until finally, Tony seemed to be responding. Tony's breathing started slowly down until about a minute later, Tony was breathing perfectly in synch with the older man.

"You okay Tony?" Gibbs asked, taking Tony's helmet off so he could breathe easier.

After a few more controlled breaths, Tony nodded his head, "Dog. Blue. I'm okay now Boss." Tony looked up, reaching for his helmet.

Seeing that Tony was in fact calmed, Gibbs gave the younger man a smile before explaining to Marsha what had happened.

Marsha nodded her head in understanding before slipping out of the room quietly to go get Tony's new dog.

And Gibbs sat back in his seat and waited with Tony.

* * *

A few minutes later, Gibbs heard someone knock on the door. Gibbs stiffened out of habit, but quickly relaxed. Gibbs turned and made eye contact with Tony, leaning his head slightly, knowing Tony would understand.

"Polite. Come in," Tony said when he was ready.

Hearing the reply, the person on the other side slowly opened the door, revealing the dog that would hopefully come to be one of Tony's best friends.

When Gibbs had seen the dog the dog that first time about a week ago, he had been blown away by the beauty and dare he say, magnificence of the animal. He had even been more shocked when Marsha had informed him that said dog was one of the most laid back dogs she had ever breed. The problem was his age. Most people wanted puppies. Not large two and a half year old dogs.

The dog that was going to be Tony's was a large shorthaired German Shepherd. He was, according to Marsha, a bi-colored German Shepherd with a stock coat. Gibbs had picked this dog mainly because of his gentleness, but also because of how well Tim had been able to bond with his German Shepherd. He hoped Tony could have the same sort of bond.

After looking at the dog for a few seconds, Gibbs ripped his gaze away to look at Tony. He hoped that Tony wasn't disappointed. Tony had loved Casey's Labrador and this dog was much bigger and wider, and of course totally different, than Sam had been. But then, Tony had loved Jethro too.

But as soon as Gibbs saw his face, he knew that there wasn't a cell in Tony's body that was at all disappointed.

Tony hadn't moved from his seat but he had lifted his good hand as if he wanted to pet the large dog.

Marsha, who had been holding the dog on a loose leash, walked the shepherd over to where Tony was sitting.

The dog walked calmly over but Gibbs could tell the dog knew who his new owner was suppose to be.

"Black. Hi dog," Tony said quietly, lifting his hand and placing it on the dog's head. The German Shepherd pulled gently on the leash, wanting to get closer to Tony to sniff the new individual.

"Here Tony," Marsha spoke to Tony gently, like she had seen Gibbs do, "You'll have to hold his leash from now on."

Tony looked up at Marsha and then to the leash. As he accepted the leash, he looked as if the breeder had just given him the most precious jewels of England.

"Dog. He's mine?" Tony asked, his voice in awe of the dog, who he was now petting.

Gibbs smiled and he knew that he had picked the perfect dog for Tony, "Yep Tony, he's yours. If you want him."

"He's," Tony paused. His dog had started licking his bad hand gently, and Tony let him do it. He continued to scratch the dog's ears as he looked from the dog, to Gibbs then to Marsha, "Polite. Yes. I like him Boss."

Gibbs laughed, pleased with Tony's confirmation of his own thoughts, "I'm pretty sure he likes you too."

It was quiet for a moment after that before Tony shifted in his seat slightly. He looked at Gibbs and smiled, "Big. Black. Nice. What's his name?"

Gibbs let out a deep breath and smiled, "His name's Baron Tony."

"Baron," Tony said wistfully, looking at _his_ dog, "Black. Dog. I like that name."

Shortly after that, Marsha left the room, leaving Baron and Tony to become acquainted with one another.

And while he too wanted to go and pet Tony's new dog, Gibbs stayed in his seat.

He didn't want to ruin the moment.

* * *

_I met my dog today. His name is Baron. He really big and strong and he licked me all over when I started petting him after the nice lady brought him in. _

_He's really calm and he's got really nice dark brown eyes. He's all black like really really black except for his paws which are a yellow brown color. It's really cool to watch him move cause he's really dark and I told Boss that and he said that he thought so too._

_I like Baron already. He's really cool and after awhile of petting him, I took my helmet off and let him sniff it. He was really careful when he was sniffing, and I think that's because he already knows that I take good care of my helmet because it takes good care of my head._

_Baron knows tricks and the nice lady taught me words to say to make Baron do tricks._

_He knows how to lie down, stay, come, sit, give me his paw and bark. The nice lady said she taught him so he could find a good home like my home._

_After that, Boss met Baron. Baron sniffed Boss all over and Boss gave Baron a scratch on the ears._

_Baron liked that and wagged his tail and I'm glad that Baron likes Boss too. Boss said that Baron was big but I think Baron is a giant, but a gentle giant like that movie that came on the TV when I got sick._

_We stayed in that room for awhile until the nice lady took us to a room so that we could make sure that Baron was ours-mine and so that he had his papers with him if he ever got sick and had to go to the vet which is a doctor for animals._

_Then we went home. Baron gets to stay with me all the time now. He even sleeps with me and at first, I was worried he was going to hurt me when he jumped on the bed._

_But Baron is really careful when he jumped up. When he got on the bed, he moved really slow and laid down right by me. He sniffed my arm and leg braces but after that he put his head on my stomach and let me rub his ears and scratch his head. I rubbed his nose too and he liked that cause his tail was wagging like it did when we first met each other in the room._

_I think I love Baron. He's really cool and neat and I know he's going to be my friend because I can tell he's really smart._

_Even though I don't remember names really good, I know I won't forget Baron's. I know I won't ever forget Baron._

_I just can't wait till Abby and everyone else gets to meet him._

_Cause Baron is really cool and he's really gentle._

_And I know I love him. _


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: It's been a long week. I'm still not entirely sure where all the time has gone. However, thank you so much for all your kind words and alerts and favorites and everything else. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story. Here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy. **

* * *

Chapter Twelve

_When I was little, I wanted a dog. I wanted one but my mom didn't want one and after I asked, she got really mad till my dad came and told me I couldn't have one._

_I remembered I had a friend who lived by us. He had a dog but his dog was really small. He was white and brown and he moved really fast all the time but he always would fetch the sticks. My friend, I don't remember his name anymore, said that dogs are really smart, if you teach them._

_I remember telling my dad that, and my dad said yes but we didn't talk about it cause my mom didn't like dogs and because she stayed home a lot of the time, she got to decided. _

_But once, when we were going to my friend's house, my mom was driving and my friend's dog got out of the yard. I remember hearing a thump and I started crying cause I knew what had happened._

_My friend came out and cried to, and my mom got really angry at me and my friend. I remember cause that night, I got a whipped with a spoon cause my dad wasn't home. I remembered that my mom smelt awful, and I remembered it was because she drank too much that night._

_After that day, I never went to that friend's house again, even when he came and told me he got a new dog. And I never asked for a dog again._

_But I have Baron now. And I didn't have to ask anyone because I live with Boss and Boss likes dogs. _

_Baron is really smart, and I know he is because the nice lady taught Baron really good._

_Me and Boss went on a walk with Baron. Baron doesn't have a blue collar yet that has a tag with his name on it so people know he's my dog. Baron's really big so he walks on my good side and I hold the leash with my good hand and Baron walks just right with me- not too fast or not too slow. Boss says he walks really good because the nice lady, he calls her Marsha, taught him too._

_After I got the hang of walking with Baron, we got to go to a special store where you can take dogs. It has tons of toys and beds and stuff and Boss said he got most of the stuff but that I could pick out Baron's blue collar and his nametag which is sort of like my bracelet that lets people know who I am if I get lost but only Baron doesn't have to take any medicines because nothing's wrong with Baron._

_At the store we bought Baron three toys, a blue collar and a blue leash, a bed and a nametag._

_Baron is a good dog. And when we got back from the store, I took him outside and played fetch with him with the new ball I got at the store. _

_And Baron knew how to play fetch too._

* * *

"Blue. Baron needs a collar and a leash, right Boss," Tony said as he hurried into the pet store.

"Yeah Tony," Boss gently grabbed Tony's hand, "Slow down Tony. You're going to trip if you keep walking that fast."

"Slow. Sorry Boss," Tony smiled holding the plain leash that Marsha had given them when they had adopted Baron yesterday, "Blue. Can we get him a blue collar Boss? Like my room?"

"Yeah Tony," Gibbs set his hand on Tony's arm again. Tony was speeding up and at the rate he was going, he was going to fall if he didn't slow down. And even with his helmet on, Gibbs wanted to avoid any falls at all cost.

"Come here Tony," Gibbs tugged the younger man's shirt gently to earn his attention, "The stuff for dogs is over here. That's the cat stuff. We'll never find a collar for Baron there."

"Blue. Sorry Boss," Tony looked distastefully at the cat aisle, "Polite. I don't like cats, right Boss?"

Boss laughed at Tony's expression, "Don't think so Tony."

"Slow. Good," Tony walked down the aisle that had all sorts of collars and leashes and stuff for dogs, "Blue. Boss, there's lots of collar here."

"Yeah," Gibbs said before gently guiding Tony over to the section that had solid colors instead of print designs, "What about that blue right there Tony?"

Tony followed Gibbs' hand to where it was slowly taking the collar off the rack.

"Blue," Tony said and fingered the collar softly, "Collar. Do you like it Baron?"

Baron, who was currently sniffing the floor, didn't offer a reply so Tony took it as he didn't mind.

"Blue. Baron likes it Boss," Tony nodded and used his good hand, the one that didn't shake as much, to grab the matching leash so Baron would match, "Slow. Perfect Boss. Just like my room."

"Yep," Gibbs smiled and gently tugged Baron's leash to get the dog moving in the direction that they were walking in, "Come on Baron."

"Blue. Baron come!" Tony followed Gibbs' example and smiled when Baron listened and followed them.

"Polite. Boss, can Baron get some toys?" Tony asked, looking at all the different things to get a dog.

Laughing, Gibbs nodded, "But just a few."

"Few. Promise," Tony nodded and started to examine his choices.

But by the look on Tony's face, Gibbs knew the eager young man would have a very hard time keeping that promise.

* * *

"Look mom! That's a big doggie."

Gibbs turned around from where he was cleaning up Baron's accident. Tony was still looking at toys for his newly acquired dog only now his companion was looking at the toys with his owner.

"Honey, be careful," Gibbs finally spotted the mother and little boy who had just walked into the aisle. The mom had a small puppy in her arms and the little boy was straining against his mother's hold to get near the large German shepherd. The mother however, was paying the boy no mind and was instead reading the back of a "How to Book" for potty training.

"Is that your doggie mister?" the boy asked, not at all perturbed by the dog's size.

"Blue. Green. Slow. Polite," Tony rattled off before he looked around and found the person who asked the question, "Slow. Who's mister?"

The boy cocked his head before looking back at his mom who was still reading. Finding no help from her, he continued, "That's you. I'm suppose to call grown-ups mister."

"Blue. Polite," Tony looked down at the much smaller boy, a puzzled expression on his face, "But I'm not a grown-up. I'm Tony."

"My name is Gabriel," the black hair boy responded. By now, Gibbs had disposed of the soiled paper towels and had placed a comforting hand on Tony's bad arm.

"Name," Tony said slowly, drawing at the word before looking down at his dog, "Tony. I have a dog. His name is Baron."

Gabriel nodded happily, "I have a puppy too! His name is Copper cause he's a beagle and they're hound dogs."

"Name. Copper," Tony looked at the puppy in the woman's hands but made sure not to look the lady in the face. He wasn't talking to her so he didn't have to look at her, "Polite. Like the movie?"

Gabriel nodded, "From _Fox in the Hound._ I have another dog, only he looks like you dog. His name is Todd, like the fox."

"Movie. Name," Tony nodded excitedly, "I like that movie."

"Me too!" Gabriel smiled but then turned his head again, "Tony, you say a lot of extra words."

Biting his lip at the statement, Tony turned his head to Gibbs anxiously. Movies were fun to talk about but he didn't want to talk about this.

"Blue. Words. I hurt my head," Tony finally said when Gibbs smiled encouragingly at him. If Gibbs was smiling then everything should be okay.

"Oh," Gabriel said, "Is that why your dad makes you wear a helmet now?"

"Okay. Blue," Tony bit his lips again to get his mouth to work right, "Yes."

"I have a helmet that's blue too!" Gabriel replied before his mom took Gabriel's hand, "But my mom never-"

Finally catching wind of her son's new friends, Gabriel's mother took one look at Gibbs and Tony, her eyes lingering on Tony's helmet a bit too long for Gibbs' liking. Seeing her eye widen in understanding, the woman's face showed slight terror as she pulled her son away from Tony, "Come on honey, let's leave the man alone."

"But his name is Tony!" Gabriel said as his mom drug him away, "And he likes _Fox and the Hound_ too!"

"That's nice Gabe," the mom said before hurrying down the aisle to another part of the store, casting a look back at Tony as if he would follow them.

"Polite. Hurry," Tony mumbled before calling out, "Bye Gabriel!"

"Bye Tony!" Gabriel said before he completely disappeared.

Biting his lip before looking down at Baron, Tony shrugged his shoulders, "Polite. Maybe his mom was scared of Baron. Maybe Boss?"

Gibbs shook his head to get rid of the anger he felt at the woman's rudeness, "Maybe Tony. Or maybe she was scared of me."

Tony's frowned disappeared and instead was replaced by the smile that Gibbs enjoyed seeing on his young ward's face so much, "Smile. That's funny. You're not scary Boss. You smile all the time at me."

Smiling at how simple it was for Tony sometimes, Gibbs tugged on Tony's arm gently, "Come on Tony. Let's go home."

"Stairs. Baron, let's go home!" Tony told his dog excitedly.

"Slow down Tony," Gibbs laughed when Tony hurried towards the exit, "We have to pay for this stuff first."

* * *

"Stairs. And in case you forgot Baron, this is my room," Tony walked Baron through the whole house, making sure Baron knew where Tony's room, the kitchen, and the door to the back door was, just in case. Baron minded the leash the whole time, only getting excited when Tony took him outside to play fetch in the back yard.

"Blue. Ready Baron?" Tony said, holding the ball with his good hand. After Baron sat down, his tail wagging like crazy, Tony, who was sitting on the bench in the backyard, threw the ball and let out a loud, "Fetch!"

Baron did just that, bringing back the ball and holding it in his mouth till Tony lowered his hand, "Good boy!" Tony said before throwing the ball once again.

At first, Tony hadn't liked touching the slobbery ball but after one game with Baron, fetching had become both dog and master's favorite thing to do.

After ten or so minutes of playing, Gibbs called both into the kitchen. It was time for dinner.

"Are they coming over tomorrow to meet him Boss?" Tony asked excitedly. Baron was by the fridge, laying one of the beds that Tony had laid out for him. He was resting and even Tony's excited talk didn't seem to rouse him, although judging by the way Baron's ears twitched every time Tony spoke, Gibbs knew Baron was still keeping tabs on their conversation.

"Yeah Tony, after work," Gibbs answered as he set down their dinners, "They all can't wait to see him."

"Baron. I can't wait to see them!" Tony smiled. He hadn't seen any of his friends in awhile and he missed them a lot.

"Me either," Gibbs chuckled at Tony's excitement, "Now settle down and let's start eating. The movie starts soon."

Tony nodded and dug in, excited about tomorrows events.

* * *

_Baron likes my house. When we got back from the place that Baron was from, I had to take Baron all around the house, so he knew where everything was. I did it again when we got back from the store just in case Baron had forgotten because he hasn't been with us long and I didn't want him to get lost and if he's like me, it takes him a long time to remember anything new because he might not remember much the first time._

_Then we got to play in the backyard and Baron loves playing fetch. He gets really excited but he doesn't jump on me like Sam did and he moves a lot faster than Jethro did because he's not as old as Probie's dog._

_Tomorrow, everyone is coming over to see my new dog._

_I'm really excited because I want to see them and I want them to meet Baron. He's part of the family now and they need to meet him._

_Baron likes watching movies even though he got up and used the doggie door to go outside during part of Unusual Suspects. But that's okay because I'm pretty sure he had to use the bathroom._

_He came back though, really quick and sat up. He put his chin on my leg and I rubbed and scratched his ears. He watched the movie but I don't think he liked Kevin Spacey who plays a guy named Roger Kint._

_After that, it was late and I was tired but Boss helped me up the stairs but Baron went outside cause I think he had to go to the bathroom. Then, when it was time to change into night clothes and I was all changed by the time I heard Baron's nametag go clink clink as he went up the stair. Baron can go up the stairs a lot quicker and can even go faster than Boss can._

_Boss helped me put my braces on and then I took my medicines._

_And then I tapped the bed and Baron hopped up on my bed and sniffed around for a bit. I have a pretty big bed and Baron laid down next to me and snuggled after he was done sniffing. I thought that was funny and scratched his ears._

_I told him he was a good boy and that I loved him._

_And then he licked my hand and I know that's how he says I love you back to me._

_I couldn't wait till everyone meets him tomorrow._


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed, alerted and favorited and to those who read. It is greatly appreciated. School is almost over (final week is upon me) and as soon as its over, I hope to respond to all your wonder reviews! This chapter, well. It is a wee bit sad and unlike this chapter, where I currently am, we have not had rain for a very long time. Like, none with whole year. -is depressed- This is wishful thinking. And did you guys see BALTIMORE? I seriously counted down the day. It was awesome. But in typical NCIS fashion, they answered questions and made sure to give us more questions. But we have two new rules. I will not say anymore though, for those who haven't seen it.**

**And now, on with the story.**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

_Abby really liked Baron. And Ducky, Jimmy, Ziva and Probie liked him too. But I think Abby really liked him because she got all happy when she saw him and gave me a hug that would have knocked me over if I hadn't been sitting on the couch._

_I got scared cause I didn't expect her to do that and I jumped and tried to move away but Baron barked and I look to see why he barked and I was okay after that._

_Abby thought she hurt me and I think she was about to cry but I told her I was okay and then I showed her some of the tricks Baron does._

_Then Probie petted Baron later, because Abby was with Boss and Ducky and Ziva in the kitchen. He said that Baron was bigger than Jethro and that he had more black on him._

_Probie showed me a picture of Jethro because I didn't remember how he looked like at the moment. Baron does look bigger but Jethro is still a nice dog like Baron. They're both really nice dogs._

_After that, we were going to go outside and eat but I heard thunder and we looked up and clouds were starting to cover the blue sky._

_I played fetch with Baron because I'm suppose to walk and play fetch with him every day but then we had to go inside because it started sprinkling which is not the same as raining but sometimes, sprinkling is a warning that rain is coming._

_We went inside really quick and Boss gave me a towel. I cleaned my helmet to make sure the water didn't mess it up and then I made sure Baron was clean. Then, right when we put all the wet stuff away, the thunder got really loud and it started raining really hard._

_I went to the window to watch it come down._

_I love the rain._

* * *

"Got to run to the lawyer's really quick Duck," Gibbs said, donning his jacket and rain coat, "Hate to drive in this weather but I have to sign that last referral by Tony's neurologist."

"That's fine Jethro, we have no intention of going anywhere soon," Ducky said, gesturing towards Abby, Jimmy, Ziva, and McGee who were entranced in one of the movies Gibbs had bought Tony, "And Tony, and Baron seem to be enjoying watching the rain," Ducky smiled as both dog and master watched the rain just as intently as the others were watching the movie.

"I'll be back in a ten minutes. Lawyer's meeting me at the corner coffee shop," Gibbs smiled at his family, "If Tony asks, make sure you tell him I went to the small one on the corner. He's not really good with names but he'll know which one I'm talking about."

"Alright Jethro," Ducky said, "Now hurry up before these weather conditions worsen."

Gibbs gave his friend a small smile and a nod, before going outside and hopping into his truck.

And while Ducky had great confidence in Gibbs' driving ability, he nonetheless sent up a small prayer for Gibbs' safe return.

* * *

"Stairs. Where's Boss?" Tony walked in, Baron by his side, "Is he with his boat? Cause I looked everywhere else and not even Baron can find him."

Ducky glanced up from the book he was reading, "Oh Tony, I didn't know you were looking for him. He went to the store. He told me to tell you that he went to the small one on the corner. He should be back very soon."

Tony glanced at the door, as if willing Gibbs to walk through it, "Store. Blue. But he um, does he-" Tony paused, looked out the window. It was still raining, big heavy droplets that fell from the sky, making a sort of popping noise when they hit the window.

"Does he know what my dear boy?" Ducky asked, standing and walking towards Tony, "What is the matter?"

"Rain. I don't know," Tony said, the pitch of his voice rising as his anxiety rose. But at what exactly, Ducky had no idea.

"Do you not know what Boss is talking about?" Ducky interjected. Jethro was always so much more better at guessing what was usually bothering the young man before him.

Tony shook his head, "Blue. Gone. No, but, it's raining. Really bad and Boss isn't," Tony paused and his hand started pinching his side. Ducky made a move to stop it before Tony hurt himself. Laying a gentle hand on Tony's forearm, Ducky smiled at Tony.

Tony glanced down and realizing what he had been doing, apologized, "Out. Truck. Sorry, I didn't mean-but I just-I-Why isn't Boss back yet?"

Not only had Tony's pitched raised, but his volume had as well and Ducky could hear the DVD being paused and four footfalls walking towards the front room.

"Boss will be back soon Tony," Ducky reassured, watching as Baron once again stopped Tony's self-harming behavior, "It's just taking him awhile to drive through the rain. The rain can be difficult when you drive and he has to be very careful-"

"No!" Tony shook his head, still glancing outside, "Drive. The rain-it isn't-it isn't bad. Something else…"

"Tony, what's wrong?" Abby stepped forward, laying a hand on Tony's shoulder, "Boss just went to the store, he'll be back."

"Blue. Blue. Dark. I know!" Tony said rather loudly. He was becoming frustrated. Why couldn't his mouth say the things he wanted it to say?

"Then what's wrong Tony?" Abby tried calming Tony down. It wasn't good for Tony's still healing brain to be objected to periods of high stress. Tony's stress increased his heart rate, which increased his blood pressure, acting against Tony's high-blood pressure medication.

"Water. Run. The rain Abby, what if Gibbs doesn't know that the rain's not bad?" Tony asked, quiet now, but the same sense of urgency still in his voice. He used his bad hand to rub his face. His brain was moving too fast. He had to slow it down but he didn't know how and Boss wasn't here…Where was Boss?

"I'm sure Boss knows that Tony, but when's it's raining, you have to be extra careful," Abby said, rubbing Tony's arm

"Fast. Fast. Slow. But who taught him to drive?" Tony asked, becoming more frustrated. This is not what he wanted to say. Feeling his legs shake, Tony sat down because he didn't want to fall, "I don't think anyone taught him how to drive in the rain. It's different Abby, but a lot of people don't know. What if Boss-" but Tony didn't finish his thought. His voice cracked and he closed his eyes. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them.

Abby stayed silent, because at the moment, she didn't fully understand what Tony was talking about. So instead, she just took Tony in her arms, holding him. She vaguely felt Baron sniff at Tony but other than that, the dog stayed nearby, not knowing what was going on.

It was an utter relief to everyone when a few minutes later, Gibbs walked through the door carrying a small bag of Tony's favorite cookies. Seeing the scene before him, Gibbs set the bag down quickly and walked over and took charge of the situation, relieving Abby of her duties.

"Hey Tony," Gibbs said quietly as he bent down and brushed his hands through Tony's hair, knowing his touch would get Tony's attention, "You okay?"

Tony's eyes were firmly shut but upon hearing Boss' touch and hearing him, his eyes opened quicker than a jack coming out of the box, "Slow. Boss! You-" But Tony stopped when he looked at scene before him. He, Gibbs and Abby were on the floor. It was dark outside and it was raining.

"No!" Tony said, moving away from Gibbs quickly, hitting his back against the wall. He looked around frantically, but his eyes were unseeing of the house and family surrounding him.

"Dark. Rain. She," Tony started but went to pull his hair, his hand being stopped by the helmet he was still wearing, "Rain. Rain. Rain. She's gone Boss. I don't, it's raining! We looked. I can't find anything in the dark! You, you can't leave. He's out there Boss! He'll hurt you!"

"Tony," Gibbs approached the scared man slowly, "Tony, no one's going to hurt me. I'm fine see? And you're fine. Everyone's okay Tony."

The last comment made Tony groan as he shook his head, "No no no Boss," Tony cried, "Rain. She-she-"

"Who Tony?" Gibbs asked. Tony was confused, but at the moment, Gibbs didn't understand what Tony was trying to tell him. Or what exactly, if anything, was Tony remembering?

"Dark. Rain. Kate, Boss," Tony whispered, his tears just as big and falling just as fast as the rain, "She's dead Boss. She died."

The room was silent after that, everyone except Tony, who was breathing heavily, held their breath. Even Gibbs didn't know what to say for a moment.

"Awh kid," Gibbs sighed and closed the gap between them. He had hoped silently that Tony would never remember how Kate died and in all actuality, he wasn't sure even now Tony remembered the whole extent of Kate's death.

He knew he would never tell him, partly because he didn't want Tony to start having nightmares like he did in the days after Kate's death, and also because the doctors had recommended that Tony be told little of his life before the accident. Instead, the doctors said that it would be better for Tony to gain those memories back as his brain healed.

Gibbs hugged Tony as he sobbed. Baron started whining at seeing Tony in such distress, and he kept trying to get to Tony, which was a pretty difficult thing to do considering Tony was backed into a corner and Gibbs was shielding Tony with his body.

After a few minutes of pacing, Baron finally used his bulk to push Gibbs aside and reach his master. The dog started licking Tony's face, offering his comfort as he wiped Tony's tears away.

Tony looked up from where he had buried his head in Gibbs shoulder and looked at Baron. He used his bad arm to hug the dog closer, and Baron complied, stopping his licking and instead resting his chin on Tony's shoulder.

They three of them stayed that way for a few minutes before Tony sighed, emotionally and physically exhausted.

"Is he okay Gibbs?" Ziva, Abby and everyone else asked at the same time.

"He's worn out," Gibbs answered. Tony's head was resting against his own shoulder, "He's asleep."

More tears fell from Abby's eyes. Her own waterworks had started almost right after Tony's had and now, realizing that her friend cried himself to sleep, she began to cry all over again.

McGee wrapped his arm around her, giving her a comforting hug, and she hugged him desperately for a few minutes before regaining her composure.

"Do you need help getting him upstairs?" McGee and Jimmy both offered their help in getting a completely wiped out DiNozzo up the stairs.

"No," Gibbs shook his head. Had it been before Tony was injured, his answer would have been different. But that was then and this was now, "I got it."

Gibbs shifted his hold on Tony, before lifting with his knees and standing with Tony in his arms. He walked slowly up the stairs, Baron following closing behind him.

Gibbs got Tony settled in bed, putting him into his night clothes, taking off his helmet and putting on his arm and leg braces. He woke Tony up gently, watching as Tony took his night medication half-asleep, before he fully tucked Tony underneath the covers.

All this was done under Baron's watchful eye and when Gibbs was done, Baron stepped forward and settled next to Tony on the bed, laying his jaw by Tony's hip.

"Take care of him boy," Gibbs whispered, before leaving the room. He would help the gang get to their respectable rides before allowing Ducky to break open the bourbon.

He hadn't drunk a single drop since Tony had woken up fully from his coma but he knew he was going to need it tonight.

* * *

_I got confused the other night. I scared everyone because everyone was at our house, meeting Baron._

_It was raining outside and Boss had left and he came back and he was all wet. Abby was with me too, and I didn't understand why she looked so scared._

_I told Boss the next day what I remembered a bit. I told him that it had been raining close to when Kate died and that I had been looking for something in the rain even though it was bad because I could have gotten sick really easily. _

_I told Boss that I wanted to know what I was looking for, but he wouldn't tell me. He said I'd have to remember, that he didn't want to say anything till I remembered more._

_After I got confused that night, I woke up the next morning and it was still raining. I got out of bed and I got ready. Baron stayed on my bed but when I was done, he jumped off too. Then me and him went to my window and we watched the rain fall down. Since I was on the top floor, I could hear the noise the rain made when it hit the roof._

_Baron sat with me and didn't move. He's really good at sitting and letting me pet him. Sometimes he'll start licking my hand and I use my bad hand to scratch him, so my bad hand can get better._

_Boss came up after I was up and said good morning. That's when I told him what I remembered. After that, I petted Baron and we walked down the stairs. Boss let Baron outside to use the restroom and Baron got wet, but Boss had a towel ready and when Baron came back inside, I cleaned him and brushed him._

_We ate breakfast and I took my medicines but it was still raining so Boss asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I said yes and finished my food before going to the living room._

_When I sat down, Boss sat next to me and squeezed my shoulder to get my attention. Sometimes I daydream and I don't play attention so Boss will do that, or tap me on the shoulder, so he can make sure I'm listening._

_He smiled and then asked me what I meant when I told Abby the other night._

_I didn't understand what he meant but then he told me that I told Abby about driving in the rain before he got home. After that, I remembered what I had said to Abby and Ducky and I thought for a second before I tried to explain it to Boss._

_I told him that when I was little, someone taught me to drive in the rain. We lived some place where it rained a lot and one day this person, who I told him had a deep rumbling voice, taught me how to drive in the rain._

_I told him it was different, because the rain was nice to look at but you had to treat it differently when you drove or you could get hurt. You had to treat it like a person, but you had to make sure that you weren't mad at the rain. _

_The rain didn't do anything bad or good, it just was there. It was someone else on the road and you had to make sure that you knew that or you would get hurt._

_I told him that's what the person told me but I told him that the person wasn't talking all about the rain when he said that. He was talking about other things and that he told me other secrets._

_But I didn't remember the whole memory yet and I couldn't tell Boss everything. _

_Boss said that was fine. He said that someone taught him that too when he learned to drive. I asked him who and he said his dad._

_I think my dad taught me how to drive in the rain. But I can't remember my dad that well yet. I know he's not dead like my mom and I remember other stuff about him, but I haven't seen him at all._

_After we talked, Boss put on the movie. We watched and laughed and it was a good day._

_But now I don't think Kate got really sick._

_I think she got hurt, but I'm not sure. _

_But I had a nightmare of _boom _and _red.

Boom.

_I wished I would just remember._


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: Whew. Long week. Last final tonight but I did get a chance to read all your wonderful reviews and see last night's NCIS episode. Was anyone else scrambling for tissues? Once again, thank you all for your kind words and reviews. Next chapter will be up much sooner, considering its the summer! :D**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

_Baron can't come with me to see my doctors and therapist cause only special kind of dogs can go in the hospital. So Baron got to stay at home but that was okay because Baron likes playing in the yard with one of the yellow tennis balls that we play fetch with. He likes chewing on it too but I think his favorite thing to do is play catch with me because he'll play catch for so long my good arm gets tired through the ball for him._

_First we went to Brad's and he made sure that nothing was wrong with my lungs. He asked if my throat was feeling funny and it wasn't but he only asked because Boss wanted to make sure that I was allergic to Baron because they didn't want me to get sick. But I don't think I'm allergic to Baron or Jethro cause my throat doesn't feel scratchy at all and I told him that. _

_After that, we went to the doctor who makes sure my head is okay. His name is Dr. Clarke but he reminds me of Superman once cause Superman's human name was Clark. He was really happy that I could move my hand around a lot more._

_I had to go in this machine, it's called a CAT scan, and it takes pictures of my head. Clarke said that he would call Boss and me to let me know how the pictures look. The reason they still have to take pictures of my brain is because Boss told me that my brain swelled so much they had to take out a big piece of my skull so that my brain wouldn't be squished inside my head. That's why my head has a dent and why I still have to wear my helmet._

_After the doctors, we went somewhere else to my therapy. My OT was happy to see me because Boss said it's hard not to be happy to see someone who always smiles even though I don't think I'm always smiling . _

_After that I had to write a lot of stuff but my good hand is stronger now and hardly shakes when I write, only when I get frustrated or try to hurry. My handwriting's not that good though but Boss laughed when I said that and he said that my handwriting was never good._

_We went to my other therapy which is PT. There, I had to throw a ball and catch it in a glove with my bad hand._

_I could throw really good because I do that with Baron all the time, but I couldn't catch the ball at all. I kept dropping it and I would get frustrated. I couldn't catch the ball at all._

_And I didn't want to play anymore._

* * *

Gibbs watched as Tony huffed in frustration. While Tony could throw pretty good, his left hand just wasn't cooperating with him. No matter how hard he tried, Tony just couldn't get his left hand to close quick and hard enough to keep the ball in the glove.

"Alright Tony, try catching the ball and then rotating your hand around so it the ball stays in the glove," the PT said in an encouraging tone.

Tony tried not to glare at his PT. He knew that he knew how to play baseball but not matter what he did, he couldn't get anything to work for him they way he wanted it to.

The PT threw the ball again and when Tony once again failed to catch it, he reached down and picked it up. As soon as Gibbs saw Tony's expression, he could tell that the boy had reached his limit.

Instead of a sort of lob that he had been using to through the ball back to the PT, Tony used all his strength and launched the ball across the room, the soft baseball making a loud _thwack_ against the glass window. The throw caused him to reel back some but thankfully, Gibbs realized, the chair that Tony had been sitting on did not shift.

Gibbs turned to Tony, a bit surprised, but not totally shocked, to see that he was crying. Before the accident, Gibbs had never seen his agent cry but ever since Tony had woken up, he seemed to cry more frequently. While Gibbs liked the fact that Tony actually showed what he was feeling, he wished that Tony…

"I can-can't," Tony cried. He was incredibly frustrated and sad at the same time and now, his speech was becoming more impaired, adding to the young man's frustration.

"Tony, calm down. It's okay, we can work on something else," the PT was kind with his patient. While Gibbs remembered his own PT having a "no nonsense" attitude when he himself did PT after being hurt, this PT knew that yelling and being gruff wouldn't help Tony-especially when he was in this state.

"I walk...want to pay...play…homeba-BASEBALL!" Tony yelled. He glanced at Gibbs, letting his anger and hurt be known, and was in the process of taking off his glove when Gibbs placed a gentle hand on Tony's arm.

"Hey Tony, how about we take a break?" The PT suggested taking off his own glove, "Would you like some water?"

"Broke. Blue. Water please," Tony said taking deep breaths to compose himself. Being frustrated didn't help at all.

"Hey Tony, you okay?" Gibbs asked knowing that the question was stupid. Tony wasn't okay. If he was okay, he wouldn't even have to be here.

"Ball. Broke. No," Tony used his good hand to wipe the tears from his face, "I'm broke Boss. I don't work right anymore."

"Tony," Gibbs said, taking Tony's face so the younger man would make eye contact with him, "You listening Tony?"

"Broke. Yes," Tony nodded as much as he could, worrying his lip.

"There's nothing wrong with you Tony," Gibbs moved one of his hands to rub soothing circles onto Tony's back, "You aren't broke Tony. You play fetch with Baron and you watch movies with me and you get to go eat pizza with Probie and Abby. You got hurt Tony and its okay if you can't catch the baseball. It will give us something to work on."

Tony stopped biting his lip and looked down at his hands as they played with the hem of his shirt. Finally after slowing his thoughts down, he looked back up at Boss.

"Ball. You think," Tony sighed and pulled on Gibbs' sleeve gently, "Fetch. You think Baron can help me play catch?"

Gibbs smiled and squeezed Tony's good hand reassuringly, "I think that's a very good idea."

* * *

"Boss?" Tony asked as he threw the ball across the yard, to Gibbs' waiting glove.

"Yeah Tony?" Gibbs asked, snatching the ball out of the air before flipping it to his right hand and throwing it back.

Baron, who had been standing at Tony's right, jumped in the air and caught the ball and danced around Tony for a few seconds before nudging the ball into Tony's waiting left hand and holding his position till Tony's gloved left hand closed around it.

Tony threw the ball back to Gibbs before continuing the conversation, "Fetch. Ball. Did I play baseball before?"

"Before what Tony," Gibbs fielded the ball and threw it back.

"Hurt. Blue. Before I hurt my head and got a bad side," Tony said, concentrating on closing his left hand before leaning slightly to his left as that leg tired more quickly than his good leg.

Seeing that Tony had tired, Gibbs walked over as he took off his glove.

"I think so," Gibbs said as he and Tony sat on the bench in the backyard, "You played lots of sports when you where in college. You might have played baseball."

"Good. Ball. Did I play sports when I was…" Tony trailed off, trying to find the right word, "shorter?"

Gibbs laughed at the question, knowing that Tony probably meant younger, "I think so. You played sports all your life."

There was a moment of silence, the cool of the evening settling over them. Gibbs watched as Tony played with Baron's ears subconsciously. The dog didn't seem to mind and Gibbs knew that this subconscious behavior was much better than the self-harming behavior Tony use to do before.

"Stop. Small. But not now huh?" Tony whispered suddenly, breaking the stillness of the evening.

Gibbs sighed quietly, before giving Tony a one arm hug, "That looked like pretty good baseball playing if you ask me."

Tony smiled his lop-sided smile at Gibbs and leaned into the hug.

"Hurt. Blue. I'm gonna get better," Tony nodded, using his good hand to rub his helmet, "No more Blue helmet Boss. And I'm gonna work so that my band hand isn't so bad anymore."

"Sounds like a plan Tony," Gibbs smiled at the determination of his ex-Senior Field Agent. Gibbs was thrilled to see that Tony hadn't lost his determination, "But it's going to be hard."

Tony chewed his lip in thought before responding, "Boss?"

"Yeah Tony?" Gibbs answered, turning slightly so he was looking directly at DiNozzo.

"Um. Blue. Stairs," Tony bit his bottom lip a little bit harder and glanced around, avoiding eye contact with Gibbs.

"What is it Tony?" Gibbs asked, squeezing Tony's shoulder ever so slightly to bring the young man's focus back towards him.

"Blue. You won't uh-won't get mad if I ask a question right Boss?" Tony asked, his stutter showing just how nervous Tony was about verbalizing whatever was on his mind.

"No Tony, I won't get mad, I promise," Gibbs reassured, trying to run through the list of things that had happened recently, hoping to guess what was on Tony's mind.

"Or sad?" Tony asked, cringing slightly.

"I can't promise that one," Gibbs sighed, "But I promise I won't stay sad long."

Apparently, the answer had been good enough for Tony because he fidgeted and stopped petting Baron, his hands clasping together before moving to his sides before coming together again.

Gibbs could tell that Tony was nervous but for the life of him, he couldn't think of anything that would grant this nervousness.

"When," Tony paused and breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down and focus on only say the right words, "I-uh-I know you don't like teaching-um-telling me about before but I-uh," Tony squinted, as if a bright light was shining in this eyes, "I-I-uh…"

He trailed off and didn't say anything for awhile. Upon seeing this, Gibbs reached up and squeezed Tony's shoulder again, hoping to get Tony to focus once more on the conversation.

"Tony?" Gibbs spoke quietly, not wanting to scare him. Even Baron, who had placed his chin on Tony's knee, had moved to lick Tony's hand in an effort to bring him back.

Tony focused really hard to say the right words and not the wrong ones.

"Did Kate catch the stuff I had that made me sick?" Tony asked quickly and quite loudly, slightly surprisingly the former Marine. Baron, who nuzzled Tony's hand, didn't seem fazed by the outburst at all.

"I," Gibbs tried to answer but really, out of all the things Gibbs was expecting, this had certainly not been one of them, "Tony…"

Gibbs trailed off, still finding it hard to process any words. Then, every so quietly, Tony shifted, focused on Gibbs and finished asking his question, "Blue. Did she die cause she got sick from me?"

* * *

_Today I got to play catch with Boss. Boss and even Baron can play catch really good._

_Catch is different than playing fetch but I don't think Baron minded when we played both because I think that Baron just likes playing with his ball._

_But after we played catch for awhile, I finally asked Boss what I really wanted to know._

_Because I remember being in the scary ugly blue room and I remember I couldn't breathe. It hurt to cough but I remember Kate was there and she stayed all night and she would keep telling me to cough even though it hurt really bad._

_But she told me I had to cough because when I got sick, bad stuff went into my lungs and I had to cough it out. Even if it hurt._

_But then after that, I don't remember Kate anymore. And I remember that the sickness that I caught was a really bad one and that it use to kill everyone that caught it even though it didn't kill me. But just because it didn't kill me didn't mean that Kate lived if she caught the same thing._

_But Boss told me that Kate didn't catch what I got. That that's why I was in the blue room- that the doctors had to make sure no one caught what I had and even though I really didn't like the scary blue room, it was good that I was in there because it helped me breathe._

_But Kate didn't catch the sickness from me but I know she still died after I got sick._

_I want to remember but I don't think I'll ask anymore questions for awhile because when I asked about Kate, Boss told me she didn't get sick and then he went down the basement stairs._

_And since I don't go down there, I couldn't follow him to see if he was sad._

_But other than that, I got to play catch with Baron and Boss._

_But that night there was _boom_ and _red_ again when I fell asleep so I'm not gonna ask anymore. _


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thanks to all who review. I'm just getting around to responding to all them. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story. And next chapter should be up Wednesday, after the season finale of NCIS. :) Hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

_Today isn't a very good day. I woke up cause Baron kept moving and hitting me and now Baron keeps pushing his nose in my chest and it hurts and I really don't feel very good._

_Boss is going to come up soon cause I'm awake and he'll know that it's a bad day because I'm still in bed and I haven't even changed or anything. I'm still in my sleep clothes and I don't know if Baron's left my room all night cause sometimes he goes outside using the doggie door and he does his business out there. He had some accidents when we first got him but Boss showed him where to go and he doesn't go in the house anymore._

_But Baron is still in my room causes he's making a loud noise and he keeps pushing me with his nose even though that's not very nice because if he keeps pushing, I could fall off the bed which isn't very good cause I don't have my blue helmet on and I'm so tired that I can't get up and grab it._

_Something smells funny though and my stomach's making that weird feeling but Baron keeps pushing me with his nose and huffing and making a loud loud noise even though I'm telling him to leave me alone._

_And my head hurts and I think Baron's barking now and he won't stop._

_I wonder where Boss it._

* * *

After Tony's questions, Gibbs had worked on his boat all night. He had come up a few hours after he had originally gone down and had helped Tony up the stairs and had helped get Tony settled for bed. Then he had given Baron his dinner, apologizing to the dog for making him wait so long for his food.

Then he had turned on the monitor in Tony's room so that he could hear Tony while he was downstairs working on his boat.

Having Tony remember more and more about his life before the accident was both a blessing and a curse.

A blessing because the more Tony remembered, the better he seemed to become. Although Gibbs had no illusions of Tony ever returning to work, the more Tony seem to understand the world around him the happier it made Gibbs feel that the man he loved as a son could have the best life possible.

But at the same time, Gibbs knew that it could be hurtful and dangerous as Tony remembered more about his life before living with Gibbs. Tony had been a Special Agent and before that, a police officer.

He had had many friends die in the line of duty and on top of that, he had probably seen some of the worse sides of humanity. To have Tony remember those sorts of things would be…

Gibbs just didn't want Tony to remember how Kate died. Having to see someone die that way, to have your friend's blood sprayed in your face, had almost been too much for Tony to handle then.

And now…

Gibbs looked at the shell of the boat in front of him. He had only just started working on the boat again. Those first couple of months had passed in a blur of doctors and scans and numbers and even now, a lot of that time seemed more like a dream than an actual event in his life.

If Ducky hadn't been there every step of the way, explaining all the crap that the doctors just assumed he understood, Gibbs would have probably lost his mind.

Walking towards the tool bench, Gibbs reached for the bottle of bourbon but decided against it before he had even grabbed his cup.

There was a time he could drink. But thinking that it was a drunk driver that had hurt Tony made Gibbs' gut churned and he reached for the next tool he would need.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Gibbs jolted up, realizing he had once again fallen asleep underneath the skeleton of the boat.

Rubbing his eyes, Gibbs tried to determine first, what time was it and second, who the hell was making all that noise?

Glancing at his wristwatch, Gibbs was surprised when he was that it was 0400. Rubbing his face and wishing for a big cup of coffee, Gibbs tried to complete his second goal.

"Baron," Gibbs grumbled when another series of whines and angry mumbles came out of Tony's monitor, "You stupid dog why'd you wake him up?" Gibbs hurried up the stairs, his knees protesting the quick movements.

He was in the kitchen when Baron started barking loudly.

"Baron!" Gibbs said, walking into Tony's room. But Baron paid him no heed, instead the dog continued barking, the intensity rising as Gibbs got closer to Tony.

Baron was on top of Tony, his large paws positioned on each side on Tony's lax body. Baron was barking frantically and nosing Tony's bad arm and chest.

"Baron," Gibbs grabbed Baron's collar and dragged the dog off of Tony's bed, "Out!"

"'oss?" Tony asked quietly, the dazed look in his eyes showing he didn't entirely know what was going on.

"Hey Tony, you're alright," Gibbs brushed Tony's sweaty hair away from his forehead. Using his body, Gibbs blocked Baron when the large dog tried to push his way towards Tony, "Baron just wanted you to wake up is all."

"'oss," Tony sighed, closing and opened his eyes, "Don't 'eel s'good."

"Tony," Gibbs started but jumped in shocked when Tony started seizing. As Tony's body contracted and jerked, Baron whined and paced behind Gibbs as Gibbs worked to make sure Tony didn't fall off the bed or hit his head against the headboard. Using some of Tony's extra pillows, Gibbs placed them in-between Tony's head and anything that he might hit his head against.

Glancing at the clock on Tony's wall, Gibbs made sure to keep track of the time.

Sure enough four minutes later, four long agonizing minutes later, Tony's body slowly stilled.

Gibbs let out a big breath in relief, glad that the episode was over.

Making sure that Tony hadn't thrown up anything that would impede his ability to breathe, Gibbs gently rolled Tony into the recovery position.

Knowing that it would take Tony anywhere from thirty seconds to two minutes to regain consciousness, Gibbs sat down gently beside Tony, brushing his fingers through Tony's sweaty hair.

Baron, who had remained in the room through the whole event, padded up to Tony's face and sniffed it carefully. Before Gibbs could reach over and remove Baron from Tony's face, the large dog began to lick Tony's face.

"Baron," Gibbs rebuked the German Shepherd but the dark sable dog just paused momentarily before he started to lick and nose Tony with more fervor, whining and crying when it took Tony awhile to respond to Baron's licking.

"S'og?" Tony's eyes opened to half-mast, looking at Gibbs with the glazed look that he always had after a seizure, "S'k?"

"Hey Tony," Gibbs smiled at the younger man but made no move to get up or reposition Tony, "You had a seizure but you're okay. We're in your bedroom."

"S'kay," Tony mumbled as he blinked ever so slowly, "Blue."

"Yeah Tony, everything's alright," Gibbs replied, making sure to keep his tone calm and reassuring, "Let's say you take a quick bath then we can go back to bed?"

"'ired 'oss," Tony nodded but made no move to help Gibbs as the Senior Agent gently lifted the younger man's body. Walking into the modified bathroom, Gibbs placed Tony gently in the shower chair that one of the physical therapist had given them back when standing up for short periods of time had been difficult for Tony.

"Yeah I know buddy," Gibbs removed Tony's braces and gently stretched the hand and foot before taking off Tony's clothes, "But just a quick bath to get all the sweat and Baron's licks off you."

Truth be told, sweat and Baron's saliva weren't the only bodily fluids on Tony but Gibbs didn't think anything good would come of telling Tony that right now.

"S'old," Tony shivered and rubbed his face with his good hand as he tried to flex his bad hand, "Hurss."

"I know it hurts Tony," Gibbs grabbed the movable spray nozzle and waited for the water to warm up before washing Tony's hair and body, "But after some sleep you'll feel better. I promise."

"'ired," Tony nodded and he slowly fell asleep in the rather comfortable shower chair.

Gibbs let him fall asleep, not minding washing Tony's hair as the young man slept.

Rinsing Tony off one more time, Gibbs grabbed a towel and made quick work of drying Tony off. Tony woke up somewhat when Gibbs was dressing him but Tony didn't seem to mind when Gibbs placed him in his big overstuffed recliner while he changed the sheets on Tony's bed.

Putting on the spare comforter, Gibbs folded it back and placed Tony onto his bed before covering him back up. Tony was shivering slightly and Gibbs made a mental note to turn off Tony's fan before he left the room. While Tony normally wasn't cold all the time, Tony did have a harder time staying warm- something Gibbs attributed to the loss of muscle tone and extra fat that had left Tony since he had woken up from his coma.

Looking at Tony's tightly curled left hand, Gibbs went back to Tony's restroom and grabbed the two braces before putting them back on, having to carefully wrestle the appendages into the hard plastic. Glad that Tony was getting his much need rest, Gibbs turned off the light but not before he turned on Tony's night light.

"Good night Tony," Gibbs ran a gentle hand through Tony's hair and watched as Baron jumped onto the bed and snuggled up next to Tony, having watched the proceedings from afar, "Night Baron."

The big dog, who seemed to be back to his calm and quiet self now that Tony was sleeping peacefully, gave a huff in response before he too quickly dropped off into sleep.

Gibbs sighed and glanced at the clock. It was 0530 already and Gibbs was normally up at this time.

Knowing he wouldn't get anymore sleep today, Gibbs walked down the steps and started a pot of coffee.

He would have to wake Tony up to take his medications at 0800 but other than that, he would let Tony sleep most of the day.

Glancing at the calendar, Gibbs shook his head and opened his phone before closing it, remembering the time. It seemed McGee and Abby wouldn't be able to take Tony and Baron to the pet store today after all. He would call them when he woke Tony up.

* * *

_I think Boss came in my room._

_But I was really tired and my body ached all over. That means I had a seizure but I don't think I had an accident because I don't feel wet down there._

_Baron was there too cause he was licking me and putting his nose on my chest._

_But it didn't hurt._

_Boss helped me change cause I was sweaty and I think I took a shower but I was really tired and I know Boss doesn't mind if I sleep._

_And I still don't feel good. Not sick sick just really tired._

_So I'm going to sleep now because Boss is here and Baron is sleeping too._

_And sometimes, when I sleep, I wake up and I don't hurt anymore._


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews and words and alerts and even to those who lurk. :) And who else saw the season finale? I spent the whole hour hoping everyone would live so I had to go back and watch it again to actually enjoy the episode. It was a good one and now we have to wait till September. **

**Anyway, hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Next one should be up in a few days. **

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

_I'm having more seizures._

_I mean, even though I don't remember having more, Boss tells me I am and I know he's right because Boss doesn't like me to go anywhere by myself for a long time just in case so I don't get to go outside a lot._

_I take Baron for a walk like always but we can't go to the store where Baron can go anymore because last time we went, Baron made a big mess there right before I had my seizure on the ground. When I woke up, Baron was there and Boss was too and someone had called the ambulance people because they were there too but they only stayed to make sure I was okay. I was okay but I had another seizure that night right after my shower. Boss was there because Baron put big deep scratches in the door because he wasn't in the bathroom with me when I had my seizure. _

_But Probie is coming over today and he isn't afraid if I have a seizure. Boss said I had a lot in the hospital before they figured out which pills worked the best and Probie knows what to do if I have one because him, Boss, Ducky, and Jimmy learned what to do after I got hurt. _

_I don't like having seizures though. Even though I don't remember shaking like Boss says I do, I know when I have had one cause my body feels funny and sometimes I have a bruise or a cut in my mouth. That or I have an accident but I don't like talking about that very much._

_Probie and Abby are coming over though cause Boss has to go to work. Not work like in our house but work like his real job, where Abby and everyone else works. His phone made noises and he got really mad the other day but he didn't throw his phone at the wall like I wanted him too. He just made the noises stop and then he called Probie and Abby to come because he found out he had to go to work really quick._

_Boss doesn't work right now cause I'm still getting better but I hope I get better soon because if I don't, then Boss will never be able to go back to work. And that'll be a big bummer because even though I'm hurt I would still like to go to work and Boss isn't even hurt. Nothing's wrong with him but he's not at work because he stays home with me and helps me make food and watch the TV with me._

_He also helps me when we walk Baron cause sometimes Baron moves really fast or something like that and I let go of the leash or it come out of my hand which isn't good._

_But Baron wears this cool thing on his nose that makes sure he doesn't pull so if he does accidentally pull once, I don't fall. That and Boss spends lots of time teaching him how to behave and Boss is even teaching him more tricks. Boss is a really good teacher._

_But Baron is going to stay with me and Probie and Abby when they get here and even though we won't get to go on a walk like normal, Boss said he would be back pretty soon._

_I hope Probie can make pizza when he gets here. That sounds really good right now._

* * *

"Call me if you need anything Abs," Gibbs grabbed a light jacket, mindful of the breeze outside. Summer was slowly leaving the DC area and autumn had begun to take its hold on the large city.

"We will Gibbs," Abby kissed his check and smiled sadly, "Wish we could all go with you Bossman."

Gibbs sighed and ran his fingers through his short cropped hair before answering, "Me too Abby."

"Tony," McGee laughed from where he had gone to say hello to his friend, "You can't eat pizza every time I come to visit."

"Blue. Yes," Tony smiled as he slowly followed McGee into the kitchen, "Pizza. You can make it right Probie?"

Gibbs smiled when the younger man eventually succumbed to Tony's innocent demands.

"Alright Tony," Gibbs said, reaching over and giving Tony a quick hug, "I'll be right back. You ask Abby or Probie if you need anything alright?"

"Pizza. Yep," Tony bit his lip, a sure sign he was trying to hold in "bad words" as he called them, "Work. Back soon?"

"I'll be back before your movie's over, I promise," Gibbs ruffled the younger man's hair affectionately, smiling when Tony let out a small giggle and huff in annoyance.

"Soon. Kay Boss," Tony shuffled past and went to go sit down to watch his movie.

Gibbs watched him go before turning to Abby, "One more thing. Make sure to keep an eye on Baron."

"He won't hurt Tony, right Boss?" Tim asked, already taking a step towards the living room, where Baron and Tony were undoubtedly curled up on the couch.

"No," Gibbs shook his head. For being such a large dog, Gibbs had yet to see Baron physically aggressive with anyone, "But if he starts acting funny, then get Tony comfortable. Baron normal starts acting…hinky before Tony's seizures."

Abby and Tim's eyes widen in amazement, "Really?"

Seeing their looks, Gibbs nodded slowly, "Yeah."

When he failed to see why Abby and McGee were making a big deal out it, he continued, "Remind him about using the restroom- sometimes he forgets when he's watching a movie. And no matter what he says, I don't let him eat two bags of popcorn."

"Alright Boss," Tim smiled, knowing that even now Tony could probably convince them of that very thing, "We'll be here."

* * *

"Tony?" Abby asked as she looked into the living room, "You ready for some pizza?"

"Huh?" Tony asked, turning to look at Abby. His eyes were wet and he used his good hand to wipe the unshed tears away, "Sad. Sorry. Yes, I'm hungry."

"Tony what's wrong?" Abby said, her voice filled with worry. She sat down on the couch, careful not to squish Baron. She pulled Tony into a tender huge, squeezing him only a fraction of what her bear hugs could be. The kind of bear hugs that she use to give Tony.

"Are you sad that Gibbs isn't here?" Abby asked again when Tony just buried his face into her shoulder.

"Sad. No," Tony shook his head, his voice muffled by her shirt, "Sad. Cry. Movie."

"The movie made you sad?" Abby asked, a part of her relieved that Tony was upset about something as simple as a movie. She had nieces and nephews. She could handle this.

"Dead. The dog dies," Tony reached over and played with Baron's ears. Baron huffed good naturedly and crawled forward, hoping Tony would start rubbing his belly too, "Baron. I don't like the movie."

"What movie did you see?" Abby asked, rubbing Tony's back until he pulled away.

"Dog. Marley and Me," Tony looked at the credits as they rolled by, "Dog. He looked like Sam."

Not really knowing who this Sam was, Abby just smiled before walking over to grab a Kleenex for Tony to blow his nose.

"Here. This is much better than you sleeve," Abby extended the square piece of cellucotton to her friend.

"Blow. Thank you," Tony took the tissue even though he still used his sleeve. Snuffling one more time, Tony looked at the Kleenex before actually blowing into the tissue, "Thank you Abby."

"No problem Tony," Abby smiled and using another tissue, took Tony's used one, "How about we eat some dinner? McGee ordered pizza."

"Baron. Pizza?" Tony said hopefully. Normally he could smell it but his nose will still all stuffy, "Pepperoni?"

"And sausage and extra cheese," Abby nodded, her hand reaching out when Tony stood rather shakily. But she knew how much Tony liked do things for himself and instead her hand hovered in the air as Tony found his balanced and started his shuffle walk towards the kitchen.

"Yum," Tony smiled at her, "Food. I love pizza Abby."

"I know," Abby replied and smiling even if her eyes were welling up with tears. It was stupid really. She was crying because she missed Tony but Tony was right in front of her. He just-he would never be the same. He was her little brother now, no longer the protective older brother. And sometimes, it hurt to think of Tony, the old Tony.

Looking at her, Tony must have caught her expression because he stopped and turned around, opening his arms and squeezing her as best he could, even if one arm didn't always work right.

"Cry. It's okay Abby," Tony said, his voice filling with tears too even though Abby knew Tony wasn't crying for the same reason she was crying.

"Dog. They get another dog in the end so it doesn't end really sad," Tony nodded as he looked down on her. He was standing taller lately, using his full height even if he was still shaky.

That was good. Abby hated seeing Tony hunched over.

"Thanks Tony," Abby returned the hug and stayed that way for a few moments. That was one thing that hadn't change. Tony still knew how to give awesome hugs.

* * *

Tony hummed along with the beginnings of the next movie. Abby got to pick and they were all watching it until Probie's phone started to make those noises that Boss didn't like.

Then Probie went into the kitchen only he talked really quietly into the phone, which wasn't like Boss at all. Boss talked loud and he yelled and it scared Tony sometimes but Tony was pretty sure Boss only yelled like that when he was scared too.

"Noise. Abby?" Tony asked, playing with a loose strand on his long sleeve t-shirt. His shirt was blue with green on it and Tony hoped the string didn't fall off or then his whole shirt would fall apart and then what would Tony wear when he got cold?

"Yeah Tony?" Abby said, snuggling closer to one of her best friends, "Are you cold?"

"Cold. Um, a little," Tony waited until Abby was done spreading the blanket on him till he opened his mouth to keep talking.

What was he going to tell her again?

"Phone. Where's Probie?" Tony remembered and watched when Baron got off the couch.

But instead of going outside like he sometimes did he nosed Tony in the leg.

"Outside. No Baron. I don't wanna play," Tony said right before Probie walked back in and his eyes were worried.

"Movie. We can start it over so you can see it?" Tony asked when Baron put his front paws on the couch and nosed Tony's arm, "No. Outside. I don't wanna play Baron."

But Baron was persistent.

"Abby," Tony whined when Baron wouldn't leave him alone. Hoping that Abby could get Baron to stop. But Abby wasn't paying attention.

"Come on Tony," Abby said from where she stood. When had she stood up? Wasn't she lying down with him? Tony frowned but Abby started talking really hurriedly anyway, "We're going to go for a ride. Do you want to see where we work? We get to go see that right now."

"No. Baron. I don't wanna go," Tony said, shrugging Abby's hand off his arm, "Home. I'm tired. I wanna stay here with Baron."

When Tony shrugged off Abby's arm again, Tim took the young goth's place, "Hey Tony. What if Baron came on the ride too? You think he would like that?"

Tony bit his lip and looked at Baron who kept nosing his arm. Did Baron want to go on a car ride?

"Ride. But, but Boss said he'd be back here," Tony looked hopefully toward the door, as if saying Boss' name would make him walk through it, "I..I-"

"Boss is where we're going," Probie smiled at him but Tony could tell Probie really want him to go even though Tony didn't know why.

"Go. Really?" Tony asked uncertainly. Probie was his friend and he wouldn't lie to him, Tony knew that, "Promise?"

"Promise," McGee said as he breathed a sigh of relief. They needed to get back to NCIS fast. A bomb had exploded in another area of the Navy Yard- something having to do with the current case that another team was investigating, and Vance had called all hands on deck. No excuses.

And since McGee had no idea where Gibbs was, nor did he want to incur his wrath and have his Boss skin him alive for leaving Tony with someone else, taking Tony with them had been the only solution he could think of. Besides, Gibbs would call him back. And everyone would be happy to know that Tony was safe in NCIS headquarters.

"Come on then," Tim smiled and helped Tony stand up. Abby had been grabbing anything that Tony would need while they were gone- a change of clothes just in case, all his medication etc- and was already waiting for him by the door with Baron's leash.

Tim clipped Baron to the end of the leash even though he didn't really need to. The dog was circling around Tony and letting out small huffs like he was sneezing. Tim figured that Baron just got excited when they went for car rides.

"Ride. Baron has a seat belt too," Tony mumbled before looking at Tim's car, "No. No Probie. No car. Truck. I go in the truck."

"I know Tony," McGee showed Tony the keys in his hand, "That's why we're going in the truck see?"

McGee was glad Gibbs had the sense of mind to leave the truck and take his Challenger instead.

Tony took a big shaky breath before nodding. Everything was happening really fast and he didn't like it one bit. Boss said when things were fast he was suppose to slow them down but he kept trying. Abby and Probie though kept wanting to go fast. Didn't they know it was bad when things went fast?

But they kept looking at him and he bit his lip, having a bad feeling in his chest by his heart.

"Okay," Tony said and tried to smile even though it didn't feel right when he tried.

* * *

_I don't feel very good but Probie and Abby have to go on a car ride. _

_Baron's with me though even though he keeps bugging me. I think he wants to play but we can't play in the truck cause I'm in a seat belt and he's a seat belt too, that makes sure he doesn't get hurt if we get…_

_There were lots of ambulances when we pulled up to this scary looking place but Probie knew where we were going cause the voice at the scary place talked to him even though I don't know what he said._

_But we parked in a big echo place, a parking garage Abby said it was called, and Probie had to go running somewhere but me and Abby and Baron, who still wants to play, got to walk really slowly and we went to where Abby works._

_But I still don't feel good and Baron keeps huffing at me._


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: Ah, I did not intend to make you wait so long. I have close friends who live in Joplin MO so the last past few days have been filled with helping and praying for them and all those who have been affected by the tornadoes. Next chapter will be up by Saturday and once again, thank you so much for your support. I'm so glad everyone is enjoying this story. **

**One last quick note, towards the middle of the chapter is a flashback. It will be in italics.**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen

_Boss works here. When we were in the place, its called a lab, that Abby works Boss walked in and even though he yelled a bit I think he was scared cause he walked over and hugged me really tight and asked if I was okay a couple times._

_I told him yeah but that Baron was acting funny but I don't think he heard cause his phone started ringing and he was yelling again even though I don't like yelling. Something bad happened at Boss' work which was why we came I think but I can't figure out why it was so bad. _

_My head was hurting but I think that was because Boss yelled and Baron was pacing cause I don't think he liked being in a new place cause I didn't even like being in a new place but Boss gave me a pat on the shoulder and then left really fast._

_Abby said that it was an emergency sort of like when I have a seizure but different._

_Abby showed me a small little TV and she put on a Magnum PI episode and since I didn't remember it, me and Baron laid down on the little bed she had and we watched it, even though I didn't feel very well._

_Baron started whining a lot but I don't think Abby could hear him cause she was working really hard and the door was closed. Abby said she had a lot of important stuff to do and that was probably true cause even Probie hadn't been to see me or Jimmy or even Ducky. _

_And Boss was really busy._

_But then Baron was barking really loud and I tried to tell him to shush cause the sound hurt my head but by then, I couldn't really talk right. And something smelled funny._

* * *

Gibbs glared at Vance, even though he knew it wasn't this man's fault that some nut job had decided to put a bomb into a shipment that had somehow gotten into the Navy Yard.

Which had in turn had gotten onto a boat.

At least the casualties were minimal. Only ten injured although for a few minutes, everyone had feared the worse.

"Tony's downstairs."

Vance did a slight double take from where he was looking at the footage.

"What?" Leon asked, looking at Gibbs, "I thought, I thought you said he was at home."

"He was. With McGee and Abby."

"God Gibbs," the Director rubbed his head in frustration, "If I had known that was who you had with him, I wouldn't have called them in."

Gibbs glared at Leon but his gazed softened when he saw that the Director was sincere.

"I figured you had an aid, someone else to watch him especially with your leave ending soon," Vance turned completely towards Gibbs, "Are you planning to leave him at a day center?"

The mere mention of the place made Gibbs gut churn. He knew there were wonderful places out there for people who needed a bit of supervising.

He just never thought that Tony would ever…

Gibbs let out a breath of aggravation. Not directed at Vance or Tony or anyone.

But at the situation.

Because as much as Gibbs would love to stay with Tony all day, he knew it wasn't his time. McGee and Ziva still needed him.

And Gibbs just wasn't ready to retire.

And he feared that if was the only one taking care of Tony every day, one day he would regret not ever finding help.

"I don't know Leon," Gibbs ran his fingers through his hair before he settled the gray strands of hair back down, "I didn't want to think about it."

"No to a day center though?" Vance asked a few seconds later.

"No," Gibbs had his reasons, as weird as they might be but just couldn't.

"And I know you would have him with you here but you know that's unpractical right?"

"And not fair to Tony," Gibbs agreed.

"When this mess is over," Vance gestured towards the TV screen, "I will make a few phone calls. Might give you another option."

"Director," Gibbs turned towards the man but stopped when his phone rang.

"Gibbs," Gibbs spoke tersely into the mouth piece. Vance saw Gibbs' shoulder straighten and his eyes widen, "Call an ambulance. I'll be right there."

"Gibbs?" Vance asked, standing as Gibbs practically bolted out of the room.

"Tony's been seizing on and off for the past six minutes," Gibbs yelled back before taking the stairs down towards Abby's lab.

* * *

"Gibbs Gibbs," Abby was crying when Gibbs finally ran into the room, "He started and Baron was barking and I ran in and I did what McGee said to do and I made sure his head wasn't hitting anything and he was on my futon so I waited and kept watch on the time like I was suppose to and right around then McGee walked in with Ziva but Ziva went to go get Ducky and McGee went to the front to meet the ambulance but Gibbs he-"

While Gibbs wanted to comfort her, she wasn't his main priority right now.

"Baron sit," Gibbs commanded the dog and the dog did even though he still tried to lick Tony's face as Tony seized. Gibbs grabbed the large German Shepherd collar, not even caring how McGee had managed to lie the dog's way into NCIS headquarters, and attended to Tony.

Tony had taken his seizure medication. Normally, his seizures lasted around two to four minutes but this…

Tony body suddenly stop convulsing and Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe…

"He's does that," Abby said, and Gibbs turned around to see her crying in the doorway, "But he'll start again soon."

Sure enough, as if her words had power, Tony's bad arm tensed and seconds later his whole body followed suit.

"Jethro, how long has he been seizing?" Ducky asked as he hurried in. He had his medical bag with him and was dressed in surgical scrubs. It seemed that Ziva had interrupted Ducky while he was autopsying a body.

"On and off for?" Gibbs turned to Abby.

"Eight minutes now," Abby whispered.

Ducky opened his bag digging through it as he continued talking, "Has the ambulance been called?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said, his hands clenching because he knew he couldn't do a single thing to help Ducky.

Gibbs could see that Ducky was reaming calm but it was merely a façade, "Jethro, I can't do anything until they start an IV. He needs a bolus of dextrose and an anticonvulsant."

"Ducky," Gibbs practically yelled but Ducky knew. Gibbs was scared. As they all were.

Minutes…Hours…however long it took for them to get there, when the EMT's finally arrived, they were prepared. Thankfully, they had been close thanks to the explosion that had caused the chaos that had brought them all here.

The EMTs listen to Ducky as he quickly explained the situation before they waited for those few seconds that Tony's body stilled. When it did, the older of the two EMT's inserted an IV into Tony's hand, taping it down carefully to make sure it would withstand another seizure.

"Start the dextrose and thiamine," the EMT pushed the bolus into the line, "Doctor, Special Agent McGee mentioned you had," the EMT paused.

"Tony," Abby inserted Tony's name.

"Tony's medication? He's epileptic correct?" the EMT took the medication and measure out the correct amount before pushing the medication into the line.

"Yes. TBI caused," Ducky said as the EMT's moved Tony's convulsing body onto the stretcher.

"Should he stop by now?" Abby asked what everyone else was still too shocked to say.

"We'll know more once the ER docs look at him," the EMT helped his buddy push Tony back towards the elevator.

"If that's his seizure alert dog then he needs to stay," the EMT said when he caught sight of the large German Shepherd who was still barking and whining, though he remained sitting.

"I have got him Boss," Ziva said quietly, clipping the leash onto the dog's collar, "Go."

Gibbs didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

Gibbs paced the halls of the ICU wing, resisting the urge to punch the walls and pull his grey hair off his head.

Tony had continued to seize for just under forty five minutes before they had finally gotten him to stop.

Now Tony was undergoing so many tests to see if anything had caused this- anything besides the fact that he already had a neurological disorder.

"Special Agent Gibbs?" Tony's neurologist, Dr. Clarke finally walked into the ICU waiting room, "Can you come with me please?"

"How's Tony?" Gibbs hurried towards the man, "Is he-"

"Tony's condition is stable," Dr. Clarke said as he and Gibbs made their way down one of the ICU hallways, "Tony suffered from a condition that's called convulsive status epilepticus. Basically, Tony's brain was in the state of a persistent seizure. As you know, Tony's seizure lasted about forty five minutes.

"Because of the length of his seizure, we had to administer general anesthesia to stop Tony's convulsions," Dr. Clarke stopped in front of what Gibbs assumed was Tony's room, "He's intubated and deeply sedated Gibbs."

Gibbs teeth clenched and he knew when this was over, he was going to have to find someone to spar with him.

Suddenly realizing that most of the time it had been Tony that had let him work out his anger and blow some steam made Gibbs want to cry.

"A coma?" Gibbs breathed. Not again, oh please not again…he couldn't…

"A medically induced coma," Dr. Clarke answered being sure to make the distinction very clear to Gibbs', "Tony's only unconscious because we administered the anesthesia. That's the _only_ reason."

Gibbs shook his head as he opened the door. Suddenly he was hit with memories from the last time Tony was here.

* * *

"_He should be better by now Duck," Gibbs said, Tony's lax hand in his own. The sedation had been stopped and the doctors had told Ducky and Gibbs that it usually took about an hour or two for the sedatives to completely leave Tony's system._

_That had been almost twenty four hours ago._

"_Jethro," Ducky said, his own hand resting on Tony's leg, "Tony suffered a quite severe traumatic brain injury. No matter how much you want him too, Anthony will just not be able to walk out of here in a day or two. Injuries such as these cause months, sometimes years, to fully recover from. And even then, the Tony who wakes up might not be the same Tony you've come to know and love."_

"_He'll be okay Duck," Gibbs said, stubborn in his own beliefs, "He doesn't have my permission to be anything else."_

_Ducky sighed, hoping that Gibbs wouldn't be disappointed when Tony started to slowly awaken. Unlike the movies that young Anthony loved so much, patients who had been in a coma severe as this did not simple "wake up" in the blink of an eye. In fact, the process of waking up was often over the course of a few months as the patient's score slowly rose on the Glasgow Coma Scale._

_At this moment, Tony was at a very solid 3, being on the very low side of the scale. In simple terms, Tony was still in a coma, and would be until Tony reached at least a score of 9. _

"_Come on Tony," Gibbs pleaded with his second again, "Just squeeze my hand if you hear me kid. Just one squeeze."_

_Gibbs watched, hoping…_

_But when no movement was forthcoming, Gibbs sighed but didn't let go of Tony's hand. He would be here, waiting, when Tony was ready._

* * *

"Hey there's that smile," Gibbs said as he gently rubbed Tony's chest again to rouse his sleeping ward, "What's up kid?"

It had been almost two days since Tony had come in and had to be put in a medical induced coma because of the seizure activity in his brain. Now that Tony's EEG had normalized, he was slowly waking up though the doctors had warned Gibbs that Tony would still be exhausted and would need lots of sleep.

Tony smiled at Gibbs. His throat hurt sorta and he still felt weird but Boss was here and even though Tony was scared, he knew Boss wouldn't let him get hurt.

"'oss," Tony whispered, swallowing and frowning when his throat hurt even more. Was he sick? Blue lights?

"Hey Tony," Gibbs smiled and squeezed Tony's good hand watching the effect it had on Tony, who blinked slowly up at him and smiled. His bad leg and hand were still in the wrist-hand orthosis as well as his ankle-foot orthosis.

"Hospal?" Tony asked looking around. He had been taken off the ventilator yesterday and he had been transferred to the neurology wing of the hospital later that day. It didn't surprise Gibbs that Tony didn't remember if because the younger man had been on some heavy duty stuff when he had first come around.

"Yeah," Gibbs reached over and grabbed a cup of ice chips for Tony when he saw that Tony kept trying to swallow and wet his lips with his tongue, "Want some ice chips?"

"Cream?" Tony asked hopefully, looking at the small cup Gibbs held in his hand.

Gibbs let out a small laugh when he saw Tony's hopeful expression. Tony hadn't lost his sweet tooth, that much Gibbs was certain of, "No Tony. But when we leave I'll get you some ice cream. Right now you can only have some ice chips. Like a popsicle."

"Kay," Tony smiled and nodded as he accepted the spoonful of ice chips that Gibbs gave him. He opened his mouth once more and Gibbs scooped in another spoonful before he smacked his lips together, thankful for the moisture. He blinked once and Gibbs could see the effects of the drugs as they pulled him back under again, "Ni' 'oss."

Gibbs sighed inwardly, wishing Tony could stay awake longer but knew the rest was necessary. Besides, it was hard to be sad about anything when Tony smile, "Goodnight Tony."

* * *

_I got to get ice cream after I left the hospital. This time Probie, Ziva and even Abby were there too. Boss was there and he got vanilla and I got chocolate._

_But we didn't stay at the ice cream place very long because I was still really tired because I have to take a different pill now to keep the shakes away._

_The other pill makes me sleepy a lot more but I don't mind. Being sleepy is okay because if I didn't take the pill then I would have seizures and I know those scare Boss and everyone else a lot._

_I don't like being in a hospital. It isn't like at home and I can't watch movies when I want to because the nurses come in and always check stuff cause I had stuff that kept track of my brain waves and my heart to make sure I was okay when I go home._

_I got to see Baron at the hospital. Abby took Baron to get a test and I think he pasted cause he got to come in even though he had to wear a blue vest that said seizure alert and I got scared at first cause I thought that meant Baron had seizures too but Abby said that Baron made sure to tell someone when __**I**__ had a seizure._

_Boss says he gets to come everywhere with me now even though he didn't come to the ice cream place because he was at home because I was going home because I was tired._

_So I'm going home and Abby and Ziva and Probie are going to work and Boss is going tomorrow cause I get to stay with Ducky at my home._

_I wonder what Boss is gonna do if Probie or Ducky have to work too._


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: Really quick, I would like to say a BIG thank you to all those who are alerting and reviewing and such. I hope you all like the solution Vance and Gibbs agree on. :)**

* * *

Chapter Eighteen

_I feel a lot better now. I have seizures still but they aren't bad at all and I had to go back to the Dr. Clarke's office but everything must be okay cause they didn't make me take another one._

_Which is good cause the medicine I'm on now doesn't make me as sleepy as it use too when I first started taking it which is good because I can watch a movie with Boss without falling asleep._

_Boss had to go somewhere today even though it was a Saturday which means that Probie, Ziva, and Abby and Ducky and Jimmy didn't have to work but Boss said he had to go to work even though he didn't have to work._

_Or something like that._

_So Boss left but Baron is here and Ziva is playing with something on the TV and Probie helping her too cause I think Baron knocked something over and the TV shut off for a bit but I know Probie will fix it. It's what he does._

_Jimmy's here too and he's pretty cool. He has to take medicine everyday like me but he didn't hurt his head. Some other part of his body doesn't work right and he takes medicine so he can eat food and not get sick._

_I'm glad I don't have what he has cause he has to take shots and I only have to take pills which is a lot better than shots because I really hate shots._

_But I started getting really tired even though I didn't want too sleep and Ducky and Probie helped me up the stairs and I said goodbye to everyone but Ducky and Probie cause everyone else would be gone when I woke up._

_But I couldn't fall asleep now that I was laying down so Ducky got a book and started reading to me._

_It was about these six people and they were part of a really cool team. My favorite character is Tommy cause he sounds pretty cool._

_Baron came up too to sleep and he laid down with me and he fell asleep too. _

_And I'm tired now too._

* * *

"Thanks for coming down Gibbs," Vance said as he set down the paperwork he was working on and placed it in a drawer behind him. Watching as Gibbs sat down in front of him, Leon smiled to himself. There was a time the almost ornery Senior Agent wouldn't have even relaxed enough to sit down.

"What you got for me Leon?" Gibbs said, adjusting the neck of his hoddie. The first cold wave had hit the D.C area and it was chilly out there. Which was one of the reason's Tony hadn't left the house in quite some time.

Tony liked staying inside, curled up with Baron as they watched a movie or a TV show. When he had left, Tony had been nice and warm on the couch, watching TV. If Gibbs knew his young charge, and he did, Tony would probably be taking a nap by the time he got back home.

Which would hopefully be soon.

"Another option," Vance said extending two files towards Gibbs, "For you and Tony."

"What are these?" Gibbs asked as he opened each file, "Navy corpsmen?"

"Both honorably discharged," Vance answered, "And both willing to act as an aid for Tony."

"Another option huh?" Gibbs opened each file, impressed by what he saw in each.

"I know how you feel about when one of your people is hurt," Vance spoke, knowing to choose his words carefully. He hadn't made it to Director of a Federal Organization by being stupid, "And I figured you would like a bodyguard and nurse all rolled into one. Even though I know you would rather have Tony with you."

"Hmm," Gibbs hummed as he thought it over. Part of the settlement with the car company whose car Tony had been driving had entailed a fund to pay for a nursing facility or a home nurse aid. But up until now, Gibbs hadn't even touched the money, "How did you even find these two?"

Vance smiled, knowing that Gibbs had accepted the idea. But they weren't home free yet. Hopefully at least one of the two men would work out and considering one had spent his whole deployment with an "eccentric" Gunnery Sergeant, Vance could only hope.

"So," Vance said, ignoring Gibbs question only because he knew Gibbs didn't really expect an answer, "They're both expecting a call from you in the near future. Your leave is over in two weeks? Should give you enough time to find pick and have one of them settled in?"

It was said like a statement but Gibbs knew that Vance was asking just as much as he was telling.

"Should be," Gibbs said looking through each dossier once more, "I'll take care of it."

"I know," Vance nodded and watched as Gibbs left his office.

Leon sighed and grabbed the last set of cases that had been completed this week. After he looked over these, he would follow Gibbs' example and head home to his family.

* * *

Five minutes into the first interview, Gibbs knew they were going to have a problem.

"Acho!" Navy Corpsman Larry Sullivan, "Um. I think I'm allergic to your dog."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow in confirmation, "I think that's gonna be a problem."

Gibbs let the Corpsman go a few minutes later when he had pretty much confirmed that Sullivan was indeed allergic to Baron.

And since Gibbs had no intention of getting rid of Tony's friend and now seizure alert dog, Gibbs let the man go with a thank you, something the Navy man knew meant a lot.

The next, and the last, man that was on the list was a man by the name of Elijah Brooks.

The first time Gibbs had read the young man's file, he had marvel, momentarily anyway, at the Brooks' profile.

Standing at 6'7" and weighing just over 300 pounds did a lot to show just how…massive this corpsman would be.

"Door. Probie?" Tony asked, rubbing his eyes as he looked hopefully at the door. Gibbs assumed that Tony had heard the door closing as he had woken up from his nap in the living room.

"No," Gibbs said and stood when Tony looked at Gibbs with _that _face.

"What's wrong?" Gibbs asked as he pulled Tony in gently for a hug, the younger man leaning in and lingering for much longer than he normally did, "Did you sleep okay?"

In response, Tony just shook his head from where it was cradled on Gibbs' shoulder.

"No?" Gibbs asked rubbing Tony's back once more before pushing Tony away carefully to examine him in detail, "Do you feel okay?"

Tony bit his lip as his good hand played with the folds and creases on his shirt. After a few seconds in which he seemed to think Gibbs' question over, he nodded.

Gibbs knew that the only other possible explanation could be that Tony had had a nightmare.

"Bad dreams?" Gibbs said and sighed when Tony nodded as tears sprung to his eyes. Gibbs pulled Tony in for a hug again before whispering words of comfort and reassurance into Tony's ear, "It's alright Tony. It's just a dream."

"Bad. No," Tony shook his head, his voice shaky but strong nonetheless, "Real. Bad dream. Hurt my head and-and, you were gone. Probie too and the car didn't-no blue on for him and he got hurt and you-Boss wasn't there Boss. Gone."

"Hey hey," Gibbs said, his voice quiet but with almost a gentle firmness as he tried to capture Tony's attention, "I'm right here. And Probie's fine remember? He played checkers with you earlier today."

Tony's body tensed after Gibbs spoke but Gibbs continued to rub Tony's back until Tony relaxed, "Dream. Not real. Right Boss?"

"Right," Gibbs smiled, squeezing Tony's shoulder, "Hey look? You remembered Blue on."

Tony smiled at Gibbs' praised and touched the blue helmet on his head, "Blue. Yeah."

"Well," Gibbs said, "I have someone who's going to come to our house pretty soon. Do you want to stay with me or watch a movie in the living room?"

Tony bit his lip anxiously, obviously torn between two of his favorite things. He didn't want to leave Boss but then Boss wouldn't leave without saying and he wanted to watch the movie Ziva bought him.

"Ziva. The living room," Tony finally came to a decision, already walking towards the room in question, "Movie. Can you help me please?"

"No problem Tony," Gibbs walked behind Tony as he made his way to the other side of their house. Gibbs had been using the kitchen to interview Sullivan and when Brooks arrived in thirty minutes or so, Gibbs would escort him there to interview him.

Gibbs got Tony settled, laughing when the man actually scowled at Baron for hogging up most of the room on the couch, before heading back to the kitchen to await the next arrival.

* * *

"Special Agent Gibbs," Elijah Brooks extended his hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Gibbs shook the man's hand, realizing what six feet and seven inches actually looked like when it was standing in your doorway.

"So," Gibbs sat down and watched and Elijah folded himself into the wood chair. Gibbs was please when his craftsman ship held against the weight, "Why did you leave the Navy Brooks?"

"Got hurt about a year ago," Brooks rolled with the punches, not bothering at all with small talk, "By the time I got better, my dad was real sick, cancer. He didn't want to go to nursing home or anything like that so I put it a request for discharge. My tour was ending pretty soon anyway and I still had about a month or so of injured leave. Navy granted my requested and I went back to California to stay with him and help out my mom.

"Strong man, my dad, but he could only fight for so long," Brooks paused and Gibbs could see how this story ended before Elijah even finished, "He passed away about three months ago."

"My condolences," Gibbs said and actually meant it. He had lost a parent too, long ago, but it was the kind of hurt that never went away. Even after all this time.

Elijah smiled, "Some days are better than most but most days are good. He wouldn't want me missing him and crying. He would tear me a new one if he came down and I was crying over him. In his opinion, if you were alive all that meant was that you were gonna be dead sometime in the future. Mom moved up to D.C. with me a few weeks after his funeral."

"Sounds like tough guy," Gibbs returned Brooks' smile.

"Had to be, raising me and all my foster brothers," Brooks was lost in the memories of his childhood for a few moments before he looked back at Gibbs, "Anyway, that's why I'm here. I was thinking about signing up to go back into the Navy but I wanted to wait a bit longer. Then my old CO called me, asking if I was interesting in helping a former NCIS agent who needed some extra care while his guardian went to work. I agreed. I had a buddy who almost got sent away for a long time. An NCIS Agent, Pacci I think his name was, found the real bad guy and cleared his name."

Gibbs' heart skipped a beat at hearing the Chris Pacci name. Even now he still missed him. And if his and Tony's friendship had stayed as strong as it was when he had died, Gibbs had no doubt Chris would be just as involved with Tony know as Tony's team was.

Elijah shrugged, having come to the end of his monologue, "Guess that's my story. Anything else you want to know?"

Gibbs liked him. Now it just depended on how well he got along with Tony. Of course, Gibbs still wouldn't feel comfortable with leaving Tony with Brooks right now, the man had the foundation to be someone Gibbs could trust.

Nonetheless, Gibbs indeed did have a question.

"Are you allergic to dogs?"

* * *

_Sometimes, I don't like sleeping. Cause when I sleep I get nightmares._

_Sometimes, they're really bad ones and I tell Boss about them but Boss always knows that they're not real and he reminds me that they're just pretend, like movies._

_But movies are better._

_I was watching a movie and I got to meet Boss' friend._

_He was big. Really big. He was even taller than Boss and me._

_But he was really nice. Baron liked him cause Baron licked his hand and then went outside which means that Baron knows that Boss' friend won't hurt anyone even though he was really big._

_And his voice sounded like thunder all the time. _

_But I like thunder so that was okay because his name was Elijah. But he said I could call him Eli if I wanted too._

_Boss says that Elijah is gonna come over a lot to help with stuff. He said that how Probie and Abby watch me when he's gotta work is how Elijah is gonna watch me when he has to go back for a lot of times._

_But Elijah's really big. Really really big. And he's really nice and Baron likes him and Boss smiled when he left so I think Elijah is okay._

_And he's really big. _


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: First I would like to extend an apology to everyone for the long wait. I meant to get this up before I went out of town on the 2nd but it just didn't happen. However, after multiple flight delays and layovers (and the switching of four time zones) I finally made it home for a quick two day break where I'm off again only this time for a vacation with the family. After this summer, I never want to see a airport again. **

**Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and I will try to get one more up before I leave on Friday. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

Chapter Nineteen

_Boss has to go to work tomorrow. It's different from other times that he goes cause he always goes and he's back before the movie's over. But Boss showed me the clock in the kitchen and marked down the different times on it with a marker. At seven in the morning, Boss has to go to work. I don't get to see him though cause I sleep till the big hand is on the eight, which is eight in the morning._

_Elijah is always here when I wake up. Elijah helps me take my braces off and then helps me get ready to take a shower if I need some help in the morning. Then he makes us breakfast and it can be anything. Like today in the morning, Boss was there cause he doesn't have to work yet and Elijah made waffles. When I eat my breakfast, Elijah gets my pills all ready and I take my pills and he washes my plate and cup that I put in the sink. Boss use to help him but Elijah learned really quick which is good cause it would have been bad if he learned like me._

_Then I get to feed Baron. Boss came into the kitchen today to get more coffee but Boss told me that tomorrow when he goes to work, he won't be here. He'll be at NCIS with Abby, Ducky, Probie, Ziva and Jimmy. So I know Boss will be safe there._

_Then Elijah puts on a movie for me and we watch it. Today though, I didn't get to watch a movie cause I had to go to therapy. Normally Boss takes me but Boss came with me and Elijah last time and this time, it was just me, Elijah and Baron. _

_Baron gets to come everywhere with me now and Elijah does too._

_I don't like therapy. It still makes my body hurt._

_But my bad hand is still getting better even though it shakes if I try to use it too much._

_Elijah's really funny though and Boss lets him drive the truck now. He didn't let him first cause Boss had to test him. When Elijah was still learning stuff Boss made Elijah drive on a racetrack thing that he and Probie made for Elijah. Elijah did good I think but I didn't watch. I don't like watching those kind of things anymore cause...just in case of **boom.**_

_But that was a long time ago. Now Elijah is okay and Boss doesn't follow him around everywhere with his eyes like he use to when he thought I wasn't looking._

_And Elijah is cool._

_I almost fell today cause I was going to fast but Elijah is really strong and he caught me and smiled and told me it was okay when I got scared that I was going to hurt my head._

_But I'm okay now and I'm getting ready for bed. _

_Boss is going to work tomorrow so Elijah gets to sleep in the room that Boss has all his papers in. Boss got a bed that's called a futon so Elijah can sleep over when he wants too._

_I'm gonna miss Boss but Boss promised he'd be home when the hand was on the six so that he could eat dinner with me and Elijah._

* * *

"Boss. I don't want to watch a movie," Tony shuffled into the kitchen, Baron trailing at his heels, "Elijah when's Boss coming?"

"What's the clock say Tony?" Elijah asked from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, finishing his morning crossword puzzle, "We still have to eat lunch."

"Clock. I'm not hungry," Tony grumbled and rubbed his eyes with his good hand, "Boss. He's coming home soon?"

Elijah nodded patiently. Tony missed Gibbs. Hopefully this would wear off in a couple days when Tony realized that Gibbs would come home and Tony would be back to his happy go lucky self.

"How about we go somewhere?" Elijah stood, knowing that he needed to do something to get Tony's mind off missing Gibbs.

"Out. It's cold," Tony said looking at the white covered ground just outside the window, "White. It's snowing."

"Hmm," Elijah nodded thoughtfully, "Not anymore. How about we go to the pet store? We can get Baron a toy and then we can go get some lunch."

"Hmm," Tony hummed, mimicking Elijah, "Store. Yes. Pizza?"

Elijah laughed. In the two and a half weeks since he had taken this job he had learned two things about Tony: the young man loved movies. And pizza.

"Sounds good," Elijah nodded, "Now, let's get you out of your PJs and we're out of here."

* * *

Tony didn't like it when people starred. It was rude and it wasn't nice and lots of times, Tony would look at them, the people who were starring, and they wouldn't even smile back.

Elijah didn't care though. He said it was because he was so tall. He said most people starred when you were as big as he was.

Tony still didn't like it though.

"Stare. Baron, do you want the green or the blue one?" Tony asked as he showed Baron the two different color tennis balls. Baron was sitting down and he was sniffing at something in Tony's pocket. Tony knew Baron could smell his treat, "No Baron. Pick first."

Baron looked up at Tony when he heard his name and licked Tony's hand. Tony figured Baron wanted the blue one.

"Blue. Elijah, can Baron get a jacket? Look they make them for dogs," Tony walked down the end of the aisle, touching the blue material, "Is Baron cold?"

"Nah," Elijah stooped by Tony, giving Baron a quick rub behind the ears, "He's got a thick coat. He's nice and toasty already."

"Warm. Like a jacket?" Tony touched the coarse hairs on Baron's neck.

"Yep," Elijah agreed, "Come on Tony. Let's pay so we can go eat some food."

"Pizza," Tony agreed and headed towards the front to pay. He was hungry now.

* * *

Looking at the paperwork in front of him, Gibbs ran his fingers through his close cropped hair.

Tony had been out of the rehab hospital for close to six months and in those months, many things had happened.

Tony had been official placed under his full guardianship.

Tony's seizures had increased to the point of increasing his medications.

Tony's brain had finally reduce enough in size that Dr. Clarke was looking at replacing the missing part of Tony's skull.

And finally, Anthony DiNozzo Sr. had made his life all that more stressful.

He didn't understand it really. During Tony's hospital stay, he had made two attempts to contact Anthony DiNozzo Sr. Both attempts had ended with him leaving a message on Anthony's answering machine. Neither attempt had granted a visit or even a call back.

Gibbs had done everything for Tony since he had been injured. He had dealt with lawsuits, dealt with medical decisions as well as things such as Tony's bank accounts and bills. He had dealt with Tony's seizures, his surgeries, his setbacks and his changed mental status.

Through all this, he had dealt with it without the aid or even input of Tony's father.

However, ever since Tony had been released from the hospital, Tony's father had made more demanding attempts to come for his son to "resume his care in their home in New York City".

At first, Gibbs had ignore his calls and been curt but not overly bastard-ly on the phone with the man. He had still been in the process of finalizing the guardianship and didn't want and complications in the matter even though he knew he shouldn't have any, considering he had Tony's power of attorney already.

After he went in front of the judge though and received the permission to be Tony's full guardianship due to Tony's TBI, Gibbs knew that unless Anthony DiNozzo new people very high up in the legal system, he couldn't do anything to take Tony away from him.

This knowledge had in turn caused Gibbs to become even angrier and annoyed with the elder DiNozzo.

Just who did this man think he was, coming in now as if he were the caring father that spent days and weeks by his son's hospital been as his boy fought to come out of his coma and take control of his body?

They're had been phone calls, two of which Tony had heard and had been frightened by Gibbs' anger, and there had been legal actions, which had been the reason Gibbs had had to go visit his lawyer a few more times after that night that Tony remembered the rain and Kate dying.

But now, now Gibbs just didn't know what to do.

"He's fighting my right to guardianship?" Gibbs asked their lawyer, Danny Goldman during his lunch break. The team hadn't picked up any cases and they were currently finishing paperwork back at the office while Gibbs met with his lawyer, "Can he even do that?"

"Yes," Danny nodded, "And in this case, Mr. DiNozzo believes he has a case."

"But I had Tony's power of attorney before the accident," Gibbs scowled, not liking the burning in his gut.

"Yes," Danny agreed, "However, power of attorney, as I've explained, is not the same as guardianship which is why you went through the process to become Tony's official guardian."

Gibbs nodded and waited for his friend, because after so many years in law enforcement he did have _one_ friend who was a lawyer, to continue.

"However, Mr. DiNozzo is requesting a changed, based off the principle that he is Tony's father and still has parental rights, rights that are being denied to him by your refusal to let him see Tony."

"I've never said he couldn't see Tony," Gibbs frowned, "I just told him that there wasn't a chance in hell that Tony would ever live with him. Tony has a home, here with me and with our family. Mr. DiNozzo has never made an _attempt_ to come down to D.C. and visit his son."

"Gibbs, you're preaching to the choir, I believe you," Danny raised his hands to show he wasn't objecting to what Gibbs had to say, "But this case might make it to court, I just wanted you to be aware."

Gibbs growled and looked with disdain at his uneaten food.

"In the meantime, do I let him see Tony? If he comes down and tries?" Gibbs asked after a few seconds of collecting his thoughts.

"That's a judgment call you're going to have to make. This man, from what you tell me, came in and out of Tony's life with the drop of a hat. If Tony remembers that, how will he react to his dad coming and leaving unexpectedly?"

"So you're saying no?" Gibbs asked, waiting to ask the question until the waitress finished filling up his mug of coffee.

"I'm saying use caution," Danny shrugged, "But then I know how you are with Tony. Just listen to that gut of yours. Hasn't lead you wrong thus far."

Gibbs nodded and stood, shaking Danny's hand, "Thanks Danny."

"No problem Gibbs," Danny picked up his papers and shuffled them into his briefcase, "Next time, I pick the food and we'll call it even."

"Next time," Gibbs said and watched as Danny walked out of the restaurant. Paying the tab, Gibbs gulped his freshly filled coffee mug before walking outside to his parked car. Glancing at the time, Gibbs figured that right around now Tony would be either falling asleep or deeply in zzzz land.

Smiling at the thought of Tony safe and sound with Elijah and Baron, Gibbs headed back to work and hoped that they didn't pick up a case today. Having been confronted with the possibility, however slim, of loosing Tony made him miss the younger man's presence.

Knowing a phone call wouldn't help matters any, Gibbs figured the team wouldn't worry if he made a pit stop at his house.

* * *

_Today Boss did a surprise. _

_Even though the clock said Boss wasn't going to be home for awhile, Boss came in when I was eating my pizza._

_Baron smelled him first because he started barking and Elijah had to shush him because Elijah says its not nice to open the door when Baron's barking._

_But Elijah opened the door and Baron was wagging his tail and I looked up and there was Boss! He was smiling and he was fine and he came and gave me a tight hug and laughed when I told him he was gonna squeeze my helmet right off my head if he kept hugging me so tight._

_Boss' laugh is really deep, like a bear and I put my head on his chest because that way I can hear his heart and his laugh and that way I know he's happy and okay._

_Boss showed me his badge when he came for the surprise. It's really nice and heavy and I asked him if I had one. He said I did but that it was back where he worked and he didn't have it with him. He had something else too, on his hip, but he didn't let me see it even though I saw part of it and almost touched it._

_Elijah told him about our day and I helped tell the story and Boss nodded and laughed when I told him Elijah almost dropped our pizza cause he wasn't looking where he was going. Boss smiled when I told him I had to remind Elijah to go slow and not fast._

_Elijah laughed too and his laugh is like Boss' sorta only his laugh is more like the rumbling the sky makes when its gonna rain a lot. _

_After Boss came in, he had to go because his phone made that noise. He told Elijah he wouldn't be back till late and that if he had everything he needed to stay over._

_Elijah said yeah, he did and Boss nodded and he looked at me and the corner of his eyes wrinkled like he was sad even though he was trying to smile like I did when I was hurt but Boss tried to make me laugh._

_He told me he wouldn't be home when the clock was on the number because he had to help someone because the bad guys had hurt them._

_I started crying I think, just a little, because I didn't want Boss by the bad guys but he told me he would be okay, that Ziva and Probie would be there to watch his six._

_It still didn't make my heart feel better though but Boss gave me a hug and stayed a bit longer until I had to take my medicine. After I took it, I got really sleepy and Boss rubbed my head when I laid down in my room._

_I was still crying a little because I couldn't see Boss because of the extra wet in my eyes but Boss wiped them away really gentle and he told me that he would be okay. _

_After that he kept rubbing my back until I feel asleep and when I woke up, Boss wasn't there._

_But I knew he was gonna come back. He promised._


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: Vacation was much fun, especially seeing all my family, but I am so glad to be home. I even missed my 106 degree heat. Summer is sadly over for me this year and since I start summer semester the first week of July, I'm going to try to get ahead on this story so the updates don't suffer to badly. **

**That being said, thanks so much for your reviews. If I don't reply, know that I enjoy each once and that I love hearing from your guys. And now, the next update.**

* * *

Chapter Twenty

_Boss goes to work a lot of the time now. But he doesn't work all the time which is good. Sometimes, he stays home with me and Baron and sometimes when he's home, Elijah will go somewhere else or stay with us too. _

_Elijah has his own room too, that Boss gave him cause sometimes Boss doesn't come home at night but most of the time he does which is good because I don't like going to bed when Boss isn't home._

_But Elijah is always around when Boss isn't here and Elijah's pretty cool. He's big, taller than me and Boss, and he's really big. He's funny though, and he talks lots more than Boss sometimes does. Elijah is here when Boss isn't here and even though I don't like it when Boss isn't here, I like it when Elijah's here._

_Elijah use to be in the Navy which is different from the Marines, which was what Boss was in. Elijah has dog tags too that he still wears only his don't go clink clink on his chest cause he doesn't walk funny like I do. _

_Elijah can cook lots of foods too, which is good and bad because I like his food but he just cooks even when I want pizza which is I guess okay but I really miss eating pizza._

_Elijah likes watching movies with me but sometimes he does other stuff. He's taking a class or something, cause he reads a lot of stuff and he has to write things and sometimes, when I wake up from my nap, he's on the laptop clicking away and reading._

_Elijah says he's reading all that stuff cause he wants to be a doctor, like Brad and Clarke and the other doctors that helped me get better. I told him I didn't want him to be a doctor though, cause all doctors carrying those things that listen to my lungs and those things are always cold._

_Elijah laughed cause he knew what I meant cause a couple of days ago me and him and Baron went to go see Brad cause I started coughing. I had to keep this thing on my mouth and the air that came out of it wasn't like normal air. It made my tongue all gross and it smelled funny and Brad gave a machine just like it to Elijah for me to use because Brad said I have asthma that's bad which means my lungs sometimes tighten up and don't want to work right, just like my bad leg or my bad arm like to do sometimes._

_I don't like the machine because Elijah makes me keep the thing over my mouth and nose after lunch and before I take a nap. Sometimes the stuff is okay though cause it doesn't taste gross because sometimes Elijah hooks it up to another thing which puts water-air out of the mask that's on my face._

_But Elijah knows when I need it cause he says I get wheezy which means I sound like the penguin on _Toy Story 2_ even though my squeeker isn't broken. _

_But me and Elijah and Baron are going to visit Boss at work today cause I haven't seen him in two days and it's a surprise so I have to be real quiet about it because I'm really good at keeping secrets._

* * *

"Come on Tony," Elijah said, fiddling with Tony's nebulizer, "Let's get a treatment done before we go visit Boss."

"Secret. Gross. I don't like that," Tony scowled at the mask that Elijah was currently holding up for him. He bit his lip and looked up at Elijah almost sheepishly, as if he had just spoke a cardinal sin.

"I know Tony but you're getting wheezy and its cold outside. I don't want it to get worse," Elijah brought the machine over, closer to where Tony was sitting watching a TV show, and re-plugged it into the wall, "Here. You watch the rest of that Magnum episode and by the time it's done, we'll be ready to go surprise Boss."

"Episode. Secret. Promise?" Tony lifted his good hand slowly to retrieve the mask that Elijah was still holding. He was still looking at the mask doubtfully, as if he didn't completely believe the mask wasn't going to jump out of Elijah's hand and attack his face.

"Promise," Elijah nodded and smiled when Tony nodded in return and allowed Elijah to place the mask securely on his face, "Besides, this one is just steam. None of that gross stuff till tonight."

"Water. Gross. Okay," Tony's voice was muffled from behind the mask but Elijah could see the smile on Tony's face despite it, "Then secret? Surprise?"

"Yeah Tony, then we'll go surprise Boss," Elijah made sure Tony was set before heading to the front room to gather Tony's coat and make sure Tony had on a good pair of warm shoes. Tony had recently been re-fitted with a walking AFO for his weaker side and because of the added bulkiness, not all of Tony's shoes fit him anymore. Thankfully though, Tony's favorite pair of shoes still fit him perfectly.

Glancing at the clock after he had made sure to pack all of Tony's meds and a change of clothes, just in case, Elijah was just about to head back to retrieve Tony for their trip when Baron's barking alerted the aide that someone was at the front door.

Making sure real quick that Baron wasn't barking because of an oncoming seizure, Elijah looked through the view hole and quirked an eyebrow when a well dressed older man knocked patiently on the door once again.

"Hello?" Elijah asked after opening the door, "Can I help you?"

"Is Special Agent Gibbs here?" the man asked, a charming smile on his face as the stranger rubbed his hands together to ward off the mid-day chill.

"No," Elijah asked, his voice slightly weary but not suspicious, "He is currently unavailable at the moment. Can I ask who you are?"

"Ah, I was just wondering if you would happen to know where Tony DiNozzo is at the moment? I've been trying to get in contact with him as you see but-"

"Why do you need to get a hold of Tony?" Elijah asked, his instincts telling him that something was definitely "odd" about the guy in front of him. And while Elijah was certain he had never seen the guy before, something about him seemed familiar to Elijah, he just couldn't put his finger on it.

"I'll just try another time," the man said, his eyes shifting really quick to something behind Elijah before he focused once again on the Elijah, "Thank you for your help anyway."

Elijah watched the man leave in the taxi he had come in and shook his head as he turned around.

"Blue. Run. Who's," Tony spoke, not two feet behind Elijah, "Boss?"

"No Tony," Elijah shook his head and reached over to lead Tony to the couch so that he could put on Tony's shoes, "We're going to go see Boss right now. Did the steam stop before you took off the mask?"

Tony nodded before opening his mouth, "Quiet. Big. Rain. Not Boss?" Tony asked, his eyes glancing from the door to Elijah as his good hand massaged his tense weaker hand, "At the door?"

"You saw who was at the door Tony?" Elijah asked as he tied up Tony's last shoe.

"Boss. Yes," Tony nodded and frowned, biting his lip as he looked from Elijah to the closed door.

"Do you know who it was Tony?" Elijah asked, not liking the look on Tony's face. Tony looked devastated and heartbroken for a few seconds before he closed his eyes.

"Secret. Can we go see Boss now?" Tony asked, opening his eyes but not meeting Elijah's gaze.

Realizing he wasn't going to get Tony to answer the question for whatever reason, Elijah tapped Tony on the knee to get his attention, "Yeah Tony. Let's go see Boss."

"Work. Good," Tony nodded before helping Elijah put on his coat so that they could go visit Boss at work.

* * *

When Gibbs' heard the ding of the elevator, he huffed in annoyance before looking back down at his desk. He wanted to wrap up this case.

He needed to.

Not just because he wanted to get the murderer and slam his or her butt in jail, but because he hadn't been home in two days.

And he had gotten use to seeing Tony every day since the boy had been released from the hospital.

_He's not a boy,_ Gibbs' inner voice told him, _He's a grown man with a severe traumatic brain injury, not a five year old child._

But, Gibbs responded to himself, he's my ward in all ways including legally.

_He should know. About his father,_ the voice continued, picking at a sore spot for Gibbs, _He's a grown man, he should make some decisions regarding-_

Tony made his decision when he signed for me to be his power of attorney if anything were to happen to him, Gibbs scowled realizing he was arguing with himself, And I'm his guardian which means' _**I'm**_ in charge of all decision making.

_This is going to come and bite you back in the ass,_ the voice said before Gibbs let out a small growl of frustration and stood, throwing away his empty container of coffee. He was in the process of reaching into his desk drawer to pull out his wallet so he could go buy some more when he heard the familiar _clink clink_ coming from the opening elevator.

"Boss!" Gibbs looked up just as Tony rounded the office divider. His boy's eyes were bright with happiness as he hurried forward to give his Boss a hug, "Secret. Surprise. You smell all scruffy Boss."

Seeing Tony, especially a genuinely happy Tony, made the anger Gibbs had been feeling dissipate. Tony's presence was the light that made Gibbs realize that his problems, his shadows, weren't as frustrating or as dark as he had thought they were.

"What are you doing here buddy?" Gibbs hugged Tony back and rubbed the younger man's back comfortingly, "Shouldn't you be at therapy today?"

"Secret. Surprise. Surpirse!" Tony pushed away from Gibbs so that he could look at his face when he spoke but he kept a firm hold of Gibbs' vest with his good hand as he talked, "Blue. Boss. We came to say surprise for you. Cause you haven't been house-um home in a long time."

Gibbs felt something lurch inside him and even though he knew Tony was well taken care of while he was at work, the scene in front of him suddenly made him miss the old days, back when he had worked side by side with Tony at NCIS.

But now instead of chasing down murderers, Gibbs and Tony worked together just to relearn how tie a shoelace.

"Sorry I've been gone for so long," Gibbs adjusted the strap on Tony's helmet, "I've been working at catching bad guys."

"Run. Bad. I missed you Boss," Tony nodded at Gibbs explanation though Gibbs doubted Tony was really listening. Suddenly, Tony's smile lost some of its brightness as his face crumbled, "Blue. Rain. Secret. I missed you."

Gibbs enveloped Tony in a hug again, feeling the small shudders of Tony's shoulders as his ward started to crying quietly.

"Hey Eli," Gibbs nodded towards Tony's aid, who was currently holding Baron's leash, a backpack slung over his broad shoulders, "Everything alright today?"

"Yeah," Elijah said, "His asthma is still pretty bad so no physical therapy till next week, which is why we decided to surprise you today."

Gibbs nodded at Elijah's explanation before rubbing Tony's back as Tony's cries reduced themselves to hiccups, "You okay Tony?"

"Rain. Cr-cry. I'm sad," Tony wheezed before biting his lip, "Breathe. Gross. I think my squeaker's broken Boss."

Not understanding what Tony meant, Gibbs just hugged his boy again and helped him use the emergency inhaler that Elijah produced from the backpack.

"That's alright Tony," Gibbs said, "I'm pretty good at fixing everything."

* * *

_When I was shorter and littler, I had a big room. _

_It was big and the bed was high and I couldn't get up there by myself._

_I remember sometimes I need help because I couldn't do it by myself. I remember that I would sometimes fall off but I could always catch myself because I didn't have a bad side when I was littler and both of my hands and both of my feet worked just fine._

_But cause I couldn't get up on my bed, I had a secret._

_Underneath my bed was a place I kept all the secret stuff, like thing I found that I knew I wasn't suppose to have like a pocket knife that wasn't mine._

_But I never told anyone because it was a secret and to keep a secret you can't tell anyone cause once one person knows about it everyone's gonna know about it. Least that's what my father told me about secrets. At least I think it was him._

_Me and Elijah had a secret. We went to Boss' work and that was our secret cause Boss didn't know we were coming and we went "Surprise!" and I got sad when I saw him but I was happy too which made my heart feel awful but I knew I was happy cause Boss was there. Probie and Ziva and Abby and Ducky and Jimmy were there too but we didn't see them till later cause Boss wanted to talk to just me and Elijah had to take Baron outside cause Baron had to go to the bathroom cause Boss and Elijah are training him and sometimes Baron had accidents like I do. But Baron's getting better like me and he doesn't have them anymore._

_But I have a secret. Boss doesn't know and Elijah doesn't know and no one knows but I have one and I'm not going to tell._

_Because once you tell someone about the secret then everyone knows about the secret and I like keeping my secrets to myself, like the secret place underneath my too tall bed._


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: A little later in the day than I would have liked but I finally got it up! So glad you guys are enjoying the story. As always, thanks to all those who read and review. Here's the next chapter. **

* * *

Chapter Twenty One

_Something happened. No one says anything and everyone's quiet about it but I don't know what it is. _

_Boss has been at work for four days in a row and Elijah won't let me have a secret so we can go surprise Boss. He says Boss is busy but I know that even when Boss is busy, Boss still says that he has time to say hello to me._

_But Boss hasn't been home in four days cause I mark them on the calendar in my kitchen and yesterday Lijah opened the door and Ducky was there cause Ducky wanted to say hello. Ducky had a bag with him and he smiled and checked me to make sure I was okay but I don't know why he checked me because I wasn't wheezing anymore and I was okay._

_But Ducky got really serious like something was really wrong with me and I think I scared him cause I started to cry even though I didn't want to and Ducky gave me a hug and said it was going to be okay._

_I started crying some more then because I thought he was okay before he had come over but because he said that it was going to be okay meant that something wasn't okay and I had probably forgotten what was wrong but I was too afraid to ask him so I nodded and he smiled at me and then went to Boss' special place down in the basement to talk to Elijah._

_I didn't go down there cause that was Boss' special place, not mine cause I didn't have one anymore, and they talked for a long time I think but when Ducky came back up Elijah was smiling again so I think that maybe it was okay again._

_I just wish Boss was there and here because he always knows when something is okay and isn't okay and I haven't seen him in a long time, four days, and maybe Elijah will let me have a secret so we can go surprise Boss._

_Because Boss hasn't been home and I miss him._

* * *

"No I am not his guardian," Elijah spoke into the phone as he got Tony's evening morning meds ready for him, "And I understand your policies but I need a refill on a prescription."

Elijah kept an eye and ear out for Tony. Baron had come down earlier to go outside and eat his food but Tony had yet to make an appearance and if he wasn't down in about ten minutes, Elijah would head on up and check on his wayward charge.

"No, this cannot wait until-its ant-seizure medication! This is not something that you can just stop at a whim because you are apparently incompetent on who to refer me too-No! Do not transfer me to another line, I'm just fine talking to…Ah!" Elijah set the phone down, and rubbed his forehead. Taking a deep breath and counting to fifteen like his mom always made him do when he was angry, Elijah picked the phone back up and waiting for another dumbskull of a pharmacist to listen to his complaint.

"Hello?" Elijah said when he heard the line pick up, "Yes. No, the medication is not for me-no, I'm not Anthony DiNozzo's legal guardian. As I've explained, the legal guardian is on a federal operation and cannot be reached. Yes, it was very unexpected and no, he can't- yes. I can do that. Alright. Thank you so much. The prescription will be ready by tomorrow correct? Alright. Thank you. I'll make sure to inform- yes. Alright. Bye."

Hanging up the phone, Elijah breathed a sigh of relief. It had never been this difficult getting a prescription for his mom or for his dad when he had been alive. Of course, both his parents weren't under a guardianship or a brain damage man.

"Tony?" Elijah called when hadn't heard hide nor hair for the man in question. Tony normally didn't sleep in late and because of his strict medication schedule, Tony had to be up and awake so he could eat some food and take his meds, although not always in that order.

"Lijah," Tony called, using the nickname he had given his aide, "Blue. Blue. Blue. I lost it."

"Lost what?" Elijah walked in and helped Tony sit up correctly in his bed. Taking off the nighttime brace for Tony's foot and putting on the walking AFO, Elijah looked around to see if he could guess what had gotten Tony so upset.

"Click. Click," Tony's good hand traveled to his chest and rubbed his sternum in a circular motion, "Blue. Gone. I lost them."

"Boss' dogtags?" Elijah guessed, knowing that was the only thing that Tony referred to as click click.

"Click. Yes," Tony looked around as he continued to rub his chest, "Gone. And Boss is gone and now the tags are gone Lijah and I can't-I can't-what if Boss isn't ever gonna come back?"

"Tony," Elijah said, trying to stop the meltdown. Even though he understood Tony's frustrations, Gibbs had been missing for six days now, there was nothing he could do about Gibbs not being in the house. However, he could help find the Special Agent's dog tags, which were more than likely in the restroom where Tony had taken them off last night after having a small meltdown when Elijah told him that they couldn't go surprise Boss at work.

"I think I might be able to find Boss' dog tags," Elijah gently tapped Tony on the chest to get the man's attention.

"Click. Not lost?" Tony asked and tapped his chest just like Elijah had, "Boss?"

"Let me go look. You'll be okay right here while I go look? Baron will stay with you, right boy?" Elijah rubbed the dog's head affectionately. The German Shepherd, who had been laying on Tony's bed licked Elijah's hand.

"Missed. Come back?" Tony asked fearfully. He was close to tears and seemed a second away from grabbing onto Elijah and never letting the man go.

"I'll be right back," Elijah tapped Tony's chest once more before walking towards Tony's restroom.

Seeing the dog tags where he had put them yesterday, Elijah sighed in relief. At least one thing could be easily found.

"Here you go Tony," Elijah showed the anxious man before slipping them over Tony's head.

Smiling gratefully at Elijah, Tony good hand came up and played with the two pieces of metal as his legs started to fidget.

"You okay Tony?" Elijah asked, concerned that the fidgeting was a sign that a seizure might be on the way.

"Click. Boss. Is Boss lost Lijah?" Tony spoke, deathly quiet and by his tone, Elijah could tell that Tony was just as afraid of speaking the question as he was of hearing the answer.

Deciding that they had kept Tony in the dark for long enough, Elijah nodded, "I think so Tony. I think Boss is lost."

And surprisingly, instead of crying, Tony's face settled into a look of steely determination and his eyebrows furrowed, "Boss. Blue. We'll find him, right Lijah? Just like the dog tags?"

Unable to say anything because of the lump in his throat, Elijah nodded and pulled Tony into a hug.

He hoped that Tony was right.

* * *

McGee shuffled from foot to foot as he waited for Elijah, Tony's aide, to open the door. Gibbs had been missing for a week, give or take a few hours, and with each passing day, finding his boss alive was becoming a smaller and smaller possibility.

And while Ziva, Abby and Balboa's team were still looking through the files on the supposed kidnapper of two little kids, McGee had had to briefly leave the office to pick up and deliver Tony's anti-seizure medication.

Elijah had called them yesterday and told them he had finally broken the news to Tony, or more aptly, Tony had figured it out, and so now Tim was more than apprehensive to visit the Gibbs' household. Because while he loved Tony like a brother, having a brain damaged Tony deal with Gibbs' disappearance, the disappearance of his major caregiver, was not something they had taught him how to deal with in FLETC.

Hearing Baron barking and pawing at the door, McGee waited and smiled when he heard Elijah's deep baritone telling the dog to step back.

"Tim," Elijah said, opening the door, "Thanks so much for this. The pharmacy wouldn't let me pick them up because of Tony's legal status as a ward."

"It's no problem. I haven't really left the office since it happened and I think I was starting to go crazy looking through all the evidence," McGee set the bag containing Tony's medication on the counter before looking around the living room.

While the outside of Gibbs' house had been devoid of Christmas lights, the inside was a bit more decorated. As McGee glanced around the seemingly unchanged room, Tim could an empty space were a desk use to be.

"They were going to go pick out a Christmas tree last week," Elijah said, following McGee's gaze, "It was going to be a surprise for Tony. Same with the lights outside. But well, you know."

A lump formed in McGee's throat and he coughed trying to dislodge it, though he knew it had to do more with his heart than anything, "We'll find him Elijah."

"I sure hope so. I don't know if Tony," Elijah stopped mid-sentence and shook his head, before rubbing his forehead, "He's down for his nap right now but if you guys…well. Feel free to come by anytime to visit him. He knows you guys are looking for Boss so if you do come, be prepared to answer some questions."

"Thanks Elijah," Tim said, shaking the larger man's hands, "Without you I don't know what would have happened to Tony."

"Oh," Elijah smiled despite the situation and let out a quiet laugh, "I have a feeling Tony would be just fine without me."

"All the same," McGee shook the man's hand once more before opening the front door, "Call if you need anything. No matter what's happening all of us won't mind swinging by to help you with anything."

"You can help me by finding Tony's Boss," Elijah indicated his head back inside, "And if you could, find him soon. I've already caught Tony twice trying to go looking for Gibbs."

McGee let a genuine smile show on his face at that mental picture. Tony might be different now but many things about Tony remained the same, "Will do."

"Alright then," Elijah nodded and closed the door behind McGee before anymore hot air escaped. Rubbing his forehead again, Elijah was glad classes were on winter break. Grabbing the phone, he decided to call his mom and check up on her. A winter storm was coming and Elijah wanted to make sure she was okay back at their house.

"Hey mom," Elijah smiled when he heard his mom's voice come though over his cell phone, "Is everything alright over there?"

* * *

_Boss is missing._

_Lijah told me that when I lost Boss' dog tags. I don't know how Boss is missing cause he's never went missing before but Lijah said that's why he hasn't been home in so long. _

_I want to go looking for him, like Probie and Ziva and Abby and Ducky and Jimmy are doing, but Lijah says I have to stay inside cause it's really cold outside and I might get sick. I don't think I will cause I would wear lots of jackets and stuff to keep me warm but if Boss' is missing, then that means he needs to be found. And when something's missing, the only way to get it back is to make them found but without people looking for him, how can Boss be found?_

_I hope he's found soon. I miss him. It's really cold out so I hope he's missing where it's nice and warm and Boss won't get cold. I hope Boss is missing somewhere were its nice and safe and he'll get found real quick, like the time I went missing in the store. I got scared and got away from Boss but Boss found me really quick because Boss knows how to find things really quick. _

_But I don't know how to find things real quick like Boss and what if Boss is lost so bad that only Boss can find himself?_

_It hurts my head thinking about it but Lijah says its gonna be okay._

_But all that means is that it isn't okay right now when I want it to be okay and that's a bad thing because that means Boss isn't gonna come home tonight._

_But I miss him and maybe he misses me enough that he'll get found or find himself and come home with me and Baron._

_Because I don't think I can find him without Boss with me._


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: So while I tried (in vain) to get this up yesterday, I managed to somehow not beat my laptop to death and get it uploaded. :) So glad you are all enjoying this story and thanks to those who read and even more so to those who review. Semester starts on Tuesday so I'm shooting to have the next chapter up around Friday, hopefully sooner if possible. And to all my fellow US peeps out there: Happy Independence DAY!**

* * *

Chapter Twenty Two

_I have a surprise. That not even Boss or Lijah know._

_But Boss is missing so maybe it won't be so bad I think. Lijah is sleeping cause yesterday Lijah's mom got sick and Abby had to come and watch a movie with me so Lijah could take her to the doctor's. Abby cried yesterday even though I don't know why._

_The movie had a happy ending._

_But Lijah's sleeping cause I should be napping but I'm not cause I'm not tired. I think I know where Boss is but Lijah didn't understand when I tried to explain it to him but I think it was kinda my fault because I wasn't saying the good words cause when I get excited bad words come out instead. So I tried writing them down but only Boss can understand what I write and Boss isn't here cause he's still missing._

_It's been nine days. I know cause I keep the number on the calendar in the kitchen. Lijah's shoulders are getting all bunched up like Boss' do when he gets tired and I feel bad cause Lijah doesn't get any time to go and do whatever he wants cause he has to stay with me all the time even though I have Baron and Baron would keep me safe._

_So I have a surprise. And me and Baron are going to go find Boss. I think._

_But first I gotta tell Probie and Ziva and Abby cause they're looking for Boss too even though I don't think they know where he is. Boss doesn't always tell his sur...no, his secrets to everyone but he told me because well. Cause he's my Boss._

_It's really cold outside so it takes me a long long time to put everything on. I have to use my good hand because my bad hand is really tight and bunched up today and I'm glad Lijah didn't take off my walking brace cause I can't put that on by myself._

_Last thing, well not really last thing but a thing I have to remember to do, is put on the blue helmet because Boss said that soon they were gonna put back the other part of my skull that they took out when I got hurt. I hope thought that Boss let's me keep my helmet. It's blue and I like it and it has everyone's names on it, even Kate's._

_I think everyone's worried that Boss' name will have to go on the inside but I know Boss wouldn't do something like that without telling me and I think I know where Boss is._

_But my surprise and my other secret is gonna have to help cause I don't know how to get to where Probie and Ziva and Abby and Ducky and Jimmy are by myself. And Baron doesn't know either and Lijah is still asleep so I got to be real quiet that I don't make noise._

* * *

Tony bit his lip and held onto Baron's leash. Baron didn't pull anymore because Boss and Elijah had trained him how to walk by you so he didn't pull. Which was good, Tony thought, because Baron could pull really hard if he wanted too.

Relaxing his shoulder like Boss showed him how to do when he started going to fast, Tony tried to relax. It was cold outside and his nose was going to get all red but he moved his scarf over his mouth so he didn't breathe in the cold air. Tony hated the nebulizer treatments and Elijah had told him that sometimes the cold made them worse so he didn't want to take any chances.

It wasn't snowing when he left the house but now it was, a light sprinkle that was covering everything in a thin layer of white.

Tony continued to walk, being very careful of where he placed his feet. He didn't want to slip on the snow and hurt himself because then he wouldn't be able to tell everyone where he thought Boss was. And since Boss was family and Probie and Ziva and Abby and everyone one else was Boss' team, then they should hear what he had to say too, cause that was how it was suppose to work.

Tony kept walking, waiting for his secret.

When he was almost lost, he heard the truck. It was black just like he remembered and he smiled and waved. This secret couldn't be all bad.

Could it?

* * *

McGee downed the last of the stale coffee that was on his desk. Nine days of looking and all they had been able to find was a child's sock, a drop of Gibbs' blood, and as of yesterday, the dead body of the only man who would have been able to tell him where Gibbs and the two small children who were missing might be. Because the dead man, a sailor with a grudge against an old flame, in autopsy was indeed their kidnapper and now that he was dead, they still had no idea where Gibbs was.

And now, Elijah had just called him to say that Tony and Baron were missing.

And to make matters worse, a cold front had come in early this morning, causing temps to fall ten or so degrees and for the forecast of snow to become a reality.

Where could Tony have gone to? Elijah said he had fallen asleep, the poor guy was fighting a bad cold as well as having to help his mom get to and from the doctor's for her high blood pressure, and when he had woken up, Tony had been gone.

At first he had feared that Tony had been taken but Tony had left some sort of a note, though Elijah hadn't really been able to decipher it, but with the note he had left something that Elijah was sure Tony would never part with involuntarily: Gibbs' dog tags.

He had contacted the local police, who had at first denied putting out a missing person's report for an adult, at least until McGee described Tony's health concerns and mental status. Apparently, being a ward, which Tony was under Gibbs, meant that Tony was considered to be almost on the same levels as a child. And considering there was no one else who would have any interest in Tony, other than sick perverted-

McGee mentally slapped himself. Thinking such thoughts would only make his stomach all that more nervous and thanks to a diagnosis of H. pylori when he had been in college, McGee was certain the little bug was back and had caused at least two ulcers in his stomach since Gibbs had gone missing.

McGee popped two Tums in his mouth and chewed on them thoughtfully for a moment. Balboa's team was doing a good job helping them find their missing Boss but it was times like these that McGee realized he wished Tony was still the Senior Field Agent. He hadn't been ready, of course Gibbs had assured him that no one ever really was, but at this moment, McGee was sure of one thing.

He most defiantly was not ready to become the Senior Agent anytime soon.

That wasn't to say he wasn't stepping up to the plate. The whole agency was. Cases had been shuffled and people had put in extra overtime to help in any way they could to make it easier for the two teams to find Gibbs.

And now, Tony was missing.

How was McGee ever going to tell Abby?

* * *

Apparently, someone was looking out for him because as McGee was gathering his courage to go speak to the forensic scientist, the elevator ding and holy chocolate stars Batman there was Tony and Baron, with Patrick, a security guard who had known Tony from before Tony's TBI injury.

"Tony!" McGee practically leapt out of his chair and ran over to where Tony was biting his lip and shuffling his feet. Ziva, who had also been informed on Tony's status, sighed in relief though she was still very much worried about Gibbs and where Tony had been the last hour or so.

"Where have you been?" McGee said, a lot louder than he had meant because as soon as the words left his mouth, Tony ducked his head and grimaced.

"Secret. Loud. Don't yell please," Tony asked quietly and rubbed one ear with his bad hand, his good had holding onto Baron's leash.

"I'm sorry Tony," McGee said, working very hard to keep his voice soft. But the adrenaline was pumping through his veins and after an hour of worrying about two people he cared for-

"Come Tony," Ziva was suddenly there, gently removing McGee's grasp on Tony's shoulders and instead gently taking Tony's shaking hand and leading him over to McGee's desk, "Would you like to sit down?"

"Loud. Blue. Yes please," Tony sat and sighed. He had been standing a long time and his feet hurt very much.

"Do you want some hot chocolate? You look cold," Ziva continued speaking to Tony softly but firmly, mimicking the way Gibbs spoke to the former NCIS agent. Tony smiled in response to Ziva's question and nodded his head ever so slowly. McGee watched their interaction for a few seconds before turning to the other person who had stepped off the elevator.

"Thanks Pat," McGee shook the security guards hand, "Where was he?"

"At the main gate," Pat gestured with the tilt of his head, "Marines weren't going to let him in because Tony didn't have a valid ID but I saw him on the video feed and waved him in. Although, it didn't hurt any when he told the Marines at the gate that he thought where Agent Gibbs was, though he referred to him as Boss."

"He,-" McGee's heart stuttered for a moment before his brain put it back on track, "Where did he say Gibbs was?"

"Wouldn't tell me," Pat shook his head, "Said he had to talk to Probie about it, which I'm assuming is what he still calls you."

McGee tried to smile a bit at that but already his mind was working though how Tony would know where Gibbs was and how quickly they could get a team out to where ever Tony said their Boss was. Maybe Tony had been picked up by someone who knew but didn't-

Rubbing his head, McGee walked over and pulled out another chair. Normally, they would take a witness or someone with info on a case to the interrogation room to be recorded but considering they already had their suspect dead in the morgue, McGee decided in the squad room was just fine.

Tony, who was currently taking small sips of hot chocolate Ziva had just given him, looked up at McGee and smiled.

McGee smiled back, as best as he could, and waited until Tony had set the drink down before turning to Ziva, "Can you call Elijah and the police and tell them we've found him?"

Ziva nodded and took the empty cup away from Tony.

"Tony," McGee said, gently tapping Tony's knee to get the wandering man's attention.

"Big. Cold. Blue. Yes?" Tony said and McGee could now see the tension in Tony's shoulders and the way he clenched and unclenched his good hand.

"Tony, this is very important, I need you to tell me where Gi-Boss is," Tim spoke, hoping his anxious tone was controlled somewhat, "Can you do that for me?"

"Secret. Secret. Surprise." Tony rattled off in quick succession and McGee rubbed his face. When Tony was anxious or extremely agitated, he often let off a litany of words, most of which made no sense. But sometimes, the words where what Tony was thinking about.

"Tony, Boss won't mind if you tell this secret, I promise," McGee said, tapping Tony's knee again, this time to emphasize his point, "Please Tony. Boss might be hurt and we have to find him."

"Secret. Missing. Find him, surprise," Tony nodded and rubbed his chest, frowning when his hand didn't come into contact with the dog tags.

Had he lost them too?

No, Tony bit his lip. He had left them because they go _click click_ and he had to be quiet.

But not anymore.

"Click. Lijah. Can I have my dog tags now?" Tony blurted out and his hand started rubbing small circles on his chest.

"Yes Tony, as soon as you tell me where Boss is," McGee leaned forward and tried to smile reassuringly at Tony, "Please Tony?"

"Click. Secret. His special place," Tony fidgeted in his seat, "Down. Special. Whenever Boss goes missing for awhile he told me to knock on his door where he takes the steps down. That's where he is when he goes missing."

Realizing that Tony had tried to logically solve the problem, McGee's smile faltered and his heart fell from his chest.

But then why was something suddenly-

"Ziva," McGee said, suddenly jumping out of his seat and scaring Tony, "Did our suspect's house have a basement?"

Ziva frowned and hit a few buttons on the computer, "No. However, every other house on that block does indeed have one."

"Thank you Tony!" McGee grabbed Tony's shoulder and quickly gave them a squeeze, "Stay here until Elijah comes and gets you, okay?"

"Click. Down. Secret. Surprise! But-" Tony tried to say but before he could even try and rise from his seat, Probie and Ziva were gone.

And Tony was alone with Baron.

* * *

_In a big room, the noises are really loud. _

_Which is why I can hear my heart going _pump pump _in my ears. _

_Probie and Ziva are gone cause I told them where I think Boss is. I don't know where they're going though. But I wish Boss was here. _

_Because the noise is really loud and I think I broke the surprise cause I told them._

_But I didn't meant to._


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N: How was everyone's week? Mine was torture and pain. However, it is Friday and because of this glorious fact, I have all day tomorrow to sleep and do absolutely nothing. -throws confetti in the air- Anyway, I wish I could respond to everyone's wonderful comments but there are just not enough hours in the day. However, I would like to say THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU. I am sending good thoughts your way. And okay...a tissue might be required for this chapter. Maybe. **

* * *

Chapter Twenty Three

_It's really quiet again and I'm at the hospital._

_Not for me though cause I'm not sick and I'm not doing therapy. I'm not doing anything._

_I'm here cause Boss is here and it's been really long since I told Probie about Boss' special place and now Probie says I can see Boss._

_At first when Lijah told me they found Boss, I wanted to see him right away because I really missed him. But Lijah said I couldn't because Boss was sick but I think it was because Boss was mad cause I told about his special place. I told them cause I wasn't sure if it was a secret or not but I told them anyway. Even though you're not suppose to tell secrets. And Boss might have been mad which was why he didn't see me._

_But Lijah told me that Boss was sleeping a lot longer after they found him, like I did before I first came home, and that Boss could only see me until now cause he was awake._

_I haven't cried, not once. I won't cry because Boss is safe now and it's stupid to cry now that Boss is safe._

_But my heart is going really really fast and I'm sitting in the very quiet hospital for Probie to come and get me so I can see Boss. I'm not in therapy and I'm not six. And I'm not doing anything except not crying._

_I won't cry._

_I won't._

* * *

Gibbs had lost track of the days in the small cellar. The two children, a boy about seven years old and a little girl about four years old, and been awake and moving when he had come to the first time in the cellar.

Of course, as time went on, each child started to succumb to the effects of dehydration and lack of food.

At least until a leaky pipe provided them with enough water to perk up just a bit. It had been a risk, to drink the water, but the littlest of the bunch had already started wilting when Gibbs had made the decision to drink it.

Gibbs had been injured, that much was certain, and based on the pain, he had been pretty sure it was a gunshot wound to his arm. Thankfully, the little boy, who was named Blake, helped Gibbs tie a mediocre pressure bandage on it to keep the blood from only seeping out of his wound. Virginia, the little girl, had cried the whole time, wanting her mommy and daddy and not wanting to be in the dark room.

Gibbs had cared for the two kids as best he could, and had waited. His team would find them, he was certain.

But the time continued and the kids were starting to get really hungry.

And just when Gibbs thought he was going to lose faith, he had heard the faint voice of his Senior Field Agent calling out to him. He knew McGee could handle the job. It had been icing on the cake them McGee had explained how they had found them. Tony still had his gut.

From there, it had taken another hour to dig them out of there tomb and thanks to rags and jackets that each kid had on when they had been snatched, neither child suffered hypothermia or frostbite.

However, the days of slow blood loss had caught up with Gibbs and it was only now, a day after he had been found, that Gibbs was awake and ready to get the hell out of the hospital and go home to his family.

He had woken up this morning asking McGee about Tony and while his agent had reassured him that Tony was fine, had been fine the whole time, Gibbs couldn't stop the churning in his gut until he saw Tony.

Which was going to be soon, if the footfalls, and pawfalls, in the hallway were anything to go by.

"Here he is Tony," Gibbs heard Ducky enter the room. His eyes were closed at the moment and he was currently rallying the strength to open them when he felt someone's-Tony's- hand on his arm.

"Boss," Tony's voice cracked and with his touch, Gibbs found enough strength to open his eyes.

"Hey bud," Gibbs smiled and lifted his good hand up to squeeze Tony's hand, "How are you?"

"Blue. Quiet. Surprise. Blue. Quiet. Quiet," Tony shook his head as he rattled off nonsensical things like he did when he was so worked up he couldn't get the right words out, "Quiet. Quiet. Broken. Quiet. Quiet. Secret. Down. Down. Shhhhhh," Gibbs watched as Tony's face started to crumble with his last word.

"Hey," Gibbs said in the most reassuring voice he could muster, "I'm gonna be just fine Tony. It's alright."

"Gone. Gone. Lost. Missing. Long time Boss," Tony bit his lip, hard by the looks of it, and shook his head as if he were trying to get his brain unscrambled, "No cry."

Seeing the look on Tony's face, Gibbs sighed, "Come here," Gibbs reached out and placed his good hand behind Tony's head, drawing the young man closer, "It's okay to cry. But I'm going to be fine. I'm going home."

And it was as if Gibbs had broken a dam with those words because suddenly Tony was scrambling onto Gibbs' bed and was sobbing his heart out into the T-shirt that McGee had brought him to change into.

"No leave," Tony shook his head desperately and cried in-between sobs, "No leave no more."

Gibbs held back a grunt when Tony almost dislodged the IV on his hand but squeezed Tony all that more tighter. Having the boy in his arms was better than any feeling he had felt for a long long time.

"It's gonna be okay Tony," Gibbs rubbed Tony's back and helped Ducky take Tony's helmet off. Running his fingers through Tony's golden brown hair, Gibbs carefully avoided the soft spot where the surgeons had removed part of Tony's skull.

"No," Tony shook his head and cried, "Blue. Cry. Not gonna be okay."

"It is Tony," Gibbs tried to reassure him as he felt his strength waning fast. He wouldn't be able to stay up much longer and he didn't want to fall asleep with Tony crying, "It's gonna be okay."

"Cry. No," Tony said, more firmly, "Okay. Not gonna. It is."

It took Gibbs a moment to understand what Tony meant but when he did, he smiled as his eyes started to close, "You're right Tony. It is okay."

"Okay. Quiet. Yes," Tony sighed and completely melted into Gibbs' side, "Tired. I wanna go home Boss. We should go home."

"You got that right kid," Gibbs mumbled, running his fingers through his charge's hair, hoping to settle the man down.

Tony nodded in agreement as he tried to stop the hiccups from coming out of his mouth.

"Home. They're gonna fix my head soon, huh Boss?" Tony said, his thoughts jumping around the way they normally did.

"Tony," Gibbs smiled as he waited for the nurse and McGee to come back in, "Far as I'm concerned, you're head is the farthest thing from broken."

* * *

Pacing the walkway in front of Gibbs' back door, Elijah tried not to look as anxious as he felt. Because the Gunny would expect more out of him and Elijah already felt as if he had let Gibbs down.

"Brooks? That you out there?" Gibbs said, opening the back door and placing his gun back in his holster. His scowl quickly morphed back into the slight frown that Gibbs normally wore when he wasn't talking or interacting with Tony. To Elijah, it reminded him a lot of a shield: the frown kept everyone around Gibbs from sometimes guessing what was going through his mind, "Come on in Brooks."

Knowing it was now or never, Elijah nodded and walked into the house quietly, knowing that more than likely, Tony was taking a nap.

Sure enough, Tony was currently passed out on then den's couch, his mouth slightly open and a drool puddle already forming under his cheek. Poor guy had been moody and weepy all day, not that anyone blamed him. Tony had held himself together while Gibbs had been missing-he deserved to let it go now that Gibbs was safe.

"Gunny," Elijah stepped back into the kitchen, ducking his head out of habit, "You feeling alright?"

"I'm doing fine," Gibbs' eye assessed the man in front of him, "Just a flesh wound. Ducky'll take the stitches out in a few days."

"That's uh, that's good," Elijah rubbed his face and looked around the kitchen for the words he couldn't find within himself.

Gibbs nodded and continued to look at the ex-Navy corpsman. It was quiet for a few minutes in which the only noise that could be heard was Baron, who was on the couch with Tony, chewing on his toy while Tony slept.

"Your mom doing okay?" Gibbs asked, breaking the stillness of the room.

"She's fine now," Elijah nodded, "One of the doctors switched her to another medication so it wouldn't make her so nauseous and she's back to her regular old self again."

"That's good to hear," Gibbs bit his tongue. He hated small talk but Elijah had something on his mind and Gibbs wasn't going to push until the younger man felt comfortable enough to talk about it.

But if it took Elijah longer than five minutes to settle down and speak his mind, Gibbs was going to have to say something to get the ball rolling.

"I lost him Gunny," Elijah finally blurted out, although he managed to keep his voice subdued as to not awaken the slumbering man on the couch. Baron however, lifted his head and shifted slightly away from Tony. The loss of warmth from the dog caused Tony to scowl in his sleep and scoot closer to his dog. Baron, who was content to rest his head on Tony's thigh, didn't mind Tony's cuddling efforts all that much. The big dog let out a content sigh and closed his eyes. His ears however, stayed up and alert, twitching whenever a noise sounded through the room.

"Lost who?" Gibbs asked after waiting a second or two to let Tony settle back down into a deep sleep.

"Tony, I-" Elijah rubbed his face and sighed, "The day they found you. I feel asleep in the living room while me and him were watching a movie and when I woke up, the front door was open, your dog tags were on the counter and Tony and Baron were nowhere to be found."

Not having heard of this incident, only that Tony had gone to NCIS headquarters to talk to the team, Gibbs scowled at the idea that Tony was alone, outside, during freezing temperatures.

"How did you find him?" Gibbs asked, walking towards the coffee machine. He knew he shouldn't but it was better than the glass of bourbon he wanted instead. Ducky would understand.

"I didn't," Elijah shook his head to the cup of coffee Gibbs silently offered him, "He showed up at NCIS, claiming he knew where you were. Like McGee told you, it was because of what Tony said that gave him the idea to check old building records for that psychos house but, I understand completely Gibbs if you want to fire me. What I did-I mean, if Tony had gotten hurt or worse, if he had gotten lost or taken…" Elijah stopped there and shook his head not wanting to continue.

"Brooks," Gibbs spoke after Elijah had reigned in his emotions. Using his best Gunnery Seargent voice, the one he used when one of his men were in need of a little kick in the butt, Gibbs leveled the much larger man with a look, "You see that man right there?" Gibbs asked, pointing to the slumbering former NCIS agent who was currently starting to snore.

"Yes," Elijah nodded, not knowing where Gibbs was going with his questions.

"And do you see," Gibbs continued, his gaze softening as he looked at his ward sleeping on the couch, "That he's okay? That he isn't sick, that his asthma is okay, that he's improving in physical therapy and that he has a very well trained seizure alert dog?"

Elijah nodded, feeling the red in his skin as it covered his face.

"All those things, he has because you help him. Especially while I was missing. Did you know, that while I was in that hole, I didn't worry myself to death over where Tony was? Sure, I knew he would be upset because I was gone but I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was going to be alright. Okay, he got out of the house but then again, Tony isn't a little five year old. As limited as he may be, he's still an adult. And he chose to leave the house and go to NCIS even if he won't tell a soul how he got there."

"So," Gibbs finished. He was a man of few words dang it, and here he was becoming a softy in his old age, "If you want to leave, I'm not stopping you. But I know that my team, my family, would have had a much harder time these past few days if you hadn't been here. And I would like it very much if you stayed."

Elijah, at a loss for words, nodded his thanks and stood up, "I'll uh, I'll just go make sure I didn't park the car in front of the fire hydrant."

"And I'll be here," Gibbs said, seeing Elijah's escape for what it was. The younger man needed a few minutes to collect himself and his thoughts together. Gibbs knew what that felt like and saw no need in make Elijah stay in his company while he got rid of some of the extra burden he had decided on carrying.

But Gibbs wasn't worried that Elijah would leave. Tony's aide had gotten the message.

Which was good, Gibbs thought. He didn't think he had any words left in him after that.

* * *

_Boss is hurt. But not like me. He just has a bad arm but that's only because the doctor won't let him use it. Sometimes, I don't get doctors. My hand is bad and my doctors make sure I use my bad hand all the time but Boss' bad arm has to stay wrapped up and really close to his body. I asked him if he wanted me to massage it like he does when my band arm is hurting but Boss said no because he got shot so the wound has to heal which is why he can't use his band arm like I'm suppose to use mine._

_I didn't get shot. I got in a car accident. Which is why I don't like cars. Trucks are okay though because they're a lot bigger than cars which is good because when we took Boss home, it was in a truck, not a car._

_I think Boss' band arm hurts him a lot, but he doesn't like taking his medicine because it makes him fall asleep. I told him that's what mine does too when I first take it but after awhile it doesn't do that anymore. Boss just smiled and gave me a hug which is him sorta saying that he was agreeing with me but that he wasn't gonna take the medicine anyway._

_He's stubborn that way._

_I think Baron agrees with me because he just huffs when he lies down on my bed but Lijah told me that he was huffing at me because I wouldn't lay down and go to sleep. _

_It was hard, going to sleep when Boss wasn't home. The house didn't feel right and I wanted Boss to come home._

_But Boss is home now. _

_And I'm really really glad he's okay._


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N: -slowly surfaces for air- Shessh. That was one of the longest months of my life. Other than July 4th, I particularly dislike the month of July. In my opinion, August (my birthday) and September (NCIS is back) are much better months to be it. :) Once again, sorry this took so long. Summer session was brutal and I didn't have much time to do anything but eat, work, sleep, and go to school. But fall semester doesn't start for another month so hopefully I can get the story done before then. -fingers cross- Hugs and happy thoughts to all those who view, and review, and to those who just lurk and read, thank for enjoying my story. Next update will be up in a few days. **

* * *

Chapter Twenty Four

_Boss is in therapy, like me. Only it's different, cause my therapy is different cause I didn't get hurt like Boss did. But Boss is somewhere else that's not where I am even those he's doing the same thing I am so Lijah had to come with me which is okay because Lijah is learning some of the stuff I have to do because Boss knows how to do everything with me but one of the doctors said that now that he's hurt, he can't help me till he's better so Lijah is learning some of the stuff so on the days I don't have therapy, me and Lijah can do it so I can keep getting stronger. _

_My PT says I'm getting chubby which is a good thing I think because now my pants are fitting me without me having to get Lijah or Boss to help me put on a belt. That and my belly is soft like Probie's is but when I said that in front of Boss after PT, Boss laughed and told me that Probie's belly shouldn't be soft._

_I don't mind if his belly is soft, because then he matches mine. My legs and my hands are getting stronger, specially my good side. My bad hand still shakes though, but it's okay because if I hold it with my good hand, like when I'm sitting down or standing, it stops shaking._

_It's a good thing my bad leg doesn't shake like my bad arm cause then I don't think I would be able to walk as good as I can now. I can walk really good now, but I still can't walk fast because if I do I fall. But Boss is always telling me not to go fast because when I do, I miss things that are really important and when that happens, I don't get to see everything I should see._

_Boss doesn't walk fast most of the time. The only times he walks fast is if he's coming to help me when I fall or when I'm hurt or when I'm in trouble. He use to walk fast too, when Baron didn't know how to walk on a leash cause Baron sometimes would pull and Baron is really strong, like Lijah, and once he pulled so hard Boss almost dropped the leash._

_But Baron doesn't pull anymore which is why I get to hold his leash all the time now. Well, not all the time like when I'm in therapy. He has to stay by Lijah and Lijah is most the time sitting on a chair by the door. Baron had to go to the restroom during my therapy because he started sticking his nose in the door and scratching it._

_So Lijah wasn't there the whole time but my PT is nice and afterwards, I got to go back to where Boss was._

_He was tired cause his eyes were all crinkly in the corners and he smiled like he was tired but I was tired too. _

_Lijah took us home, which was good cause I was tired but I had a surprise or a secret. I had both I think but I didn't want Lijah or Boss to know._

_Which is hard cause keeping secrets is a quiet thing to do._

_And I have a hard time being quiet now._

* * *

Gibbs removed his injured arm from his sling carefully, not wanting to jar the still tender flesh. The bullet wound had damaged some of the muscle in his arm and as it healed, he was experiencing pain and weakness in the appendage, which was expected.

What Gibbs hated the most about the whole situation was that he no longer healed as fast as he had back when he had been on the other side of the hill. And with Christmas coming upon them fast, Gibbs had wanted to do something special with Tony before he went in for his surgery and wouldn't be able to do anything till after New Years. But plans had changed and it look like this year, Elijah and the team were going to help him set up the tree and lights for Tony.

It would be a good surprise for Tony when he came home from the hospital a before Christmas.

"See you tomorrow Gunny," Elijah leaned in as he passed by, "Want me to pick up anything?"

"No, we're fine," Gibbs sighed as he adjusted his arm against his body, "You sure you don't want to stay for dinner? Ziva's bringing it and she cooks quite the spread."

"No," Elijah shook his head, "Thank you for your offer but I promised my mom I would eat with her for dinner."

"See you tomorrow then," Gibbs stood from the couch and walked Elijah to the door.

"Bright and early," Elijah nodded. He was almost completely out of the door when he remembered something, "Gunny, does Tony know about tomorrow?"

"I've told him and it's been on the calendar for two months," Gibbs gestured back into the house, "But I'll remind him again tonight. We have to be at the hospital by 5 for check in."

Elijah smiled nervously at the situation before speaking, hoping the light banter would call him nerves over worrying for his friend, "Tony's not going to like waking up that early."

Gibbs nodded in agreement, sensing the younger man's trepidation about tomorrows events, "If that's the biggest problem I have tomorrow, then I'll be alright with it."

* * *

Tony watched the street through his window. He was suppose to be sleeping because he was tired but he was waiting.

He had made a promise, and he had to be very careful not to break it because promises were something that Gibbs never broke. So Tony didn't want to break them either.

But it was hard. Because he was really really tired.

"Sleep. Shush. I'm tired Baron," Tony said around a yawn, "You think he's still coming Baron? He promised he would, remember?" Tony watched the car pass by the house. It wasn't the one he was looking for which was good cause he hated cars. Tony heard some rumblings coming from downstairs. Rumblings meant Boss was talking to someone. He was probably talking to Elijah because Elijah had a deep voice like Boss and the rumblings sounded deep. Like Boss and Elijah normally sounded. Sooner or later though, the rumblings stopped and Tony heard the door open to outside.

"Bye Lijah," Tony tapped the window gently as he watched Elijah walk down the steps and drive away after he got in his car. Elijah was crazy. He drove a car. Tony didn't like cars, not anymore.

"Car. Listen Baron," Tony whispered, turning around to look at his slightly closed door, "Ssshh. Secret. Boss has to go down. To his space where he builds things. Then we can go. But not till then Baron."

Tony listened quietly. Sure enough, a few seconds later Tony heard the _thump thump_ as Gibbs went down to his special place where Tony had never been because he didn't like the basement. But it was Gibbs' special place anyway so Tony didn't think he was missing much. Besides, that's were Boss went we he needed to think. Tony had a special place to, his room, and when he wanted to think he came to his room. But Boss' was down the stairs were Tony didn't like to go.

"Down. Okay Baron," Tony smiled when he saw the black truck pull up by his house, "Let's go. But quiet Baron, quiet."

* * *

Gibbs jerked awake.

Someone was knocking on his door.

Groaning, Gibbs slipped his arm back in the sling. Climbing the stairs would be a pain in the butt if he tried without the sling. His head hurt the way it always did when he took pain killers.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Gibbs grumbled as he climbed the stairs. Was it already time for Ziva and the rest of the team to come over? Elijah had left a little after 3 and the team wasn't suppose to visit till later in the evening.

"Gibbs!" Abby said, opening the door and frowning when she saw Gibbs closing the door to the basement, "Boss! Your doctor said you weren't suppose to do anything strenuous."

Confronted with Abby's scowl, Gibbs smirked, "Just thinking Abbs, I promise."

Abby hummed her disapproval and shook her head, "Tony in his room?"

"He's taking a nap," Gibbs rubbed his face before checking his watch, "Hmm. He should be awake by now though. Why don't you go check Abby?"

"No problem," Abby smiled before she quietly, just in case Tony was still sleeping, climbed the stairs to Tony's room.

Watching the forensic scientist climb the stairs, Gibbs smiled, glad to be back safely in his home.

Right around then, the front door opened again this time revealing Ziva and McGee, who was helping Ziva bring in the food she had cooked for everyone.

"We would have been here sooner, however, McGee almost dropped-"

"After you almost hit me with the-"

"Had I intended to hit you with anything McGee, you would have surely been-"

"See, you did intend to kill me with the-"

"Boss!" Abby yelled, the worry heavily laden in her tone.

Fearing the worst, Gibbs had started to climb the stairs when Abby appeared at the top.

"Tony's not here."

And just like that, the safety that Gibbs' home held was shattered as quickly as a mirror that had been dropped on the cold hard floor.

* * *

"Hmmm," Tony hummed to himself as the truck drove away. It was cold and his face hurt but he used his good hand to pull up the warm thing around his neck that Boss made him wear cause it was cold.

"Warm. Cold. It's cold Baron," Tony spoke to his dog who was sniffing and whining at his feet, "Cold. Baron, stop. We have to go home."

Tony looked up and scowled. It wasn't snowing but the ground was all white. Except the sidewalk, which wasn't which was good cause Tony knew he wouldn't have been able to walk if the white was still all over where he was suppose to walk.

"Home. Baron. Stop," Tony bit his lip. Baron was acting funny and if he didn't stop Tony wouldn't be able to go back inside before Boss-

"TONY!"

"Home. Uh-oh," Tony whispered and bit his lip. That sounded like angry Boss like he did when he use to talk on his phone all the time. Tony bit his lip again and touched his helmet. His hair was puffy underneath his helmet and it itched cause it always did when he wore his blue helmet to keep his head safe.

"Blue. Cold. Boss," Tony didn't want to yell cause it would hurt his head but he didn't want to not tell Boss that he was here. Cause Boss might be worried about being out in the cold so long cause Tony was pretty sure that Boss sometimes forgot his jacket cause Tony almost had if it hadn't been right by the door.

"Jacket. Cold. Secret. Boss," Tony tried again when Boss kept walking the wrong way. It was kinda dark so Tony didn't blame Boss but he better turn around soon cause Tony's legs were starting to feel like mush and he was really cold.

Tony almost started crying, frustrated that he couldn't do what he wanted but right before he did Baron started barking.

He was a good dog.

* * *

"Tony!" McGee called as he checked the front yard with Gibbs. Abby and Ziva were checking the back to see if there were any clues that way but McGee doubted they would find anything out there. The doors had been closed and as much as McGee knew about Tony's dexterity, he was pretty sure Tony wouldn't have been able to unlock and lock the doors.

"Tony!" McGee heard the barking a few seconds before he heard Gibbs' voice pierce through the cold air.

Running over to where he had heard the noise coming from, McGee breathed a huge sigh of relief when he practically ran into Gibbs' back.

Gibbs was running his non-injured hand over Tony's arms and doing a quick visual check with his eyes, "Son, what the he-Tony," Gibbs tried to calm down but McGee could tell that his worry was spilling over and showing as anger, something he hoped Tony understood.

"Tony, why are you out here in the cold?" McGee watched as Gibbs pulled Tony in close before looking down at Baron. Baron was pawing at Tony's pant leg and kept shoving his muzzle into Tony's bad hand. Gibbs looked back up at Tony and seemed to see something in the young man's eyes.

"Hurry McGee, we need to get him back to the house," Gibbs turned to his Senior Field Agent and started to gently lead Tony the last ten or so yard to the house, "I think Baron is alerting to a seizure."

"Come on Tony," McGee quickly stepped forward when Tony started to cry. He didn't want Tony to have a seizure outside in the cold and snow, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Blue. Cold. I don' feel good Boss," Tony was biting his lip and his movements were slow, as if he were moving in molasses.

Staring at McGee until his agent got it, Gibbs grunted in pain when he and his agent picked up Tony and carried him the rest of the way.

McGee helped Gibbs sit Tony down on the couch and was in the process of getting his phone out to call the girls when Tony started seizing.

* * *

_I wish I could remember everything._

_Everything would be a lot better then. Because I feel like I'm broken. I have holes in my head and the holes make it hard to think and work._

_Boss remembers everything. He remembers me getting hurt and me from before and me not having a bad side. He remembers Kate when she wasn't just a name on the inside of my blue helmet and he remembers when I didn't need a blue helmet with names on it and a book that has things that I should be able to remember but I don't._

_He remembers everything and I remember holes. Cause I'm broken and I can't fix it. Cause the holes I have don't go away._

_But I just want to know. I want to know about before and about Kate and about everything._

_I want to know why I had to have holes and why the black truck that comes to see me doesn't stay even when I want it too. I want to know why I have to have the shakes and why I have to have a blue helmet._

_I want to know but I can't._

_But sometimes it's okay cause Boss is here and I'm tired and I had a shake but it's going to be okay because Boss can watch everything. Which is good cause he doesn't have holes._

_But I have one. Or maybe lots._

_I can't remember right now cause I'm really tired. _


	26. Chapter 25

**A/N: Thanks to all who read and reviewed. They are all greatly appreciated. Next chapter should be up sometime next week. this chapter took a bit longer to write however, mainly because I had a evil little plot bunny that attacked and didn't let me go till I wrote a one-shot that I've also uploaded. So, hopefully with that outta the way, the next update will come quicker. :) Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

Chapter Twenty Five

_It's hot hot hot._

_I can't breathe. _

_I wanna go home. But I can't cause its hot and everything is slipping like the wet sand did when Boss took me with Baron to the beach with the lines in the sand._

_Not Baron. Baron wasn't there. It was someone else. Someone else that drew that lines and let the waves erase the scars._

_Who was at the sand and the wet? There was someone but I can't remember. And everything hurts. _

_And I can't…can't…it hurts._

_Slipping away._

_I can't hold on. I'm gonna go back to sleep now._

* * *

Gibbs paced the neurosurgery floor impatiently. Tony's cranioplasty surgery hadn't gone as well as they would have hoped but Gibbs decided not be picky, considering everything had gone off relatively well. But really sometimes, he just wished his kid would catch a break. Tony's brain swelling had finally gone down enough for the surgeons to put the bone flap back in his head so that he would no longer have the "soft" spot. But they had run into a few problems when they had started the surgery.

"This is a setback indeed," Ducky had nodded gravely as he had fully removed his surgical mask, "The neurosurgeron and Dr. Clarke are discussing the further options before presenting them to you. Most likely, they will replace the bone flap that was removed with a synthetic plate and deal with the infection that is causing so many problems separately."

"What about his intracranial pressure? Has it risen?" Gibbs asked. The rest of the team had gone home and Elijah was with Baron. Gibbs was partially happy that he was alone. At least this way, he didn't have to pretend he wasn't terrified.

"A slight pressure raise is to be expected with this type of situation however, the doctors are currently treating the rise with a diuretic. So far, our Anthony is doing the best he possible could."

"Will he be home for Christmas?" Gibbs asked a few minutes later, after he had absorbed the curve ball fate had thrown at them.

"Only time will tell," Ducky frowned, thinking about the turn of events that Anthony found himself in, "Two weeks could see him home and well. However, I had better return to my post. I will come out once again when Tony is out of surgery."

"Thanks Duck," Gibbs watched as his friend left. Finding one of the many chairs unoccupied in the neurosurgical waiting room, Gibbs hoped that Tony would be out of surgery soon.

And that his kid would just catch a break.

* * *

Tony hurt.

Really really bad.

He had a head hurt.

Ache.

Headache.

"'ossss," Tony cried cause his head hurt and it was hot. Why was it hot? Boss could take away the headhurt. No headache. Boss could take away the headache. Could he take away the hot?

"oo ey," Tony's head hurt.

"Hey Tony," someone said the words really quite like Lijah did when he was watching a movie and he didn't want to talk louder than the people that were talking on the TV screen.

"Owww," Tony didn't want to open his eyes again. It made the head hurt bad.

"Come on Tony, you gotta open those big green eyes I know you have," the voice said really quite again and Tony frowned.

"Nooo," Tony didn't want to move but the voice was asking really nicely like Boss did when he needed Tony to wake up after Tony had had a shake. But Tony didn't move and a long long time later the voice went away.

But then another voice came back.

"Hey Tony, come on bud, open those eye for me."

Tony tried to smile even though he had a head hurt but it came out like tears instead cause he hurt.

"oss," Tony tried to open his eyes even though his eyelids felt like his bad arm and legs felt after physical therapy. It hurt, when Tony opened his eyes and he made a nose he thought because Boss rubbed his shoulder like he did when he wanted Tony to wake up after a nap.

"Hey, can we turn down the light Hannah?"

"No problem Special Agent Gibbs," Tony frowned. The other voice was here with Boss now?

Was Boss gone?

"Boss," Tony tried to move his hand but it felt funny, like he was really heavy. But he must have moved it a little cause someone moved it for him. Tony frowned cause other people had moved his hand before too but this wasn't other people.

Boss was right there. Tony knew cause the hand in his hand was exactly how Boss' hand felt.

"'ired 'oss," Tony wanted to feel his head cause it felt funny.

"I know Tony. You did a really good job opening your eyes bud," Boss put one of his hands on Tony's cheek and Tony sighed as Boss gently brushed the wetness off his face. Normally Boss brushed Tony's hair but Tony felt something on his head that was making it itch. Was it causing his head hurt?

Boss started rubbing his chest and Tony didn't understand. Did Boss want Tony to go to sleep or stay awake? Cause he was making him really…really…

"He's asleep," Gibbs smiled at Tony before looking over his shoulder at the nurse who was busy checking Tony's vitals and IV line.

"I just gave him his next dose of pain meds which probably helped a bit," the nurse, Hannah, nodded and charted the IV push onto Tony's chart, "We had to wait for him to come out of the anesthesia to make sure his baseline vitals and pupil response were alright. He seems to be doing really well."

"How long will he be in ICU?" Gibbs asked, his eyes watching the monitors. He had become fairly acquainted with them since that fateful night and now staring up at them again was like jumping back in the saddle.

"A day or two, then depending on his progress, we'll move him into step-down then a regular room."

Gibbs nodded and looked back at Tony, who was currently sleeping in the quiet room.

"You gonna come home for Christmas Tony?" Gibbs asked as he rubbed his ward's chest, mindful not to displace any wires or leads.

But instead of answering, Tony continued to sleep.

Knowing that the schedule visiting hours would be over soon, Gibbs glanced at his phone before he remembered he had turned it off. Knowing the rest of the team would like to know how the surgery went, Gibbs kissed Tony gently on the only part of his forehead that wasn't covered in bandages and proceeded to step out of the room so he could make a phone call.

* * *

Later that day after grabbing something to eat form the cafeteria, Gibbs was making his way out of the ICU floor when he spotted his team in the waiting area.

"Abs," Gibbs let out a huff and a laugh when saw Abby but also the rest of the team was sitting in the waiting room on the ICU floor, "What are you guys doing here?"

"Director Vance gave all of us a pass since we couldn't see Tony yesterday," Abby explained after giving her Boss his customary hug, "How's Tony? Can I go see him?"

"Yeah Abs, but he might be asleep so be quiet," Gibbs smiled fondly, "Same drill as last time."

Nodding, Abby grabbed McGee's hand and walked towards the double doors to be buzzed through.

"Hey Ziver," Gibbs kissed Ziva gently on the head, hoping the action would calm the nerves of the restless former Mossad Agent, "He's doing good."

"That is good," Ziva nodded and tried to smile back at Gibbs but her smile seemed to crumble before it even fully formed on her face, "I, I should be at the office. Someone should be there, in the event that a call comes in-"

"Ziva, Tony is okay. This isn't like last time. Doc thinks he'll be home in a week," Gibbs grabbed both of Ziva's shoulders, "Wait, before you leave. Come back with me and see him."

Ziva shook her head, more out of frustration than disagreeing with what Gibbs was saying, "I cannot keep doing this. I know that is something awful for me to say but Tony…Tony is my friend, my partner, no matter if he no longer works with us on the team. How he looked then, I do not think I would have been able to handle much more and now-"

"Come on Ziva," Gibbs gave Ziva a hug when he caught site of McGee and Abby making their way back.

"He's awake, and he wants to see you," Abby said to Gibbs, whipping the tears from her eyes. Her smile though showed that they were tears of happiness rather than sadness, "And he asked about Elijah. Where is Tony's body guard?"

"He's not Tony bodyguard," Gibbs laughed good-maturely, "But I sent him home with Baron. He should be back tomorrow. Now, come on Ziva. Let's go say hi to Tony."

Gibbs and Ziva made their way through the ICU hallway a few minutes later. Gibbs walked through the doorway first and smiled at the site of Tony awake and smiling at the nurse who was talking to him.

"Hey Tony," Gibbs gently rubbed the younger man's chest to gain his attention.

"Boss," Tony smiled and lifted his good hand up and not so gently touched Gibbs face, "Wrap. You're prickly."

Gibbs nodded, realizing that he hadn't shaved the morning Tony had gone into surgery. He was certainly sporting the 5'oclock shadow now.

"Did Abby and Probie come in and see you?" Gibbs asked, glancing back at Ziva who was standing by the doorway.

"Probie. Yes," Tony nodded. His eyes wandered away from Gibbs' face and Gibbs knew Tony's short attention span was most likely caused by the morphine drip he was now set up on, "Ziva."

Hearing her name, Ziva stepped forward and smiled, this time a genuine one gracing her features, "Hello Tony. I am glad you are well."

Tony smiled and almost nodded off. He opened his eyes moments later though and looked at Ziva, "Quiet. Can you sing again?"

Thrown off by his request, Ziva blushed, "Sing again?"

"You sing," Tony nodded and tried to lift his good arm to his head, "Make head hurt go 'way."

Gibbs looked at his Agent out of the corner of his eye and couldn't help but smile when the some of the anxiety drained from Ziva's face and was replaced by a caring and loving smile.

"I will sing then Tony," Ziva nodded and sat down on the chair Gibbs offered. Leaning forward and tracing Tony's features gently with her fingertips, Ziva began to sing a Hebrew lullaby.

Nodding, Tony leaned into Ziva's touch and when Ziva pulled her hand away after it touched one of Tony's bandages, Tony opened his eyes and whispered, "Sing. No hurt me Ziva. You never hurt me."

And as if Tony's words were a calming ointment, Ziva's shoulders loosened the rest of the way and she leaned forward and continued singing.

Gibbs was so entranced with Ziva that he almost didn't catch the fleeting person in the hallway.

Feeling his gut churn almost instantly and the hair on the back of his neck stand on edge, Gibbs wish he had his gun, if only to scare the man that was currently walking away from Tony's room.

"Mr. DiNozzo," Gibbs said, loud enough to grab the man's attention but not loud enough to disturb any of the other patients in the ICU ward.

The man stopped walking and as Gibbs took the last few steps and grabbed the man's shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Special Agent Gibbs," Anthony DiNozzo Sr. smiled, the kind of smile that reminded Gibbs so much of Tony it made Gibbs' skin crawl, "I believe as a father I have every right to make sure my son is well after his surgery. I did not do anything to disrupt you or him."

"You have no right to be here," Gibbs whispered, wishing he was somewhere he could yell and scream in anger, "I will not have you come in and disturb him. So if you want to talk to Tony, you can go through our lawyers, like you have been doing since I called that night. Now get out of this hospital, you are no longer wanted here."

Instead of the fight Gibbs anticipated, DiNozzo Senior nodded his head and smiled sadly, "I will be seeing you Special Agent Gibbs. A father will be with his son eventually."

And before Gibbs could calm his rage enough to respond to the man, Senior was gone, through the doors and hopefully, out of their lives.

Rubbing his face, Gibbs couldn't wait until Tony was home.

* * *

_It's dark and light all the time. My head hurts when I open my eyes but when I open my eyes, Boss is there._

_But my head hurts. I want to go home._

_I don't like it here._

_But Ziva and Probie and Abby are here too. Cause I remember them. Abby and Probie are nice and they're quiet and they don't make loud noises or make me open my eyes. Probie is nice to but sometimes he gets really nervous like he's gonna drop something or say wrong words like I do. But I told him not to worry cause he didn't get a head hurt and Probie never says wrong words. Sometimes though a word gets stuck on his tongue like he used glue to keep it there and now he can't get off._

_But Ziva is nice too. She sings really quiet and she rubs my head sorta and it makes the head hurt go away. _

_Ziva doesn't speak English when she sings cause she speaks another language that her mom use to sing. That's what she told me and I remember cause my dad use to sing in another language that doesn't sound like Ziva's or Boss'. _

_But when she sings it reminds me of before, really really before, when I was little. _

_I wish it was before. Cause before I could sing too, just not like Ziva._

_I could sing along with a really deep deep voice that was like Boss' when he helps me. The deep deep voice wasn't me though cause before I didn't have a deep deep voice. But someone did._

_And I think it wasn't Boss but someone else. And I remember who but I don't want to say cause it's a secret._

_Or a surprise. _

_I'm not sure which one._

_But Ziva makes the head hurt go away and Boss is always there making sure I'm okay. _

_And I really want to go home. _


	27. Chapter 26

**A/N: Sorry this took longer than expected to get updated. The story hit a crossroads here (in my mind anyway) and I had to spend a few days arguing with myself to see which road I wanted to take to get to were I want to go. So, after a day or two of frustration, I finally just sat on the computer and wrote. And I was cautiously pleased with what came out. I hope you guys like it as well. As always, thanks so much to all those who read, favorite, alert and review. I am sending you imaginary brownies as we speak. Next chapter should be up sometime before next weekend. No promises though, cause my b-day is fast approaching. :D**

* * *

Chapter Twenty Six

_Home. I'm going home. I like home. Home is where Baron is and where Elijah is and where Boss and Ziva and Probie and Abby and everyone can see me without having to go somewhere else besides my home. My home has my blue room with my pillow and my bed and my movies and all my food._

_But before I can go home Boss has to come. Boss is with the doctors who fixed my head, even though Boss said I wasn't broke. _

_They made it hurt really bad for awhile but now it doesn't hurt all the time. I have to wear my blue helmet though, just in case._

_But that's okay. My hair is gone again, which is really really sad cause I spent a long time growing it but Abby says my hair is like a weed, even though I don't think it's very green. My hair is brown sometimes and sometimes it's blonde. It changes lots of times. Boss' is just gray though which is good cause I don't want his to change. _

_He needs to stay the same. I like him cause he always stays the same._

_I want to scratch my head but I can't cause of my helmet. But itches._

_A lot._

* * *

"Blue. You're not Boss," Tony scowled when an older man walked through the doorway. He was wearing a nice suit, not that Tony particularly noticed, but he walked forward and set his hand on Tony's shoulder like Boss always did, "Black. Who are you?"

"You don't remember me Tony?" the man asked, a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. His face was wrinkly like Boss' but in different places, "I'm a secret remember?"

Tony looked at the man for a long moment, trying to remember. He was having a hard time though cause his head was starting to hurt.

"Hurt. Surprise. Sal?" Tony asked, his tone unsure but a smile slowly forming on his face as he remembered exactly who the man before him was, "Secret. Yes. Quiet. A secret. Ssshh. I remember."

"I'm glad you remember Tony," Sal smiled kindly.

Tony remembered Sal now. Sal was really nice. And he was always with his dad. But Sal was talking so Tony squinted at Sal, trying to catch his words. Sal talked a little funny but that was cause Sal didn't talk like Boss did all the time. He talked in another language and that was why his mouth sometimes said words funny.

"Hi Sal," Tony smiled cause he felt bad for forgetting Sal. Sal was someone he knew when he was really smaller…no, smaller wasn't the right word…little. Younger. That was it. Tony knew Sal since he was younger, like, when he was a little kid.

Sal smiled back at Tony, "You're dad wanted to come Tony. But he couldn't make it. But I have to tell you something really important okay? You promise not to tell anyone?"

Tony bit his lip and closed his eyes. A promise was important. If he said yes, he was gonna have to make sure he never broke it.

"Kay," Tony whispered and opened his eyes, looking at Sal. Sal had hair that was darker than his own brown hair and he head specks of gray in it that reminded Tony of the color Boss' hair was. But Sal wasn't like Boss even though he was nice to Tony.

"Okay Tony," Sal said, tapping Tony's knee to make sure the younger man was looking at him. When he had made eye contact with Tony, Sal smiled before leaning in and whispering in Tony's ear.

Tony listened quietly to the promise before nodding again, his eyes watering up as he worked hard to keep from crying.

"Hey, no crying," Sal wiped the tears away with the silk handkerchief he took out of his pocket, "You just wait and I promise I'll be back."

"But I don't want you to have to leave," Tony whispered, "Why do you have to leave?

"I'll be back Tony," Sal said again, not answering Tony's question. Tony didn't seem to notice.

"And Dad too?" Tony bit his lip and looked at the door as if someone was standing there.

"And Dad too," Sal nodded before looking at the clock on the wall, "I have to go now Tony. Be good."

Tony nodded and watched as his friend walked out of the room. He started crying again and tried to wipe the tears away but he couldn't cause even his good hand was shaking so bad he couldn't bring it to his face to take the wetness away.

Awhile later, Tony didn't know how long, Boss walked in.

"Hey, we're about ready-" Boss paused when he caught sight of Tony. He hurried over, setting the discharge papers down on the table before he got to Tony, "Tony, what's wrong?"

Tony didn't say anything, but instead he bit his lip. He couldn't tell Boss cause that would be telling the secret.

"Why you crying bud?" Gibbs asked, using his thumb to wipe the tears away, "Is your head hurting?"

Tony shook his head but then flinched when his head started to hurt, "Owww."

Gibbs watched Tony carefully, looking to see if Tony was going to have a migraine. He had had a few after the surgery but in the past couple of days, they had all but disappeared. Not knowing for sure what was causing Tony's distress, Gibbs sighed and gently brought Tony in for a hug.

"I know it hurts Tony, but remember what Dr. Clarke said? It's gonna hurt but just for a little bit. If it's hurting that bad though, I need to go get a nurse okay? Maybe you should stay here one more day, just in case," Gibbs would prefer having Tony at home but if was too soon for him to come home, then Gibbs knew it would do more harm than good to have Tony home, "Do you need me to go get a nurse?"

"No-no hurt," Tony let out a deep shaky breath, "Blue. Ouch. Secret. Shhh. I wanna go home Boss. Please."

"Alright then," Gibbs gently massaged Tony's bad arm, working the tense muscle loose again, "Let's go home."

"Kay," Tony nodded and took another deep breath, "Baron. Stairs. Home."

Gibbs nodded, a bit concerned that something more than a slight headache was what was causing Tony to cry. Gibbs didn't push the issue though, knowing that the younger man would tell him when he was ready, "We'll go home."

Tony agreed once more before gently touching Gibbs' arm.

"What's the matter Tony?"

"Blue. Can we get freeze brain first?"

Gibbs smiled, "Yeah Tony. Let's go get some ice cream."

* * *

Being back home after his surgery reminded Tony of the first time he had come home a long time ago. It was different this time though, cause he had Baron and Elijah and he knew where the stairs where and he knew what happened to Kate.

Sal and Dad had promised him, and they had kept their promise.

But that didn't mean it had to make him really sad. It was what he remember from before that made him sad, kinda like what Tony had remembered long ago the nightmare of the night where it had been raining and he had been with Abby.

He didn't want to tell Boss that he knew because it would probably make him sad. But Baron wouldn't tell anyone.

"Stay. Baron, you never leave," Tony pressed his face into his dog's beautiful brushed coat. Elijah had given Baron a bath and had brushed him. He was all nice and clean and Baron smelled like home.

Tony was laying down cause his head hurt but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the tears from falling when he thought of _before._

"Kate. I miss before Baron," Tony whispered and rubbed his dog's head. Baron didn't move but Tony could feel Baron breathe as his chest went up and down, up and down.

"Let's take a nap," Tony told his dog who seemed to agree with Tony, the German Shepherd letting out a sigh of contentment. It was quiet for awhile before Tony talked again, unable to keep the words inside.

"Baron," Tony closed his eyes, "I wanna tell Boss the secret. But I think…I don't think he'll like it. I can't remember if he liked him from before. If I could remember, I think…" Tony quietly ran his fingers through Baron's lush coat.

"Secret. I promised though," Tony continued, "Boss said not to break promises. So I shouldn't. But I don't know. Is it ever okay to break promises?"

Baron stayed silent, which Tony knew he would. He wished though he could talk to someone about it, someone that wouldn't tell anyone about anything.

"Blue. Kate didn't die cause she was sick Baron," Tony bit his lip, suddenly changing the subject cause of the memory that he had remembered when he was at the hospital, the one he didn't want to tell anyone about, "But I knew that, I think. You know those nightmares?"

"Boom," Tony whispered and closed his eyes again, hoping he'd go to bed with no more nightmares.

* * *

Gibbs quietly played a game of Gin Rummy with Elijah, the young man being the only one Gibbs had ever met to actually give him a run for his money.

Well anyone other than Tony. But that had been over a year ago.

"Gibbs?" Elijah asked, "Are you still planning on having Christmas?"

Scratching the stubble that he had neglected to shave for the past three or four days, Gibbs sighed, "I lost track of the days and didn't even realize it was the 23th until earlier today when I was giving Tony his meds. We could, I suppose, though it will be hard to get a tree and I haven't been able to get Tony anything, other than what I already made him."

Gibbs had made Tony a beautiful shelf, one that had enough shelves to hold all his movies. Tony had gotten it earlier this month because Gibbs hadn't wanted to make his ward wait for Christmas just to put his movies somewhere.

"Well," Elijah said, picking up a three from the discard pile before laying down a Queen, "My mom has a tree. And both of your presents wrapped and ready. And I would be honored if you two came for Christmas. I know your father is coming down for New Years but my brothers would love to meet you guys."

Very much touched by Elijah's offer, Gibbs looked at the man he had hired to be Tony's aid. Somehow Gibbs had ended up working with some of the kindest people on earth. Gibbs was glad that Elijah was one of them.

"I'll have to ask Tony in the morning," Gibbs said before smirking and picking up the Queen.

"Crap," Elijah said, working the tally in his head. Gibbs had already picked up a King and 10 of that same suit. If any of the cards Gibbs had picked up had been the Jack or Ace, Elijah was pretty sure he better be ready to place his cards down soon.

"Shouldn't have done that," Gibbs said around his smile. He reorganized his cards once before knocking.

"Dang it," Elijah set his cards down.

And Gibbs was just about to start adding the points when both men heard the scream from upstairs.

* * *

Tony closed his eyes tighter, wanting the picture to go away. Before, it had always been flashes like the camera made when Abby took his picture like she liked to do all the time.

Then Tony had remembered, but he only knew the words and what they meant. He remembered boom. Shot. Dead.

But he hadn't remembered seeing it. Until now.

It was bad. Bad, bad bad.

And it wasn't going away like a hurt did after it came. Normally a hurt came, it hurt and then Gibbs rubbed it away and it was gone.

But this wasn't going away. And Tony was rubbing his head and his face and everything but it wasn't going away. It kept coming and coming.

Red. Boom.

It was all over his face. Red, red red. It was hot, like it was burning his skin. Cause it was…it was…

Kate. Boom. Red. Dead.

Tony closed his eyes tighter and covered his ears. It was a bad dream. If it was a bad dream then it would go away. He just had to wake up.

Wake up.

Baron?

Someone was licking his face.

"Stop. Baron?" Tony opened his eyes slowly, afraid that he would see the nightmare again. But when he opened his eyes, all he saw was his dog, wagging his tail and licking his face.

"Lick. Baron, you're too close," Tony whispered. It was then that he felt someone else in the room. Two someones.

"Boss? Elijah?" Tony turned his head but kept his fingers buried in Baron's thick dark coat. If the nightmare was over he didn't want to fall back asleep and see it again.

"Tony," Boss said fast like he had too many to words to say at once, "Tony, what happened?"

Tony shook his head. He didn't know what to say and even if he could he didn't want to and he didn't think he could say the right thing without saying all the bad things too.

"Tony, are you alright? Are you hurt?" Gibbs quickly check Tony over, running his hands over Tony's arms and torso to look for any cuts, bruises or breaks, "Tony, what hurts?"

Tony bit his lip before he placed his good hand over his chest. He left his hand there for a moment before he shook his head, bit his lip harder and placed his hand on his face.

"Tony?" Gibbs asked, bewildered at what Tony was trying to tell him.

"Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom," Tony finally said in-between his panted breaths, "I-I. Boom Boss. We were on the top of the high place Boss and boom went the gun and boom…" Tony trailed off and started to rub his face, "Boom went Ka—boom went…went," Tony tried to finish his sentence but couldn't. He looked at Boss, tears already falling from his eyes. He hoped Boss understood what he was trying to say.

Cause he couldn't say anything anymore.

But Boss must have known cause Tony was sure Boss was hugging him and there was more wetness on his checks but that was okay.

He wouldn't tell anyone that Boss had to cry sometimes. Which was good. Cause he really needed to cry with Boss right now.

Cause it hurt.

Boom.

* * *

_I had a nightmare._

_A memory. _

_I don't like it cause it's like a bad movie. That plays when I don't want it to and I can't make it stop like I could if it was on the TV. I would use the remote and hit the big STOP button to make it stop. But I can't here._

_Elijah is making me some warm milk and Boss is staying with me and Baron but if I don't close my eyes, it won't be back._

_I had a nightmare._

_A memory._

_And I don't want another one ever again._


	28. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thanks again to all those who read, alert, favorite and review. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this story. Next chapter might take a bit longer to get up, so I'm shooting for sometime early next week though I start school on the 22nd, so we shall see. As always, reviews are very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

* * *

Chapter Twenty Seven

_We had Christmas. _

_Boss and me and Elijah and even Ducky got to see the lights and tree and the presents. Probie, Abby, and were there but only there for a little bit cause Boss said they had to go with their own families. Ziva was there too but she doesn't like Christmas, she likes something else that she celebrates and she came before Christmas when I was home._

_My head still hurts from the surgery but it feels better now which is good cause I think it's finally fixed. _

_Boss got to stay with me in the house all the time like before but then he had to start going back to work like he did before everything happened with my surgery to fix my head even though Boss said it was never broken. I think it was broken, broken really bad and I don't think, no matter what Boss says, that it will ever be fixed. But Boss had to go back to work like he was going to work before he went missing and I had to help find him._

_Boss doesn't have a hurt anymore. At least, I don't think he does. Sometimes he makes a face like he does but I ask him if his arm hurts and if he needs PT like I do but he just shakes his head and doesn't say anything about it._

_Elijah had a big family. We went for some of the time to his house and he had lots and lots of brothers and all of them had kids and wives. None of them were as big as Elijah though which was good cause if they were all big like him I don't think me and Boss would have been able to fit at the table where we ate lots of food. Lots._

_Elijah's mom was really nice when we got there. She smiled at me and didn't say anything when I said a lot of bad words cause I was really nervous and when I get really nervous, I say lots of bad words. Not bad words like Boss does when he gets mad and cusses, but bad words like the wrong kind of words, words that don't make sense. But Boss might have been nervous too cause he didn't say any words at first but sometimes I think that's just how Boss is even though he always likes talking to me._

_We stayed there and ate lots of really really good food and Elijah's mom had presents under the tree already and it was really fun, even though it was really noisy, cause the kids got toys and one of the kids, Elijah's nephew, got a baseball and I got to play catch with him, even though Baron had to help._

_But I got some stuff too, lots and lots of really warm clothes that everyone got me which was nice cause since its cold outside, I like the warm clothes. I got movies too, all sorts of movies, and Boss told me we can put them with my other movies on the new shelves that he made me for my Christmas present. The shelves are really nice and Boss made them all by himself. _

_It was a really nice day and I had lots of fun but I wanted to see my dad for Christmas but he didn't come. He promised he would come when he could, and I hope Boss doesn't get mad that I'm not gonna tell him that dad's coming._

_I don't know why it's a secret, but it is and I have to keep it a surprise. _

_And a secret. _

_I just hope he doesn't come before the party that me and Elijah are getting ready. Cause I like parties._

_And I know Probie will bring pizza to the party._

* * *

"Pizza. Baron, you can't have any," Tony looked down at his German Shepherd who was currently sitting at his master's feet. Baron had his blue service dog vest on and Tony bent down slightly and fixed the vest so it laid flat on Baron's back. Tony didn't like it when his clothes got all wrinkly and since Baron's vest was like his clothes, he didn't want it to be wrinkly either.

"Going to the store," Tony said as he finished his snack. Elijah had cut him an apple to eat and since an apple was best when you ate it with something else, Tony had helped Elijah melt some caramel to dip his apple in, "Like a Milky Way," Tony ate another piece and tried not to make a mess. He was sitting at the kitchen table because he didn't want to make a mess but he heard Elijah in the front room.

"Go," Tony scratched his head, careful of the stitches. Tony wanted his helmet. His blue helmet. But Boss and Elijah said he didn't need it anymore.

"Blue go," Tony mumbled before petting Baron with his bad hand and using his good hand to put the last piece of apple in his mouth.

"Mess. Elijah, are we going now?" Tony asked when the large man walked into the kitchen.

Elijah nodded and helped Tony pick up the plate and cup he used for his snack.

"Yes, but first we need to bundle up. It's blowing like a blizzard out there," Elijah watched as Tony stretched and looked out the kitchen window, "So since we don't want you to get sick, we're gonna need lots of layers."

"White. That's lots of snow," Tony tried to look out the window to see. Tony wasn't sure how he felt about snow. It looked nice but it wasn't very nice when he had to walk on it.

"Yep, so let's go grab your coat and gloves," Elijah walked towards the front room, "And your beanie too."

"White. Blue. And my helmet too?" Tony scratched his head again.

"Don't scratch your stitches Tony," Elijah gently stopped Tony's movements, grabbing Tony's hand and squeezing it encouragingly, "I know they itch but remember, we're going tomorrow to see if they can come out okay?"

"Blue. I don't remember," Tony huffed in frustration, "We're going to the store now right?"

"Yeah Tony," Elijah smiled and helped Tony put on his sweater and his jacket. He added a large beanie that wouldn't pull on the stitches and that would cover his ears.

"You warm?" Elijah asked after helping Tony with his gloves. Tony got cold quickly although as he gained more fat and muscle he was able to withstand temperatures better.

"Itch. Yes," Tony smiled at Elijah and looked down at Baron, "Coat. Baron doesn't need one right? He has fur."

"He should be okay," Elijah said as he put on his own coat and gloves, "He'll be inside with us too so he won't be too cold."

"Cold. Good," Tony yawned, "Let's go. I'm hungry."

"But you just had a snack!" Elijah said, laughing at Tony.

Tony frowned but then smiled when he remembered the right word he wanted to say, "Tired. I meant tired."

"Ah," Elijah nodded before clipping Baron's leash onto his no pull collar. He gave the leash to Tony and held on to Tony's elbow as the man stepped out of the house and onto the driveway.

"Careful Tony, it's slippery," Elijah locked the door behind him and helped Tony towards the truck.

"White. Are you sure I don't need my blue on?" Tony asked one more time, glancing back at the house as he got into the truck.

"I'm positive Tony," Elijah helped Baron get in the backseat with Tony before buckling the dog in his own seat belt. He closed the door and hurried to get in the truck.

He would never be use to these harsh winters of the North. He couldn't wait for spring.

* * *

Tony held onto Baron's leash as Elijah maneuvered the truck into the shopping mall's parking lot.

Baron needed food cause he was running low and there was a party coming to Tony's house so he had to get ready for it. Elijah was gonna help.

Tony waited until the truck wasn't moving at all and Elijah had turned the key before he fumbled for the seat belt. He didn't want to take his seat belt off while the truck was still on because if he did, he wouldn't have it on if Elijah got in an accident even though Tony didn't think Elijah would because he was a really good driver.

Tony finally got his seat belt undone and waited until Elijah opened Baron's door to unclip Baron's seat belt because Tony couldn't undo the clip by himself.

Elijah unclipped Baron and waited for the dog to jump down from the truck before he walked around the truck to Tony's side and opened the door for him. Smiling at Tony who looked to be a bit unsure as he got out of the truck, Elijah rubbed Tony's bad arm.

"You okay?" Elijah asked. The wind had died down and now the snow was falling gracefully, slowly collecting on the recently plowed streets and parking lots.

"Blue. Broke. I don't have my blue on," Tony touched his head, "I forgot Elijah and I don't- I might break I think. Do you have my blue helmet with you?"

Elijah sighed. Ever since he had left the hospital, Tony had been asking about his helmet. Not that anyone could blame him, the man had gone close to half a year with having to wear the helmet everywhere he went. Now, over a year since he had had his accident, Tony was just getting to the point where he no longer needed the helmet to protect his fragile skull.

"You don't need it anymore Tony," Elijah said and once again stopped Tony from scratching the stitches, "Remember? They fixed the soft spot on you head," Elijah pointed to the stitched area, "So you don't have to wear it anymore."

Tony bit his lip and played with Baron's leash, "But…but what will keep my head safe?"

"I will," Elijah said and smiled when a hesitant smile appeared on Tony's face.

"You're big," Tony said shyly, as if he hadn't told Elijah that numerous times before, "Boss says you're really strong too."

"You bet Tony," Elijah closed the truck door and made sure to lock it before they made their way towards the first store in the shopping center. The place was buzzing with holiday cheer partly due to the fact that Christmas had just past and also because New Year's was just around the corner.

"First on the list," Elijah grabbed a cart and held onto Tony's elbow with his other hand, making sure his friend didn't slip on the wet ground, "Baron needs dog food, right Tony?"

Tony who was holding onto Baron's leash as if his life depended on it, shook his head, "Blue. There's lots of people Elijah."

"Lots of people are going to have parties," Elijah rubbed Tony's back good naturedly, "Now come on. You know all the best kinds of stuff for parties, huh Tones?"

"My name is Tony, Elijah," Tony reminded his aide with a smile and a quiet laugh, "Remember?"

"Just making sure you're keeping up with me Tony," Elijah set a pace that would match Tony's limping shuffle, "So, what kind of food do we get for the party?"

Tony smiled brightly, his back straightening as he regained some of his confidence. Seeing the man's expression, Elijah wondered why he even asked the question. He knew what Tony's answer was going to be.

"Pizza," Tony said before smiling. Pizza was his favorite food.

* * *

_The party is not just a party. It's a celebration or something like that, at least that's what Abby called it, because it's not like any other parties. It's special because it only comes once a year and the party is as long as two years even though it only happens in two days but only for a couple of hours._

_I'm pretty sure Abby was getting confused trying to explain it to me which was okay because I was already confused just listening to it and at least I wasn't the only one. I think I know what she's talking about though, cause the month is almost over and soon Elijah is going to erase the big calendar in the kitchen and change the name, only there isn't any month after December so everyone always starts at the beginning with January which is a okay thing to do I guess cause the months are like the days. When you get so high I guess people have a hard time remembering the numbers or something because they always start back at 1 which would be okay too if everyone didn't keep changing the number they decided to start over on. _

_But the year is something that keeps going on and on. It never starts over, which is kinda sad really cause once it's gone it never comes back. Not like 3 or 4 in a month which are always the easiest days to remember or like August, when it was really hot but it felt good cause I could take a deep breath and my lungs didn't hurt like it sometimes did when it was cold in November._

_I don't remember last year's party, cause I was still in a coma and really sick. _

_No one celebrated that year, not Boss or Probie or Abby or Ziva or Ducky or Jimmy, which is kinda sad really, cause they won't be able to start it over cause years don't come around again like the days or the months and once they're gone, they stay gone._

_I wonder if Kate celebrated, if it even mattered to her wherever she was and I hope she knew that I missed her._

_And that she would always be the first name I ever wrote in my blue helmet. Even if I don't have to wear it anymore. _

_But the party is going to happen soon and Boss is home and Elijah is laughing at something Baron did cause Baron sometimes does things that are really funny for a dog to do and the day is almost over which would be sad if it wasn't gonna come back one day._

_But the year is over almost sorta and it won't ever be back. And I don't even remember when it started which is sad too but I think Boss is calling me cause it's time to take my medicine._

_Ziva and Probie and everyone else is coming over soon, except Abby cause she's already here._

_I'm glad I remember this party._


	29. Chapter 28

**A/N: Holy moley. First week of nursing school was...yikes. The good thing is, with the return of school comes the return of NCIS (silently jumps around in excitement like a little kid) however, with the return of school come a decrease in the amount of updates possible. However, no matter how long it takes, I want you guys to know that I am thankful for everyone who reads and reviews and all that jazz. I'm so glad you are enjoying this story. Next chapter will be up as soon as possible. **

* * *

Chapter Twenty Eight

_The party took forever until the very very end when everything went so fast I almost got lost in what was happening._

_But that's okay cause Boss stopped and looked at me and smiled and said that they were counting down cause that's just what everyone did and I smiled and nodded cause I liked the fact that I could do something that everyone did._

_Everyone started clapping then and I clapped too and then Abby was giving me a big hug and I tried to give her just as big a hug as she gave me but I don't think I did cause no one can give a hug as big as Abby, expect maybe Boss, but even then Abby's hugs are nice._

_She gave Baron a hug to and he gave her a big kiss on the nose and Boss shook Probie's and Jimmy's hand and even gave Ducky a hug. Boss doesn't always hug everyone but he smiles and he laughs with his eyes and I think everyone else figured that out too cause Ziva and Abby give Boss hugs even though he always looks happy and surprised when they do._

_It was really late though, when we counted and clapped and laughed and before I could stop everything and slow it down, I was laying down and Ziva was smiling at me. She whispered something, but I didn't understand it and I started to cry cause I remembered when the words everyone said didn't make sense when I first woke up and everything was jumbled. _

_I was worried that I was going to start over, like the months did or like the days did when they got higher than 30. _

_I didn't want to start over, cause I liked being where I was and I wanted to be a year, not a day or a month or anything else._

_I cried for awhile and didn't stop until Baron was on top of me, licking me face like he does when things start to move to fast and I can't slow them down._

_Ziva was still there too, and she told me after I was okay, that sometimes she said things that wouldn't make sense to me cause it was easier for her to say them that way. I told her I knew what she meant cause sometimes the words in my head made more sense than the ones that came out of my mouth._

_Ziva smiled at me and kissed my forehead again before she started to trace my face with her fingers._

_She did it really carefully, like I was gonna break even though I was fixed and didn't need to wear blue on anymore, but she kept doing it till it was too hard to keep my eyes open which was okay because she was singing like I remember her doing and it sounded like the best thing I had ever heard._

* * *

Gibbs watched from the doorway as Ziva worked wonders to help settle Tony down. Staying up late had started to wear on him but Gibbs had not wanted to keep Tony out of the fun and had made sure to let him take a longer nap then normal earlier that day for the sole reason of letting Tony stay up late to spend the time with his friends.

However, when it had been time for everyone to make their way home and in Tony's case, up the stairs, he had become restless and agitated, as he often did if he was overtired but still too stimulated to fall asleep. Ziva, having seen his distress, had offered her help just as she'd done in the hospital room when Tony had been flushed with fever and in dire need of a quiet soul to help.

It had taken a good amount of time but Tony had finally settled, thanks to Ziva and Baron, and Gibbs gave Ziva one last hug. He offered her the spare bed, the room being open due to Elijah's departure earlier that evening to visit his mother and his family.

"No thank you Gibbs," Ziva smiled before glancing at the stairs, "I will be home shortly. However, I will be back soon to take Tony out for our outing."

Gibbs smiled at that, remembering the promise Ziva had made to Tony earlier that day. Tony had wanted to go out to lunch tomorrow, technically today, but Ziva had promised to take him later in the week, when the hustle and bustle of New Year's was passed.

"Goodnight Ziva, drive safely," Gibbs said as he walked her to the front of the house.

"I will arrive home safely," Ziva said, with a bit of a smirk, "I have driven in much more hostile environments."

Gibbs returned the smirk, knowing that while Ziva did not admit it, she would text Gibbs the moment she was safe inside her house, only to quell his fears.

"See you tomorrow Ziver," Gibbs said, watching as she walked towards her car, got in and drove away before closing the door.

The house was quiet, the hum of the new year still in the air, and Gibbs decided to head to bed. His heart was happy and Tony was safe. And soon, the rest of his team would text him with their messages of safety and he would have no problem sleeping this New Year's Day.

Oh what a difference a year could make.

* * *

Anthony D. DiNozzo Senior had not, despite what others thought, been born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His parents had each been immigrants to America making him a first generation American, something he was very proud off. His childhood had been hard, filled with days of growling stomachs and clothes that didn't always fit completely right.

His father had worked hard, and his mother just as hard, until on the eve of his graduation from his public high school, his father had presented him with enough money to make the trip to university where he could earn a degree.

His father had been a hard man, a man that had never showed much affection and his mother had been a woman that had showed her love with her heavy hand and her lack of tolerance in anything other than perfection.

He had met his wife at university and she had been the complete opposite from him. She had been born wealthy and had lived that way all her life. She was from England and had family there. She was staying for the semester at NYU before she would return home.

Or so that was how the plan was suppose to go.

But they had fallen in love and soon, a few days before he graduated with honors, they were wed and happy.

But it had been short lived. They both wanted a family. But after three miscarriages and months of trying, they had almost given up.

But then he had been blessed with a son. A Junior, his wife's idea not his own, and their life had been once again happy.

But his wife had wanted more than one child and when she had come to the realization that that wouldn't happen, she had fallen into a hole that Senior could dig her out of. But then, he hadn't been paying the most attention. While his wife's family was entitled and rich, he had been determined to make his own way in life without help.

And he had. But being on top never lasted long and by the time he noticed something was wrong, Junior was already use to raising himself and to be honest, he had no idea how to treat the young boy who went to bed one morning whole and woke up the next motherless. And then there had been the fact that the boy had been there when…when it had happened, when his mother had died.

In the years that followed, Senior tried to do his best to provide for Junior while at the same time trying to recover from the loss of his first love.

But it wasn't until he was old and it was too late, Senior realized that while he thought he had a good relationship with his son, he really didn't have one at all.

And there was no one to blame but himself for the years wasted.

But he was trying to change it, trying to make it right.

No matter what anyone else said.

* * *

Gibbs helped Tony take off his shirt and he stifled a chuckle when the younger man let out a grumble of words. The long day the night before was affecting Tony now and Gibbs wouldn't have the heart to wake Tony up if it weren't for the need for the man to take his medication.

"Come on Tony," Gibbs gently smoothed Tony's new shirt before helping Tony take off his hand brace, "Once we get downstairs and get some food how about we sit and watch a movie?"

Tony grumbled something and gentle shook his head.

"What Tony?" Gibbs asked, bending down so he could hear what Tony was saying.

"Naap," Tony pronounced slowly, his eyes already half shut, his shoulders relaxed and loose. His head was already bobbing forward, his forehead resting on Gibbs' chest, "Looong naap."

Gibbs smiled before running his hand gently over Tony's head which was currently covered in stubble. Hopefully, this would be the last time anyone ever had to shave Tony's head. He missed seeing the boy with a full head of hair.

"S'cold," Tony mumbled and tried to make another dive underneath his covers.

"Okay Tony," Gibbs said before grabbing a sweater for him, "How about we wear this and the beanie that Ziva made for you?"

"Blue," Tony nodded and pointed to the drawer where he kept the blue beanie Ziva had made for him. It was the same color as his blue helmet and Ziva gave it to him at the party so he could wear it on his head because he didn't have to wear his blue helmet anymore cause his head wasn't broken.

"Alright then," Gibbs said, gently threading Tony's arms through the sleeves before slipping the sweater over his head, "And now for blue on Tony," Gibbs helped Tony put on the beanie.

"Cold. This isn't blue on Boss," Tony shook his head and let out a chuckle, "That's put away in my closet."

"I know, I'm just playing" Gibbs adjusted the beanie once before he was satisfied that it was covering both of Tony's ears, "Alright Tony, let's say we head downstairs for some food and your medicine?"

"Blue. Then nap," Tony nodded and stood, rubbing his face with his good hand before following Gibbs out of his room and downstairs.

"Down. Come on Baron, time for food," Tony called out to his dog who was still lying on the bed. Tony called once more before Baron yawned and jumped off the bed, hurrying after his family.

* * *

Tony hummed along to the song that was in his head. It was quiet in the room cause Boss was downstairs in his special place in the basement and he wasn't up with Tony cause Tony was suppose to be taking a nap.

"Quiet. No nap huh Baron?" Tony said, gently petting his dog's head, "Not tired."

Tony listened for Boss. Boss always made small quiet noises that you couldn't hear unless you really wanted to and Tony knew that sometimes, not everyone wanted to. But he wanted to and which was why he always had to work hard to listen for Boss.

"Shh. The secret Baron," Tony shook his head slowly. He wasn't broke anymore but still, he didn't want to break again. It hurt to get fixed and Tony didn't want to have to do that again.

"Just you know," Tony closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. He needed to sleep. He was tired, really tired when he was standing up but now that he was laying down he didn't want to close his eyes. He didn't want to think about the secret or anything other than Boss and Baron and his family.

But it was hard. He wanted to get up and go and do but he knew he needed to nap. Cause he was tired, very tired, but he hated sleeping cause he didn't want to right now even though he should.

Besides, no one was outside. It was cold. Really cold. And Boss had the nice fire on and it was crackling like it did when Boss put the logs in so Tony could listen and he was warm with his blue beanie on his head and his sweater on his chest and a blanket and Baron on his to keep him warm.

Tony needed to sleep. It was cold outside and it was warm inside and Boss was down right by him even if Tony couldn't see him and Baron was right by him, grumbling cause Tony needed to sleep.

"Nap. Maybe just a tiny nap, right Baron?" Tony whispered, glad he felt tired enough to close his eyes, "Quiet, quiet Baron. Sshhhh."

Tony mumbled something right before he heard Boss come up the stairs. But his eyes were closed and he was too tired to open them and besides, Boss was being quiet so Tony could take his nap.

Boss came into the room though, and Tony could feel him even though his eyes weren't open. He just had to listen really hard for him, but just for a bit because soon, Boss was making the fire crackle more and then he was right by Tony, putting his hand on his head and fixing his blankets like Tony knew he did all the time.

"N'oss," Tony tried to say but it didn't come out right.

But Boss must have understood, cause he was always good at that, cause he smiled at Tony and Tony knew that even though his eyes were still closed.

"Sleep good Tony," Boss said and it was the last thing Tony remembered before he fell asleep.

* * *

_I don't have blue on anymore. Its different because I'm fixed now and I don't have to wear my blue helmet but sometimes, I really want to wear it because just in case something happens._

_Without my blue on, my head get's really cold cause my hair is taking a long time to grow back. Its gonna grow back though, cause it did last time and soon Boss will be laughing at me cause it'll get really long and then I'll have to get it cut short cause it'll turn into a poof ball when I wake up in the morning. But right now it's really short and I don't like it._

_Ziva though gave me something else. She made it herself which is hard cause I don't think I could ever do what she did and Boss doesn't know how to make this kind of thing, he just goes to the store to buy it which is okay cause Boss makes other stuff with his hands. He just couldn't make the blue beanie that Ziva made for me and gave me the day we had the party for the ending and beginning of the years._

_It fits just right and she put really soft stuff on the inside that is softer than even Baron's coat after I've brushed it a long long time. It's long and it goes all the way over my ears and when I wear it, you can't see that my head use to be broken or that it has the lines all over it._

_I like what Ziva gave me. It doesn't have everyone names on it but I'm better now and I can remember the names. I remember Boss and Elijah and Probie and Ziva and Abby and Ducky and Jimmy and Baron and lots of other people. _

_And I don't need blue on to remember that Kate's name is on the inside of the helmet and that no matter what, she won't be home or at a party of anywhere I go._

_But I remember all of them, I remember the way they smile and laugh and the way Boss looks when he thinks I'm being funny or when he helps me do something I can't._

_And I'm gonna miss blue on and wearing my helmet to keep my head safe but Ziva made me a nice beanie._

_And it's blue too._


	30. Chapter 29

**A/N: -surfaces for air- Okay. This chapter was a labor of love. Especially considering the fact that I should be studying for one of my tests at the moment. But it was worth it. Thanks so much to all those who patiently waited for this chapter. Next chapter is already shaping up and I hope to get it out in a week or two, depending on how much stuff accumulates in my schedule. However, for everyone else in the USA: Did you see that premiere? Who else wanted to snatch Tony and give him a hug, and some tissue, and some actual clothes to wear? This season looks like its gonna be a good one. **

* * *

Chapter Twenty Nine

_Me and Ziva are going to the store and then we're gonna go eat. We're going to the store cause Boss has to get a room ready for someone who is coming to visit. He has to get the room ready cause it's the room that Elijah sometimes stays in and Elijah sometimes forgets to clean it even though Boss doesn't mind. Elijah is staying to help clean it though and then Elijah is going away for awhile cause he's going on vacation with his mom to someplace warmer so Boss is helping Elijah clean the house so Elijah can leave. He's sweeping everything which is weird cause he doesn't do that all the time. He only started now cause someone is coming._

_It's Boss' Boss._

_No, that's not right. Boss doesn't have a Boss like I have a Boss. At least I don't think has a Boss like I have a Boss. Boss doesn't need someone to watch movies with him or to rub his bad hand when it hurts. He doesn't have anyone that helps him and smiles at him and laughs like the rumble of a bear or the engine of our truck._

_But Boss has…he has…_

_Dad. It's Boss' dad that's coming. He's coming to visit. Boss has a dad. Boss' dad name is…is…_

_Jackson._

_That's Boss' dad's name and he's coming to visit. _

_Boss is all grumbly though, and I don't know why. But that's okay. Cause Ziva said he isn't really angry but that Boss is grumbly cause he always is when his dad's gonna come and visit. She said that's just how Boss is. _

_And that's okay. Cause Boss kinda sounds a little funny when he grumbles._

* * *

"Come Tony," Ziva said softly, her hand gently smoothing his wrinkled jacket, "Would you like your beanie on?"

"Blue. Yes please," Tony smiled almost shyly. He was a little nervous cause this was the first time Ziva had taken him somewhere by himself without Boss or Elijah or Probie or Abby, "Snow. It's still cold."

"It is," Ziva nodded and helped Tony down from the backseat of the truck. It took a few miles for her to get use to the bulkiness that driving the F-150 had as opposed to her Mini Cooper, but because they were not going towards DC but instead farther into Virginia, parking had not been a problem.

"Do you have Baron's leash?" Ziva asked, already seeing that Tony did not. She watched as Tony looked around and with a much steadier hand than he had had all those months ago when he had first come home, before reaching for Baron's blue leash.

"Cold. Yes," Tony said and reached over to fiddle with Baron's service dog vest, smoothing the vest just as Ziva had smoothed his own jacket, "Blue. Ready."

"Then let us go," Ziva carefully placed her hand in the crook of Tony's elbow on his bad side. If he were to fall, Ziva did not doubt her ability in helping her friend. However, she smiled when Tony turned to her and blushed slightly after she placed her hand there.

"You're really nice Ziva," Tony said and crooked his head ever so slightly, as if he were trying to gain a different perspective on her. The look reminded her of the old days, back when they would trade the occasional idiom or innuendo.

But just when she thought Tony was going to say something else about it, Tony's smile widen, the skin around his eyes showing that his face smiled a lot these days, "Blue. Ziva, can we get pizza for lunch?"

Ziva paused momentarily before letting out a small laugh, "Yes Tony, I would love to get some pizza for lunch."

Tony laughed too, though Ziva knew it had more to do with her laughter than anything else that cause the man to laugh, "Pizza. I like pizza."

"I know Tony," Ziva nodded, thinking of that one rainy night, all those nights ago, when he had given her the last slice of a pizza he was going to throw away, "You always have."

* * *

Gibbs finished sweeping the kitchen before he threw out the trash. Elijah had left a few minutes ago, off to pick up his mother so they could catch their flight on time. They were visiting family down south and would be gone for just over a month. Elijah hadn't wanted to stay gone so long but when Jackson had agreed to stick around for that month, Gibbs had persuaded Tony's aide to take a much needed and much deserved vacation.

Thinking of his father, Gibbs glanced out his window. It was cold outside and it had started to snow again. Thankfully, Jackson was having a friend drive him down so Gibbs didn't have to worry about his father driving on the icy roads.

Letting out a deep breath, Gibbs looked around his humble house. Having his father visit always turned him into a slight neat freak, and the only explanation he could come up with was the fact that his father, not his mother, had drilled into him the importance of having a clean and presentable home.

With that thought, Gibbs smiled sadly as he thought of his mother. He missed her, in that way that made his heart ache when he thought about her, but now that she had been gone for over three-fourths of his life, Gibbs found that most of the time when he thought about his mother, he thought about her smile, and the way her voice had always sounded happy.

Though he had forgotten what she sounded like a long time ago, Gibbs would sometimes catch a breeze of roses and for a split second, his brain would take him back to the days when he was young and he would come home from school and find his mom working in the garden.

"Leroy?" a voice called out as his front door opened, squeaking only slightly, "You home?"

"Hey dad," Gibbs stood, and walked into the foyer, "How was the drive?"

"Good, good," Jackson nodded as his son took his bags. He stomped his feet gently on the mat to get the last bit of snow off his shoes before he closed the door and took off his coat, "How was your new year?"

"Better than last year's," Gibbs said before he gave his father a quick hug. He had tried to keep his dad at arm's length since Tony's accident but despite that fact, Jackson had made sure to keep in touch, whether it had been through Gibbs or even Ducky.

"That's good," Jackson nodded looking around his son's home, "Where is Tony? Is he napping?"

"No," Gibbs shook his head, "He went out today with Ziva. She's taking him to the store and then out to lunch."

"Well that was very kind of her," Jackson nodded, "Now, speaking of lunch, I assume you haven't eaten anything yet Leroy?"

"No dad."

"Perfect then, I will make the sandwiches while you come and sweep this kitchen," Jackson spoke as he walked through the living room and into the kitchen itself.

Gibbs smiled and rolled his eyes. Years ago, the comment would most likely make his blood boil. But now, now that he understood things, he knew that it was best to humor his old man for it wasn't every day he got to spend it with his son.

"Coming dad," Gibbs hung his father's coat on the rack before setting his bag by the staircase.

Tony sat in the booth, Baron laying underneath the table. The boss of the place almost didn't let Baron in when Tony got hungry enough to eat food, but Ziva gave him a big glare like Boss did when he got angry at other people, and told him that Baron was a service dog.

Tony knew that the boss of the pizza place was wrong because service dogs like Baron could go anywhere he could go. And since his head wasn't broken anymore, Tony wanted to go into the pizza store.

"Here you go Tony," Ziva smiled as she placed the pizza on a little stand in front of him. He already had his plate ready for the pizza.

"Green. No sausage?" Tony looked at the pizza sadly, as if someone had just robbed him of his favorite thing in life.

Ziva smiled, "Yes Tony, there is sausage. But only on your half, see?" Ziva said as she gave the pizza a half-turn. Tony had wanted his favorite, pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese, and because she did not care much for sausage or pepperoni, she had ordered her half with onions and bell peppers instead.

"Gross. Ziva, someone put green things on your part of the pizza," Tony whispered, as if the fact that a pizza was green was a great atrocity, "Green isn't supposed to be on the pizza."

"I like green on my pizza Tony, just like you prefer sausage on your own pizza."

"But," Tony frowned for a moment before sighing, "Okay Ziva. But I don't have to eat your part, right?"

"No Tony, I will eat my part, you do not have to eat anything green," Ziva smiled at him. In all reality, despite the fact that Tony often picked pizza to eat, Elijah and Gibbs rarely gave in to Tony's demands. Pizza, while high in carbs, did not have any other nutritional value, other than being incredibly delicious, and because of this, Elijah often found ways to distract Tony from pizza and instead put his focus on eating other things, such as fruits and veggies instead.

Though Ziva was certain that Tony would be just fine if he ate pizza every day, Tony had once told her that true Italians could eat as much pizza as they wanted and still be fit as a banjo (or maybe it was a fiddle), she was glad that her friend was eating more greens in his diet.

"Ziva," Tony said again in exasperation. He had been calling her for a few seconds most likely and Ziva hadn't even noticed, to busy caught up in her own thoughts.

"Yes Tony?"

"Green. Gross. I need help," Tony looked at the pizza on his plate, "Can you cut it for me?"

"Not a problem Tony," Ziva quickly reached over and cut up Tony's pizza into more manageably squares. Tony, receiving his plate back, smiled and Ziva.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Tony."

It was quiet for a few moments as they ate their own half of the pizza. Ziva watched Tony out of her peripheral vision and let a small smile show. Tony's movements were so much steadier than they had been months ago. She was so proud of her friend and so thankful that with each passing week, things seemed to be getting easier for Tony.

"Secret. Ziva?" Tony said, once again breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Yes Tony?"

"Can," Tony's face pinched up as if he had tasted something sour before he bit his lip, "Do you have a secret?"

Not knowing where this was going, Ziva decided to tread carefully, "Everyone has secrets Tony."

"Quiet. But," Tony bit his lip again and looked passed her, out of the window and into the street, where it was starting to snow again, "But are secrets okay to keep? Are they bad?"

Ziva lifted an eyebrow and wondered what Tony was thinking, "Some, yes. Some can be very bad to keep. But not all secrets are bad Tony. Sometimes, a secret can be happy, like when someone throws a surprise party for another person."

"Secret. Surprise. But how do you know if they're bad or not?"

Ziva thought about how to explain it to Tony before sighing, "How does it feel in here?" she said, gently touching Tony's chest, "And here?" she used the tips of her fingers to gently touch his brow, "Does it feel bad or good in those places when you think of the secret?"

"I don't know," Tony shook his head and set his pizza down. Vaguely, Ziva heard the jangling of Baron's ID and rabies tags and knew the dog was most likely sitting underneath the table now, his head on Tony's knee.

Her assumption was proven right a few moments later when Tony looked down at his lap and started petting Baron's head.

"Tony, do you have a secret that you want to tell me? Or Boss?" she asked quietly in the quiet pizza parlor. She had waited till after the lunch rush before taking him here, not wanting him to be overwhelmed by how crowded the pizza place could get. Now she was thankful for her decision in taking him to a much quieter place.

"Secret. Ssshh. Um," Tony bit his lip and shook his head, "No. It's…it's not a bad secret. It…it makes me feel happy."

Despite the fact that she wanted to know what secret Tony was thinking about, she knew that even though Tony suffered from a horrific TBI, he was still his own person and was quite capable of making decisions such as these, "Alright then Tony. But if it makes you feel bad inside, you will promise me that you will tell someone, yes?"

"Green. I promise Ziva," Tony nodded and smiled shyly at his friend.

"Alright then. Let us finish eating so we can go home."

* * *

_Me and Ziva went to the store. But after that we went to a pizza place cause Ziva let me have some pizza. Pizza with pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese. That was my favorite. I wanted to give Baron some but Boss told me not to give Baron lots of my food cause it could make his stomach hurt._

_But I still gave Baron a little piece of my pizza when Ziva wasn't looking._

_I want to see my dad again. Boss is gonna see his dad and his dad doesn't have to be a secret. I asked Ziva about secrets cause I know she knows a lot about them but even her answer made my stomach go flip-flop like it does when I think about my dad._

_But I got to meet Boss' boss._

_No, Boss' dad._

_His dad's name is Jackson. But I can call him Jack cause he said that's okay. He was really nice and his face was really wrinkly, like he smiled so much his face just wants to stay that way. He smiled at me lots and he's really nice._

_He even brought me a sweater, a nice one like the once Boss let's me wear all the time. It's really soft and nice and it has a zipper on the front. _

_And Boss's dad is nice. Jack is nice._

_He even watched a movie with me._

_And now that he's here, he makes Boss smile, which is good. _

_I really like Jack. And Baron likes him too._


	31. Chapter 30

**A/N: So. I had six tests this past week. Yes. I know. I was so swamped I barely watched NCIS today. A day after it aired. Crazyness. Anyway, Passed all the test. This nursing stuff hurts my brain sometimes. But in other news, the next chapter is sorta kinda almost done. In a way. Yes. I think. In all reality, my brain is fried. I still have one more test to go until the weekend. Once there, I will respond to all you wonderful reviewers. As always, thanks so much to those who read and a big thanks to those who review. I think this story has actually reached the point of being novel. O.O Don't forget to click that button. I love hearing what you guys think. Next chapter -fingers crossed- will be up in a week or two, earlier if I get some more free time (which is highly unlikely lol). Hope you enjoy. **

* * *

Chapter Thirty

_Something happened._

_Well, something happened that was different. We always get things that happen, like the snow falling or like when Boss comes home from work or like when I have to go to PT or OT cause I'm still working on making my hand strong,_

_But something different happened._

_Whatever it was, it must have been pretty bad cause after the man that rang the doorbell left, Boss started talking really loud to Jack, which isn't nice cause I don't think Jack did anything. Jack put his arms up like he was trying to stop Boss but Boss kept going and he kept talking louder and louder until Jack grabbed Boss by the back of his shirt and took him outside which was just a little bit funny but I didn't laugh cause I was just a little scared cause Boss was talking loud and Jack didn't look very happy even though he never yelled cause Jack doesn't talk loud. _

_Me and Baron stayed on the couch cause when the doorbell rang, I was napping but I woke up because the doorbell rang and once I was awake I couldn't go back to sleep, especially once Boss started talking really loud._

_I __can __still __hear __them, __talking __outside, __and __Boss__' __voice __is __getting __all __shaky __like __he__'__s __shaking __his __head __back __and __forward __cause __he__'__s __so __mad __but __I__'__m __glad __Jack __is __here __cause __even __though __Boss __doesn__'__t __have __a __Boss __like __me __with __him, __Jack __is __here __and __Jack __is __Boss__' __dad. __Which __is __good, __cause __dads __can __be __really __nice __sometimes._

_But something happened. And I want to listen but my arm hurts. And I wish Boss would come back inside and talk quiet like he does most of the time so he could rub my bad arm. Cause I'm still tired and I want to lay down for my nap still._

_And I really hate it when everyone talks loudly. I wish they wouldn't._

* * *

**_You have here by been summoned to…_**

Gibbs read the first line again, trying to control his emotions. Just trying to make it through the first line was making his temper flare up, like a supernova, and Gibbs wished with ever fiber in his being that he could march down to whatever hotel Senior was staying in and give him a sucker punch in the face. Or a boot in his ass.

But it was more than that. Other than the anger Gibbs felt when he thought of all that had happened since Tony's accident, the thing that made Gibbs' blood boil was the fact that through it all, Senior had never once asked to see his son. When this fight had all started, Senior had merely asked for guardianship over his son, and all that entailed. And the only reason someone would want something like that was to not only control the person, but the person's financial means as well.

And Tony, because of everything that had happened in the months after his accident, was comfortably…wealthy.

The settlement that Tony had received had gone towards his medical bills as well as his continued therapy sessions. But despite that fact, Tony still had a lot of "means".

And because of the fact that Tony had been declared legal incompetent after his TBI injury, whoever held guardianship over Tony also held guardianship over Tony's funds.

And even though Senior had never said so right out, Gibbs had always suspected that had been the older con-man's end game all along.

But now, despite everything he had gone through, Gibbs was going to have to go to court to prove he had not failed Tony in any way. And on top of that, he was going to have to show the court why Tony's father had not been allowed visitation.

Gibbs rested his head against the door and took a few deep breaths. He could hear, now that the thoughts in his head quieted, his dad and Tony in the kitchen. Tony sounded agitated and Gibbs almost opened the door to go in and see what was wrong when he paused.

He could still feel the anger inside him, waiting to be released. And if had learned anything since Tony's accident, he had learned to keep his anger in check around Tony. And right now, he needed a few more minutes to cool off. He took another deep breath, willing his anger to go away, as he listened to Tony and his dad.

"And I-I-I-I…Blue. Loud. Boss. He's loud. Loud. Yell. Like when the phone makes noises. I don't like it. Why is Boss outside? Jack, why? Make him come inside. I don't like it. Blue. Blue. Stop. Stop. Stop."

"Tony," Jack's deeper rumbled could now be heard that Tony had paused momentarily, "Tony, I need you to sit down okay? Do you want to sit down with me for a bit?"

"Down. Down. Why? Where's Boss? Is he missing? Did he get lost? I can find him Jack. I found him last time. Only Elijah was here with me, not you. But Elijah's on vacation cause he doesn't like the cold. Cold. Blue. It's cold outside Jack. Is Boss outside? Will he get cold? He needs a jacket. I can go get it. I know where his jacket is Jack. Do you know where his jacket is Jack? I'll go get his jacket so he doesn't get cold. Jacket. Jacket. Jack Jack Jack. "

"Tony, Boss is right outside. He needed to calm down cause he got really frustrated and he didn't want to wake you up."

"Cold. The doorbell woke me up. Not Boss. But was Boss' head going to fast? Cause I get frustrated when mine goes to fast. That's how I broke it. But I make sure it goes slow now. Cause getting frustrated doesn't help anything."

"Yeah Tony, he needed to slow down. But give him a moment. He'll be in soon."

"Slow. Jack, a moment isn't this long. How long is it exactly? A moment?

"Sometimes it's pretty long Tony. But it'll be short. Just you watch. He'll come in, just a few more moments."

"More than one moment?"

Finally feeling the last grip of anger release his heart, Gibbs opened the door quietly and was rewarded by a smile on Tony's face as his ward stood, rather shakily and walked over to his Boss.

"Cold. Jacket. Boss, you took lots of moments to come in, which doesn't make sense cause Jack said it could be as long as one moment even though you took a few moments. Are you slow now? I mean…huh, calm. Loud. No…quiet, are you not talking loud anymore?"

Gibbs smiled at Tony and pulled him in for a hug.

"Cold. Boss, your hands are really cold. You didn't wear your gloves like the one's Ziva made for you and for me. You're supposed to wear gloves Boss. It's cold outside and Ziva made you gloves cause you're supposed to wear them so your hands don't get cold."

"I'm sorry Tony," Gibbs whispered into Tony's hair, apologizing for much more than forgetting to wear his gloves.

"It's okay Boss," Tony sighed, hearing that Boss wasn't talking loud anymore, "I forget sometimes too. But I really wish you wouldn't be so loud. Me and Baron don't like it very much."

Gibbs smiled sadly at that, and rubbed small gently circles on Tony's back. Squeezing Tony's shoulders reassuringly, Gibbs frowned when he felt the stiffness in the muscles of Tony's bad side.

"Tony," Gibbs said, his gut churning immediately. Sometimes, Tony's bad side cramped before a particularly bad seizure, "Does your bad hand hurt?"

"Sleep. Yes. It hurts. And I can't go to sleep cause the doorbell rang and it hurt," Tony tried to flex his bad hand, "But Baron isn't licking me or anything so I don't think it's a really bad hurt."

"That's good Tony," Gibbs gently lifted Tony's bad arm and gave it a quick massage, "Do you want to lay down? I'll massage your bad hand so it doesn't hurt anymore."

"Yes," Tony said, before biting his lip, "Jack can come too."

"Okay Tony," Gibbs said, forgetting for the moment of the troubles that they would soon face, "Come on Jack, come too."

Jackson, who knew that his son was putting Tony's needs above his need to talk about the things he wanted to say, smiled and followed the duo back into the den, intent on getting his son to talk to him as soon as Tony went down for his nap.

Baron, who had watched the whole thing from his bed by the fridge, let out a loud yawn and settled back into his bed. He closed his eyes but kept his ears erect, just in case anything happened. He never liked it when his boy was upset but it appeared that the Boss had everything taken care off.

* * *

"Blue. Who are you?" Tony asked the lady that was sitting in his spot at the dinner table. He woke up from his nap cause he had therapy today and he was really tired when he got home. He had gone down the steps and he didn't even wake up Jack who was sleeping in the den cause Boss said that Jack need to sleep and take naps sometimes too.

"Tony," Boss said, standing really quick and walking over to Tony. His voice sounded funny, like he needed to tell him something but he didn't know how.

"Secret. Boss, who is that?" Tony asked again, peeking around Gibbs' shoulder to look at the women in her nice outfit. She smiled at him and Tony tried to smile back but he really didn't know who she was and why she was in his house at his spot at the dinner table and it made his stomach nervous cause he didn't know those things. Ever since that man had rung the doorbell a couple days ago Tony's stomach felt bad sometimes cause he didn't know what was going on.

"Table. Boss, she's in my spot," Tony said, looking at the table to Boss, then to Boss' mouth. Boss looked tired all of a sudden.

"Quiet. Do you need a nap too Boss?" Tony asked quietly, "Cause I like my naps. If you're tired Boss, you need to take a nap. That's what you always tell me."

"Tony," Gibbs said, finally setting both hands on Tony's shoulders in an attempt to gain the boy's wandering attention. It seemed to work a few moments later when Tony finally stopped talking and looked at him in the eye, "Tony, this is Ms. Nemec. She's here to talk to me for a bit, then she's going to talk to you."

"Why?" Tony asked a few seconds later, after he had thought about what Gibbs had said, "Why does she need to talk to me? Did I forget her?"

"No, no," Gibbs shook his head, "She's going to meet you today. But for right now, can you go sit in the den with Jack for a little while?"

"Blue. But Jack's asleep."

"Not anymore Tony," Gibbs smiled even though the rest of his face looked sad, "I bet you he's watching some TV right now."

Tony nodded, but frowned as he looked at Gibbs. He glanced at Ms. Nemec one more time before giving Boss a quick hug. He shuffled out of the room, Baron at his heels, and let out a loud yawn.

Ever since that day that Boss had gotten frustrated and had had to go sit outside for a little bit, lots of people Tony didn't know had been coming to his house. First had been the other guy, who Boss had liked a lot, and then there had been other people that Tony didn't know, except for the people he did know like Ziva, Probie, Abby and Jimmy and Ducky. He knew them so they didn't bother him but all these other people, Tony didn't like it when everyone kept coming to his house.

"Surprise. Jack, how come so many people have to come into my house now? Is it cause the snow is melting and the holidays are over? When Elijah was here with me, no came over, except Abby, Probie and Ziva and Jimmy but that was only sometimes. Are they coming over cause Elijah won't be back for another couple of weeks?" Tony asked after he sat on the couch by Jack. Jack, who had been a bit asleep, yawned and let out a sigh before answering him.

"Well, I'm gonna let Boss tell you, okay Tony? Cause I don't really know why and after you talk with that fancy pants Ms. Whatever her name was, then we'll see. Okay?"

Tony scowled, not liking that answer. But he didn't get a chance to say so cause Jack turned on the TV and by the time Tony remembered again, the lady and Boss were calling him so that he could talk to Ms. Nemec.

* * *

_There was this lady at my house today. She asked the weirdest questions too. I don't know why Boss wanted me to talk to her, but some of the questions she asked were weird even though they were easy questions but I didn't like them even though most of the time I like answering questions that I know the answer too._

_But her questions were weird cause even though I knew the answer to them, I would answer them and she would ask another one just like it. It made me feel like she wasn't hearing what I was talking about or that she wasn't understanding when I thought that I had answered her questions. _

_But they were really weird._

_And __I __don__'__t __understand __what__'__s __happening. __But __something __is __cause __Boss __was __talking __to __Jack __and __Ducky __and __even __though __Elijah __is __on __vacation __for __another __three __weeks __cause __it __says __so __on __the __calendar, __Boss __said __that __he __almost __came __back __quicker __after __he __heard __about __the __man __who __rang __the __doorbell._

_I __don__'__t __understand __why __Elijah __has __to __come __back __quicker __for __that __reason. __Did __Elijah __do __something __wrong? __Did __something __happen __to __him __while __he __was __gone? __Was __that __why __the __person __rang __the __doorbell __and __made __Boss __upset?_

_I just wish someone would tell me what was going on so I would know. Cause I hate not being able to answer question, especially when it my own head that's asking them. _


	32. Chapter 31

**A/N: Awfully busy week this past one has been. Emphasis on the awful. While school stuff is going wonderfully, my job is being a pain in the butt. The only good part is I finish at the end of this month. I'm so excited. The new job is much more rewarding and I don't have to deal with overly stubborn, thick headed parents who think their bratty little children are angels. Really. Their children are the ones in trouble and yet somehow its _my_ fault. Oy vey. Anyway, in other news, the next chapter is almost done. Though I probably won't get it out for a week because this next week is gonna be packed. One last thing before I go: Who's else besides me is absolutely loving this season? I LOVE IT. Okay, I'll let you go and read. Like always, reviews are loved. :)**

* * *

Chapter Thirty One

_Me and Jack are going shopping. I don't know why cause I think I have lots of clothes that are nice and warm and that fit me just right but Jack said that I needed nice clothes, the kind that you only wear once cause lots of people need you to look nice._

_I don't know what he means by that but Jack knows what he's talking about cause we went to a store that had lots of clothes that I remember my…my dad wearing I think. _

_Jack says it's called a suit and that I need to get one for me but I already can tell that I'm not gonna like it at all cause it feels really tight around my neck and I have to wear a shirt with lots of buttons which I don't like at all cause I can't take those kinds of shirts off without someone helping me to do all the buttons and now that I can put my shirt on by myself, I don't like asking help to do that sort of thing._

_But I really don't like my suit. It makes me look funny and Baron kept looking at me like he wanted to laugh which I know can't really happen cause he's a dog but still._

_I don't know why I have to wear one. I wish I could wear my favorite t-shirt and my jeans and my shoes and my favorite socks. And my sweater than Jack gave me. _

_But Boss says I have to look nice. _

_I'm just glad I don't have to wear this suit thing all the time._

* * *

"Where's Tony?" Elijah said, as he looked around the busy bullpen. Gibbs had asked him to swing by the NCIS building after he had dropped his mom off at her house.

Elijah had been on the phone with Gibbs a few more times since Gibbs had received the summons, but now that he was in town, Elijah could feel his stomach begin that slow churning it did whenever he felt anxious about something.

"He went out with my dad to get a shirt and a tie," Gibbs glanced up from his computer, "Tony use to wear suits all the time but the ones from before the accident don't fit his body right anymore and the last thing I need is Tony to look disheveled in front of the judge."

"What did Danny say about all this?" Elijah asked and adjusted his jacket. Even inside, Elijah could feel the cold that was just waiting to creep onto his skin again. While he loved the friends he had made in DC, he already missed the warmth of Southern California. If only everyone in DC could move there.

"I haven't really talked to Danny much these past few weeks," Gibbs grumbled, "He's was almost positive that Senior's lawyer wouldn't want to drag this to trial but now that he has, he's been getting ready for it. Apparently, instead of arguing that I'm an unfit guardian, they're trying to how the judge that not only did I not properly inform Senior of his son's status but that I caused Tony emotional harm by not letting him keep in contact with his father."

"But from what you tell me," Elijah spoke up, "Senior wasn't really in Tony's life before the accident. So why has he been fighting for this now?"

"Money? Pride? To save face?" Gibbs shrugged, "Frankly, at this point, I don't know and I really don't care. This whole thing is giving me a headache and it's starting to affect Tony too."

"What's wrong with Tony?"

"He's been getting more muscle cramps. The PT said it was from keeping his muscle tense and I know all the visits from Adult Protective Services hasn't helped him any. He's had two seizures in the past week and I just want this to be over. Now."

Elijah nodded in agreement, feeling a wave of protectiveness swell within his chest for the man he had come to love as a little brother of sorts. Because he had never met Tony before the accident, he didn't have anything to compare Tony to, other than what Tony was now. And judging by the quality of friends Tony kept, Elijah was almost certain that Tony hadn't changed much since the accident, at least not in the ways that mattered the most.

"The trial still set for next week?" Elijah asked just as the rest of team Gibbs made their way back to their desks. The team had picked up a case that morning and Gibbs was stressed enough as it is.

"Yeah, at 9 in the morning," Gibbs let out a small smirk at that, thinking about how much Tony would dread having to get up and dressed that early in the day, "But here are his meds. I picked them up on the way to work. Dr. Clarke uped his anti-seizure drug so be on the lookout for any signs of drowsiness."

"No problem Gibbs," Elijah took the medication and stowed it in his backpack, "I'll make sure to take these files to Danny on the way back home."

"Thank you Elijah," Gibbs replied, genuinely thankful for Elijah's help in taking a few files to their attorney, "Hopefully I'll make it home in time for dinner."

"No rush," Elijah said as he made his way to the door, "Me and your dad have it covered."

* * *

Tony looked at the car that was in the driveway. He didn't like cars. He likes trucks. They were big and strong and didn't break like cars did.

So why was there a car in his driveway?

"Truck. Jack, is that your car?"

"No Tony," Jackson shook his head before parking the vehicle, "But I'm pretty sure you know whose car that is."

Tony shook his head. He didn't know whose car that was. Boss didn't drive that car and neither did Probie and Jimmy or Ziva or even Ducky or Abby or at least, he didn't think they drove cars. And Tony didn't know anyone else except for-

"Elijah!" Tony let out an excited yell and hurried to get out of the truck so he could go say hi to Elijah. Elijah had been gone a long time and now that he was back Tony was very excited to see him.

Tony was going to fast though cause he almost fell out of the car and even though he tried to slow down, he slipped and knew he was gonna fall.

"Woah, Tony, slow down. You almost broke your head going that fast."

"Elijah. Fast. Elijah, I was going a lot faster when I broke my head the first time," Tony said, smiling at the much larger man who had saved him from falling on his head, "You came back!"

"Course I came back," Elijah righted him, "Did you have a good time while I was gone?"

"Slip. Yes," Tony nodded, "Jack stayed with me. Elijah, Boss has a dad, his name is Jack. See? He's right there. Say hi Elijah, I promise Jack is really nice."

"We've met Tony, only just over the phone," Elijah smiled and shook the older man's hand.

"Nice to finally meet you in person. Tony talks enough about you I feel like I've known you for years," Jackson smiled, "Now, how about we head on inside before these old bones of mine freeze?"

"Blue. Jack, bones don't freeze, it isn't that cold," Tony said as Jack handed him Baron's leash, "Sorry Baron for forgetting you in the truck. But Elijah is back. Remember Elijah?"

Baron, who was sniffing away at Elijah's pant leg, let out a quick sneeze before moving his head under Tony's hand, looking for an ear rub or a scratch.

"Cold. Inside. Let's go inside Elijah," Tony said as he rubbed Baron's ears, "Me and Jack went shopping and he got different kind of clothes."

"Is that right?" Elijah said, grabbing the shopping bags from Jackson's hands before following Tony and Jackson inside.

"Blue. Of course that's right," Tony nodded, "I don't think I'm wrong. Right Jack?"

"No Tony," Jackson smiled, "You're right."

"Cold. Blue. I thought so," Tony said as Elijah closed the door to the outside world.

Tony was glad Elijah was back.

* * *

Baron was by no means a stupid dog. Yes, there were times, many times, when he did not understand everything that was going on and even more times when humans said things he did not even try to comprehend.

But Baron was not a stupid dog.

Baron's earliest memory was of crawling away from his brothers and sisters to reach the smells that were hovering on the outside of the warm place that was his whole world. It wasn't until later, until his eyes had opened and he became much steadier on his feet, that he came to know those lovely smells as humans.

His first human had been kind and while he had lived with her for awhile, he had known even then that his life would not continue on with her for forever. She had other dogs, dogs she loved and dogs that were her pack.

But that fact did not bother Baron at the time, anymore than not being able to understand everything humans said did.

It wasn't until Baron had met his Boy that he understood why some of the dogs from his first home acted the way they did, as if a human could be part of a pack.

Because his Boy was everything to him. His Boy took him for walks and threw the ball as many times as Baron could chase it, and his Boy made sure there was always room for him on the couch or on the bed.

Baron followed his Boy everywhere, or at least he tried, and Baron knew every smell, every sound and everything that the Boy could do.

His favorite smell was the one his Boy always had after the Boss was home for awhile. It was a mixture of his Boy's smell and of the Boss' smell, with another smell mixed in that reminded Baron of the way he felt after his Boy would rub his belly.

The smell that he hated the most however, was the smell that made Baron's hair stand on end and that always came right before his Boy got sick. The smell scared him, each time he smelt it, scared him so much that he did the only thing he could do to try and make it go away.

But now, Baron thought in his own dog-kinda way. Something was not right.

The smells in the house were the same, as far as Baron could tell, but still, Baron felt something wrong.

Something…different.

It was making his hair stand on end, and it made him pick his ears up whenever he heard a sound.

Because Baron was not a stupid dog. He was a good dog, and every good dog knew when something was not right.

* * *

"Boss, I want to go with you," Tony mumbled from where he was sitting, curled up in a blanket in front of the TV. Magnum PI was on and he liked watching the episodes he had already seen before. It was fun knowing how it was going to end before anyone on the show did.

"No Tony, you're gonna stay here with Jack," Gibbs walked over and ruffled Tony's hair, glad to see his hair had grown back, "Me and Elijah will be back around lunch."

"But," Tony rubbed his eyes. It was really early in the morning and he had woken up because Baron had licked his face. But he was still tired and even though he didn't want to let Boss go, he really didn't want to move from his warm place on the couch with his blanket and Baron.

"You aren't going to work today," Tony finally said, when he took a better look at what Gibbs was wearing, "You're wearing your nice stuff, like Jack says I have to do soon. Where are you going?"

"I'm going to meet with Danny and Ms. Nemec, remember? The lady who came and spent a couple hours with you," Gibbs said, reminding Tony of the woman who the court had assigned to meet with Tony.

"Quiet. Listen. I don't think I liked her," Tony shook his head, "She asked a lot of questions and I don't even think she was listening to me answer them cause she kept asking them in different ways."

Gibbs smiled and gently ran his fingers through Tony's hair again, a gesture that not only calmed Tony, but himself as well, "I'll be back soon, okay bud?"

"Blue. I wish you didn't have to go," Tony looked up at Gibbs, "It's a stay home day. You're not suppose to go anywhere on days like these. Jack said so."

"Be good for Jack Tony," Gibbs gently rubbed Tony's shoulder before patting Baron on the head, "I'll be back soon."

Gibbs walked quickly out of the room, hating the fact that he had to leave Tony behind. But Danny had told him that Tony wouldn't need to come for the depositions and that the judge hadn't required it. Considering how long and drawn out those sorts of things could be, Gibbs was glad Tony could stay home.

But he wasn't glad however, that he had to leave him on his day off. Especially when he was leaving him behind to go face off then man that was trying to take Tony away from him.

* * *

_Something is bothering Boss. Something is bothering Boss cause Boss only wears the nice sort of stuff he was wearing when something isn't right and he was wearing it today. I didn't have to wear my nice stuff so maybe the thing that is bothering Boss isn't really really bad but it must kinda sorta be bad cause he had those lines by his mouth that he has when he holds his teeth really tight together cause something bad is happening._

_Elijah went with him and me and Baron stay at home with Jack. Jack is nice, and I like him a lot. He talks quiet but I can always hear him and he reminds me of Boss but he's really different too which is okay cause I'm not like my dad either and I'm not like anyone else I think. I'm like me which is a good thing cause even though no one tells me what's happening, I know._

_And just thinking about it makes my stomach do flips flops like the waves do when the crash on the beach. And I don't like that feeling at all._


	33. Chapter 32

**A/N: I apologize for the wait. But I've been swamped with homework and tests and a whole bunch of stuff that makes me yearn for Christmas break. Cause this semester was CRAZY. So crazy that I have to DVR NCIS and wait till the weekend to watch them. I know. SADNESS. Anyway, this chapter's a bit longer than normal to tide you over until the next chapter, which will more than likely not be up until finals are over. However, I appreciate all the love and reviews and yes, when you get to the end of this chapter, many of you are gonna wanna throw tomatoes at me. However, just remember, if I die by tomatoe-induced drowning, then no one will ever post the next chapter. Okay, now off you go, go read. -runs and hides-**

* * *

Chapter Thirty Two

_It's quiet now. _

_But that's only cause it got really really loud, for a long time. _

_Cause this is what happened._

_I went to therapy, like I always do and Jack took me cause he wanted to come. _

_Therapy was okay and PT was hard but OT makes me frustrated sometimes because I have to do different sort of things with my good hand which is hard because if though my good hand is good, it still isn't like it was before I broke my head. PT is about making me stronger and making my bad side better which is good cause my bad side needs to get stronger so I can get better but OT makes me write and tie my shoes and button my shirts and all sorts of stuff that my fingers don't like to do._

_Baron was there, cause he comes everywhere with me, and Jack held his leash until I was done. After I was done, I went home but I was frustrated and I don't know if Boss knew cause when we got home, his shoulders were hunched like how I get when I'm frustrated._

_I asked him about it, but he shook his head before giving me a big strong hug even though I probably smelled gross cause I was still stinky PT and OT._

_But he said something that sounded really sad and I wasn't sure what he said cause he gave me one last hug and then went to the kitchen to make dinner._

_I asked Jack about it but he shook his head so I took my shower and got in bed with Baron cause I remembered Jack and Elijah telling me I was gonna have to wake up really early the next morning._

_It was super early when I woke up, and I had to wear those nice clothes Jack got for me and I didn't like them cause the tie made my neck feel funny and I didn't even get to wear my blue beanie, the one Ziva made for me. But I put the blue beanie in my pocket, just in case I got to wear it later._

_Baron got to get dressed up too cause Jack helped me brush his coat and put on his blue vest just right._

_Then we went to this building and I had to sit for hours outside the doors with Jack._

_I thought it was gonna go on until it was time to eat lunch but then the doors to where everyone else had been walking into slammed opened._

_And that's when the noise begun._

* * *

It's been an hour already and can feel his patience wearing thin.

"Special Agent Gibbs, based off the following criteria, I believe Mr. DiNozzo has a case," Senior's attourney said, looking at Gibbs over his reading glasses, "From what he has brought here today, I see that he was not notified when you initially filed for guardianship. Why is that?"

"At the time, I had no idea where Mr. DiNozzo was nor did I care to look for him. For as long as I've known Tony, Mr. DiNozzo has only been around once or twice. When he was injured, I already had his power of attorney. It seemed only right that I ensure that Tony was taken care off."

"I see," Senior's attourney nodded, opening a case file, "You Honor, if I may, I will be reading Anthony DiNozzo Sr's desposition. I quote: "_I __know __it __is __true __that __I __was __not __around __often. __My __work __takes __me __all __over __the __country. __Junior __understood __that __and __we __talked __quite __frequently __on __the __phone. __When __Tony __was __injured, __I __was __out __of __the __country __and __as __I __stated __earlier, __was __not __informed __of __my __son__'__s __accident. __However, __once __I __heard, __I __came __back __as __soon __as __I __could_" end quote."

The judge nodded, indicating for Senior's attorney to continue.

"Well as you know, it took my client a week or two to figure out what was happening with his son. But by the time he tried to see him, Mr. Gibbs already had guardianship and he was not allowed to visit."

The attorney paused and faced Gibbs again, "Did you deny Mr. DiNozzo access to his son Special Agent Gibbs?"

"No sir," Gibbs scowled, "When Mr. DiNozzo came back into town, about three months after Tony's accident, Mr. DiNozzo asked that I turn over Tony's care to him. It was that request that I refused."

"Why? You realize how odd it is, for a former employer to apply for guardianship, a role that is most often taken by the family which in this case would be Mr. DiNozzo."

"I didn't trust him. As far as I knew, Tony hadn't even spoken to his father for at least two or three months before the accident. And Mr. DiNozzo can be…well, I just didn't trust him with Tony."

"But he is Tony's father and as I understand it, Tony had a relationship with his father, whether or not it was a perfect relationship. And according to his deposition, Mr. DiNozzo saw Tony the night of the accident."

That revelation made Gibbs, as well as the rest of his family and friends, take in a breath.

"What?"

"That's all the questions I have for Mr. Gibbs your honor. I would now like to call Anthony DiNozzo Senior to speak, if I may."

Gibbs, who was still slightly shell shocked, stood from the stand and watched as Senior was sworn in and took his seat next to the judge.

"Mr. DiNozzo, please explain what happened the night before Tony's accident," Senior's attorney indicated for Senior to speak.

"I had," Mr. DiNozzo cleared his throat and used his hand to smooth down his hair before continuing. The move was so much like Tony that it made the hair on Gibbs' arms stand on end.

"We met at a bar, I believe the name was Irving's, right off Athena the night of Junior's accident. I had flown in that afternoon. I had a potential busy meeting in Italy and I was going to be gone for an extended amount of time. I came to visit Tony one last time. We…we had been working on mending our relationship. We were calling each other, talking much more than we had been, as my phone records would indicate. Anyway, that night, I was flying out on a red eye to New York to take care of some last minute details before leaving the country. Junior knew I was going to be gone so I told him that I would call him as soon as I could and not to worry. That was part of the reason I didn't realize he had been hurt until I contacted his old landlady."

The attorney nodded, wanting Mr. DiNozzo to continue. Gibbs was still in mild shock and could feel his gut churning. Tony had met with his dad the night of the accident. They had never figured out why Tony had gone out that night but-

"Your Honor," Senior turned minutely towards the judge before turning back towards his attorney, " Please understand. I am not at all displeased with what Mr. Gibbs has done for my son. When Junior became a cop, we decided as a family that he would always listed someone local, someone he trusted, as his power of attorney. I travel frequently and I never wanted to hurt my son with my inability to be there for him because of my travels. And I know I am not a perfect father. But just because I made one crucial mistake does not mean that I am not still my son's father. I have tried my best to stay current on what Tony has been going through and I have even purchased a home and made it fully accessible for Tony in Virginia, about an hour or so outside of D.C. I am not in this to gain from anything, and as you can see based on my financial standings that thanks to my business deal in Italy, I have more than enough means to financially provide for my son. It's true, that I have made some risky moves in the past with my money but after Tony's injury, I made sure that I managed my money to the point that I am financially stable and financially capable of taking care of my son. Just because Mr. Gibbs has a personal opinion of me shouldn't mean I shouldn't be able to see, or take care of my son."

"That is all your Honor," Senior's attorney said after a few moments of silence. Senior waited until the judge allowed him to stand before making his way back to sit next to his lawyer.

The judge nodded and continued to look through the papers in front of him.

"Tony was given a court appointed guardian ad litem a few weeks ago. Since then, she has been making observations and as you both know, she was the one who visited each of your homes and talk to the ward, Tony, as well. Because Tony has been declared incompentant, I will listen to her advice concerning Tony and both of you. Ms. Nemec, could you please come forward and speak."

Ms. Nemec, who didn't look the least bit nervous to be in front of the judge, smiled before turning to both attorneys.

"My name is Ms. Nemec and I was appointed Anthony DiNozzo Junior's court appointed guardian when DiNozzo Senior filed to regain guardianship for his son. I would like to begin by saying that Tony, who all he had gone through, is a very well-adjusted young man. He is very comfortable with Mr. Gibbs and his aid, Mr. Brooks as well as his former team, who he sees as a pseudo-family of sorts. However, what worries me is the instability Tony must contend with in concern towards Mr. Gibbs' jobs. While I admire his efforts greatly, Mr. Gibbs is not home for many hours of the day, often leaving Tony's care to his aid, Elijah Brooks. Also, Mr. Gibbs does not have a clear cut work schedule, and when questioned, not even Tony knows exactly when his guardian is going to be home or not.

"When I spoke to Tony in concerns of his father, Tony did not show one hint of suspicion or caution when I asked him if he would like to live with his father. While Tony's memory is shaky at best, Tony has a few fond memories of his father and overall, he speaks of his father with a very loving tone. That's not to say though, that Tony believes his father is perfect. However, in the small reunion I witnessed earlier this month, as well as Tony's interactions with his father before this hearing, I believe that Tony feels safe and comfortable around his father, and his father's head of staff, Sal Costa. I do not believe it would be majorly detrimental for Tony if Mr. DiNozzo did or did not receive custody of him."

And with that, Ms. Nemec stepped off the stand. The court room was engulfed in silence, as both parties waited for the judge to say something. After two minutes of looking the files in front of him, the judge sighed and nodded his head.

"Based off the evidence in front of me, Special Agent Gibbs you failed to follow the set guidelines for requesting guardianship. However," he held up his hand when Gibbs' attorney made a move to open his mouth, "From what I can see, Tony has not suffered in the least while in your care. Be that as it may however, whatever is decided today will be under a conditional agreement, until this case can be reviewed at a later date."

The judge sighed once more before speaking his verdict and banging his gavel.

The first court day was over.

* * *

"Tony," Gibbs said, lifting Tony up and giving him a big hug, "Everything's going to be okay alright? Everything's going to be just fine, you watch. Pretty soon, this will all be back to normal and you'll never have to wear these uncomfortable clothes again."

"Blue. Boss, what- I don't- Boss. What's wrong? Why are you crying? Boss," Tony's voice took on a note of sheer panic as he observed the tears gather in his Boss' eyes, "Boss. Stop it. Stop. What happened? Why did the doors make so much noise? Abby," Tony whined, fisting his good hand around Baron's leash, "What happened? Why are you sad? What's happening? I don't- Make it stop. Why-I don't like it. Stop. Boss, stop!" Tony gently shoved Gibbs in the shoulder when he wouldn't answer his questions.

"Tony, your dad is here," Gibbs said, gently taking Tony's hands in his own, "You said hi to him before the trial, do you remember that?"

Tony, who was approaching the point of being inconsolable, shook his head and tried to move away from Gibbs, "Stop. Stop. It's moving too fast Boss. Too fast. Shhh. Shhh. Stop. Stop. Stop."

"Tony," Gibbs said, squeezing Tony's hand until Tony looked at him, "Your dad is here. Do you remember?"

Tony shook his head before scowling, "Stop. Yes. Yes, my dad is here. I said hi to him and gave him a hug before you went in to those big doors."

"Okay Tony," Gibbs nodded, "Okay. Well we went behind those big doors to figure out who you get to stay with."

Tony shook his head, "But. But. But I stay with you Boss. Why…why?"

"Tony, your dad wanted you to stay with him too," Gibbs said, knowing his time was short. Tony would have to…would have to-

"Like Jack stays with you?" Tony tried to understand what was going on but it was too loud and too fast and something was wrong with everything, "Like that?"

"Yes, sorta like that," Gibbs nodded, "So the judge, the guy who we went to talk to, he decided that you should stay with your dad for awhile. Okay?"

"Like…like you and Jack?" Tony said again, rubbing his eyes. They hurt cause he was sad and he didn't even know why he was sad. He liked his dad. His dad was nice. But why was Boss sad? Did something happen? Was Tony's head broken again?

"Boss," Tony said again, "Why are you sad? Why is everyone sad? I don't understand. I want it to stop Boss. I want to leave now in our truck."

"We can't Tony," Gibbs brushed his fingers through Tony's hair, "You have to go with your dad right now. Not with me."

Tony looked at Gibbs for a few minutes after that before blinking and nodding his head, "Okay. Okay. Okay Boss. That's okay. Dad has a truck, not a car. I can ride in a truck."

"Tony-" Gibbs went to ask Tony how he knew Senior had a truck but was interrupted when his lawyer moved him aside.

"He has to go now Gibbs," Danny whispered, "Mr. DiNozzo's lawyer said they'll be by later today to pick up anything Tony might need. Elijah's already given Mr. DiNozzo all of Tony's medications as well as the schedule of when he should take them."

"But," Gibbs shook his head, suddenly feeling as if someone was purposely ripping out the last part of his heart, "When will we see Tony again?"

Danny shrugged, "That's up to Mr. DiNozzo now. The next court date is in two months, sooner if I can get the appeal to go through quicker. Don't worry Gibbs. I haven't given up yet."

"Tony!" a voice called out, stopping all the conversation in its tracks.

"Dad!" Tony said, his face lightening up when he saw his father standing a bit farther down the hall, "Dad, hi! You're here!"

Senior smiled and took a few steps to meet his son in the middle of the hallway, "Tony my boy, you look better all the time."

"Blue. Truck. Dad," Tony shook his head and smiled at him but frowned after a moment, his anxiety from earlier still making him nervous, "Am I going with you now?"

"Yes Tony, you get to come with me," Senior nodded, "Is that okay?"

Tony looked at Boss, who still looked sad, but Boss smiled at him and a smile meant that everything was okay. And besides, Tony loved his dad. He wanted to go with him.

"Tony, son? Is it okay if you come with me now?" Tony's dad asked again when his son failed to answer.

Tony shook his head and smiled, focusing on the person in front of him, "Yeah dad. That's okay."

* * *

_It was really loud today. But then my dad was there and it got really quiet which was good cause when its loud I can't think and my brain tries to move faster than it should and that's when I get hurt or frustrated._

_But I'm with my dad now. And my dad's house it really really nice. It's big and he's got lots of space to walk and look and I'm not really sure but I think I heard horses when Sal stopped the truck right by the house._

_But it was my nap time and I went to sleep because I was tired now that everything was slow and I got to take off my nice clothes which hurt my neck cause they just do that._

_Baron likes the new house cause after I woke up, me and him went outside with my dad and because its starting to get warm again, we walked around the house and even into the barn that my dad has._

_When I was small, my dad really liked horses. He likes them a lot I think, cause he has two of them._

_I didn't want to get to close to them cause Baron didn't want to get close and I told Dad that I wanted to go back inside._

_My room is really nice. It's blue like my room with Boss but it's bigger and the bed is really nice._

_I don't even have to climb up stairs to get to my room and Dad bought a bed for Baron but Baron doesn't use it cause he just sleeps with me in my bed._

_And Dad's still helping me with my secret. Only it's not that much of a secret cause my dad's the one that's helping me with it. Which is good cause I wouldn't be able to do it by myself._

_But it was a loud day. _

_I'm just glad it's quiet now._


	34. Chapter 33

**A/N: I hope everyone had a happy holiday season. The breaks been crazy for me and this year was one of the first that I can remember where I welcomed the New Year with a chest infection and the stomach flu. lol Anyway, life has been crazy, as it should be. There are many good reasons why this took so long, and if you've PM-ed me, you know some of them. But please remember, I am dedicated to finishing this story. I have never left an NCIS story unfinished and while it might take me longer than I'd like, this story will be completed. Soon. Next chapter is halfway done and I'm hoping -crosses fingers- to get two more chapters posted before I start spring semester. Anyway, thanks for being patient and once again, thank you my readers and reviewers, for choosing to enjoy my little story. **

* * *

Chapter Thirty Three

_It's getting warmer. Which is a really good thing._

_I mean, the snow isn't really bad and the cold isn't awful or anything but it's been cold for a long time and now its gonna get warmer. Cause when it's cold all the time, I stay inside with Baron._

_Even though Baron likes going outside a lot more now._

_I go with him sometimes when he goes outside. I stay on the porch though and throw the ball for him and we play catch until my arm gets tired. After that, I brush Baron's coat for a long time, which is good cause it makes him feel nice and clean and it helps my bad hand get stronger cause when I first got Baron, I couldn't brush that good with my bad hand but now I can._

_Baron's coat is really soft and I make sure to brush every part for him. I check his paws too, cause I don't want him to have a cut or something in them that could hurt him. Baron likes it though, cause he always falls asleep when I brush him. Sometimes, he even snores. I make sure to clean his face too, and his ears cause Boss said that if I didn't make sure his ears were clean, he could get an ear ache and I know I don't like an ear ache so I make sure to keep him clean so I know he's okay. But Baron's favorite favorite part is when I'm almost done cause that's when his coat's the softest and that's the best._

_I have to brush Baron more now, but that's just because it's getting warmer and I don't want him to get his hair everywhere. That and because me and Baron go outside with my dad more than my other house. That and at this house, Baron can get alot more dirty cause the plants are different and if there's mud where the snows going away, Baron might get in that._

_Its hard though, to be here sometimes. I mean, I love my Dad and Sal is really nice and I like that my Dad is here but now Boss isn't here. And I want to ask Dad about Boss and Elijah and everyone else but when I try to ask, Dad always look sad or something._

_But I miss them. But Dad told me that he has a surprise for me today, at least a different kind of surprise than the other surprise, which isn't gonna be for another two weeks which is marked on the calendar. But my dad's surprise is happening sooner, which is nice because I don't like having to wait long since it's happening today._

_Cause a surprise is always nice to have._

* * *

"Jack!" Tony yelled, smiling as he stood up from the chair he was sitting in on the porch. It wasn't really cold outside and while he and Baron had been playing fetch earlier but Tony was just sitting down, watching the horses in the field. But when a car had pulled up, Tony had waited to see who Sal was driving.

And now he knew.

"Sit. Jack, you're here!" Tony took a few steps forward as Jackson climbed the four stairs up the wooden porch.

"How're you doing Tony?" Jack smiled as he pulled Tony in for a gentle hug, "I missed you kiddo."

"House. Blue. Jack, this is my dad's house. He says it's my house too. It's big, isn't it?" Tony held onto Jack a bit longer than usually, having missed his Boss' dad.

"It's a very nice house Tony," Jack stepped back and fixed the blue beanie on Tony's head. It had been a month since the trial and while it was still brisk outside, the temperatures were starting to rise as they neared April.

"It's big," Tony said but shrugged, his bad hand tucked up against his chest, "Is…um…is anyone else coming?"

Jack smiled and turned, looking back at the car. DiNozzo Senior's driver had picked them both up when they had been on their way out to eat lunch. Jackson had only been back in town for a few hours, having gone back to Stillwater a few days after the trial only to arrive back at his son's house today to check up on him.

"Boss!" Tony yelled, scaring Baron who let out a bark at the other person getting out of the car before recognizing the man who was walking up the walkway. Baron let out a few more barks of excitement as the Boss came closer towards his Boy but he didn't leave his post by his Boy's side.

"Boss!" Tony cried again and hurried down the four wooden steps, as much as his gait would allow him too, Baron at his heel making sure he didn't trip, "Boss! Boss!"

"Tony," Gibbs said as he reached Tony. Gibbs quickly enveloped the taller man in a hug, one that made emotion shoot through his heart, making his throat tighten as he felt Tony hug him back with all his might.

"Boss," Tony said again, burying his head in the crook of Gibbs neck, breathing in Boss smell. He still smelt the same, even all the way out here which was far from Boss' house. Tony gave Boss another hug, not wanting to let go. It was hard, being without Boss in his new house that wasn't like his room and house with Boss. There was no Elijah or Jack or Boss here but Tony had his Dad which made things okay even if he really _really_ missed Boss sometimes, and Tony had two horses too, which were really nice. And there was lots of places for him and Baron to play fetch and go walking with his Dad.

But now that Boss was here, Tony realized how much he had really missed Boss. It was different than when Boss had gone missing and Tony had had to find him, because Boss wasn't missing or anything. He just was at his house and Tony was at this house with his Dad.

Sometimes, everything was just too confusing to keep straight.

"Boss!" Tony said again, both his hand holding onto Gibbs' vest, "You were my surprise!"

Gibbs opened his mouth to respond to that but stopped when DiNozzo Senior stepped out of the house, wearing a pair of black slacks and a dark blue button up shirt, the shirt sleeves rolled up neatly to mid-forearm.

Senior waved to Sal who pulled away from the driveway to park the car in the garage before turning to his son.

"Dad!" Tony turned and smiled at his father, "Surprise. Dad, I really like this surprise."

Gibbs made eye contact with Senior and even from here, he could see the kind of man Senior could be. Gibbs watched in utter amazement as Senior's gaze softened considerably as he made eye contact with Tony. A genuine smile appeared on his face and his eyes twinkled in mirth, happy that he had made his son happy.

"I'm glad Junior."

"Daaad," Tony drew out the vowel sound, laughter bubbling up from inside him, "I told you, my name's Tony."

Senior smiled and laughed as well. Gibbs could tell, by the look both DiNozzo men shared, that whatever had happened was probably a running joke between father and son.

"I know Tony," Senior said before walking down the porch steps, a well worn pair of black loafers on his feet confirming Gibbs suspicion that Senior was dressed "casually" and had probably stayed home all day.

"Hello again Mr. Gibbs, Agent Gibbs," Senior extended his hand to each of the men, his tone cordial and welcoming, "I just turned on the coffee maker. It should be ready in a few minutes. Mr. Gibbs, is coffee alright or would you like some tea instead?"

"Tea would be just fine, thank you. And please, call me Jack," Jackson said as he made eye contact with Leroy.

_Be nice. He didn't have to let you see Tony._

Gibbs glanced at Senior before looking at his father, allowing his gaze to soften. He didn't have to say anything to his father, knowing his dad would understand.

Jackson nodded once more before following Senior back into the house, both men talking about the merits of coffee over tea and how no one appreciated a good cup these days. Despite everything, the conversation made Gibbs smile, thinking of Ducky and how the elder Scot would have loved to be privy to Jackson and Senior's conversation.

"How've you been Tony?" Gibbs asked, when both men were back in the house, the screen door opening and closing gently in the breeze.

"Good," Tony nodded, smiling before looking back at the house, "Oh Boss! Guess what?"

Gibbs smiled falling into a familiar pattern, "Yes Tony?"

"Blue. Surprise. I have a horse!" Tony said, doing a small about-face and walking towards the field that was adjacent to the paddocks that held the horses, "Boss, come on. You gotta see him."

Glancing once more over his shoulder, Gibbs noted that the man who drove them, a well-built man by the name of Sal, had walked out of the front door and was sitting calmly on the porch, sitting in the same seat that Tony had been sitting in when they had first pulled up.

Sal tipped his head in Gibbs' direction, a silent instruction to make sure no harm befell Tony in anyway. Feeling a spark of anger rise in his gut, Gibbs tried to reign in the fire. He had been taking care of Tony for months, years, before Senior took him away from him. He didn't need some lacky of Senior's to remind him how to do his job.

"Bye Sal, I'm gonna look at my horse, okay?" Tony called out, having caught sight of the man on the porch as well.

"Alright Tony, be careful," Sal smiled, that same look of fondness that Gibbs had seen countless times on Elijah's own face. So Sal was more than just some hired hand. Sal was most likely Tony's helper.

"That's Sal," Tony said, no longer looking back at the house. Instead, he was looking at the fence to the field where his horse was, "He's really nice. He's been friends with my dad since I was shorter…um, no. I mean younger. He taught me how to ride a bike cause dad was on a business trip I think when I was really little and he likes horses too."

"Oh," Gibbs said, knowing it didn't take much to encourage Tony to talk. And since he hadn't seen his boy in a little over a month, he was dying just to hear Tony's voice. He didn't care what he was talking about.

"Yeah, he's nice. He helps with the horses all the time," Tony nodded before reaching the fence, "Boss, look see? Two horses. One is my dad's and one is mine. See? Watch."

Tony whistled loudly and Gibbs looked over. Tony hadn't been able to do that a month ago and he was happy to see Tony had regained that skill.

"Dad taught me to whistle Boss," Tony smiled and looked out into the field, "I had to learn a different way cause the way I was trying to do it wasn't working anymore. But Dad showed me his way and I can whistle now. Which is good cause that way the horses hear me."

Gibbs nodded along and smiled when Tony let out another sharp whistle, using his thumb and finger pressed against his lips to make the sharp noise.

"Look, look, here he comes," Tony let out a happy chuckle before settling down. Baron, who watched the proceedings with his usual calm, was sitting a few feet from Tony's feet, his ears pointed towards the two horses that were walking their way.

"They would run if I had an apple," Tony laughed, looking at Gibbs, "But because I don't they're just gonna walk. Which is okay, right Boss? You don't always have to go fast."

"That's right Tony," Gibbs agreed, watching as both horses came right up to Tony and nuzzled his hands.

"Bella," Tony said, gently petting the blue roan quarter horse on the forehead, "Beautiful. That's what her name means. She's my dad's. Isn't she pretty Boss?"

Gibbs extended his hand, letting the mare sniff his hand before he gently petted her neck, "She is Tony."

Tony adjusted the beanie on his head before moving towards the other horse. The other horse threw his head up and let out a small neigh before lowering his head and bumping Tony lovingly in the chest. Tony laughed and placed his hand on the horse's muzzle, letting his horse sniff and lip his fingers gently.

"This is my horse. His name is Denny," Tony nodded, "He's a buckskin gelding Boss, just like Denny was in _The Man From Snowy River._"

Gibbs laughed vaguely remembering the horse from that movie and extended his hand towards Denny as well.

"My dad was gonna name him Cisco, like the horse from _Dances with Wolves, _but Cisco dies in that movie and Denny doesn't die in _The Man From Snowy River. _Dad didn't know though, that Denny dies in the sequel, _Return to Snowy River, _but that's okay cause I like Denny for a horse's name a lot better."

Gibbs nodded and watched as Denny sniffed his hand before swinging his head back towards Tony. Denny gently placed his head in Tony's chest and stood still as Tony used his good hand to brush the forelock out of Denny's eyes.

"I like him Boss," Tony whispered, "When I go back with you, can I come back here too? Denny is really nice."

Thinking of Tony coming back to live with him made the same emotions rise up in his chest and despite everything, Gibbs felt the pain in his heart and the moisture build up in his eyes.

"I love you Tony," Gibbs said, reaching over to hug his surrogate son. Tony returned the hug and sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned in to Boss.

Gibbs carefully adjusted Tony's beanie, wishing he could fix everything like he could fix the beanie that had almost fallen off Tony's head.

If only life were that simple.

"I love you too Boss."

* * *

_I got a surprise today. Jack and Boss came to see me at my dad's house. I didn't know they were coming, which was why it was a surprise, and it was nice cause Boss got to see my other room and my dad made some really really good food like he makes sometimes._

_It wasn't pizza, which is okay cause I can't always eat pizza, but it was Italian too and it was called something that I don't remember the name but it had chicken in a creamy sauce even though it wasn't chicken alferdo cause I don't really like that. _

_But Boss and Jack stayed until it got dark out and me and Boss and Baron went outside again only this time, Jack and my Dad came and we went to the paddock again and Jack got to see my horse and my Dad's horse. _

_This time I brought Denny and Bella apples that were filled with molasses and Denny really liked it cause he ate it in two big bites. Bella ate her's just as fast and even tried to steal Denny's cause he wasn't as fast as she was._

_Boss and Jack had to go home, after that, and I didn't understand why I couldn't go with them. I mean, I love my Dad a lot and I like Sal too and Baron likes it here and I love my room but I wanted to go with Jack and Boss cause I miss them too, and I miss Abby and Probie and Jimmy and Ducky and Ziva. I miss Probie and Jimmy playing games with me and I miss Abby's hugs and I miss Ziva singing to me like she does. _

_I wanted to go but Dad said no and shook his head. He held my hand really gently like I know he did when I was really little, but I wasn't little anymore and I didn't understand why I couldn't just go with them. I told him that I would come back, cause I liked staying with him too and I liked Sal and Denny but he shook his head again and Boss and Jack looked really sad too cause Boss' face crinkled up like it always did when he was sad or angry…or both._

_Jack just gave me a hug and kissed me on the head and Boss gave me a big hug and I tried not to cry when he did but I started to anyway cause Boss always said it was okay to cry and I was sad and that meant it was okay to cry._

_Boss told me though that I didn't need to be sad cause he wasn't missing, he was just at a different house and I tried not to be sad but I didn't do a really good job of not being sad cause I kept crying._

_Boss gave me one more hug and fixed my blue beanie before him and Jack walked down the four steps of the porch and into the car that Sal was driving cause he was gonna take them back to their house which was my house too even if I wasn't staying in my old room right now._

_I know I shouldn't be sad but its hard cause I miss Boss and everyone else and I just don't understand why everyone always has to make things so confusing that I can't understand anything._


	35. Chapter 34

**A/N: I apologize for the delay. Hopefully, this chapter will make up for it. No promises when the next one will be up, but I'm hoping soon. As always, thank you to all who read and review this story. You do not realize what your kind words do to brighten my day. Thank you. **_  
_

* * *

Chapter Thirty Four

_Finally, my surprise and secret is here. _

_It was forever, cause it felt that way, and lots of times I got worried cause I didn't think that Boss would like my surprise very much. _

_Even my Dad, when I first told him about the secret and the surprise I wanted to do, even he didn't want to do it. _

_But it's not bad. At least I don't think it's bad. Ziva told me when I was first thinking about it that if it didn't make my inside feel bad that it probably wasn't bad. _

_And even though I'm not always right about a lot of the stuff, I think I'm right about this. _

_At least I hope so. _

_Boss came again to see me yesterday. It was nice, having him come over. Dad stayed inside cause Dad was sick and I couldn't give him a hug then cause he was sick but that's okay because Boss came over yesterday and tomorrow I get to see Probie, Abby and everyone else again. _

_I haven't seen them in awhile, and I really missed them. I told my Dad that, that I missed them a lot and that is why Boss is gonna pick me up tomorrow and we are going to go see a movie I think._

_Even Baron misses them too, but that's okay. _

_First I get to have my secret, which isn't a secret anymore I don't think cause my Dad knows about it but it's still making my insides go all funny. It's how I felt the first time I ever went with my Dad, even though I love him and know that it's okay. But it is sorta a secret still I think cause Boss doesn't know about it and I don't think I want to tell him._

_I have to get ready though for the secret that I couldn't tell anyone about because I still don't think Boss would have liked it. But my dad said yes and today is the day I get to finally have my surprise that isn't a secret anymore cause the day is here on the calendar in the kitchen. _

_And my stomach his going in circles but I can't wait for lunchtime. _

* * *

Tony paced the door and Senior, who was sitting at the kitchen table drinking some warm tea for his raw throat, shook his head.

"Junior, Sal said he would be back by 12:30. What time is it?"

Tony paused his pacing and looked up at the clock, squinting as he thought of the hands and what numbers they meant.

"12:12." Tony said finally.

Senior nodded, "What does it mean when the big hand is on the 12?"

Tony looked blank for a moment before he laughed, "Zero zero!"

Senior smiled as well, knowing he could not resist being happy when his son smiled like that, "So what time is it?"

"Twelve zero zero."

"Good job Junior," Senior smiled, taking another sip of his tea.

"Dad, my name is Tony," Tony tried to hide his giggles, "Blue. Zero zero zero."

"Why don't you come and sit down then Junior? I don't want you to get tired."

"Zero zero. I'm not tired. I already took a nap. And remember? I'm suppose to walk more cause that's what I have to do to get better."

"I remember Junior," Senior nodded, "Would you mind then helping your old man make some more tea?"

"Who is my old man?" Tony blinked and looked around slowly, "I don't have one!"

Senior laughed, "Me, Tony."

This time Tony laughed, a rich laugh that reminded Senior so much of his son when he had been a little boy, before his wife and Tony's mother had died, "Dad, you are not old."

"I believe so son," Senior said, standing slowly. His joints ached, and not just from the flu that he was finally recovering from. He was not as young as he used to be, and his body reminded him of that every day now it seemed.

"No dad," Tony scowled, coming over and putting a hand on his dad's arm, "Zero zero. You're not."

Senior looked up at his son, remembering a time when Tony had looked up to him. When had Tony gone through his last growth spurt? Sometime around the time Senior decided that his son was an inconvenience probably.

Oh how foolish he had been, not to treasure the time he had with his son.

Tomorrow, he had always thought, I will call him tomorrow.

And then the night of the accident, the last time Senior had talked with his son before the head injury that had almost killed him.

How many tomorrows had he wasted, thinking that he would have all the time in the world to spend with his son? And now, especially now, had he wasted too much time? Was it too late?

"Alright Tony," Senior said, placing a gently hand on Tony's check, hoping to take the worry out of Junior's eyes away, "It's alright."

"You're not old. Old people," Tony's face scrunched up and Senior could see the worry turn into panic, "Old people, they-they-"

"Junior," Senior said, pulling his son into a gently hug, "There'll be none of that now. You don't worry about me son, I promise Tony, no matter what happens, everything will be okay."

"I don't want you to leave," Tony said, pushing his face into the crook of Senior's neck, "Zero zero. I don't want you too Dad."

"Tony, everyone has to die son. Just like all the names inside your blue helmet," Senior said, wishing he could promise to stay with Tony forever.

"Blue. I don't want to write your name there Dad," Tony whispered, the tears that were no doubt threatening to fall evident in his voice.

"I know son," Senior said and gently patted Tony's back, using his other hand to fix Tony's wayward hair.

Senior let a few quiet moments pass before he gently pushed Tony backward.

"Alright then. Today is a very important day and I don't want you to be sad son. Aren't you excited?"

Tony bit his lip and nodded, wiping the tears off his checked, "Zero. Blue. Secret secret secret surprise."

"Exactly," Senior said, using his fingers to fix Tony's hair once more, "Are you ready? I think I see Sal coming up the driveway."

"Now?" Tony immediately brightened up. A moment like this was too great to be smothered by the rain cloud that had threatened to drench Tony's mood.

"Go see," Senior smiled. He had had his reservations about this meeting, but Tony, his sweet Tony who was too much like his mother Senior practically could see her when he looked at their son, had a heart that was full of gold.

And enough forgiveness to save even the most lost causes.

Including Senior himself.

* * *

The day of Zach Lewis's 19th birthday had been the worse day of his life. And that was saying something, considering he had gotten kicked out of the only house he had ever known on his 18th birthday.

Life in the foster care system was rough, though Zach wasn't using that as an excuse. Life in general was rough and considering Zach hadn't seen his little brother in four months made his 18th birthday all that more awful.

But on his 19th birthday, Zach had gotten his first DWI.

The second had come soon after that, as Zach feel into a spiral of hopelessness. He had lost his job, the day of his second DWI, and with no family, no support system to think of, Zach had gone to the nearest bar and gotten as drunk as he possible could with a fake ID and all the money he had in his wallet.

Rent was due the next week but it didn't matter. With no job, Zach would be evicted eventually, especially with a DWI on his record.

The night of the second DWI, Zach had totaled the twelve year old car he had bought off his neighbor three months prior.

After that, he had spent some time in a work release program sponsored through MADD, and he had promised, he had swore with all his heart that it would be the last time.

The day he turned 21, Zach had gotten the call.

His younger brother, his Sammy, his only family left in the world, had been killed in a drive by shooting.

He probably had stuck out like a sore thumb, the police officer had said, a white kid hanging out with the wrong kind of crowd.

Zach hadn't been able to handle that. Sammy was only 14, two years away from being old enough to leave the foster house he was in and come live with Zach. They were going to get out of Virginia, travel to Texas or Montana or someplace where they could live and be okay.

Zach had spent that night in jail, having been taken there after he had lost his mind and attacked the police officer out of extreme grief.

The charges would probably be dropped they said, emotional distress, they said. We can't have you attacking police officers though, they said.

Zach had walked home, his license still suspended for another two months. It was part of the MADD program, and Zach knew that having his license suspended for three years was one of the best things that had happened to him.

After he had bailed himself out of jail, something awful had happened.

One moment he had been sitting at his house, bawling his eyes out, and the next he had been in the back of a police car.

"You probably killed someone tonight son," the officer kept saying, shaking his head and offering no explanation.

It had taken Zach a whole day to realize what he had done, what he had possibly become.

He had almost killed someone.

He had hit them so hard they were probably going to die.

He was a murderer, just like that person was who had killed his Sammy.

Had he robbed someone of a brother? A son? A husband?

What had he done?

Zach had spent a month in jail, waiting to find if the person he had hit while driveing drunk lived or died.

When the word finally came though him via his court appointed lawyer, Zach had cried so hard had had puked.

The man he hit would live.

It wasn't till later, until Zach's sentencing when the man's family, Anthony Dinozzo's family came and testified at his trial, that Zach realized that he had done something unforgivable.

Anthony DiNozzo would live, he learned, but he would have extensive brain damage.

He would never be the same man again.

Zach had been sentenced to two years in prison to be followed by five years probation.

He would never be able to have a license again.

The eight months he had spent in the prison had almost broken him. He had kept his nose clean though, and he had been able to leave prison with a GED and a trade.

Being a mechanic was awful, considering he would never be able to legally drive again, but it was a good profession and it paid enough for him to rent a one room apartment and take the bus to and from work.

He had joined the local AA chapter and had also increased his volunteer hours at MADD.

But no matter what he did, he still felt as if he didn't deserve to be alive.

He had walked away from that crash with a split lip.

And he had hurt another human being so bad that their life would never be the same again.

He was worthless, a piece of trash.

He wanted to kill himself, almost every day, but he always stopped himself because what did it matter? Killing himself would not change anything. Killing himself would not bring Sammy back, would not change what he had done to Anthony DiNozzo and to his family.

Some days, he was glad all his family was dead. At least that way they didn't have to be ashamed of him.

It was in the winter when he had received the letter.

When he first seen the name on the envelope, he had feared the worse.

Because he deserved it. He deserved to spend the rest of his life locked away in a hole, with no light and no human contact. To be sued and forced to live in poverty for the rest of his life.

But then Zach had read the letter. Had read it and reread it until he had it memorized.

What kind of person was this, to ask for this? To want… to want…

But that letter had come months ago.

And now Zach was in the back of a car, driving to a house in the middle of Virginia, to visit the man whose life he had destroyed. He was able to visit the man now that he was no longer on the ankle monitoring system.

Zach prayed Anthony DiNozzo killed him.

At least that way, it could all mean something.

* * *

Tony didn't understand a lot of things. He knew that.

He knew that before, before everything happened that things were different. He knew that he lived by himself in a place with lots of stairs, and that he didn't need his Boss or Baron and that he didn't have to ever wear a blue helmet to keep his head safe.

He knew that things worked better then, that he didn't need help and that he didn't talk funny.

He knew these things. And he knew that he had gotten into an accident that had made his head go to fast.

He knew that the accident wasn't his fault, that someone had hit him.

And he knew that like an accident, everyone got hurt.

When he had hurt Boss once, it had been an accident. He hadn't meant to hit Boss in the face, but Tony had been scared and he had smacked Boss in the face so hard Boss had blood coming out of his nose.

Tony had felt awful, and he had cried and cried, at least until Boss explained something.

Tony hadn't meant to hurt him. It was an accident, Boss had said and he forgave Tony for what he did cause it was an accident and it was okay.

Tony had felt so much better after that that he had cried because it had made his insides so much better.

Tony knew what forgiving meant. He remember that before the accident that his dad didn't always come when Tony wanted him too. He remembered that lots of times he had been scared and sad and he had wanted his dad and his dad hadn't come.

He remembered seeing his dad and being sad but Tony remembered that he loved his dad.

And just like Boss said it was okay, he forgave his dad too for not being okay all the time.

But then Tony had started thinking.

An accident had happened when Tony's head had gone too fast.

Who told the other person that it was okay, that it was an accident?

Did anyone tell him that? Did anyone make him feel okay after he did something wrong? Because even though Tony knew it was the other person's fault, that he had been driving in a car when he shouldn't have, that didn't mean that the other person had wanted to hit Tony.

It had been an accident.

And Tony hadn't even seen the other person.

But that was going to change, as soon as Sal stopped the car. They had to wait forever, cause the other man who had hit him was in trouble and when you're in trouble you can't visit anyone you wanted to. He had to in a "radius" cause he wore a thing around his ankle that didn't let him go anywhere.

But not anymore. Now, the other man, Zach, could come see him so Tony could tell him.

Tony wanted to hurry over but his dad touched his arm like he always did when Tony was moving too fast.

Slow down, the touch said, I don't want you to get hurt.

Tony smiled at his dad and looked back and took a deep breath.

When the door opened, Tony smiled and hoped all his words came out right.

"Hi Zach," Tony said. The guy walked up to him and Tony smiled cause he was just Tony's height which was good cause that meant Tony didn't have to look up or down to talk to him.

Zach was a boy still, Tony thought. He was smaller…no, younger than even Elijah, and Elijah was young. Tony couldn't see any smile lines on his face like he could with Boss and his dad. Even Probie, and Probie was small too, Probie had more lines then him.

"Zach," Tony said again. Because Zach had been in the accident too and maybe his brain had been going too fast then.

"Um, Mr. DiNozzo," Zach said.

Tony looked at his dad. Why was Zach talking to his dad? Tony was talking.

"My name is Tony," Tony said, leaning closer and saying it loud, in case Zach couldn't hear right.

"Tony," Zach said, his shoulders down.

Tony frowned. Why was Zach scared? Tony would not hurt him. No one would hurt him.

"Zach," Tony said again, touching him on the arm to tell him to slow down. Maybe Zach was moving so fast that he couldn't understand what Tony was trying to say.

"Mr. DiNozzo-I uh, Tony, I don't, I don't know what to say- I," Zach's voice cracked like Tony's did when he was scared.

Tony bit his lip and took a step forward, slow to make sure he didn't scare Zach.

"It's okay Zach," Tony said, just like he had practiced lots and lots of times. He wanted to get it right, to make sure it did it right just in case Zach didn't understand. He wanted to say it again and again so Zach never felt as bad as Tony did ever again, "I forgive you. It's okay."

And Tony started to cry too, when Zach couldn't hold in his sadness any longer.

"I forgive you."

* * *

_The secret surprise came today. _

_And it was nice. _

_Zach was not like how I thought he would be. He was sad, really really sad, that I know that it's not nice to be sad all the time. _

_Zach was the one that hit me, that was the one that caused the accident that made my brain and my head go to fast. _

_But Zach got hurt too I think, in different ways than I did. He got hurt on the inside, where his heart is._

_He was so sad, he cried and cried until my legs got tired and I couldn't stand anymore. _

_He cried so much I cried with him, and I think that made him sad too but that's okay. _

_Zach promised to come back after I told him he could come back, and I hope he does. _

_I don't think he believes me, when I told him I forgive him. _

_But that's okay. _

_I'll keep telling him till he does and till the sadness goes away. _

_I can do it. _

_I can do it for Zach who isn't my secret anymore. _

_Maybe, instead of a secret, Zach can be my friend. _


	36. Chapter 35

**A/N: We continue to go on. The end is near, but it is not here yet. As I've mentioned, I will continue to write until there is nothing left to write. Thank you to all who continue to read and review. It is very much appreciated. **

* * *

Chapter Thirty Five

_Boss is coming today. I'm so excited I almost forgot to feed Denny and Bella. And that was bad because his horses needed to eat. Denny didn't like it when he didn't get to eat, and I know that I wouldn't like it either._

_I feed Baron too, but not as much. Dad said that Baron was getting heavy, which was just the nice way of saying that Baron was getting fat but I'm not sure if Baron is heavy. Baron always looks nice to me, especially after I brushed and brushed Baron's coat. _

_I brush Baron's coat a lot, and he doesn't mind when I do it. I make sure to brush it cause if I don't, his hair goes all over the place and when I brush his coat, it help my hands and my muscle and I can brush a lot longer than I could before. My hand is getting stronger, especially my bad hand, and my PT says that's really good. _

_But I already brushed Baron's coat and feed the horses. I had to feed them today cause I'm going with Boss. All day. I'm going to see everyone today and I'm so excited because no one is working today, they get to see me and no one has to work. _

_We are going to go do something, but I'm not sure yet. I think we are going to go watch a movie or go bowling but I don't know if I can bowl. Abby says I'm really good at it, but I think she means I was good before my head went to fast and got broke but since its almost fixed now, my head, I think I can be good at it again. Because that's what happens when something gets fixed. _

_I called Zach to see if he wanted to come, but he didn't. Zach said he had to work, but I listened to what he was really saying, cause sometimes that's different than what you want to say, and Zach is nervous. And I'm nervous too. I don't think Boss would like my surprise, but Boss would never be mean to anyone, cause he's Boss, and I think he's the one that makes Zach nervous maybe. _

_I don't want Zach to be nervous. Zach is my friend, well, I want Zach to be my friend and I think he is my friend. Cause Zach doesn't have anyone, and he's alone and he was so sad when he came. He thought I was gonna be mean to him, but I'm not mean to him. I did what Boss said to do, I forgave him cause Zach didn't mean to make my head go fast. He could have done stuff that made him not do the things he did but I like Zach. _

_And if Zach hadn't done everything, and if everything hadn't happened the way it had, then I wouldn't have a lot of things that I like and that I love. So Zach is my friend. And I don't want him to be nervous, so I told him it was okay that he didn't come. And he promised to come see me again, when he didn't have to work. _

_But I am excited right now though, cause Boss is going to pick me up in the truck. Just Boss and Probie are coming to get me, cause everyone else is gonna meet us where we are going, and that's okay. I miss Boss a lot sometimes, but I like living with my Dad. My dad is nice and he's not the same as Boss but that's okay. _

_Dad is only a little bit different than the one I kinda remember before my head went to fast. Now, dad says the things he really wants to say, and means them. Before, I don't think he said them cause he didn't know how, or cause he was afraid of the words. _

_I wanted Dad to come today, I wanted him to come and see all the things with everyone else, but Dad and Sal had to go and go other places today. Dad said they were boring things that he had to do but I don't think he was saying what he meant. _

_He got really sad, and I didn't want him to be sad for missing a fun day so I made him promise that he would come next time. And he said yes. _

_Now I just have to wait for Boss to come in the truck. I can't wait for them to come. I'm ready, Baron's ready, and everyone else is ready. I even gave my dad a hug goodbye already. _

_I can't wait till Boss and Probie get here in the truck. _

* * *

McGee knocked on the door, glancing back at Gibbs back in the truck. Gibbs had wanted to get down to get Tony, but right as they pulled up the Director had called. And based off the look that was on Gibbs' face, McGee could only guess that Gibbs was not happy with the call.

"Probie!" Tony practically tackled him, "Are you ready? I'm ready."

McGee laughed, glad to see his friend so excited. He had missed Tony in the weeks they hadn't been able to see him, and he was glad that DiNozzo Senior allowed Tony to come with them on a rare weekday off.

"Hello to you too Tony," McGee smiled and returned the hug that Tony gave him.

"Blue. No blue helmet. My head's all good, not going too fast. Let's go Probie. I'm excited. Is Boss in the car? Go. Go," Tony practically barreled past McGee, Baron right behind him.

"Hold up Tony," McGee turned to make sure Tony made it down the steps alright before turning back and calling into the house, "Mr. DiNozzo?"

"Timothy?" Tony's father called out, "I thought that was you. Good to see you again Timothy."

"Good to see you too Mr. DiNozzo," McGee responded.

"Please, call me Senior. I would say call me Tony, but my son's very insistent that that is his name, and his alone," Senior smiled, "Here is his emergency medication, in case anything happens. He hasn't had a seizure in a week after the doctor adjusted the last medication. Watch what he eats though, will you? He's getting heavy."

McGee nodded, "Thank you Senior. We'll probably be done later today."

"Wherever's fine Timothy, I've already said my goodbyes, have fun," Senior ushered Tony's friend outside and waved to Tony, who was currently sitting in the shotgun seat, smiling at McGee.

"I think he just stole your seat," Senior chuckled.

"Since I've known Tony, Tony always steals my seat," McGee gave Senior one last wave before walking back towards the truck and getting into the backseat of the truck.

"Shotgun!" Tony yelled, "Go go go."

"We're going Tony," Gibbs smiled, Tony's presence obviously changing the team leader's previous mood, "You got everything you need?"

"Shotgun," Tony yelled again and laughed at himself, "No gun. Yes Boss, all ready."

"Alright then, let's get out of here."

"Go go go!"

* * *

"I think you're losing Boss," Tony squinted and huffed, "Shush shush."

Tony was currently in second place, behind Abby of course, and the rest of the team would be lucky to break 100.

Bowling just wasn't their game.

"Shush shush," Tony said again, his brain for whatever reason stuck on that phrase after he had said it to Ziva when she had started making fun of Probie.

"Probie," Tony yelled out, "You're doing it wrong again."

"This is how I do it Tony," McGee laughed, stopping mid-swing and turning back to face Tony, who was sitting on the chair nearest him. McGee was lining up to take another show and wishing he could have added bumpers to his lane.

"That's the wrong hand!"

"Tony, McGee is left-handed. He uses that hand for everything," Ziva tried to explain from where she was sneakily eating all the chips that were plain in the supreme nacho basket that Abby had bought.

"Shush Shush. But bowling is not everything Ziva," Tony laughed when another one of Probie's bowling balls went into the gutter.

"Strike," Tony said, and then laughed again when he realized that now Probie was losing.

"Tony, I did not know you could bowl so well. Next time, you will be on my team," Ziva said, gently patting his hand and fixing his shirt.

"I don't," Tony scowled and he could remember, like it was fuzzy or something, yelling strike lots of times with people who only dressed in black and white.

He rubbed his head and smacked his lips, wondering why it was so hard to wipe the fuzzy out of his memory.

"Tony?" Gibbs asked, turning to the younger man. A headache was often a sign of an impending seizure and the bowling alley, though it was relatively quiet, was not the place Gibbs wanted Tony to be if he was going to have a one.

Glancing at Baron and his relaxed demeanor, Gibbs hoped the dog was right.

"I'm having…I'm remembering," Tony said, rubbing his head again, "Strike. Strike. Lots of times. With people who only wore black and white clothes."

Abby, who had been standing behind Gibbs, reached out and grabbed one of Tony's hands, "You came bowling before Tony. With me and the nuns. Do you remember?"

Tony rubbed his head and then shook it, "It's too fuzzy."

"Hmm," Abby said, reaching forward and giving Tony a hug and a kiss, "That's alright. But that's why you are good at bowling Tony. You played a whole lot before."

"Before my brain went to fast?" Tony asked even though he knew the answer.

"Yeah Tony, before that," Abby tried to keep the sadness out of her voice but it must have shown through because this time Tony was the one who reached out and hugged her.

"Shush shush. It's not going fast anymore Abby," Tony hugged her harder so she wouldn't be sad, "And I can still bowl really good. Look, I'm beating almost everyone."

"You are Tony," Abby smiled and fixed his hair with her fingers. DiNozzo Senior had let Tony's hair grow a bit longer than what they were used to but the longer hair did a good job at hiding all of the scares on Tony's head.

"Your turn buddy," Gibbs gently touched Tony's knees, "Let's see a strike."

"Strike strike," Tony said quickly and smiled. He said lots of wrong words now but most of the time he thought they were funny. It was like his brain and his mouth couldn't agree what to say and sometimes, they said pretty weird stuff.

Like the one time Tony had called his dad a frog, which was really funny. It had made his dad turn red cause they were laughing so hard, and then they had gone out and actually seen a frog outside by the place where the food was for Denny and Bella and Tony had scared Baron cause he had laughed so much.

"My turn," Tony said, getting his bowling ball with the hand you were suppose to use. He'd have to make sure and tell Probie again, just in case he wasn't listen to him. Probie didn't always listen, Tony knew.

And now that Tony could talk better, he was starting to realize that everyone didn't always listen.

Which was good, cause Tony couldn't either and at least that way, he was like everyone else.

"Strike!" Tony threw his arms up in the arm and laughed when all the pins fell down. He was gonna beat everyone maybe.

Probie and Ziva just laughed at him and Boss looked at him with a smile, the kind of smile Tony liked to see. It showed the wrinkles on Boss' face and even though there were a lot of them, Tony knew that the ones that came from Boss smiling were the best.

"Strike strike!" Tony said and sat down.

He was going to need a nap soon. He was so tired it was good.

* * *

"Boss, next week after I get back from the doctor's, dad said if it's okay I get to get on Denny, which is gonna be fun cause I've been taking good care of him and making sure he's brushed and that he's got food cause he doesn't like it when he doesn't have food Boss, which is okay cause I don't like it either but he's really tall Boss and I want to get on him but I don't want to fall down."

Gibbs tried to wipe the shock expression off his face, "You're gonna get on Denny, Tony?"

"Yeah! That's what I said," Tony nodded, "Jenny, that's the lady that gave me the new brace for my bad foot, said that riding Denny will help a lot. And that's why Dad got Denny, Boss. Cause Denny use to help lots of people who couldn't walk really good."

"Oh," Gibbs nodded. He had remembered hearing about horse therapy, especially with cerebral palsy or TBI patients. Supposedly, the movement of the horse's gait was extremely similar to how a person walked and it helped the rider use and strengthen similar muscles.

"When are you going to ride him Tony?" Gibbs continued to talk to Tony as they drove home. Today had been a wonderful day. They had gone to an Italian place for lunch and Tony had chosen to go bowling after looking at the selection of movies and not finding one that he liked.

Bowling had been wonderful, Tony had indeed beaten them all, and now Gibbs could see that while Tony could last longer through the day, he would most certainly be falling asleep shortly after Gibbs dropped him off.

"There are lots of places there," Tony rambled, and Gibbs shook his head, having not been paying attention to Tony and the change of direction his thoughts had taken.

"But I don't know Boss, that's a long way away," Tony said and yawned.

"Where Tony?" Gibbs asked.

"Italy," Tony said again, he stretched his bad had out and Gibbs smiled. He remembered when he had to do that for Tony but now it seemed Tony was pretty much self-sufficient.

Most of the time anyway.

"Who wants to go there?" Gibbs asked once more.

"Dad," Tony said, "He wants to go visit but I told him we can't go for very long, cause then Denny and Bella would miss us and he said that we could only go for a little bit which would be nice. I think I went there when I was smaller, but I don't remember it very much anymore."

A jolt of panic shot through Gibbs' chest. If Senior left the country, could Gibbs ever get Tony back, short of kidnapping him? Would Senior even do something like that to his son?

Shaking his head, Gibbs tried to see the good in the man. So far, he had done nothing to make Gibbs think he was trying to cut Gibbs out of Tony's life. He let Gibbs come and visit, and had already let Tony come with them a few times.

Tony was happy, Gibbs knew. Whenever he picked Tony up or talked to Tony, Tony always had good things to say about his house or his room or the things him and his dad did throughout the week.

It was almost, Gibbs realized, making him jealous. Because of his financial means, Senior was able to do something that Gibbs was not ready or willing to do- retire and spend his days enjoying his family.

Gibbs shook his head. No, he was not ready to retire. And Tony had been happy when he had lived with Gibbs. Elijah, who was doing well in school and working at the hospital, had loved Tony like a brother.

Tony had loved living with Gibbs and yet, seeing Tony now, Gibbs wondered if maybe…

"And then Zach, Boss, Zach doesn't like horses very much but that's okay. He's scared of lots of things but that's okay cause I was scared of lots of things too after the accident that made me head go to fast and Zach got a different kind of hurt I think and that's not the same either but it's different from mine."

Gibbs gut, which had been slightly folding upon itself, started churning almost instantly, "Tony, who's Zach?"

Tony stopped talking instantly, and looked at Gibbs with a look that Gibbs knew all too well.

"Secret. Secret surprise," Tony whispered and bit his lip. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"Tony," Gibbs said again as he pulled into the gravel driveway that lead back to Senior's house, "Who is Zach?"

"Secret secret," Tony shook his head and closed his eyes.

Gibbs did not ask the question again, knowing it would just cause Tony to become upset with him. Instead, he waited until the truck was parked before turning to Tony, "Tony?"

"My secret," Tony said and bit his lip, harder than normal which showed that he was becoming frustrated, "My friend. He's my friend. Secret secret surprise."

"Tony," Gibbs said again but stopped when Senior walked out of the house. Tony, who caught his dad presence out of the corner of his eye, fumbled with the seat belt before opening the passenger door. He almost fell down getting out of the truck and Baron, who had fallen asleep on the ride home, gave a bark and jumped to the front seat, following Tony out the passenger door when Tony didn't open the back door for him.

"Tony," Gibbs called again as Tony rounded the truck, making a beeline for his dad.

"Junior, did you have a good day?" Senior asked but his face fell and a fire ignited in his gaze when he saw the look on his son's face.

"Junior, what's wrong?" Senior asked as Tony came stumbling towards him.

He was mumbling, his words not clear and all Senior could get out of his son was something about a secret and a surprise and Boss mad.

"Gibbs?" Senior turned to the other man, a man who had most likely caused Tony to become so frustrated he had bit his lip bad enough to bleed.

"I don't," Gibbs started talking and then the pieces fell into place. The uncertainty he felt became worry and the worry turned into the only thing Gibbs knew how to deal with properly: anger.

"You let that boy see Tony?" Gibbs practically yelled though he did his best to keep his voice under control.

"Who?" Senior said, revealing nothing.

"Zachary Lewis, the one who almost killed Tony," Gibbs said, unable to keep the anger out of his voice when he said that awful man's name, "You let him see that man, even after I did everything possible to make sure he suffered for what he had done?"

"My friend!" Tony yelled, and turned to face Gibbs, "My secret. Surprise. My friend. He's my friend."

"Tony," Gibbs faltered, not knowing what to do. He had been ready to rip Senior a new one but now, Tony was looking at him as if he had just discovered that Gibbs wasn't the superhero he had always thought him to be.

"You," Tony said and his mouth opened and closed and he bit his lip again, "You. You hurt Zach?"

"Tony," Gibbs reached out to try and get the situation under control. How had it spiraled out so quickly?

"No, no you said," Tony said, and he bit his lip harder, reaching up with his good hand and pulling on his hair, something he hadn't done in ages.

"Tony I," Gibbs reached for Tony again but the younger man practically fell backward trying to avoid Gibbs' hand.

"Tony you need to calm down," Senior said, grabbing Tony's good arm and gently stroking Tony's face with his other hand, "I made some tea. Let's go inside. Then you are going to go lay down. Do you have a headache?"

Tony nodded and bit his lip again.

"None of that," Senior said, and stoked the side of Tony's face tenderly, his thumb brushing Tony's chin to get the boy to relax, "Now let's go. Tea and then we're going to relax for awhile."

"But, dad he-he," Tony reached to pull his hair and Senior once again stopped him.

"Let's go inside now Tony," Senior said and glanced back at Gibbs. It was the sort of look that Gibbs knew meant that he needed to stay and wait.

He had forgotten, because it had been so long since it happened, that Tony's moods sometimes could be extremely volatile. Despite that fact that Tony was a happy go lucky sort of guy, when he had a bad "mood swing" as they called it, it was bad.

It didn't help anything either that Gibbs had just done something awful. No wonder the poor kid reacted the way he had.

Sometimes, Gibbs realized, it was his own fault.

Rubbing his face, Gibbs sat down on the porch and wondered if he really had any business trying to get Tony back at all.

* * *

_My head hurts._

_And I don't understand what's happened. Boss did not like my secret. He was mad. Really mad. _

_And he was mad at me. Even though he yelled at Dad, he was mad at me cause I had done the thing he had blamed dad for. But it wasn't Dad. It was me. _

_I started to cry, which didn't help. Nothing made sense. Boss was the one that told me that it was okay to say sorry if you were friends. He was the one who was nice to me and that took me places. _

_He gave me hugs and made me feel better when I got scare or hurt. _

_But he had been so mad. _

_He had scared me. _

_And then he said he had hurt one of my friends. He had hurt Zach. _

_Was he the reason that Zach was so afraid of everything? Had Boss made Zach afraid? Had Boss been the one to make Zach so sad that he didn't smile a lot? I thought Boss had just made Zach nervous, but what had Boss done to make Zach afraid and sad?_

_Had Boss done that?_

_Boss couldn't have. I don't understand. Today was supposed to be a good day, I was so excited. I was gonna go see everyone and we were gonna have fun and it was going to be a good day. _

_But now I just want to lay in my bed and hug Baron and hope that I don't understand things right and that I'm wrong. _

_Cause Boss couldn't. _

_It is not a good day, not a good day at all. _


	37. Chapter 36

**A/N: And we continue along. Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews. They are always appreciated. **

* * *

Chapter Thirty Six

_Dad and Boss yelled._

_They tried not to talk loud, cause I don't think they wanted me to hear, but I could hear them._

_It wasn't really loud, like thunder or anything, and it wasn't even loud like the last time I remembered people yelling at each other._

_But the words they said were mean, and that made it loud in a different way. _

_Loud. Loud. Loud._

_It hurt a place in my chest, and it made my eyes hurt until tears fell out of them. I was crying because I was sad, and I was crying because the words they were saying were bad things, things that were not nice to say. _

_Boss had yelled at me. He had meant to yell at Dad I think, but he had yelled at me. _

_Dad was trying to get him to stop, get him to leave, but Boss was mad. Dad was mad. _

_Everyone was mad but me. _

_I was crying, cause I was sad. It was not nice, what they were doing. It was not nice to say those things. _

_They even talked about Zach. _

_Zach was my friend. Even though I didn't know him from before, like I knew Probie and Ziva and Abby and Ducky and Boss, he was my friend. _

_I don't understand why Boss can't see that I told Zach that it was okay, that it was an accident. I know I got really sick when my head went to fast, and that I'm different from before, but Boss was mad at Zach. _

_And even though I tried to understand, I just couldn't. _

_And that scared me really bad, cause Boss had never made my heart hurt the way it was hurting now._

* * *

"It was loud," Tony said, using his bad hand to brush Denny's coat. He used his bad hand because he wanted it to get stronger so that he wouldn't have a bad side anymore.

"I'm sorry," Zach said from where he was standing in the next stall, brushing Bella's coat.

"Secret. Shuush. It's not your fault," Tony shook his head and Denny turned around and lipped Tony's hand with his mouth. Tony laughed, "No treats now Denny."

Zach watched Tony interact with his horse and he wondered. Zach wondered what Tony had been like before everything, before he had gone and done what he did.

Turning to look at Zach, Tony scowled, "No. Stop it Zach. You're getting the sad face on. No more of that. Bella doesn't like it."

"Tony," Zach tried to say but Tony shook his head, refusing to hear anything Zach had to say about that. Tony had that ability it seemed, to always know when Zach's thoughts had started to stray towards the self-hatred he had for himself.

"If you need to feel better," Tony answered, walking around Denny and picking up a different brush, "You can pet Baron. He's really good at making you feel better."

"Thank Tony," Zach conceded.

"Hmm," Tony hummed, "Shush shush. Did you know Zach, that I get to go to Italy soon?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, but just for a tiny bit. I don't want to go long and Dad said we don't have to stay there long. I don't remember it really good but I think I liked it there. Have you ever been to Italy?"

"No. I've never been outside of the USA."

"Hmm," Tony said and nodded, "That's okay."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Have you ever been to Alaska?"

Zach shook his head, "No."

"Hmmm," Tony hummed again before he bit his lip, "Boss got real angry when I told him about you."

"I don't, I mean, Tony…I can, I can stop coming over. It's all my fault and I don't want-" Zach shook his head, his mouth not saying what he meant. But then again, he didn't really know what he meant.

Tony looked at him and frowned, "Is your head moving too fast?"

"What?" Zach asked, Tony's odd question throwing his train of thought of its track.

"My head," Tony said, "Shush. Shush. When my head goes to fast I can't talk. I can't say what I want and I have to slow down so I can get my mouth to say what I want it to say. Is that's what happening to you too?"

Zach sighed for a moment and stepped away from the horse, "I think I should go Tony. I should have never come. I'm sorry that your Boss got so angry with you. I know it's all my fault and really, whatever I can do but I just can't…I can't come here anymore Tony. Not if it causes problems for you."

"No," Tony said, following Zach out of the stall and grabbing his shoulder. From what Zach understood, Tony had suffered a hypoxic brain injury after the accident which had caused muscle weakness to the left side of Tony's body. However, the months of physical therapy had paid off mostly because when Tony grabbed his shoulder with his weaker hand, Zach could feel the strength in the grip.

And he wondered if Tony was just going to get it over with now and punch him.

He cringed and closed his eyes, expecting the worse from the older man. He knew it was too good to be true.

A moment went by before he felt the tight grip on his shoulder let go.

He heard a gasp and cautiously opened his eyes.

"Tony?" Zach practically whispered, seeing the look of understanding on Tony's face.

"Boss didn't mean it Zach," Tony said, reaching for Zach again only this time, instead of grabbing Zach's shoulder with all his might, he reach for Zach's wrist. He squeezed it once and let it go, "He didn't mean to be mean."

"Tony?" Zach asked again, not understanding what Tony was talking about.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Tony said, looking pained when he glanced quickly at Zach's shoulder, "And he didn't mean to hurt me. He just didn't understand. You didn't understand. You didn't know. Do you get it Zach?"

Zach just shook his head.

"Zach, you didn't want to hurt me," Tony said, one hand reaching up and gently touching his head where the scars were, "It happened and it was sad and my head went to fast and I know it's not the same and I know what you did was wrong but you didn't want to hurt _me_," Tony emphasizing, picking up Zach's hand and placing it on his own chest, "You hurt me, but you didn't mean to. You were sad. Really sad. And you didn't have a Boss or a Dad or a Probie to help you. You didn't have a Ziva who could listen to you and understand what you meant when your mouth didn't say the right thing. Don't you understand?"

"Tony, it's not that simple. What I did," Zach shook his head, pulling his hand back, "I hurt you. I hurt everyone. I made a stupid decision that cost you everything."

"No," Tony shook his head, anger showing on his face, "My head is not broken anymore. I have Boss. I have Probie and Abby and Jimmy and Ducky and Ziva and everyone else. I have them. And I didn't have Dad before. My dad is here now. I get to be with my dad. You gave me him. You did."

Tony shoved a finger in Zach's chest, "Now stop it. Boss didn't mean to hurt me, and I didn't mean to hurt you, and you didn't want to hurt me. You aren't nice when you think all those bad things about yourself. You hurt me when you do that. I forgive you. And cause I know your head is going slow now, and that you are listening, you need to listen really good."

Tony paused for a moment, and took a deep breath, "I forgive you. You are my friend Zach. And I don't want you to have the dark place inside of you anymore."

Zach bit his lip. Still, after all he had been through, to hear those words out of Tony's mouth meant more to him than hearing he no longer had to stay in prison.

"You mean them?" Zach said.

"Yes," Tony said, nodding his head. It was quiet for a moment, "Friends?"

Tony extended his hand, his good hand, and though a slight tremor went through his hand occasionally, Zach remembered the strength in Tony's grip and figured that at least one of them could be the strong one.

"Friends."

* * *

"Boss," Tony smiled, looking around the NCIS bullpen. He paused mid-step and would have fallen if Senior hadn't been there, steadying his son.

"Thank you dad," Tony smiled and looked at his dad before looking around again, "It's not orange anymore."

Getting up from his chair, Gibbs walked over to where Tony was standing and quickly gave the man he viewed as family a bear hug.

"Boss," Tony laughed, "Hmmm. Hi Boss."

"Hi Tony," Gibbs stepped back and used his fingers to move Tony's hair out of his eyes. Kid's hair was getting too long. He'd have…he'd have to ask Senior if he was going to cut it anytime soon.

"I know it's long," Tony smiled, "I'm gonna get it cut today. But Dad had to go to the doctor's and me too, and I told dad what a good idea it would be to come and he said yes cause we're leaving soon."

Gibbs gut flip flopped. The trip. Tony was leaving soon.

Not really knowing how Tony felt about him, the last time he had seen Tony he had made the man cry, but not wanting to push his luck, Gibbs nodded and stepped aside so the rest of his team could say hello.

"Hello Tony," Ziva said, a gentle smile on her face.

"Ziva," Tony said, returning Ziva's hug. As always, the trained assassin appeared totally comfortable around Tony, and really, if Gibbs could equate it to anything, he would agree that Tony now brought out more of Ziva's maternal side.

Or older sister side perhaps.

"Hey Tony," McGee said and gave Tony a hug as well.

"Probie! I got a new game you gotta see it. It has this level on it but I can't pass it yet but…" Tony trailed off as he felt everyone's tense mood.

"Guys," Tony said and hummed, his hand coming up to pull his hair before Baron nudged him with his snout, "Hmmm. I'm gonna come back. I promise."

When everyone's gazed turned to Senior, Tony sighed, "Dad show'em. Cause they…they think I'm gonna leave em but I'm not! Right dad?"

Senior, who had been watching everything from the sidelines, nodded and showed the team a print out of their flights.

"See? Shush," Tony said, rubbing his good hand up and down his chest, as if he were straightening his shirt.

"I'll come back."

* * *

"This is the rule," Tony said, a few days later when the team was at Senior and his house, getting ready to eat dinner.

"Okay Tony," Gibbs smiled. After Tony's surprise visit to the office, and after Tony had been practically tackled by Abby who had run up the flight of stairs to give the man a hug, Tony had taken Gibbs aside and with a look of almost nervousness, had quickly explained something to Gibbs.

And while Gibbs still did not agree with how Tony viewed Zach, as a friend who had made a mistake, he had promised Tony that he would at least try and understand.

"He didn't mean to hurt me Boss," Tony had said when it was just the two of them in the bullpen, Senior having walked away talking on the phone to someone in Italian and Gibbs' team chasing after a lead that had just come in on their case.

"That doesn't change the fact that he did," Gibbs had responded, working hard to keep anger in check.

"But you hurt me too Boss, the words you said the other day," Tony said, extending a hand carefully to gently touched Gibbs' forearm.

"That's not the same thing," Gibbs had responded.

"Why not? Shush shush. Orange blue, shuussh," Tony spewed out the unnecessary words before humming. It seemed, from what Gibbs gathered, that Tony was using the humming as almost a mechanism to stop the "extra" words from coming out.

"Because he broke the law."

"Hmmmm," Tony hummed before sighing, "He broke my head. But it's fixed now. And Boss, you hurt my heart with what you said. But if you want to fix it back too, you have to understand."

Gibbs shook his head, reaching over and placing one of his hands on Tony's face, "I don't know how to."

Tony and closed his eyes and bit his lip, before letting out a hum, "Boss, you have to try."

Gibbs, totally blown by the amount of forgiveness and love that Tony had in his heart, though he had known it was always there, nodded and used his thumb to gently brush Tony's cheek, "For you Tony I'll try."

Tony had nodded after that, before giving Gibbs the equivalent of a bear hug.

And that had been a few days ago. Now, they were sitting in Senior's dinning room, getting ready to eat a meal that Tony had made all himself. The whole team and showed up, even Jimmy and his new wife, and though conversation had quieted considerably when Zach had walked through the door, the mood had turned positive once again when Elijah had come through, yelling in happiness at Tony and picking the man up in his excitement.

Elijah, who seemed to accept the fact that Zach was at the table more graciously than any other member of Tony's former team, had taken up a conversation with Zach about cars, and how Elijah could make his run faster and more efficient.

"Listen," Tony said, the n trailing off into a hum.

He was nervous, Gibbs could see. Tony had been a wonderful cook before the accident, and Gibbs wondered if Tony was doubting his abilities now.

"No bad words," Tony finally said, "Just happy stuff. If you don't like it, then Elijah or Baron will eat it. Right?"

Everyone had started laughing at that, Elijah's reputation proceeding him, even now.

"You got that right Tony," Elijah laughed, "Now what did you make us?"

A smirk appeared on Tony's face, before he started to honest to goodness giggle.

"Pizza," Tony said, before laughing at the look on everyone's face.

"Anthony, ulcers my dear boy, ulcers!" Ducky said while everyone else smiled at Tony's good humor.

Tony still loved his pizza a bit more than what was healthy.

* * *

"Dad?" Tony asked, later on that night when everyone else had left. Their flight was in the morning, and Tony had already helped his dad get all of the things that Baron would need to come with them.

It was sorta like getting a passport for a dog, only different and harder cause Tony's dad had to do a lot of things ahead of time so that Baron could come with them.

Sal was going to take care of the horses, which was good cause Tony didn't want them to be alone. It was quiet now, and Tony should be going to bed but he wanted to stay up and talk to his dad for awhile.

"What's the matter Junior?" Senior said, setting down his coffee and writing another word down on his crossword puzzle.

"Why are we going to Italy?" Tony asked, with the tone of voice that showed Senior that Tony remembered what Senior had said, he just wasn't sure if he agreed with it or not.

"To visit our family Junior. They have not seen us in a very long time."

"After mom died?" Tony asked quietly.

"Yes, after your mother died," Senior nodded, "But still a very long time ago. There are things that need to be taken care off, before any more time passes. I won't be able to make such a long flight forever."

"Dad," Tony shook his head, not liking it when his dad said things like that. He didn't want to think of a time without his dad, "Is Nonna still there?"

"Yes Tony, but she is very old now."

"Is she going to die?"

"We all die son. And Nonna has lived a long life. But don't worry Junior. We will be in Italy in a few days and you will get to see her."

"She came to visit once," Tony picked at his t-shirt, before using his good hand to flatten the wrinkles out. Both Senior and he were relaxing in the living room, nothing but the typical evening sounds adding noise to the room. And Baron's snoring of course.

"She did," Senior nodded, "But even that was a few years ago. Before you had joined NCIS at least."

"She's not really my nonna, is she?" Tony asked.

Senior nodded, "My mother has been dead a long time Tony. Nonna was my mother's youngest sister. She raised me and your uncles and aunt after our mother died."

"Was your mom nice?" Tony asked. He didn't ever remember asking his dad about this before. And if he had asked, Tony felt in his chest that his dad would not have answered back then.

"She was a hard woman to know," Senior set his puzzle down, and gently grabbed Tony's fidgeting hand, rubbing out the tense muscles in the hand before patting it kindly and letting it go, "But she was very protective of us before she died."

"Mom was hard too," Tony nodded, his face scrunching up in memory and hummed before biting his lip, "Dad, did you always want me?"

"Junior," Senior said, shock in his tone, "What has brought this on?"

"I just," Tony shook his head and hummed, "I have a feeling, a bad feeling here," Tony said pointing to his chest, "And I can't make it go away. Last time I made it go away, I kept asking Ziva questions until I asked the right one."

"Well," Senior said, nodding his head as he tried to understand "I have always wanted you. You are my namesake. I just, I just might not have always been the best at showing it son. And for that I am truly sorry."

"I forgive you," Tony leaned over and placed his forehead to his dad's chest.

"Dad?" Tony whispered, knowing now he would fall asleep a lot better.

"What Junior?"

"I love you."

"I love you too son, I love you too."

* * *

_I'm gonna be going away for awhile. I'm going to Italy, so Dad can see everyone again and so everyone can see both of us. I don't remember a lot of the people, but I don't think anyone will mind. Dad says that sometimes, even the people whose heads never get broke don't remembered much either. _

_I have this feeling in my chest. I don't know what it means, or why I have it. I don't have a secret surprise anymore, and Boss isn't mad at me. Zach is doing okay, and I think that Dad is really excited to go to Italy. Dad had to start a long time ago, to make sure Baron could go with me on the plane. I think I might be sick, only not sick with my head to fast. I think I might get the shakes real bad. I always felt bad like this before they come. _

_I hope they stay away. I really don't like them._

_Sal isn't coming. Sal is gonna go stay and and take care of the horses, and it's just gonna be me and dad. _

_I'm excited and really nervous. I hope that the nervous in my belly is what's making my heart feel so bad. _

_But I don't think it is and I hope it goes away soon. I am excited about everything that happened with Zach and Boss and everyone, and I am happy I got to see them all again one last time before I go away for awhile. _

_But I'm going away for a while, and I won't be back for a while. Maybe when I'm back it won't be so scary, or make my heart go _thump_ without making my belly turn in knots. _

_I don't know what's gonna happen, but I think it'll be good. _

_And even if it's not, it'll be okay. _


	38. Chapter 37

**A/N: We're almost done guys. Just two more chapter by my count. Once again, thank you all for the kind words. They are appreciated. The first part are emails, just in case anyone has a problem understanding that. :)**

* * *

Chapter Thirty Seven

To_: a_sciuto_

From_: tonydinozzo2_

_Hi Abby, hi Boss and everyone else. We got off the plane a while ago which was good cause the ride was really long. I didn't like sitting still like that because it was sorta hard for me to walk around but we had really nice seats and I got to watch a movie and everything. _

_It was a new movie, the one with all the superheroes who save the world. _

_My favorite one is the one who can shoot really well, cause he doesn't have any special powers like the others ones but he still really smart and helps people, just like you guys do. _

_We went to London first. Its really nice here. _

_Dad is typing this, cause typing is different than writing and I don't write very fast and I type even slower. _

_Dad says hello and I waved to say hi too. _

_We are going to go on the big Ferris Wheel here I think. Dad called it an eye, but I don't think he knows what he's talking about. _

_Baron isn't with us. He went on a different flight straight to Italy. It was hard for him to fly so long and me and dad decided it would be better if he went separate. That, and dad says he's gotta stay someplace where they make sure he's not sick or anything. _

_So Baron is gonna be in Italy when we get there. We aren't gonna go by a plane again which is nice. Planes are really loud and I remember why I didn't like them very much. _

_It's nice here. It was raining when we got here but it isn't anymore. _

_I miss you guys. But I'm having lots of fun. I know it's gonna feel like a long time cause I'm gone, but I'll be back soon. _

_When I get back, Dad already said you guys can come over again to eat, as long as I promise that we have to eat something other than pizza. I think lasagna is delicious too. _

_I gotta go now. We are gonna go eat some food cause I'm starving. _

_Did you know that they call French fries "chips" here?_

_Bye Abby, Boss, Probie, Ziva, Jimmy, and Ducky. I love you._

* * *

To:_ a_sciuto _

From:_ tonydinozzo2 _

_Guys guess what! I remembered EVERYONE from my family here! I remembered Nonna because I could never forget her, but when I got here, I saw everyone's faces and I remembered their names. The only time I messed up was when Berto and Fredo came in together but that doesn't count cause their twins and no one else can tell them apart. _

_Nonna says my Italian still sounds very nice. Which is really neat. I don't stutter at all when I speak it which is really nice. Everyone laughs at me cause they say my accent is funny but that's not fair either cause they speak English funny too. _

_Some of the people that I remembered are a lot bigger. Which is okay cause it doesn't bother me. I'm taller than Vinny which is nice cause he was always bigger than me. _

_It's really nice here. I forgot how nice it was. _

_I'm glad we get to stay awhile. Baron likes it too. Nonna and Zio Domenico picked him up when he got here after everyone made sure he was healthy, and he was so excited to see me he knocked me over. _

_I was okay though, cause Berto and Fredo helped me back up and I didn't hit my head. Baron loves it here. Me and him go on walks through the land with Dad. It's so nice here, and it's quiet most of the time. Sometimes Nonna yells but that's okay too cause she's never really mad. Nonno isn't really my Nonno but he's very nice. He can't see very well but he likes Baron cause Baron is very nice to him. _

_I had a seizure yesterday. It wasn't really bad but it scared Nonna so much that she couldn't stop crying for a very long time. When I woke up, she kept rubbing my hand and she was praying. _

_I kissed her and hugged her and told her I was okay, that my head wasn't broken anymore. _

_She said that was good, cause she loved me very much and it wasn't nice to scare an old woman that way. _

_I laughed cause Nonna smiled and even though she never wants me to be alone, she was very happy with Baron because of what he did. She says that Baron is an angel, sent to help me, which is fine. Baron has always looked out for me. But I'm glad Baron isn't an angel, cause I like him as a dog instead._

_I have to go now. Me, Baron, and Nonna are going into town for some food. I'm gonna be so heavy when I get back guys, I won't be able to fit in my clothes! Nonna makes the best food. _

_Bye Abby, Boss, Probie, Ziva, Jimmy, and Ducky. I love you. _

* * *

"Look! Senior attached pictures to Tony's last email."

"Oh let me see!" Ziva said, gently worming her way through the taller men in front of her.

"Oh look!" Abby said, going through the photos slowly, "They took a train!"

"Baron looks like he's put on a few pounds," McGee laughed.

"And look at those fields, oh what a marvelous picture indeed," Ducky exclaimed. Senior had managed to capture Tony playing fetch with Baron, both looking at the camera as if Senior had called them and quickly taken the picture. Tony was smiling, a hand raised in the air to throw the ball again and Baron's mouth was open, his ears turned toward the picture but his focus definitely on Tony. The sun was setting in the background, highlighting the golds and reds on the fields behind Tony. It seemed, through the picture, that Tony's family operated a farm of some kind with the rows of trees and what looked like to be a vineyard in the background of some of the other photos.

"That's Nonna," Abby exclaimed happily, when the picture changed to Tony with an older woman. He was laughing at something, and through the picture everyone could see the loved that the older woman had for her adopted grandson.

"That looks like such a wonderful place to travel," Jimmy said, "No wonder Tony was so excited to go visit there."

"How long is he gone for?" Gibbs asked after they had gone through the pictures more than once.

"Two months total, so only a few more weeks to go," Abby said, quickly typing her reply, "Okay everyone say cheese!"

Abby snapped a quick photo of all the team and attached it to the email she sent back to Tony.

After that, everyone slowly trickled out, Ziva and McGee off to work on the case and Ducky and Palmer off to complete another autopsy.

"Boss?" Abby whispered, when Gibbs was the only one besides her left in the room.

"Yeah Abs?"

"I miss him too."

* * *

"Yes, yes, order more of the grains and hay, we can store it in the back section of the barn, there should be room there," Senior said, "Alright Sal. Yes. Thank you so much my friend, for all you have done."

"Tell Sal I say hi. And to make sure he's giving Denny an apple. He'll get really mad if you don't but don't let Bella see cause she gets jealous," Tony rambled on in Italian, his speech not stuttering once. He was humming more often now, which seemed to help exponentially with his speech. That, and speaking in his mother tongue was doing wonders for his speech, even when he switched back to English, which Senior made him do daily so he could practice his speech exercises.

Senior nodded his head, Sal having heard everything, sent his well wishes to Tony and all the family before ending the phone call.

"Did they send something back Dad?" Tony said, looking longingly at the computer that was in the office of Nonna's house.

"Let's check," Senior said, walking over, "Hmm, yep, Abby responded back."

"Did they get the pictures?" Tony all but shoved his dad out of the way trying to check to read the email, "Cause they were really nice pictures dad. And Abby said when she gets nice pictures like that she prints them and posts them on her wall," Tony hummed at the end of the sentence, his bad hand fumbling with the hem of his t-shirt.

"Yes son, they did. Now calm down a bit so we can read what they said," Senior laughed, "Come on. Read this out loud. We don't want you getting rusty in your English."

"Dad," Tony hummed again before laughing, "Only metal gets rusty."

Senior laughed at that, "True. But read this anyway."

"Hello Tony," Tony read the email slow, lifting a finger to trace the words, "We all loved your pictures."

Senior smiled at his son, as Tony read the email. Everyone was doing fine, the email said, and nothing much had happened while they were gone. They were all missing Tony, but they were glad he was having such a wonderful time. They had gotten the package that Tony had sent a few days ago, filled with all the presents for each of the team members. They were extremely thankful for the handpicked presents.

Tony continued to read until he got to the end of the email.

Sighing, Tony rubbed his head, before yawning, "I'm glad they got the pictures."

"I'm glad too," Senior said, frowning slightly when he saw Tony's left hand start to clench, "Son, are you alright?"

"It hurts," Tony bit his lip, "But no shakes. Just tight."

Senior nodded, glancing at Baron. The dog was lying calmly on the ground on the side of Tony and normally he would have been agitated if Tony was showing signs of a seizure.

"Let go sit down and rest then. I'm sure Nonna will watch some TV with you for a bit."

"Okay," Tony stood, but had to do so slowly. His head was starting to hurt, but still Tony didn't have that funny feeling like he did right before a seizure. It was just a headache, which he was getting a lot more of lately. It was sorta scary, and Senior was getting worried too.

"Come here my boy," Nonna said when Tony made his way into the den, "Come rest with me for a while. The rain has made today seem so sad."

"No Nonna, not sad," Tony laughed and sat down next to his grandma on the couch. Nonna gently pulled Tony down until he was lying with his head on her lap. She started to massage his head, and his shoulders, her strong graceful hands even going down until she was massaging Tony's bad hand.

"Here's his-" Senior came back in with two pills and a glass of water, only to be shushed by Nonna.

"He's asleep now Anthony," Nonna said, "No need for pills."

"But what-"

"Baron will stay with us. Now shoo. You have been with Tony all day. Go with Dom and help him with the chairs that need fixing. Tony and I will be just fine."

"Okay Mamma," Senior kissed the older woman on the cheek before gently ruffling his son's hair, "Call me if you need anything."

"We will be fine, dear. Now go."

Senior smiled once more before walking out of the room, in search of his adoptive father.

* * *

Gibbs studied the situation for a moment before he stepped forward, plucking the keys out of Ziva's hands and lobbing them over to McGee.

"Drive," he told McGee, and inwardly smiled when neither of his agents complained. While Ziva's driving was appreciated occasionally, with the suspect in custody of the FBI (it had been a joint case), he would much rather prefer McGee's calm and careful driving style than to Ziva's more…reckless one.

Settling in the shotgun seat, Gibbs closed the door and waited quietly as McGee started the car and put it into park. They'd head back to headquarters to complete all the paperwork, and then Gibbs would let them all go on a much deserved break.

Soon, Gibbs would start looking into hiring another Probie. They had had multiple offers make their way through his team, especially when Gibbs had taken that long leave of absence, but the timing had felt wrong until just recently.

Finding DiNozzo way back when in Baltimore had been coincidental, and running into Kate had been a nice addition as well.

McGee's joining the team had been gradual, which had been more for his benefit rather than Tony's or Kate's.

The funny thing was, Gibbs' agents always found themselves on the team. And considering how the last case had gone, Gibbs was pretty sure Dorneget was the one.

But he wasn't going to push it. He had never worried about his team before, and they had been getting along just fine with only three. But Gibbs could feel the feeling in his gut, the one he had gotten when McGee started to become a regular visitor in his bullpen.

"Boss, your phone."

"Boss, your phone is ringing," McGee said, again.

Gibbs reached down into his pocket, pulling out the old flip phone.

"Gibbs."

"Hello, my name is Sandra Garcia I'm looking for a Leroy Gibbs."

"Speaking."

"I'm a nurse at the George Washington University Hospital and we currently have a Anthony DiNozzo admitted as a patient here, you were listed as an emergency contact."

"What?" Gibbs said, sitting up straight in his seat, "What happened?"

"I can't tell you that Mr. Gibbs, however, if you could come down to the hospital? There are a few things about his history-"

"Is his dad there?" Gibbs asked.

"I'm not sure Mr. Gibbs, at the moment he's alone. So far we have not been able to contact his primary emergency contact."

"Is he…can you at least tell me what's wrong?"

"I can tell you that he's stable, but the doctors are running scans and doing test right now to see if surgery is needed. Will you be able to make it down?"

"I'm on my way."

"Turn around McGee," Gibbs said, after hanging up the phone, "Tony's just been admitted to University Hospital."

"What?" McGee said, executing a perfect high speed maneuver. Ziva was definitely proud, "He wasn't due back until next week."

"Well the lady on the phone didn't mention anything about his dad. That man better be near, or so help me I'll shoot him myself."

* * *

Tony rocked back and forward, ignoring everyone around him. He didn't understand what was happening. Of course, he understood, in the sense that something horrible had happened and that he was in a hospital right now.

But he didn't understand why this had happened.

Everything had been fine. They were coming home early to surprise everyone. It had been such a fun secret surprise that Tony had no trouble not telling anyone in the emails. Even his dad was excited because of how excited Tony was. And even though Tony was gonna miss all his family in Italy, he missed his family, his other family, even more.

But now, he was so sad. And his chest hurt so bad. Where was his dad? He just wanted his dad.

His head hurt. So bad. His head hurt and Baron wasn't here to help him. No one was here to help him.

He didn't understand and everything was jumbled up inside. He hadn't felt this way in a very very long time.

He just wanted everything to be okay again.

* * *

"My name is Gibbs. I was called about Anthony DiNozzo. I'm his emergency contact."

The lady behind the desk looked at Gibbs, and at the two people behind him before turning to her computer, "Can you spell DiNozzo?"

Gibbs suddenly had an urge to strangle this woman, but instead he calmly spelt Tony's last name.

"Hmm," the lady sighed, "He's on the third floor, in the CCU. They'll buzz you in when you get there. Just take this elevator up to three, make a left and walk all the way down the hall."

Gibbs nodded and walked away without another word, both Ziva and McGee hurrying to catch up.

"I just don't understand," McGee scowled, "CCU is all heart stuff. It's like the ICU but for heart attacks. If anything, I thought it would be Tony's head that gave him trouble."

Hearing those words, a thought jumped into Gibbs mind and didn't let go.

Thankful that the elevator operated at break neck speeds, Gibbs practically ran down the hallway to the CCU. Waiting to be buzzed in was the most awful feeling in his life but suddenly, Gibbs was through the door and there… it wasn't Tony.

Thank G-d.

It was Tony's dad, Senior, hooked up to machines and tubes.

"Can I help you?" a nurse, the same nurse that had called him most likely, asked him.

"I'm…" Gibbs wet his lip, trying not to show his relief on his face, "I'm Anthony DiNozzo's emergency contact. You called me."

"Ah, we were expecting you. Thank you for coming. The doctor-"

"Did anyone come in with him? His son should have been with him."

The nurse paused, clearly having not expected that to be the next question to come out of Gibbs' mouth.

"He's currently with the social worker in the conference room. We didn't-"

"Which way?"

"At the end of this hall but sir, wouldn't you like to know-"

Gibbs didn't hear anything after that.

While he was concerned about Senior, there was nothing he could do for that man at the moment.

But Tony.

He had to find Tony.

* * *

Tony tried to listen to the lady that was with him, but it was like he was broken again and his head hurt and nothing made sense.

He didn't understand. Everything had happened so fast.

His dad-

Where was his dad? Was he okay?

Why was he in here? He didn't understand.

"My head hurts," Tony tried to say but when the lady just looked at him, he knew he must have said to wrong.

"My head," Tony tried again and rubbed his head. It hurt. Nothing was right. He just wanted to go home.

The lady opened her mouth to talk and Tony closed his eyes and tried to listen.

His dad was sick. Something was wrong. He had done everything he was suppose to, like call so people could help them.

But that was a long time ago it felt like. They needed to go home. They had just gotten off the plane. Tony was so tired he just wanted it to end.

Tony must have been crying again, because there was wetness on his face and someone was trying to take it off.

And it wasn't Baron.

Baron. Where was his dog?

His dog was supposed to stay with him all the time. That's what the vest said, the one Baron wore. It said he didn't….

Where was Baron?

"Tony."

Someone kept saying his name. He was afraid to open his eyes because the words were starting to make sense again but he didn't know who he was talking to.

"Tony, come on buddy, I need you to open your eyes for me."

Tony let out another sob. He just wanted to go home.

"Oh Tony, kid, please look at me."

Tony didn't want to. Not really. Everything hurt really bad and he just wanted it to stop.

"Tony."

Suddenly, something in Tony's mind shifted. He knew that voice. He knew why the words were making sense.

"Boss," Tony tried to say and it must have come out right cause when Tony opened his eyes, Boss was there and his eyes had the lines that meant he was smiling.

"Boss," Tony said again, his face crumbling.

Boss was here. Boss would know what to do.

Boss could fix everything. Cause Tony didn't want to be in charge of all the stuff anymore.

"I'm here Tony, I'm here."

"Boss," Tony said and reached forward and held on as tight as he could. He didn't want Boss to disappear like his dad had.

"I won't leave you Tony. It's gonna be okay."

And even though Tony knew Boss didn't know everything, and that it might not be okay, he didn't care.

Boss was here and Boss would help.

And that's all Tony really wanted, was help.

* * *

_Everything doesn't make sense right now. Something bad happened and even though I thought I did everything right, it still ended bad._

_My head hurts, but not the kinda hurt that it use to have. _

_My chest hurts too, like my heart is gonna come out cause it hurts so bad. _

_Dad is sick. I don't know why, cause he didn't get hurt like me, and he didn't have to go to the doctor before, but something bad and horrible happened cause he's in the hospital like I was, after I broke my head. _

_But Boss is here. Boss is here and Boss will help. _

_Cause I don't know what else to do. _


	39. Chapter 38

**The end is near guys, just one more after this one. Once again, thank you for everyone's support. This story has been by far, one of the hardest I've ever written. But it has been a joy as well. Thank you. Last chapter will be up on Tuesday.**

* * *

Chapter Thirty Eight

_Boss is here._

_Which is good because everything was moving too fast without him. It was like I had broke my head again, which wasn't right because my head is just fine. _

_But it's better now. _

_Dad is sick. Not sick like I was sick, but a different kind of sick. Something bad happened with his heart. He had to have surgery, like I did with my head, sorta only it's not the same. _

_But it's close. _

_He has a big scar on his chest, sorta like the ones I have on my head only he has one big one and I have lots of them. But you can't see them anymore cause my hair covers them. _

_We were at the airport, coming home for our secret surprise when it happened. Dad hadn't been feeling well, he told me. I told him that it was okay, that we could go home instead of surprise everyone at the place where they work, and Dad had nodded. _

_The next thing that happened, we were waiting for Baron and Dad went down. _

_He fell, really hard and really fast and I thought that he had hit his head, like I hit mine only he didn't cause I checked like Boss would always rub my head when I got a headache. _

_That's when I remembered to call for help like Dad and Boss taught me to do. I called until someone else came and helped and they used their phones and the voices and then it got really fast. _

_I don't remember what happened next but there were lots of sounds, loud loud sounds, and bright flashing lights. I covered my eyes and my ears and hoped Boss would be there soon to help. _

_Dad is awake now. And I have Baron. Probie found him. Which is good cause I knew Baron was supposed to be with me but I couldn't find him by myself. _

_Probie was the one that went and got him, which was good cause Baron was worried that I hadn't picked him up I think. _

_Probie is with me now. I have therapy for my bad side, like I always do, and Probie took me this time. I think Probie was nervous to take me, cause he talked fast and I couldn't understand what he was saying, which means he's nervous. _

_When I get nervous, I don't talk right but even though it's not totally the same, it's close enough to be the same. _

_I miss my dad. He's at the hospital and I can't stay there all the time. Boss is staying with us at my house, with Sal. Sal is helping take care of the horses which is good. I can't always do it by myself. _

_I miss my dad. He's sick so I can't see him all the time but Boss said he's getting better. _

_I want him to come home. _

_I don't know a lot about the way the world works ,and I can't understand everything cause of when my head went too fast, but I hope he'll come home soon. _

_I hope._

* * *

Gibbs watched as the nurse's lifted the gauze that covered the surgical incision on Senior's chest.

"Huh," Senior mumbled, "Feel's a whole lot bigger."

"The site looks wonderful. You have one more day until the last round of antibiotics is done and then we can see about getting you moved to a rehab facility like the doctor mentioned a few days ago."

"How long?"

"In the rehab facility?"

"Yes," Senior asked, gritting his teeth as the nurse's applied a clean dressing to the wound, increasing his pain as she did.

"It varies," the nurse quickly taped the dressing down before stepping back, "But don't forget to splint with your pillow and keep coughing. The last thing you need is to develop pneumonia."

"What is the average time until he can go home?"

"It really depends. A few weeks most likely. But like the doctor said, because of the damaged caused by the heart attack, your heart no longer works the same way. Things that came easily before will take a lot more work and for the foreseeable future, you won't be able to do certain things. You're in heart failure Mr. DiNozzo, like the doctor explained. While it's not life threatening at the moment, your heart was damaged. This sort of thing never gets better."

"I understand," Senior nodded and took a deep breath, pressing the pillow against his chest to help control the pain, "Thank you."

Gibbs remained quiet until the nurse left. This was the first time since that awful phone call that Gibbs was able to talk to a lucid Senior. Before this moment, the man had been pretty out of it with pain medication.

"So," Senior said, glancing where Gibbs sat.

"You knew you were sick, didn't you?" Gibbs asked bluntly, never one to shy away from anything of importance.

"When this all started?" Senior asked, raising an eyebrow, "No. I suspected. But I knew something wasn't right."

Gibbs frowned.

"Don't look at me like that," Senior huffed, "I had told Tony, the night of the accident that I believed I was sick and that I wanted to get…our relationship fixed. I didn't know for sure until a few weeks after the hearing."

"You were worried they wouldn't give custody to a dying man."

"We all die, in the end. I will just be dying faster than I would have hoped," Senior cut Gibbs off with a sharp retort. He sighed and brushed his hair back with his hand, a gesture Gibbs had seen Tony do so often it still caught his breath when he saw Senior do the same thing, "Gibbs, I was not…things were difficult when…after Tony's mother…I've made mistakes. Plenty of mistakes in my life. When everything happened with Tony, when I found out what had happened to my son…I had to do something. I knew I had let it go to long. Things had become…broken between me and Anthony. And after the accident, after I learned you had guardianship over Tony, I had this fear that I would never see him again, that I would die and he would think-"

Senior's breath caught, and he had to use the pillow again so he could take a few deep breaths to compose himself.

"I know I did not go about it the right way but I'll be damned if I'm not ashamed of what I did. I was able to befriend my son. And if I had to do it again, I would. I would Gibbs, and I would not be sorry for one moment of it."

Gibbs listened and bit the inside of his check. He still held anger toward Senior, for all the wrongs he had committed, but he listened as Senior continued speaking.

"You will always be a part of Tony's life. I never tried to block that from Tony. You are his family just as much as I am. And despite everything, I would understand if you filed for that petition and reclaimed guardianship over my son. I know any court in the state will see that there is no way I would be able to help take care of him now."

It was quiet for a moment before Gibbs spoke.

"No."

"What?" Senior's head turned so sharply that Gibbs couldn't help but smile.

"No. I won't. I hated you Senior, and in all reality, I still don't like you. But I think of how Tony was able to forgive and befriend the boy who hit him, who caused so much pain and suffering, who permanently disabled him, and I can't help but think that if Tony can forgive that kid for what he did, I can forgive you for what you did. I won't fight for custody. I love Tony too much to go through that again. But I understand, at least I think, why you did what you did. And while I don't agree with it, I forgive you for it."

Senior didn't try to stop the tears that had started falling from his eyes.

"When I'm gone," Senior started but Gibbs raised a hand.

"When you get out of here," Gibbs said, "We can look into getting some help so you and Tony can stay at your home."

Senior nodded, understanding.

"Thank you Gibbs."

The quiet that filled the silence after that was comfortable, as neither Gibbs nor Senior feeling the need to say anything that what had already been said.

* * *

"Hey Tony," Probie said later that day, knocking on the door of Tony's room.

"Hi Probie," Tony responded from where he was sitting on his bed, petting Baron with his bad hand.

His good hand was resting on his blue helmet, something he hadn't worn in quite a while now.

"Are you okay?" McGee asked, sitting on the other side of Tony, careful not to shake the bed too much.

Baron huffed at the movement, sending an evil eye McGee's way, before he crawled a bit closer to Tony.

"Yeah," Tony nodded as he bit his lip.

"That's was a pretty good helmet," McGee said gently, knowing that something was bothering Tony, "Kept your head safe."

In lieu of answering, Tony just nodded.

"You have lots of names on that helmet," Tim said, gently tracing a few of the names on it.

"Dad's is on here," Tony said quietly, so quietly in fact that McGee almost didn't catch what he said.

"Show me," Tim replied.

"Right here," Tony whispered, his fingers tracing Senior's signature on the helmet.

"Probie?" Tony lifted the helmet and turned in around.

"Yeah Tony?" McGee's heart felt like it was breaking just a bit. It didn't know what was causing Tony to be so blue, but whatever it was making Tim's own heart hurt with him.

"If," Tony paused and his face twisted, "If I have to move a name… Could you help me?"

McGee sighed. His heart did feel like it was breaking. All the names on the inside of Tony's helmet were of loved ones who had died, like Kate who had been the first name to be placed there. Names on the outside were names of loved ones that were still alive.

"Tony," McGee started but stopped. What was he suppose to say?

"Because I need help," Tony's face crumbled then and the tears started to fall, "I won't know how to get his name on the inside. And," Tony paused and let out a loud and low hum before continuing, "and it won't be on the outside forever and I know that, I know that it can't be on the outside for forever but I really wish it would, I wish all the names would stay on the outside for forever and ever and I never had to put any names on the inside again."

After that, Tim thought two things. First, he was amazed by how well Tony was able to speak that entire thought without stuttering.

And the second thing he thought, and the most important thing he thought, was that Tony was the best man he had ever known.

A brother really.

McGee didn't have the right words. He was a writer and he knew any words he said wouldn't be the right words but he knew he had to try. So instead of worrying what to say, he said the only thing he knew to say.

"I will help you," Tim whispered, pulling Tony close, the helmet clattering to the floor and Tony turned and hugged McGee as hard as he could, the older man crying into McGee's neck, "I promise Tony. I promise."

* * *

A few weeks later, both Senior and Tony were sitting on the porch outside their house, watching as the day slowly faded away.

Gibbs had kept his promise. In the weeks it had taken Senior to recover enough from his heart attack to be discharged out of the rehab hospital to his house, Gibbs had made arraignments so that both DiNozzo men could stay in their home. With the help of a nurse and Sal, things around the DiNozzo home were going smoothly.

"It's beautiful," Tony spoke quietly, letting out a content hum at the end of his sentence, "I'm glad your home Dad."

"Me too Junior," Senior said. Both men were sitting on the porch swing, one of Senior's favorite places in the whole house. Before them was an open field, ending with the beginning of the forest. Virginia was beautiful this time of year, with the colors just starting to come out and make themselves known.

Senior treasured it all that more, knowing he wouldn't have many more autumns in his life.

Tony hummed again, using his bad hand to reach for his dad's hand.

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"You think," Tony's eyebrows furrowed in thought, his mind fighting his tongue to get the words he wanted to say out. He hummed again before speaking, "I think it's the best."

"What's the best?"

"This kinda moment," Tony said, "Orange. Red, hmmm," Tony cut off the hum and sighed, "I like this kinda moment with you."

Senior squeezed Tony's bad hand, already subconsciously rubbing the tense hand in hopes of relaxing the muscles, "I think you're right."

"But if you wanted to make pizza…hhmmm…that would be good too," Tony said, looking at his dad for a second before laughing.

Senior smiled in return and sighed.

Tony relaxed back into the seat and though about his helmet, and the names, and how one day his dad would be on the inside, and not the outside.

His mom had been on the inside of the helmet for a long time, since she had been gone for a very long time.

"Will you tell Mom," Tony sighed and reached with his good hand to comb his hair down, "Will you tell Mom, when you see her," Tony hummed and closed his eyes, "Can you tell her, can you tell her," Tony's face relaxed and Senior turned to completely face Tony. He remained quiet, knowing that while Tony might not stutter as much as he had earlier this year, his speech was still not 100%. It probably never would be again.

"Will you tell Momma," Tony whispered and hummed, "That I know that if she could have, she would have wanted to stay longer," Tony finished, only pausing once to get the sentence out.

"And I know," Tony's voice cracked but he rubbed his head with his good hand and opened his eyes, "I know you'll stay as long as you can too."

Senior laid a hand on Tony's leg, and Tony leaned over until his head was resting gently on his dad's shoulder.

"I love you son," Senior spoke quietly, his voice firm and strong, unlike the traitorous heart that was now failing inside him, "And I will."

Tony nodded, reaching with his good hand to hold his dad's wrist. And even though it wasn't completely the same, Tony closed his eyes and listened to his dad's heart go _thump thump-thump, _and knew that he was going to miss things like this very much when they were gone.

* * *

Tony opened the door, not bothering to check who had knocked. He would recognize that knock anywhere.

"Hey Boss," Tony smiled, leaning forward to hug the older man, "Boss, you got a haircut."

Gibbs smiled, "Buddy, I don't speak Italian."

Tony's eyes opened comically before he huffed. He let out a hum before trying again, "I said you got your hair cut really short."

Gibbs smiled and reached up to ruffle Tony's hair, "You too Tony."

"Yeah me and Dad went and got a haircut. But they cut it really short, see? You can see the lines again."

Gibbs eyed the haircut. While it was shorter than Tony would have worn it before, it was still a good cut on Tony's head.

"Do you want a ball cap? To cover the lines?" Gibbs asked Tony because he knew that sometimes Tony could be self-conscious about his scars.

"Hmmm," Tony hummed and rubbed his head, "Blue. Oh! I have one. Come look."

"Hold up Tony, let me go say hello to your Dad," Gibbs tried to head towards the kitchen where he knew Senior normally hung out in the day.

"Hmm," Tony turned his head, "Dad, we're gonna go to my room first! 'Fore everyone else comes!"

"Tony!" Gibbs laughed.

"Alright Junior," Senior called back. Senior was doing well these days, well enough that the doctor was optimistic about not needing to add anymore medication for a while.

"It's blue, not like my Blue, and not like the one that Ziva made so my head could stay warm but it's nice. I found it. Hmm, see?" Tony said as they made their way into his room. Baron, who had gotten off his bed in the living room when Gibbs had arrived at the house, followed them into Tony's room, giving Gibbs knee a welcoming sniff before jumping onto of Tony's bed and closing his eyes.

Tony walked over to his closet, opening the door slowly with his bad hand before reaching inside. Gibbs smiled when as he watched the younger man walk across the room. In the months since rehab had begun, Tony had improved exponentially. While he did not walk with the smooth steady gait that he used to, he had lost most of the "unsteady-ness" that had worried Gibbs when he had first become mobile again. His weaker foot no longer dragged along the floor, and Gibbs could see that Tony was already accustomed to the swing-step gait he had now.

"See Boss?" Tony exited the closet, turning around slowly.

"Hey, I know that cap," Gibbs laughed.

"I know," Tony smiled bright and walked back to Gibbs. He hummed before laughing. Gibbs had wondered where his NCIS cap had gone when it had gone missing months ago.

"It's like Blue," Tony said, "Blue. But different. Hmm. It's perfect."

Gibbs examined the cap, noting the sweat stains on the inside and the softness that all well-broken in ball caps had.

"Boss," Tony said, suddenly serious.

"Yes Tony?" Gibbs said, reaching up and settling Tony's wayward hair with a gently brush of his fingers.

"Boss," Tony's eyes watered suddenly and he blinked, allowing the moisture to escape.

"Tony," Gibbs said, suddenly worried, "What's wrong?"

Tony shook his head and looked over to his bed. He hummed, loudly and licked his lips before he opened his mouth.

"Boss. You're…blue. You're gonna die too, someday…hmmm…like my dad?" Tony spoke quietly. His tone indicated he was asking a question, but looking into the his sorrow filled eyes, Gibbs knew tony knew the answer.

"Tony, we all die someday," Gibbs quickly pulled Tony into a hug, "That's just how life goes."

"Hmmm," Tony hummed and fisted his hand in Gibbs shirt, "Boss. When you move to be inside my helmet, I'm really gonna miss you."

"Oh Tony," Gibbs said, quickly searching for the right thing to say, "Tony, you're never gonna be alone."

"Boss, when my dad goes into the inside of Blue, when his name goes there, I don't wanna go away from this house."

"Alright Tony," Gibbs responded, knowing it was no use to try and stop Tony's train of thought, "But Tony," Gibbs said, pulling back from the hug and grabbing Tony's face, "I will always be here," Gibbs placed his hand over Tony's heart, "And here," Gibbs gently touched Tony's scar covered head, "So no matter what place on the helmet my name is on, I will always be with you."

Tony's tears started in earnest, and Gibbs held Tony close.

Life was fickle, Gibbs knew. Though Senior had a terminal condition, that old man could end up out living them all. Gibbs didn't listen much to what doctors said about such things. If he had, he would have given up on Tony a long time ago.

But Gibbs knew he wasn't immortal either, and he hoped that when the time came, that Tony would be alright with whatever happened in the future.

"It's gonna be okay Tony," Gibbs whispered.

"I know Boss," Tony hiccupped, looked up at Gibbs and smiled as best he could, "It's okay right now."

And despite everything, Gibbs knew Tony was exactly right.

* * *

_Everyone came to my house today. It was nice. _

_Dad doesn't move as fast as he used to, before he had to go to the hospital. _

_Before he went to the hospital, things were different. _

_I guess I never understood really, what it was like for Boss, Probie, Abby, Ziva, Ducky and everyone else cause I wasn't there with them when I was in the hospital because of what happened to my head. _

_Before and after the hospital was so different for dad, and he didn't even hurt his head like I did. _

_But he's still Dad, and I guess even though I stayed in the hospital a long time, I'm still Tony. _

_I have scars on my head now though, and I have a bad side that doesn't always listen. I had to wear Blue for a long time to keep my head safe, and sometimes I have the shakes, seizures, that scare everyone when they are too long. _

_But before the hospital, I didn't have Baron, or dad. I didn't know Elijah, or Zach. I didn't have the horses, or a blue room. _

_Everything is different after the hospital, only sorta the same. _

_I'm still Tony. _

_And I'll still be Tony no matter what happens next. _


	40. Epilogue

**The end is not near, it's here. It is a bit sad coming up, and if you don't want to cry (cause I did writing this), then I would call the end of the last chapter your ending and be okay with that. But if you want the true ending, then go forth. Cause it's worth it, like Tony is gonna explain in the final chapter of How Tony Broke His Head. Thank you to everyone who ever read or commented on this story. I'm going to miss this Tony most of all but I am very pleased to finish this story that I started writing many years ago. How quickly time can fly. So Adios everyone, and thank you for reading this story. **

* * *

**Epilogue**

_I don't know really how to stop a story, or how the end of a story should look like. _

_In Tombstone, the movie not the place cause Probie says the place is still in Arizona, the story ended when Doc died cause he was sick and they didn't have the right medicines like they do now to make him better. _

_Doc couldn't believe that he wasn't gonna die with his boots on, that he was gonna die with not even his socks on. The movie really ends when Wyatt dies, a long time later. _

_I wonder how Wyatt felt, all those years without his friend Doc. _

_I think he missed him. _

_But I can't end my story like Tombstone, cause I haven't died yet so that wouldn't be right either. _

_Walk the Line ends when people die too._

_I think though, that if I had to end it, it would be happy. _

_Finding Nemo ends happy, and so does Up!. Even though those are kids' movies and not a lot of people like kids' movies, I think they end okay. Even though Up! was sad in parts, it ended okay because that's how life is I think. _

_It's really sad in parts, really sad like when Nemo was lost or when Carl lost Ellie. But then life is happy in parts too, like when Nemo was with his dad again and when Carl got to put a pin on Russell. _

_And even Tombstone was funny too and Walk the Line had nice parts too. _

_I think that's the thing about endings. _

_Even though the movie ends, it's not really ending. Not really. Doc died and even though it must have been really sad for Wyatt, he kept going. _

_Even Carl in Up! had happy moments too after Ellie died. _

_Endings though, I think are sad. Not because they all end sad, but because the story is over. I know I'm sad too, and the ending to this story isn't all that sad. Sure, it had lots of sad parts, lots of parts that made me cry, but it wasn't all sad. _

_And besides, I think I like the ending of Up! better than Tombstone anyway._

* * *

"Hey Tony, how's it coming?" McGee knocked on the door to Tony's room.

"Hmm," Tony hummed, "Almost done."

"Good," Tim smiled and walked over, "You ready?"

"Yeah," Tony said, pushing back from his desk, "Hmm, is it gonna be cold?"

"I'm bringing a jacket," McGee responded, "So just to be safe."

"You get cold easy," Tony stood and laughed, even though Probie knew he was just kidding.

"Yeah, yeah," Tim laughed, "I'll be waiting for you in the kitchen."

"Okay Probie."

Tim turned and walked out of Tony's room, heading towards his room to grab a jacket before walking back towards the kitchen for a bottle of water. While there, he re-filled Doc's water bowl.

The chocolate lab, hearing a bowl hit the floor, wandered over to see if it was food time.

"You crazy boy," Tim laughed rubbing his silky ears, "Tony's already feeding you too much. Anymore and the vet is going to put you on a diet."

Doc's tail wagged like crazy, happy to be receiving some love from one of his favorite humans.

Doc was Tony's second service dog. After Baron had died at the nice age of 12, Tony had waited months before asking Tim for help finding another dog.

While Baron had been a wonderful dog, he had been nowhere near as playful as Doc was. Baron had been calm and a bit aloof with people he didn't know, and had stuck mostly to being plastered to Tony's side all day.

Doc was much more a social butterfly, forcing everyone he came into contact with to love him. While he was calm while he was "working", out of his harness Doc acted like the same puppy that Tim had brought home from the shelter.

"Doc!" Tony called out, "You gotta get dressed too!"

Tim laughed and watched as Doc hurried down the hall to Tony's room.

In the past twelve years, a lot of things had changed.

Senior had passed away peacefully in his sleep a little over a year after he had been released from the hospital. Jackson Gibbs had passed away a few months later, and Gibbs had kept his promise and allowed Tony to continue to live in the house Senior had bought him. While that time had been hard for both men, they had weathered the storm valiantly with each other's help.

Tony lived in that house for the next few years, enjoying his life. His family from Italy continued to visit, and Tony and Gibbs had traveled to Italy when both Tony's Nonna and Nonno had died a few weeks apart from each other.

About two years after Jack's death, Gibbs had retired from NCIS. McGee had been offered the Deputy Director position and had taken it. Ziva moved to become a teacher at FLETC, and another team had taken their place.

Ducky had been the next to pass away, falling asleep one sunny afternoon and just never waking up.

Jimmy had already been head ME for a few months already, but still the loss of his mentor had been hard for the young man.

Gibbs had been the next to go a few years later. The man had died with his boots on, in the end. Tony, in the days after his death, would always say that Gibbs' hadn't died like Doc Holiday. It hadn't brought much comfort then, but knowing Gibbs had died out in his shed, working away on his boat and not at the hands of a gunman had brought comfort to everyone on his old team.

Tony had taken Gibbs' death the hardest, especially because Tony had lost Baron soon after.

McGee had already been married for a few years when Tony moved in with him and his wife after Gibbs had passed.

It had been hard at first. Tony's seizures had increased around that time, and…it had just been a rough time for everyone.

Then, a few months later, Tim had become a father.

Though it had been subtly at first, the brand new baby had started the healing in Tony's soul, in all of their souls really.

Tony would spend hours watching little Jeremy roll on the floor and learn to crawl. Without fail, Tony was always there, making sure Jeremy was alright.

When Jeremy was about 9 months, Doc had come home to begin his training as Tony's service dog.

The puppy had quickly befriended his son, and while Tony was his favorite person, Jeremy was a pretty close second.

With the arrival of Doc, Tony was pretty much back to his normal self and also around that time, McGee had kept his promise and helped Tony move all the names that needed to be moved to the inside of Tony's blue helmet. It had been difficult, but Tony had smiled at the end, saying that no matter what, everyone would always be with him in his heart and in his head.

Tim smiled, remembering that time.

Nowadays, Tony was pretty much self-sufficient on his good days. He and Doc would take the bus to the youth center, where Tony would help the workers get ready for the after school sports program. He helped coach basketball on the weekends, and his team was pretty good this year. Other days, Tony would go visit Elijah or Zach, who each had a growing family of their own.

On the bad days, Tim's wife, who was a stay at home mom, would have to help Tony at home and help watch for seizures but those days were few and far between.

Tim had asked Tony once around the time things had started going good, if he wanted to get his own place. By then though, Tony had grown too attached to Jeremy and Beth, Tim's youngest daughter.

He had asked to stay, and Tim had no desire to go against his wishes.

"Ready," Tony said, shaking McGee out of his thoughts, "Ready?"

Tim looked down at Doc, his red vest on, and up at Tony, "Let's go."

"Jeremy should play more today," Tony said, "I don't like it when he sits down the whole time."

"Coach said he's improved," Tim and Tony made their way over to Tim's SUV. Tony, despite the years, still wouldn't ride in a car. But it didn't bother Tony and since it didn't bother Tony, Tim didn't mind either.

They were on their way to Jeremy's hockey game. Tim's wife would meet them there with Beth and Chris, McGee's two year old son.

"Beth's gonna be five next week," Tony said as they passed a party supply store on the way to the hockey rink.

"You're right," McGee said. He had almost forgotten. Sometimes, being the Director made it difficult to find a right balance between work and his family.

"Jeremy's is in two months," Tony smiled at look at Tim, "I won't let you forget."

"I know you won't," Tim returned the smile smiled.

Tony had a good memory when it came to the important things.

* * *

"Ony!" Chris said, lifting his hands up when he caught site of Tony, Doc and Tim making their way over to where Tim's family was already sitting.

"Ony up!" Chris said, turning and lifting his hands.

"Hold on Chris," Tony said, settling in his seat before reaching over and placing Chris on his lap.

"Hi Doc," Chris said, not petting it like his momma and daddy told him not too. Doc's tail wagged in greeting before laying down at Tony's feet.

"Uncle Tony, Jeremy only played one minute and 10 seconds last game. Mom says that he's gonna play more," Beth said, her attention following her brother as he warmed up.

"Oh and hi Daddy," Beth said when she caught sight of her father.

"Hey guys," McGee said kissed his wife in greeting.

"You were almost late," Tim's wife said.

"Almost only counts in horseshoes."

"And hand grenades," Tony laughed, the conversation a usual one they had.

"Almost done with the book Tony?" Tim's wife asked, smiling at him.

"Almost," Tony smiled.

"I can't wait to read it," McGee said.

"Me too, when I can read, which daddy says is gonna be when I start school," Beth said with the same spunky determination her mother had.

"It's sad in parts," Tony told the small girl quietly.

"I know," Beth nodded, looking away from her brother to smile at Tony, "But it's gonna have happy parts too right?"

Tony smiled, "Yes."

"Hi guys!" Jeremy called when he caught sight of his family a few seconds later, "Hi Uncle Tony!"

"Hi Jeremy!" Tony waved back.

Jeremy waved at each of them, blushing when Beth dramatically sent a kiss his way.

McGee smiled, looking at his family. He was thankful, for them and for Tony, who was accepted wholehearted by everyone in his family.

It might not have been the ending McGee would have thought, but it was a good one nonetheless.

* * *

_People ask sometimes, if I'm sad about the way things might have gone. They ask if I'm sad about what happened, about breaking my head and everything that happened after. They ask if I wish things would have gone differently, if it would have been better if some things would have never happened. _

_Well, I really don't have a perfect answer for them. _

_But I think, that in the end, things went the way they were supposed to and even though I might have been sad about that some of the time, it was just fine with me now. _

_I think that life is crazy and fun and sad and everything in between and that's the sorta ending I want in my book. An ending that's not really an ending. Not for the important things anyway. _

_People died in this book. It wasn't always happy. I miss Boss like Wyatt Earp probably missed Doc Holiday. I miss my Dad and everyone who is on the inside of Blue. But I remember them, in my head and in my heart, and that's what makes it okay to miss them. _

_I don't know what would have happened if I had never broke my head. I wonder about everything that happened after, and I wonder if I would have ended up Uncle Tony, like I am now to Jeremy, Beth and Chris, who are the best kids ever. I wonder if I would have had a brother like Probie if I hadn't broke my head. Cause even though Probie wasn't always my brother, he is now, just like he wasn't always my Probie. _

_I didn't get everything I thought I wanted way back then, I guess, and I think that sometimes, that makes people think I'm sad. _

_I know it would have been different if my head had never gotten broken like it did. But my head did get broken, and everything that happened afterward happened. But things ended up good after that. I got what I needed. I'm happy._

_But if things had gone differently, if I would have never broken my head…_

_Well, I guess I would have been happy with that too._

_And that's the sort of ending that's the best kind of ending in the end, isn't it?_

_**THE END**_


End file.
